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Ex wants to meet up.


marcusdevilliers

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marcusdevilliers

my girl and i broke up. she said she didnt love me but i knowshe does, we had love and she did love me alot. we had a good relationship, we never really had much chances to be intimate with each other. we are young 20 n 21 and its our first relationship. she will be starting school and i wiill be working soon. whats the best thing to do to try and make things work with her? leave her alone for a while like a month or more and then try to meet up with her? or should i keep talkn to her as friends and normal and wait for the right moment and then talk to her about it. i dont really think moving on is what i should do because i know things arent over between us. the connection was there and we loved each other. we were together for over two years in which we saw each other alot because we were in school together. we just had a really tough year in which we didnt see each other much. i really wanna make things work with her.

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As much as you want to get back together, it's not going to happen.

 

After she told you that she did not love you any more for you to claim that you know her feelings better than she knows her own might is quite arrogant on your part.

 

Let her go. Focus on your healing & getting over her. Then start a new relationship with someone else better suited to you.

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Young love can be dramatic. I'm 39 and have been with my husband 24 years. The early years had some breakups. Over time we matured and chilled out. Back then, I told him I didn't love him when I really did a few times. I had a rough childhood where I felt neglected. It was hard for me to believe in love. I was too young to be mature about it. My ego made me want him not to give up on me, but I didn't want to say that. I wanted him to try to get me back, because I missed him, too. Fortunately, he did.

 

I can't say how she feels, but I wouldn't totally give up yet. Give her some time and space. Get in touch in a few weeks and tell her you miss her and love her. Don't push. She may not love you. But there is a chance she just needs some time alone, and will realize she gave up a good thing. Keep your distance for now. Don't hook up with any other girls. Don't act weak and depressed. Just contact her in a few weeks and tell her you really miss her and want to work on it.

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marcusdevilliers

It is arrogant on my part and I have to change that. Also I believe giving her space is essential. I wobt put all my eggs in one basket but i still wont give up on her. Thank you guys very much. I truly apprrciate it

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You guys are both kids. Young love flames out quickly. You didn't mention how long you dated but it doesn't sound like very long. You need to accept it's over and not be a door mat to her drama. She told you she doesn't love you and dumped you. Ask yourself WHY you'd want to be friends now with this person?

 

 

The best thing you can do is leave her alone. If she contacts you, let her know that right now, you want to end contact to move forward. You owe her NOTHING.

 

 

In the mean time, at your age, go out and date. Get more girl experiences while your at your age. You shouldn't be bogged down in a serious relationship. Enjoy your youth.

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marcusdevilliers

We dated for two years. I understand what everyone is saying and I'm paying attention to all. Its just she's my first love. Maybe that's y its so hard. And we were so close. All the lovey dovey stuff n the love me forever and will always love me. Just difficult and confusing how she doesnt love me again.

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marcusdevilliers

well im gonna be pretty straight. my ex dumped me, said she didnt love me no more. we were together for two years well almost three. since like 3 months ago she pretty much neglected me, not really talking or making any sort of effort to see me. i still do love her. right now im in the NO CONTACT zone with her. october the 1st will make a month. the 4th is her birthday. should i contact her that time and try talking to her. or just leave it as it is and if she does not contact me well its obvious she wants nothing with me. so should i contact her after a month or 2 or just leave it as it is ? any advice will help. thank you

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I would leave it. If she wants to talk to you she will. You're bound to have questions but you'll probably be able to answer them yourself in time. Had anything changed in the relationship?

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My ex her birthday is also in October. But that's too far away to worry about now, so make the decision on the day itself. I'm propably not going to send her my best wishes I guess.

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marcusdevilliers

yes things did change. we use to see each other alot because we were in school. things changed we both started work and she started university now. also when she started work she became good friends with some guy, she took a pic with them holding hands and said it was just a cute pic. truth is i all this time i thought i wasnt good enough for her. now i know different. if she wants me and she did love me, i wont have to contact her she'll contact me. what you think?

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marcusdevilliers

i dont have any intentions of really messaging her for her birthday. i would just leave her now. maybe this way i'll see how muchshe cares and how much she loved me/

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I'll just tell you my experience with this, ex and i broke up last nov, our bdays are a week apart in feb, hers is first and a week later is mine. I contemplated sending her a msg but decided against it. I think it was for the best.

 

She did however message me on my birthday, I just responded with a simple thankyou. I did start contact with her in May and she had revealed to me that she was kind of hurt not to hear from me on her bday. But tbh I didn't really care cuz she is dating another guy and was doing so at that time also. And msging her or not msging her wouldn't have made any difference.

 

But messaging your ex will give her that satisfaction that she is still on your mind and why give her that when she broke your heart? thats the way I look at it, so I would advise against it. And stick to NC and move on!

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She left you coz she doesn't love you anymore...I am sorry but if I was you I old not send her any kind of message coz you will just show that you are thinking of her

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marcusdevilliers

Thank you so much guys. It does hurt a lot. But its up to her now. I really tried a lot with her. So if she wants me she'll try to be a part of my life and make things work.

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marcusdevilliers

hello everyone. so ex broke up with me said she doesnt love me anymore. i tried alot to get her back but she doesnt want that. im trying slowly to get over it day by day. i wanna know how to start moving on and getting her off my mind.

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When someone tells you that they don't love you anymore, it usually means that they never really did.

 

Real love is very durable and resilient, very difficult to destroy.

 

Many people don't know the difference between:

 

Being attached

Needing

Wanting

Love

 

Those are not different names for the same thing, but many people think they are.

 

 

- Do things for others

- Connect with people

- Take care of your body

- Notice the world around you

- Keep learning new things

- Have goals to look forward to

- Find ways to bounce back from difficulties

- Take a positive approach

- Become comfortable with who you are

- Be part of something bigger that gives you purpose and meaning in life

 

 

I hope you find someone who will love you for real.

 

 

Take care.

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Fleur de cactus

Marcus, love hurts sometimes, but you cannot keep loving someone who will not love you back. Love should be reciprocal, spontaneous. True love does not come from begging. Because if she comes back , one day she may tell you " well I came back because you begged me"

 

It hurts, it hurts, tI hurts more when it is over. However, one day you will look back and be happy that it is over.

 

Time will help you to heal slowly but you will heal. Live well and she will heal good things about you. Hugs.

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You have to move on when someone tells you they don't love you. You love them, but whatever you once had is gone. They've told you straight up how they feel. Get past the denial stage and get to the acceptance stage because there is no confusion on this. Be thankful they didn't lead you on and give you hope.

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marcusdevilliers

hey guys. i made posts before but i want to put everything here so i can get the best help. i really need it .. its long so please bare with me.

 

I never was in a relationship before, nor was my gf. we got together in 2012 we were in school that time. school started september it was 2 years of school. we started talking like late september, we talked alot not only in school but when we were out of school. all the time we talked over the phone. we had our 1st kiss in late november, was also our first kiss as individuals. i fell in love with her and i told her how i felt in december. she said she loved me too. so we were officially together, we always saw each other in school so we were very close. we talked alot over the phone and we got to know each other really well. we were each others best friend and always there for each other. we got really close and shared a great relationship. the only problem was her parents well mostly her father was strict so we never really got to hang out with each other on the holidays and school breaks. there wasnt much intimacy we kissed sometimes and like sex talking over the phone and stuff. never really got the opportunity to be intimate.

 

We had problems like every couple, no cheating or anything just little misunderstandings and arguments but we always worked through it. we never had a long talking break from each other we used to always talk and text. she was 18 and i was 19 when we started. we were together for 2 years and we had a nice relationship. last june was the end of school and we know things would start to be hard but we loved each other so much we promised we will work through it.

 

we sent each other all the love messages and letters, we felt so much in love and she said she will always love me and i told her the same. after last june she had to wait a year before she got into university and she started working august. i started school also but i didnt complete it i jus did 3 months. i know that got her upset but was a short course so i thought i could finish it early, i stopped it and we were good. we saw each other now and then but not alot and we never really did anything.

 

As of this year things were still going ok, we just talked less during the day but we still talked alot. she had some exams so i tried not to bother her alot but we still talked normal.. i know things were getting a little sour because some nights we didnt have much to talk about.. we had alot to look forward too though so we hung in there. she came home by me in april, i had a prayer meeting home and she told her mom and she came. my family already knew about her and her family knew about me except for her father. she came and met everyone, we kissed and stuff and i was a nice night.

 

Things were going ok with us no big problems until she told me in june that she didnt love me no more. she told me this outta no where and i was shocked. i dont know how to truly explain it. there was a guy in her work also and she became good friends with him, they talked alot and got close. she told me that was nothing and i really believed her. we were still in the breaking up stage and i saw her put a pic with him and her holding hands. i got so angry and when i told her she said it was a cute pic they were jus friends. but how could she do that when she doesnt even have much pics with me? or pics with us holding hands. we jus had one pic together and she never even put it anywhere but she put this pic with this guy on whatsapp..

 

she said alot of things, she said shes not ready for a serious relationship, then she said she doesnt love me anymore. i tried so much to get back with her, i talked to her alot messaged her alot and i know those arent the things you do but its the only thing i knew at that time. i met her last month and i got her a rose some chocs and i nice gift. i really met her to give her hand written letter. i told her everything there. how i felt about her and how much she meant to me and alot of things.

 

she read it and she said we cant be together. she doesnt love me anymore to stop forcing this. before i got her the letter she called me the week before, we talk for like an hour twice just like two good friends, i thought maybe things were getting btr. but after i gave her the letter and she told me how she felt again i was just so lost and confused and really hurt. i thought the letter wouldve changed her mind but it didnt. i gave her the letter a friday and she told me how she felt saturday. we had a lil small talk sunday over text just like 2 messages. and monday she messaged me in the night saying shes with her friend becuase she was starting university and she would be busyy and stuff and not to call her during the day. i just told her i wont call and goodnight. i made up my mind to bein NC with her. i deleted all our pics and messages and all that. its been almost 2 weeks and well she hasnt messaged me and i plan on not breakin NC. i really love her i miss her and i think about her alot. shes in my dreams and i was serious with her. i saw her as somebody i wanted to make a life with becuase shes perfect to me.

 

Im just lostt and confused now. her birthday is in october idk if i should contact her then, i want her to contact me first i dont want to break NC. things are more difficult now because she has schools and shes around so much people and guys and stuff. i dont know whats gonna happen with us. im hoping what we had was true love and she might contact me sometime. but i really dont know.

 

SORRY THIS IS LONG GUYS. PLEASE ADVISE ME ON WHAT TO DO. I REALLY NEED THE HELP I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO.

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Sorry you are hurting. But this is so normal, you are both very, very yoiung and chances are you both will have several other relationships before you each really find the one for you. You are doing the right thing by leaving her alone. If she wanted to talk to you or see you, she would make contact. But if she does, let her know you are not ready to be just friends and tell her not to call you. It is not helping either one of you.

 

She has started a new phase of her life and as painful as it is to you, it is entirely normal for her to make new friends, meet new people. You should try to do the same. She is not the only girl in the world, though it may seem that way now.

 

You both have a lot of growing to do. Neither of you is the person you will become yet and chances are you will not suit one another when you are. She sounds quite immature and probably does not know how to handle this either.

 

Keep up the NC and try to find other ways to keep busy, mentally and physcially.

Edited by LoveMyCat
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Dude, sorry that you are hurting. Sounds like you really liked this girl. I also have experienced a painful relationship. It happens. It may seem like you are alone because this kind of emotional stuff is not very cool to talk about with friends and family. But admitting to yourself that you are hurt and could use a new perspective is a healthy thing.

 

Think about it this way, you have been initiated to the beautiful, yet finicky, mind of women early in life. Now you know that women can be somewhat irrational. Look around, read other posts from guys going through divorce. Pain and failure is really just a signal that you found out what doesn’t work. It is said that Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before he invented the light bulb. Relationships are not as complicated as inventing a light bulb, but there are lessons to be learned and experience is the only real way to learn them. The best advice is to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and try again with someone new.

 

Here are some things to consider. You may find that the more attention a women gets from men, the less they value attention from men, and the more they look for and seek "something else". That "something else" is how they feel when they are in your presence. Does she feel taken care of and secure? Does she feel like she can tell you anything and you would not get upset? Does she feel like you would know what to do if something bad were to happen? Does she feel like you are secure with your life and you have a purpose greater than the relationship? Or on the flip side, does she feel like you like her too much? Does she feel like you would always put her first no matter what your needs are? In other words, would you speak up and tell her “no” when it is necessary?

 

So the nature of the attention you provide does matter. Calling all the time, sending love letters, and discussing your feelings is a form of attention that might actually make her feel like she is too special to you. Counterintuitive I know. Do you agree?

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marcusdevilliers

my gf broke up with me a while now. i initiated N.C on her i dont think she knows but i havent done any sort of contacting her in 2 weeks. i know she checks my facebook, also the last time we talked like a week after the break up she was telling me about some pics i put up stuff about enjoying life and being happy and pics n stuff on fb, sometimes i put things that i know she will think about like missing someone and there not there. should i stop putting these things???? because im100% sure she checks my fb.

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my gf broke up with me a while now. i initiated N.C on her i dont think she knows but i havent done any sort of contacting her in 2 weeks. i know she checks my facebook, also the last time we talked like a week after the break up she was telling me about some pics i put up stuff about enjoying life and being happy and pics n stuff on fb, sometimes i put things that i know she will think about like missing someone and there not there. should i stop putting these things???? because im100% sure she checks my fb.

 

What you should of done when she dumped you is BLOCK her on all social media. What you're up to on social media is NOT her concern any longer. She kicked you to the curb.

 

 

Cut the cord. Block her on everything. You'll then not being doing these mental gymnastics about an ex doing this or that on social media. Block her. Read the NC thread and move on.

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