I feel like the walls are closing in

[sickofyou]

Long story short. My ex cheated on me with a guy who's more than a few steps down the ladder than myself. Although it's somewhat comical, I'm still in pieces. This same girl I suspect her suffering from BPD. Everything I've read, talked to and including my therapist believes there is some type of mental issues at hand, she's leaning towards BPD as well. Last I spoke to her she told me with a cold tone. Told me I should have picked up on the signs. I said I don't pick up on signs, I'm an adult, speak you mind with me. I asked how she could do this to me and I got "f*ck off" and then hung up on. Haven't spoken to her since (4 days ago). Some days I'm ok, some I'm not. I keep wanting to go to her work, house etc. I know the holidays are coming up and I wonder if she's going to be with him. Sometimes I hyperventilate and feel like the walls are closing in on me. I've took a leave of absence from work because it's just too much. Sleep aids only work so much. But that's all I do is sleep and dream of her, only to wake up in sweats. What the hell is wrong with me and how can I get passed this.

[TaraMaiden2]

Speak to your therapist. He should be able to give you strategies to calm yourself and stop hyperventilating.

 

Listen bud, pin your ears back:

 

You're dependent on her to bring you happiness.

If you weren't, you wouldn't be so struck down.

 

It's not her job.

It's not anybody's job but yours.

And if she is showing signs of a mental disorder, you were a victim of that.

 

I know it's really easy to say - just rolls off the tongue and skips off the keyboard - but:

Get a damn grip, for chrissakes.

 

If you're an adult, think like one.

You don't have to be a victim to her treatment.

She's actually released you to live a life free of drama, hassle, mood-swings and mind-games.

 

You should be glad you're rid of this kind of atmosphere, because it hurt you, ate away at you, and eroded who you truly are.

Think back to how level-headed you were before she got her claws into you.

 

look at you now.

You're a mess.

 

Find 'that' guy and get him back in line.

 

Speak to your therapist - but don't dwell on the drama.

 

You're well out of it, praise be!

[sickofyou]

I'm trying my best to find me again. But it's easier said. Plus it's all still fresh. I just want to snap my fingers and it all be fixed

[TaraMaiden2]

Well sadly, you join countless thousands of others in that, but just like countless thousands of others, it's not so.

 

Well.... it could be.

You see, it's a mind-set.

It depends for how long you are prepared to allow ephemeral and transitory emotions continue to control your Mind.

 

Difficult as it may be to believe, it's actually a 'choice'.

You just need to take a good, honest, hard look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself:

"Ok, it hurts.

She's smashed your heart to bits, and ground it into the dust with her heel.

She's crazy, and bad news but - you love her.

And that's ok.

It's understandable.

You're hurt."

 

But here's the deal:

 

You are only allowed to be hurt until Saturday, 19th December, 2015.

On that morning, you have to take another look at yourself, and say:

"New life starts here. One week until Christmas, and there's nothing gonna bring me down, any more. This is it. The Pain stops. The hurt diminishes, life goes on."

 

Now tick off every day on a calendar, until saturday.

Every day you tick off, you're allowed to feel this pain, this hurt, this sadness, and regret.

It's allowed.

Set a reminder on your 'phone.

 

Come saturday though - and the dynamics change.

You've had your time.

That's it.

Enough letting yourself be wound down by it all. That time is over.

It's YOUR time, now.

 

Your reminder should read:

 

"End of year. Start of Life."

 

And do it.

Get yourself psyched up.

Each morning, look at that mirror and say every day is one day less to go, before life is on the total up again."

 

And look forward to NEXT Saturday!

[d0nnivain]

There is nothing wrong with you. However, you did make a mistake with her. Granted you could have picked up on whatever signs she's talking about but you didn't. Many people may have missed them. You are not odd or defective in that respect. For her to some how say her cheating is your fault is adding insult to injury. She's not a very nice person which in theory should make her easier to get over because why would you want to spend your life with a cold witch like that who has no integrity?

 

 

The 2nd mistake you are making is continuing to let her dictate how you live your life & how you feel. She is still making you crazy. You gotta get her outta your head. It will take time but do it.

 

 

You are valuable person who deserves to be treated kindly. Find somebody better then her.

 

 

Keep working with your therapist. You can do this.

[Confusioncreepsin]

Same thing here a while back. I completely understand where you are and what you are going though. Im assuming here, but you probably lost your love, your friend and now your self worth and ego.

 

Mine decided to pull me back on a recycle WHILE she was hiding that she was still with the replacement (27 yr felon for murder). I felt like complete ****.

 

Try to understand that her actions are hers alone. She decided to do this and she decided to make that decision. This shows you her true makeup. Be fortunate that you caught it and that now you have some control to make the best decision for you.

 

Here are some things you need to do to detach from this creature:

 

1). Do not start programming you mind with negative thoughts about you. Each time you catch yourself comparing, thinking its your fault or talking bad about yourself, scream CANCEL and replace it with something you can compliment yourself with. Anything believable and trival is best.

 

2). Each time you fell empty, depressed take a deep breath and release it. Do that until the feeling evaporates.

 

I have more, but let me know if you want them. These two will help you live through the rollercoaster of emotions for a bit.

[moonwalker86]

Speak to your therapist. He should be able to give you strategies to calm yourself and stop hyperventilating.

 

Listen bud, pin your ears back:

 

You're dependent on her to bring you happiness.

If you weren't, you wouldn't be so struck down.

 

It's not her job.

It's not anybody's job but yours.

And if she is showing signs of a mental disorder, you were a victim of that.

 

I know it's really easy to say - just rolls off the tongue and skips off the keyboard - but:

Get a damn grip, for chrissakes.

 

If you're an adult, think like one.

You don't have to be a victim to her treatment.

She's actually released you to live a life free of drama, hassle, mood-swings and mind-games.

 

You should be glad you're rid of this kind of atmosphere, because it hurt you, ate away at you, and eroded who you truly are.

Think back to how level-headed you were before she got her claws into you.

 

look at you now.

You're a mess.

 

Find 'that' guy and get him back in line.

 

Speak to your therapist - but don't dwell on the drama.

 

You're well out of it, praise be!

 

Good advice.

[sickofyou]

What do I need to do about my uncontrollable thoughts of them together. Wondering where she is, what she's doing? Are these things that can't be controlled?

[TaraMaiden2]

What do I need to do about my uncontrollable thoughts of them together.

They arise in your mind. You think them, therefore, they are under your control. You put them there.

Remember that: Every thought you have, you willingly put in there.

 

Wondering where she is, what she's doing? Are these things that can't be controlled?

 

Yes. with a snap band or trigger that distracts you from the thought.

You compel yourself to conjure up thoughts which merely serve to keep you stuck in the moment and dependent on her presence in your mind.

 

This is known as 'self-sabotage'.

 

The word 'sabotage' comes from the french word 'sabot' - wooden clogs worn by French loom-weavers, who, objecting to the mechanisation of their industry and craft, literally 'threw the boot in' to wreck the loom mechanism..

 

You're opening your mind and putting the boot in.

Quit kicking yourself when you're down, ok?

because that's what you're doing.

 

So, draw a picture of a boot on the inside of your wrist, wear a thick rubber band round the same wrist, and when you are aware of thoughts of her, coming up - snap the band against your inner wrist.

 

It don't half smart.....

[d0nnivain]

What do I need to do about my uncontrollable thoughts of them together. Wondering where she is, what she's doing? Are these things that can't be controlled?

 

 

While you can't stop the thoughts from popping into your head, you can control what you do with them.

 

 

When you think these things, answer yourself that it doesn't matter. She's out of your life. Then concentrate on thinking about something else. Distract yourself if you have to.

[sickofyou]

Sometimes I feel like if I just say the right thing, or type the perfect email, then I can fix everything and we will be ok. I've never in my life been so destroyed and in pieces

[moonwalker86]

Sometimes I feel like if I just say the right thing, or type the perfect email, then I can fix everything and we will be ok. I've never in my life been so destroyed and in pieces

 

Man, if you really think it's worth the shot I guess you can take it but it's probably already over on her side of things. I'm going through this right now, with a woman I have been with for 8 YEARS! Guess what? I cried and poured my heart out for her, put it all out there, wrote letters, tried to win her back, did everything I possibly could to show her that things would be great if we gave it another shot. She didn't care.

She was checked out, there was little to no emotion in her response. Then she told me that she was in love with the "other" man in the picture. That was the nail in the coffin for me. That was the moment where it truly showed me that there was no hope left in our relationship.

 

Now I'm trying to pick up the pieces and try to think about what I want to do with my life. I'm starting to try to love myself a little more each day. And as hard as it is I still try to think positive.

 

You will have crappy days, you will cry, you will play the what if game, but no matter what, you can't let go and fall into the darkness. Cry and understand that the pain is only temporary. It hurts and it's supposed to hurt, but you will get through it, just understand that crying is part of healing. Whenever you cry, you are healing.