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Cruel to be kind? Maybe it was the only way...


CripplingMe

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I've posted on here a few times over the last 12 months, but mostly first half of last year when I was the one who was dumped.

 

My ex and I (after I ended it), remained in touch, although proving much harder for him because he didn't want it to end and was/is still finding it extremely hard to break away. I didn't want him to not be a part of my life - even after the break up - because as far as I was concerned, he was my life, and he was my best friend.

 

Today, he texts me asking for a favour. He is finding the atmosphere at home unbearable (lives with his mum and step dad - she is away visiting family, and he doesn't get on with his step dad of 3 years). I do believe he is extremely lonely - he didn't have no friends where he lived (long story), they are based other ends of the country. He sounded desperate and wanted to know if I could put him up for five days until his mum gets back. He actually phoned me whilst I was at work - as I didn't see his text initially. I read it and I felt sickened, because I knew i couldn't help him out, as much as I wanted to. Now, if something bad happened, I would likely help him out, but I knew this situation wouldn't be good for either of us, or shall i say, I knew id end up sleeping with him and wanting him back because I still do love him, it was just an unhealthy, unequal relationship with lack of commitment and intimacy on his part, and lack of commitment from my part to make the move to be with him.

 

I phoned him and told him I couldn't do it. His response was to hang up the phone on me. I text him and told him I was so so sorry and he put me in an awkward position. If it were something bad that happened, I would likely help him out. His response was 'f*ck you! Dont ever enter my life again'.

 

To say I feel guilty, upset and awful is a massive understatement. Perhaps my cruel actions was the final death knell of it all. Being cruel to be kind perhaps, although my intention was not to be cruel.

 

Of course I love him, and knew if I saw him id want him back in my life, but logic was overriding my emotions today, as much I would have deep down WANTED him to be with me again.

 

It is a pain and feeling I will never forget for the rest of my life. I hate the thought of him being alone and in pain - i was there 12 months ago and now he's feeling it.

 

I just wanted to get my feelings out there because this community has witnessed my pain all too well when I got dumped 12 months ago, and the support it has given me has been invaluable.

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Sounds to me like this is on him. You have new boundaries, what he proposed violated them (which he should have known), and then he reacted like a child when you maintained the boundaries.

 

I know it's hard to be rational when you're feeling emotional but you should really just take him up on his offer of never entering his life again.

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Sounds like a case of what you need and what you want are entirely different things, breaking up is always awkward, to see each other and do the whole sleep over thing after breaking up?, I don't know a man who would expect that of someone who's broken up with him, your gonna feel how ever your gonna feel, but I would say you did the right thing.

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