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Catching feelings for fwb (vent)


healthyhopes

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i just need to vent, sorry

 

I really feel like a devalued piece of crap

 

I don't understand how someone who you text every night, tell them you know them more than anyone else, and not feel anything for them.

 

I dont understand how you can separate feelings from physical, despite your gender

 

I don't understand how, after all of this, I still want him to come back begging (validation???). Someone told me that he would.

I wrote a lengthy description of our entire "Relationship" on multiple forums and one person said "he definitely had feelings!" and everyone else said the truth; that he probably just liked my company, the ego boost from knowing that I liked him, and the possibility of sex. It's all so clear and I'm entirely drowning in denial.

 

The one good thing I did was place it all on the table, and then walked away when he didn't reciprocate. He wanted to maintain fwb because he felt like we were too different as people. Of course, that's crap considering if you really liked someone, you would spout "opposites attract!" the second something like that happens.

 

It's that kind of thing where after every relationship you sit down and think "I showed them so much love! How can they not like me back?" I suppose it's a matter of investment, considering I gave him more than he gave me, on an emotional level. When something like that happens, you're left feeling wanting, and want to be wanted.

 

 

He was a bad person I suppose (or so I've been told), but I liked him a lot.

 

 

I remember him telling me that he doesn't allow himself to be attracted to/attached to people who he doesn't have a chance with/doesn't see a future with. I consider that absolute bunk. I don't know. The heart wants what the heart wants. When he looks at me like he's sad now it's probably because he misses feeling wanted, but instantly I think, "huh, maybe there was something there..."

 

Of course, I never demonstrated that I was hurting. He will never know.

 

 

What really kills me is that he knew I was growing feelings. He just waited for me to find out myself.

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