Jump to content

Oh my freakin GOD, I'm gonna be sick.


tiki

Recommended Posts

It occurs to me that my husband's ex-wife had a baby one year ago and could have used his last name (since it's hers too). The "daddy" ran off as soon as she found out she was knocked up. And she wasn't married. My husband was her second marriage.

 

So she's got kid #1, different last name. Kid # 2 (Keith's daughter) has his last name. She never changed her last name. She assigned her (his) last name to this child (#3).

 

My husband called the place where he's in daycare and asked if Jackson (plus his last name) was there. They said yes. :mad:

 

My husband is sick. I'm sick. Why didn't she give this child the father's last name (even though he did run off)? Or her maiden name? Not my husband's name for God's sake?!

 

Our last name is very uncommon. It's German. My huband is the last of the family line with that name. We had talked about if he wanted to carry on the name, he had to have a son. Looks like we won't be having to do that, her son is taking care of that. :rolleyes:

 

I am so god forsaken upset. Can she do this? Is this legal? I'm assuming it is.

 

How confusing for our child (if we have one) and there's another [insert name here] in the same high school with them!

 

Calm me down, please. Tell me what I can do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Well, that was my question to him. He says that there's no way, her dumb ass would be trying to get more child support.

 

I guess we will call her tonight to confront her. Is it completely wrong to ask her to reconsider renaming the kid?

 

I'm on the dept of TN vital records and I want to see his birth certificate. I'll pay for it if I have to.

 

But he will ask her that question too - is his name listed as the father too, WTF?!

 

She could've atleast had the f*cking common courtesy to ask or tell. He had never thought of it til I brought it up. :rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama
Originally posted by Pocky

How do you know she hasn't listed your husband as the father?

 

 

That is what I'm worried about. Besides, I'm not sure it is legal for the kid to have his name. It probably depends on the state. But you can't even get a hold of that birth certificate without a lawyer, I don't think. You have to make sure who the father is listed as.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

That is what I'm worried about. Besides, I'm not sure it is legal for the kid to have his name. It probably depends on the state. But you can't even get a hold of that birth certificate without a lawyer, I don't think. You have to make sure who the father is listed as.

 

Well there's a few things that cross my mind:

 

1. She may have listed him as the father, but is full aware that he'd demand a paternity test, which is why she hasn't mentioned it or asked for support.

 

2. I'm not sure how this would apply to a newborn, but anyone can change their name to whatever they want it to be. I'd have to say that technically, a parent can name a child anything they want. I don't know of any law that states a child must have the same last name of either parent.

 

3. Along that same thought, people can't claim ownership of a name. Anyone could decide they liked your last name and take it as their own. They just have to fill out the appropriate documentation.

 

4. I thought that birth and death certificates were public.

 

5. And it "is" her last name.

Link to post
Share on other sites
bluechocolate

Can she do this? Is this legal? I'm assuming it is.

 

If she never changed her name & she's not married to the boy's father then she has every right to give her child her own legal surname.

 

I am so god forsaken upset.

 

Millions & millions of people have the same last name & are not related in any way - I doubt that they feel somehow "diminished" by this.

 

How confusing for our child (if we have one) and there's another [insert name here] in the same high school with them!

 

Whoa nelly!! Cross that bridge when (and IF) you come to it.

 

Unless she legally changes her name I don't see what there is either of you can do about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

An attorney will tell you the same thing.

 

 

Sorry dear but it is 100% legal, you can name your kids whatever you want I could use the last name ****er or ****head or Smith or Bill Gates if I wanted to and it is legal. Especially if her last name is still the same as your husbands it's legal.... sorry.

 

She could get all of her kids last name's changed to your husbands if she wanted them to all have the same last name. He should be able to go to your local vital Statistics office and request a birth certificate, if he is listed as the father then he will beable to obtain the certificaate if not he won't IF IF IF he is on the birth certificate THEN he can order a paterntiy test, and he will most likley have to pay for it. then you can contact an attorney

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I contacted vital statistics. They said if my husband's name is on the birth certificate, that they would release it. If not, our money went down the drain, they wouldn't release it.

 

One lady at vital stats told us that this is not legal.

 

One lady told us it was.

 

We called an attorney and they said as long as it's her name, it can be his name.

 

I still think she should've had the decency to make him aware of this. I'm sure she is embarassed to have three kids, by three different men, with three different names. But that's not my husband's fault. He's sick about it and I can't blame him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry if this has been asked before, I skimmed the thread...anyway have you looked up your county's public records, as mentioned birth records should be free and most of the time you can find them online... :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

... is that your husband's daughter with his ex already has his surname, so at a minimum there's not going to be any confusion for your potential children about who the other kid with their surname is. They'll know that their half-sister has a brother whose name is the same as hers (and theirs). I don't think kids get too burdened by such details as long as there's a general reason that they can wrap their heads around. By the time they're old enough to question the nuances of the situation, and ask about their half-sister's half-brother, who is no relation to their father yet has their father's name, they'll be old enough to understand the complications of second (or third) families, name-changes, and the sometimes inexplicable choices people make.

 

You know who's going to probably have the most trouble with this? The kid himself. He'll wonder why, since his last name is the same as his half-sister's, her daddy isn't interested in him like he is in her. Etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry you are upset Tiki. Sounds like ex has a new trouble for you every other day. Well I am not sure I would be upset about just name. It would be worst if he had to pay for the child. My husbands ex is having a child now with her new husband and she told him few days before that he has to pay her now more child support as her situation is now changed. We know very well that by law he shouldn’t and he will not. But why she cannot shut up her greedy mouth. :rolleyes:

 

But he will ask her that question too - is his name listed as the father too, WTF?!

 

What? I would have trouble with this though. I hope it is not the case.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Most likely she has left the father blank and used yourDH's name because it's HER last name. Unfortunately, it is perfectly legal to name your child whatever you wish... even if it's your DH's last name.

 

Let's hope she did not put your DH down as the father.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is really not worth getting up in a knot about. It isn't 'his' last name exclusively. There is no getting rights to use names. Nor was it any obligation of hers to ask or tell him she was planning to use the name. She could probably have named the kid with your last name if she wanted to.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know you may be mad now and not saying that you will EVER do this but make sure you are not upset with the kid it isn't the kids fault the mother sleps around ect. and you will also have to be invloved with the child since it is related to your step daughter, birthday parties, school functions ect.. this is the hardest part about getting remarried.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He called her last night and she was very pleasant. She said that she had really struggled with this and that she cried and cried and cried at the hospital with the nurses. We asked her who she listed as the father on the birth cert and she said no one. She said that since the father was not there (he took off home to TX) that she couldn't put his name on the bc NOR use his name. I found that strange, especially thinking of all the miliatary wives, but w/e.

 

She also said that her father was VERY upset with her for keeping my husband's name AND assigning it to the child. She said he really had a hard time with it.

 

She said that when she got more money, she would change her last name and his, back to her maiden name, and that she had fully intended to do that - upon having extra money.

 

So my husband called to see how much it would cost to make changes, etc. Then he called her with the info. She was VERY NICE about it all and said that she completely understood. She said she was taking a day off next week already, and that she would get this taken care of.

 

We were surprised.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am glad to hear she and your husband we're civil about it, it's actually very sad. I am struggling with the whole "last name deal" with my child when it is born it is a very hard thing to struggle with.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

If the father's around, I think you should give it the father's name. He's still around, correct?

 

Were you married before?

 

Also, I meant to reply to you earlier....

 

Originally posted by Stone

birthday parties, school functions ect..

 

We have separate birthday parties (thank GOD) and school functions (like plays, etc) we don't have to sit anywhere near the woman. I think I've seen the child once. She will be playing softball this season again, but we keep our distance from them. There may be a time where I have to see the kid, but it's really not a big issue to see him/run into them. As long as she's not asking us to babysit the kid. :laugh: -- long story.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's a thought. Think about the kids - even if they aren't yours. Life is easier if you don't have to explain to your friends why each of your siblings has a different name. Adults should be adults and not get into snits about foolish things.

 

I have kept my ex's name. All my id is in that name and it fits better with my first name than my maiden name did. It's foolish for people to pretend marriages didn't exist and to rewrite history, IMHO. Why don't you two leave the poor woman alone and find something else to get exercised about? Yeesh.

 

My ex had an exwife who was a real beyatch. She would have nothing to do with me, even though he met me long after they divorced. This hurt the kids. She wouldn't even speak to me on the phone - about anything. That kind of pettiness only damages the kids. I think grownups need to put aside their differences for the sake of the children. After two years the kids were quite attached to me and when he went off to work up north, they wanted to visit me but she wouldn't let them even call me. She was only thinking of herself and didn't care how she hurt the kids.

 

Don't be like her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Originally posted by moimeme

Why don't you two leave the poor woman alone and find something else to get exercised about? Yeesh.

 

I think it was more about her doing it and not telling him. He's very upset about this too. It makes it look like he's got another child out there. That can be serious, moi. He was more upset than me.

 

She's got three kids, two ex-husbands. One has one last name. The other two have the same last name. What would be your thoughts if you had just began to date her? Same father for the two kids with the same last name? YEAH!

 

And she's caused us a lot of grief. I've attempted to "befriend" her. She goes psycho on me everytime. I'm past being friends with the b*tch. That'll NEVER happen.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Also, a major question was "How is this child going to react to this?". I've got the same name as my sister, but not the same dad, whaaaa? Poor child - yes.

 

But she obviously *knows* it's wrong. She was very apologetic (which is NOT her style) and even said she knew it was the right thing to change it.

 

And do you REALLY keep a man's name because it sounds better with yours? This isn't a 'meshing of names' issue here.

 

Moi, if you had a child, would you give it your ex-husband's last name?

 

But again, I think it may be a different story if the poor guy HAD ACTUALLY KNOWN she was going to name him with his name.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by tiki

If the father's around, I think you should give it the father's name. He's still around, correct?

 

Were you married before?

 

Also, I meant to reply to you earlier....

 

Seperate is good I don't know how I would react in your position I guess I would be Civil but not friendly.

 

My son's father is in and out he has his dad's last name, I was never married so I have my maddien name and my b/f is still around and will continue to be so I will most likley give the baby his last name. So we will all be diffrent untill we get married and he adopts my son ( if his dad lets him) Sheesh.. I am so glad I am getting my tubes ties no more of this crap!!

 

( by the way Tiki I kind of stole your son's name :o If we have a boy it's Owen Parker.... sorry I really liked it :o:p:) ) OK done highacking

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...