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When The One You Want Doesn't Want You


SixxChick

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I am going to preface this post with a disclaimer. It is in no way designed as an ego trip. It is just about the cold hard facts.

 

Since I have taken myself off of the market as a result of my breakup, I have about ten guys sniffing me out. Three of them are ex's who claim "I'm the one that got away." Yeah, whatever. I’m just being honest. Go figure. The aforementioned three of them are married, and obviously unhappy. I have declared 2016 as the year of me, not some superficial “get together” to be a concubine.

 

Men can rag on women. Women can rag on men. But I just don’t get that the one I thought I wanted just doesn’t want anything to do with me. I gave the relationship my all. I tried to prop him up. In fact, he now owes me over $5,000 because he had nowhere to go when he lost his house and begged me for a place to stay (I have strong-armed him into paying me $200/month, which is a miracle). His business is down the toilet, he can’t be a father to his 7 and 10 year olds, and can barely afford a room to rent. Yet, when I called him out on his BS, he was gone and would rather chat with nebulous people on Facebook rather than a real friendship. But the BS I called him out on was the truth. And he admitted it. However, I don’t think people really change. What do you think?

 

I’d like to kind of get a male perspective. If you were down on your luck and a woman supported you unconditionally for two years, and when the well ran dry because she became broken by your trifecta combo plate of depression, anxiety attacks and low-self esteem, do you have any departing words? Or do you just leave like a coward? Because that’s what I am confused about. I would not be pursuing him for the money had he not been such a dick about it. But it keeps me in contact with him. $200 cash under my mat every month vs. NC. I don’t know anymore.

 

Strength and honor. Thanks for listening.

Edited by SixxChick
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The whole relationship was confusing. The breakup was mutual. I did all of the work and thought he could rise to the occasion. But when the work and "benefits" stopped, so did the relationship. I had no other choice. He still tries to contact me because I am the only one he claims he can really "talk to." But I have cut that off for my own sanity. It was a losing proposition that left me with a lot of questions. That's all.

Edited by SixxChick
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Woman always have questions and man half the time don't have the answers. Your ego is a hurt becouse you did so much for him but man and woman are wired differently. Yesss his giving you money but that keeps him there, at least that's your thought process. By the things you mention on your post you should have no problem finding someone else. What your doing right now is prolonging the inevitable from happening. Sooner or later you have to move on.

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You want him to be grateful for your sacrifices, but think about the kind of person you're dealing with here. He can't even be a responsible father to his own kids. He's a taker and he will take, take, take. For as long as you're willing to give.

 

In his mind, he's not thinking "SixxChick is so giving and loyal, I appreciate her and am so lucky to have her in my life". A person like this will use your kind gestures to devalue you, thinking "It doesn't matter how I treat her, she'll still like me. If she's willing to trust a guy like me, that's on her. I'll ride this wave until she's finally had enough." They'll take advantage of a person, and when that person smartens up, they'll just move on to a new person who they haven't disappointed yet.

 

Also, think about why you found a guy with these kinds of issues attractive. A woman with a healthy sense of self worth and many options would be turned off by this guy. His ungrateful behavior is just a reflection of his true character. Instead of wondering why a proven deadbeat/mooch isn't thankful, look inward and explore why a guy like this is "the one you want".

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Instead of wondering why a proven deadbeat/mooch isn't thankful, look inward and explore why a guy like this is "the one you want".

 

That is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

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