Persistent Feelings Of Self Harm, Exhaustion & Failure

[Buddhist]

This past year I have been plagued with persistent feelings of self harm, exhaustion and wanting to die. I get emotional tides that I simply have no way of dealing with at all. I've tried therapy, acceptance, meditation, medication etc. None of it has done any good its all becoming worse and worse. I now get into crying fits that last 5-6hrs at a time and I can't self soothe. I've seen my Dr numerous times explaining the problem which results in me getting yet another prescription for drugs which simply do not work.

 

I have no idea what is going on, no-one can help me or give me a proper diagnosis and I am lost. It's gotten to the point where I cannot sleep, I am breaking down at work and then breaking down at home. I just want to kill myself now. I cannot spend another night in tears, it's exhausting and whatever this problem is, I cannot go on.

[Emilia]

Do you have a stable self identity or do you feel like a chamaleon copying people's traits in your environment?

[Buddhist]

Do you have a stable self identity or do you feel like a chamaleon copying people's traits in your environment?

 

Yes I have a stable sense of self. I am staunchly against copying other people, seeking approval and acceptance and the rest of it.

[Downtown]

This past year I have been plagued with persistent feelings of self harm, exhaustion and wanting to die. I get emotional tides that I simply have no way of dealing with at all.

Buddhist, have you been seeing only your family doctor? If so, I suggest you go instead to an endocrinologist -- i.e., a medical doctor that treats people suffering from hormonal imbalances, typically from glands in the endocrine system. If he finds a problem, he will prescribe medication that will restore the normal balance of hormones in your body.

 

I mention this because the behaviors you've experienced over the past year are warning signs for a hormone change, as could occur with perimenopause or hypothyroidism. Given your current age of 43, perimenopause is a strong possibility because it can start as early as 35 or 37 and the normal range of onset is early 40s through the mid-50s. It can last anywhere from a few months to 10 years.

 

Like perimenopause, hypothyroidism can produce the depression, exhaustion, and emotional instability you describe. See When Thyroid Disorder Masquerades as a Psychiatric Disorder. Moreover, because the thyroid can sputter on and off several times a day when it is starting to fail, it can be very hard for a general practitioner to catch it.

 

In my case, for example, my thyroid measurements looked perfectly normal in three blood tests even though I had already started exhibiting the classic symptoms. It took a lucky fourth test -- two years after strong symptoms had begun -- to obtain a blood sample showing the thyroid hormone at a low level. Indeed, there are several other reasons why it can be difficult to diagnose this disease. See Five Reasons Doctors Fail to Diagnose Hypothyroidism.

 

Granted, the risk of hypothyroidism is greatest after age 50, well beyond your age of 43. This disorder can occur at any age, however. Further, the American Thyroid Association recommends screening at age 35 and every 5 years thereafter. I therefore suggest you see an endocrinologist because he/she is an expert in testing for these two hormone disorders. Take care, Buddist.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like severe depression. Do you have any ideas about things in your life that might have or currently be contributing to this?

 

I've had serious trouble with depression. A lot of the advice (besides "take this pill") seems trite and even ridiculous when you can't even deal with yourself in the most basic ways - but a good idea, as lame as it may sound, is to stay out of your isolation and be with people. Also EXCERCISE.

 

I was not able to follow that advice myself until I did take some drug that eased some of the deep pain. Then I started. I'm not advising that you take antidepressants though. I am theoretically against them.

 

My heart goes out to you.

[jen1447]

Agree w/RR - from a home remedy perspective, the two things that best help that sort of health are exercise and don't be isolated. Those don't fix you in and of themselves but they provide the best possible foundation for you to be fixed. (I also understand that doing them is easier said than done.)

[Buddhist]

Thanks guys, but I already exercise for 3hrs a day religiously. If that was going to fix things it would have done so by now. I also work a social job for 10hrs a day. Isolation isn't an issue here. I don't have time to be isolated.

 

I do think the thyroid thing may be a problem but I can't get in to see an endocrinologist without a referral and all the GPs I've seen are convinced it's anxiety or similar. The last one I saw even refused to give me a referral to a psychologist instead packing me off with yet another armload of antidepressants and this time an epilepsy medication.

 

I've had thyroid tests done that all came back normal, it was done specifically to test for perimenopause which is what I first assumed when these symptoms started. So frustrating.

[preraph]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You can't just say nothing will work. You can change psychiatrists for starters. To me, it sounds bipolar, but it could be a combination of other things going on. There are hundreds of drugs and combinations of drugs to try and usually one will be helpful, coupled with therapy. I don't know how old you are but there are mental illnesses that onset at different ages. So you must keep going to a psychiatrist until you figure this out. Many of the psychotropic drugs take weeks to reach the effective level in your system, and any and all side effects must be reported to the psychiatrist. He will know if it's something that will pass as your body assimilates to the drug or change the dose or type of med. You must NEVER start or stop or change the dosage of any psychotropic drugs on your own. It can be dangerous. Some, you have to graduate off of and onto.

 

You didn't mention a diagnosis, and that makes me think you haven't been to the right type doctor to make one, and that's why you're not doing any better on whatever that doctor prescribed. So see a real psychiatrist and do all the psychological testing and let him diagnose and treat you.

 

We at LS love you and want you healthy.

[Emilia]

Thanks guys, but I already exercise for 3hrs a day religiously. If that was going to fix things it would have done so by now. I also work a social job for 10hrs a day. Isolation isn't an issue here. I don't have time to be isolated.

 

I do think the thyroid thing may be a problem but I can't get in to see an endocrinologist without a referral and all the GPs I've seen are convinced it's anxiety or similar. The last one I saw even refused to give me a referral to a psychologist instead packing me off with yet another armload of antidepressants and this time an epilepsy medication.

 

I've had thyroid tests done that all came back normal, it was done specifically to test for perimenopause which is what I first assumed when these symptoms started. So frustrating.

GPs

 

Can you try private?

[Buddhist]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You can't just say nothing will work. You can change psychiatrists for starters. To me, it sounds bipolar, but it could be a combination of other things going on. There are hundreds of drugs and combinations of drugs to try and usually one will be helpful, coupled with therapy. I don't know how old you are but there are mental illnesses that onset at different ages. So you must keep going to a psychiatrist until you figure this out. Many of the psychotropic drugs take weeks to reach the effective level in your system, and any and all side effects must be reported to the psychiatrist. He will know if it's something that will pass as your body assimilates to the drug or change the dose or type of med. You must NEVER start or stop or change the dosage of any psychotropic drugs on your own. It can be dangerous. Some, you have to graduate off of and onto.

 

You didn't mention a diagnosis, and that makes me think you haven't been to the right type doctor to make one, and that's why you're not doing any better on whatever that doctor prescribed. So see a real psychiatrist and do all the psychological testing and let him diagnose and treat you.

 

We at LS love you and want you healthy.

 

I can only see a GP, because none of them will refer me to a psychiatrist. You cannot just get in to see a psychiatrist on your own here. I haven't been prescribed any psychotropic drugs only anti-depressants and the usual suspects for anxiety because that's what every single GP believes this is. I know they take weeks to work and I've given every single one of them a fair go, but none of them made any difference to the way I felt or not.

 

I don't think it's bipolar at all because I do not have the characteristic manic or euphoric states, only the deep lows.

[preraph]

Well, a gp is not qualified to diagnose you and that is the problem. You need to keep beating him or her over the head that their treatment is not working and that you would like a referral. Anytime there is cutting or such dark thoughts, they need to refer you and I think you need to tell them straight out about the cutting and dark thoughts. Many antidepressants take some weeks to work properly, and again there are many types and kinds and combinations. But you need to tell the doctor, perhaps IN WRITING, so he has to put it in his record and it's on file and he's liable, that while you appreciate his efforts, you are getting worse and need a psychiatric referral. Put it in writing. You might copy the head of psychiatry there. Do some research.

 

P.S. I know putting forth all this effort is very hard when you're depressed, but make it a priority until you get it done. Also, of course, I don't know your financial means, but there are psychiatrists and psychologists online now at Web MD you can hire yourself and skype the sessions.

Edited February 6, 2016 by preraph

[xxoo]

How's your diet?

 

I remember reading on another thread that you eat minimal carbs. Carbs are important of energy and brain function. Don't want too much of a good thing, of course, but nutritional deficits can wreak havoc.

[Buddhist]

Well, a gp is not qualified to diagnose you and that is the problem. You need to keep beating him or her over the head that their treatment is not working and that you would like a referral. Anytime there is cutting or such dark thoughts, they need to refer you and I think you need to tell them straight out about the cutting and dark thoughts. Many antidepressants take some weeks to work properly, and again there are many types and kinds and combinations. But you need to tell the doctor, perhaps IN WRITING, so he has to put it in his record and it's on file and he's liable, that while you appreciate his efforts, you are getting worse and need a psychiatric referral. Put it in writing. You might copy the head of psychiatry there. Do some research.

 

P.S. I know putting forth all this effort is very hard when you're depressed, but make it a priority until you get it done. Also, of course, I don't know your financial means, but there are psychiatrists and psychologists online now at Web MD you can hire yourself and skype the sessions.

 

Not to put too finer point on it but frankly you are preaching to the choir. It's not as if I haven't lifted a finger to help myself. I am not in the US where everyone can just go and sue someone in order to get things done. It doesn't work that way here. Neither am I of the mind that pills fix everything.

 

I think I'm going to leave it there.

[Buddhist]

How's your diet?

 

I remember reading on another thread that you eat minimal carbs. Carbs are important of energy and brain function. Don't want too much of a good thing, of course, but nutritional deficits can wreak havoc.

 

Do you have references on carb deficiency because as far as I'm aware there's not been one single recorded case of anyone suffering from it. Aside from basic starvation but I don't seem to have a body weight which would support that theory.