purpledooze Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I know what you guys are going to say: block my ex. But I'm warming up to it. I want to make that decision as final as possible, and I need to be ready for it. It just sucks. I don't know how to interpret his actions. I'm venting it out here. My ex and I have been broken up for about 8 months now. I've slowly tried to move on, and I'm getting there. I just need to be emotionally prepared for the last step: total cut off. And I guess this is the sign I'm looking for. When my ex and I were together, he was interested in the things I loved. I've always wanted to dance, so he promised we'd sign up for salsa lessons. We met through a surf trip; he made plans for us to go on surf trips every weekends (we were never able to push this through because I got pregnant). We said we'd go on a trip around the world and go on adventures. After I blocked him on Skype, I noticed he's become more active on Facebook than the last few months. He's signing up for events and parties. I also noticed he's doing the things he promised he would do with me with his other ex. I guess they're back together or something. What's eating at me is that this "surge of activity" happened right after I told him I would be leaving our company and that I would be moving on. And after I blocked him on Skype. It's like he's letting me know he's trying to move on, or trying to do the things he said we would with another girl. Or baiting me to let my feelings show or talk to him again. I think I'll just cry this out one last night. Then tomorrow morning, I know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoul6486 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) I'm so sorry you're going through this. Blocking my ex was so difficult for me as well. I was a wreck. Go through my past posts to see all of the unnecessary pain I went through for not blocking her earlier if you want to. When I finally blocked her, it wasn't a good feeling at first but it was such a huge relief. No more worrying about what she is doing or who she is doing it with. No more worrying about ever receiving a call or text from her. No more of that. It might hurt if you still have feelings for him. I still had feelings for my ex when I blocked her, but they have been going away slowly but surely. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I never think about her because I definitely do, but it's a lot less painful and a lot less frequent. Post here or talk to someone when you have those rough days like it seems you're having today. I just had one yesterday for the first time in a really long time. They'll become less frequent. I promise. P.S. That's an awesome profile pic Edited December 3, 2015 by lostsoul6486 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I'll just post this letter here. XXX, I hope you don't see my unfriending and blocking on Skype as a personal attack. I'm merely looking out for my emotional well-being. I've just started with a job that I can be passionate about, and I can't afford to be derailed again. It's still quite emotionally draining for me to see you sharing with someone else the things and memories you promised you would with me. Salsa lessons, surf trips, adventures, etc. I felt discarded and hurt when you forgot my birthday, and even each time I'm reminded of the effort you put into your relationship with her, which contrasts how you handled ours. It's as if I don't exist to you anymore. I felt hurt that you missed one of the most important days of my life, even when you promised you wouldn't miss it because it's a once-in-a-lifetime moment. I trusted you and you broke that trust. Goodbye and good luck, XXX. - Purpledooze Link to post Share on other sites
ChinadolI Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I'll just post this letter here. XXX, I hope you don't see my unfriending and blocking on Skype as a personal attack. I'm merely looking out for my emotional well-being. I've just started with a job that I can be passionate about, and I can't afford to be derailed again. It's still quite emotionally draining for me to see you sharing with someone else the things and memories you promised you would with me. Salsa lessons, surf trips, adventures, etc. I felt discarded and hurt when you forgot my birthday, and even each time I'm reminded of the effort you put into your relationship with her, which contrasts how you handled ours. It's as if I don't exist to you anymore. I felt hurt that you missed one of the most important days of my life, even when you promised you wouldn't miss it because it's a once-in-a-lifetime moment. I trusted you and you broke that trust. Goodbye and good luck, XXX. - Purpledooze [/quote I hope you are not going to send this to him. I would suggest unfollow him and anyone else may tag him is good enough. The letter will bare your soul to him and you will get hurt more either he responds or not, so why would you want that? Don't give another chance to hurt you. Lots hugs for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Thanks ChinaDol1. I'm not sure whether to send it or not. I've written so many and I haven't sent any of them. This was the guy who tried to stalk my Facebook and access my account a month ago. I caught him in the act but denied it. It sucks that I'm putting some meaning into that. The last time we spoke was when I left my job. He said "look, youre brilliant, beautiful, and one of the smartest and most clever girls i know. just focus and bring that girl back. i'll be rooting for you." I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Glass Hut Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Don't send it. Drift away. Hold your head up high and get stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I don't know. I'm still crying for 2 hours now. It hurts so much im trembling even as I work or type this. Link to post Share on other sites
Glass Hut Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Get stronger. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj0jzepk0WA Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Is he doing this to get my attention? What do you think he would think or feel when I send it? Can you post some sample potential responses? Link to post Share on other sites
Glass Hut Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It won't be a good response for you. Put on your boxing gloves and spar with me. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Is he doing this to get my attention? It's highly, highly unlikely. Don't send that letter. Just don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 It's highly, highly unlikely. Don't send that letter. Just don't. He did try to hack into my Facebook before this. He denied doing it on purpose, but he still logged into it. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 IF he is doing it to get your attention, he is the lowest of the low. He is slime on your shoe. Wipe it off, and don't give him an "in". Link to post Share on other sites
LLQ1986 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Yes don't send that. You can write and vent it here but never sent anything to him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 A friend revised it for me. Still makes me sad. Not sending it yet. Or ever. Still crying. XXX, I've recently decided that it's best if I move on with my life. For my own emotional well-being, I need closure. Please respect my decision to block you on Facebook/Skype[/whatever else] by not trying to contact me elsewhere. While I've tried to make things work in the past, that obviously hasn't worked out. I've seen through Facebook that you've chosen to spend your time with YYY rather than me. It's clear that a friendship[/relationship] between us isn't going to work out, so I think now is a good time to go our separate ways. Goodbye, and good luck in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I sent it and unfriended him. I've never felt so empowered in my entire life. XXX, As you know, I've recently decided that it's best if I move on with my life. I'm merely looking out for my emotional well-being. I've just started with a job that I can be passionate about, and I can't afford to be derailed again. Please respect my decision to remove you from my social circle by not trying to contact me elsewhere. While I've tried to make things work in the past, that obviously hasn't worked out. I've seen through Facebook that you've chosen to spend your time with YYY rather than me. It's still emotionally draining for me too see you sharing with someone else the things and memories you promised you would with me. Salsa lessons, surf trips, adventures, etc. It's clear that a friendship[/relationship] between us isn't going to work out, so I think now is a good time to go our separate ways. Goodbye, and good luck in life. Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Wow. Cringeworthy. I thought you hadn't heard from this man in awhile and when you told him you were changing jobs, he wished you well? I don't see the point of this letter (makes you come off as emotionally unhinged) but at least sounds like it is the impetus to help you move on. Hope this empowerment lasts and you no longer stalk him on social media. The best revenge is a life well lived. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Wow. Cringeworthy. I thought you hadn't heard from this man in awhile and when you told him you were changing jobs, he wished you well? I don't see the point of this letter (makes you come off as emotionally unhinged) but at least sounds like it is the impetus to help you move on. Hope this empowerment lasts and you no longer stalk him on social media. The best revenge is a life well lived. I don't really stalk him. His updates just show up on my newsfeed like everyone else. I'm not the type to go through individual people's profiles, I just scroll down through my newsfeed. He's going to events near the part of town where I work. He's even tried to hack into my Facebook. It's just funny that after not being active on Facebook for months, he starts being active immediately AFTER I leave our company, preceded by him hacking into my account. Link to post Share on other sites
Glass Hut Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 You don't really listen to anyone's suggestions do you lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I don't really stalk him. His updates just show up on my newsfeed like everyone else. I'm not the type to go through individual people's profiles, I just scroll down through my newsfeed. He's going to events near the part of town where I work. He's even tried to hack into my Facebook. It's just funny that after not being active on Facebook for months, he starts being active immediately AFTER I leave our company, preceded by him hacking into my account. You knew he took another woman on a trip, you knew he got her gift, you know how active he is on facebook, etc. The fact that you don't visit his page means nothing. Why is he still a facebook friend? Why haven't you deleted him? The relationship is over. He not sending you any signs on facebook by being active. Sounds like he is living his life while you are in the background trying to derive meaning from it. You have taken a front seat in observing another person's life. Live yours, find a man who loves and respects you. This man doesn't want to be with you. It's not worth it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 My ex and I have been broken up for about 8 months now. I've slowly tried to move on, and I'm getting there. I just need to be emotionally prepared for the last step: total cut off. And I guess this is the sign I'm looking for. I'm sorry you are going through this still after 8 months of being broken up. It's 8 months later and he's moved on so you need to block him from everything and move on. Get off FB if you have to for a few months so you won't see anything about him. Unfriend him. You are keeping yourself in pain at this point because he has moved on. After I blocked him on Skype, I noticed he's become more active on Facebook than the last few months. He's signing up for events and parties. I also noticed he's doing the things he promised he would do with me with his other ex. I guess they're back together or something. You think this is about you but it isn't. It's just him doing the things he always wanted to do whether it was with you or someone else. It has been 8 months since you broke up and is normal for him to move to another relationship. This is why you have to block everything having to do with him so you can get over him. He is not sitting home crying, he's out living his life and that's what you have to do. What's eating at me is that this "surge of activity" happened right after I told him I would be leaving our company and that I would be moving on. And after I blocked him on Skype. It's like he's letting me know he's trying to move on, or trying to do the things he said we would with another girl. Or baiting me to let my feelings show or talk to him again. I think this is all in your mind. He is doing what is normal after being broken up for 8 months. You wouldn't know any of this if you weren't snooping on him. At this point you are hurting yourself. He is doing what is normal. Please block him and everything having to do with him, heal yourself so you can move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 What's eating at me is that this "surge of activity" happened right after I told him I would be leaving our company and that I would be moving on. And after I blocked him on Skype. It's like he's letting me know he's trying to move on, or trying to do the things he said we would with another girl. Or baiting me to let my feelings show or talk to him again. I'll be quite frank. I don't think he's considering you in all of this. I think he is getting involved in activities as a way to distract himself and cope with the breakup. Seeking out companionship from the opposite sex and partaking in new activities are common ways that all of us use to move on from a breakup. I don't think what he's doing has much to do with you to be quite honest. I think we all like to feel that our exes are doing stuff to spite us or get our attention because it means they are still thinking of us. The truth is probably a little less exciting. I remember my ex doing something a few months after our breakup that I had always wanted to do with him. I was really hurt by that and kind of taken aback. But the truth was that he was just trying to distract himself and do something different. He wasn't really considering me in all of it. I think you are torturing yourself by following him on FB. I can't imagine how painful that must be and how difficult it would be to move on if you are doing that. I'm glad my ex never did social media. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I sent it and unfriended him. I've never felt so empowered in my entire life. XXX, As you know, I've recently decided that it's best if I move on with my life. I'm merely looking out for my emotional well-being. I've just started with a job that I can be passionate about, and I can't afford to be derailed again. Please respect my decision to remove you from my social circle by not trying to contact me elsewhere. While I've tried to make things work in the past, that obviously hasn't worked out. I've seen through Facebook that you've chosen to spend your time with YYY rather than me. It's still emotionally draining for me too see you sharing with someone else the things and memories you promised you would with me. Salsa lessons, surf trips, adventures, etc. It's clear that a friendship[/relationship] between us isn't going to work out, so I think now is a good time to go our separate ways. Goodbye, and good luck in life. I just saw this. Ugh. Well, it can't be taken back so best to learn from it. Don't send a message like that again. I cringed reading that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 But what if I still want him back? And why did he try to hack my account after I went off the grid for a while? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It's been 8 months and he hasn't asked to get back together, has he? Link to post Share on other sites
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