I have made some massive mistakes, guilt is killing me

[messedup14]

This is going to sound awful, but I have to have some advice:

Let me start by telling you my relationship was complicated even before I screwed up..

I'm a young, straight female and I have been with my partner for 3 years, and things haven't been great.

I went out one night with some friends, including my partner and was having a decent night; albeit me and my partner had argued before hand about me going out in the first place (he didn't want me to interfere with his plans). I got a bit drunk towards the end of the night (but in a fun way, not a nasty way) and began to repeat some questions to my partner, which caused him to flip his lid at me... He started shouting at me in front of all our friends, calling me stupid, a retard etc.. Eventually he walked off and left me upset in the street. Some of the friends went with him, some didn't.

While drunk, I confessed my feelings for a friend (which I had managed to keep private for a year and a half), That was only mistake 1.

Then, some friends came back to my house, including a guy who I knew, but not too well. I was so drunk at that point, I don't remember much more.

In the morning I woke up with 2 people sleeping next to me, 1 being my female friend (totally innocent) and one being this guy. He woke up and told me that we had had sexual contact, but not sex. I was shocked and sickened and didn't know what to say, as I didn't remember a thing...

I then went to see the guy who I had confessed my feelings for, to try and explain I never had wanted to tell him, as it would ruin our friendship. He made it clear that nothing could ever happen, and that we were still friends. Then my boyfriend found out I had cheated (he guessed and I told him), and was understandably furious and broken, I felt so evil for breaking his heart Now we are trying to work through things but the trust is gone, now he wont let me out without him, and I cant hang around with our mutual male friends without him there... Now I still feel sickening guilt about confessing my feelings; yes I have not actually done anything with this guy, but I have told him so it makes it 100x worse.

I feel such a mess, I really hate myself for what I have done :'( advice?

[loveweary11]

This is going to sound awful, but I have to have some advice:

Let me start by telling you my relationship was complicated even before I screwed up..

I'm a young, straight female and I have been with my partner for 3 years, and things haven't been great.

I went out one night with some friends, including my partner and was having a decent night; albeit me and my partner had argued before hand about me going out in the first place (he didn't want me to interfere with his plans). I got a bit drunk towards the end of the night (but in a fun way, not a nasty way) and began to repeat some questions to my partner, which caused him to flip his lid at me... He started shouting at me in front of all our friends, calling me stupid, a retard etc.. Eventually he walked off and left me upset in the street. Some of the friends went with him, some didn't.

While drunk, I confessed my feelings for a friend (which I had managed to keep private for a year and a half), That was only mistake 1.

Then, some friends came back to my house, including a guy who I knew, but not too well. I was so drunk at that point, I don't remember much more.

In the morning I woke up with 2 people sleeping next to me, 1 being my female friend (totally innocent) and one being this guy. He woke up and told me that we had had sexual contact, but not sex. I was shocked and sickened and didn't know what to say, as I didn't remember a thing...

I then went to see the guy who I had confessed my feelings for, to try and explain I never had wanted to tell him, as it would ruin our friendship. He made it clear that nothing could ever happen, and that we were still friends. Then my boyfriend found out I had cheated (he guessed and I told him), and was understandably furious and broken, I felt so evil for breaking his heart Now we are trying to work through things but the trust is gone, now he wont let me out without him, and I cant hang around with our mutual male friends without him there... Now I still feel sickening guilt about confessing my feelings; yes I have not actually done anything with this guy, but I have told him so it makes it 100x worse.

I feel such a mess, I really hate myself for what I have done :'( advice?

 

Start over with a fresh crowd. This one is shot.

 

Also, don't drink. It seems you're not so good at handling your drinks.

 

This is a huge life lesson, I think.

[Chronotrgr]

I don't know what to tell you, I think I would steer clear of this guy to be honest, I'm not condoning what you've done, cheating isn't something acceptable no what ever what the case, but this guy is calling you names and now he feels he can hold you hostage, I would tell you to take a break and figure yourself out.

[privategal]

I would break up regardless of guilt and the cheating incident.

You haven't been happy anyways, then he argues...and makes HIS own girlfriend feel like she could interfere with HIS plans (disrespectful) then insults, embarrases you publicly (abusive) then left you alone in the streets drunk (neglect and selfish)

Cheating or not this is NOT a man you should work ANYTHING out with.

If he was THE one...those feelings you've had for a friend wouldn't have crept in.

Sometimes people stay in relationships because its been 3 years...you don't want to throw it away and lose mutual friends...but...thats EXACTLY what should hapoen here.

This is your LIFE. you get one. Its not a game, a wait and see, or a test drive.

Start over, have a calm simple break up and start making a list of goals, dreams, take some new classes, get exercise, form a new social group and change everything you don't like.

This situation...that horrible night and everything coming to a head was MEANT to happen to force some things to come to light.

After his monstrous actions, he's lucky he even HAD a girlfriend at all to call a cheater.

What a punk. Forget this and drop him.

[Chronotrgr]

I would break up regardless of guilt and the cheating incident.

You haven't been happy anyways, then he argues...and makes HIS own girlfriend feel like she could interfere with HIS plans (disrespectful) then insults, embarrases you publicly (abusive) then left you alone in the streets drunk (neglect and selfish)

Cheating or not this is NOT a man you should work ANYTHING out with.

If he was THE one...those feelings you've had for a friend wouldn't have crept in.

Sometimes people stay in relationships because its been 3 years...you don't want to throw it away and lose mutual friends...but...thats EXACTLY what should hapoen here.

This is your LIFE. you get one. Its not a game, a wait and see, or a test drive.

Start over, have a calm simple break up and start making a list of goals, dreams, take some new classes, get exercise, form a new social group and change everything you don't like.

This situation...that horrible night and everything coming to a head was MEANT to happen to force some things to come to light.

After his monstrous actions, he's lucky he even HAD a girlfriend at all to call a cheater.

What a punk. Forget this and drop him.

 

Somebody has to start the slow clap *clap* *clap* *clap*

[Sad26]

Oh wow! Can't believe we are rationalising and justifying cheating. This is why girls with lifelong friends are to be avoided. They always encourage good or bad. I would suggest that think about justifying cheating only after you have been cheated on.

Just because someone is here and the other party is not here doesn't make the other person mean and the one here Saint.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Oh wow! Can't believe we are rationalising and justifying cheating. This is why girls with lifelong friends are to be avoided. They always encourage good or bad. I would suggest that think about justifying cheating only after you have been cheated on.

Just because someone is here and the other party is not here doesn't make the other person mean and the one here Saint.

 

 

???

 

Are we reading the same thread? Chronotrgr specifically said that there is no legitimate reason to cheat. Everyone else is saying take it as a life lesson, learn from your mistakes.

 

Well messedup14, I guess you shouldn't learn from this set of mistakes and just hope that you don't cheat again.

[Lostgirl50]

I am sorry for what has happened to you ! All that happened that nite does not sound good. The first flag for me was him not wanting you out and then calling you all those names. Horrible behavior! He has issues! To attack someone by calling them names is wrong - especially to someone you love!

About the sexual contact - well you were drunk. You don't remember it. Enough said. FORGIVE YOURSELF! You are human ! It is in the past and you cannot change what happened. It sounds like he will never let this go. It is his issue....not yours. Please access if you are happy with him ....I am willing to bet you can find someone who is better for you ! Good luck ! Hugs!