The Hardest Part is...

[TheLoveBelow92]

The Hardest part of the break up although it was nearly 5 months ago is the fact that someone you loved so deeply walked away so easily and felt they where doing the right thing, All the while for months your heart breaks down bit by bit thinking and wondering what went wrong and you keep that tiny flame burning inside hoping that they still care enough to maybe at some point in time walk back into your life. I was devastated in the start on my breakup because my whole world revolved around her and i made her my priority. There was a comfort in the pain of loosing her because I knew subconsciously If I still felt this pain she was not entirely gone from my life although this was what I took comfort in, in my mind and in the end it did not change the result.

 

The First 3 months where the longest in my life hoping and praying things could change and that they where different and hoping she would realize I was different and not the person she grew so much to dislike, you build up a mental image in your mind of this person that once held your hand, told you she loved you with her watery quivering eyes and kissed you, that you would convince yourself that time stood still, even if it was just for that second. To where she starts walking ahead of you into that blank canvas of the unknown a little further each day while your still sitting on that bench watching her walk of into the distance that extra little bit day by day knowing there's nothing you can do to stop her.

 

I took each day at a time battling the cause of my depression and anxiety while trying to keep moving in what felt like the whole world on my shoulders. I learned from my experience that nothing really changes, you don't wake up one day and feel completely healed, you get used to the situation you are in day by day and keep moving because you have to, we don't get to make this decision, But if you truly loved someone I don't think that tiny flame still burning in the back of your heart ever goes out, you learn to live with it and use it as a foundation for your experience to learn and grow.

 

Life is about experience at the end of the day, some will be good and some will be bad but they teach you about yourself and others and when a bone breaks it will get stronger and the same goes for your heart. But don't worry my friend If you can relate to this like other stories you are not alone and we all feel this at least once in our lives all at different stages, we all get through it as its all in the name of the game we play.

 

Thanks for reading

Aaron

[Stressed_26]

Thanks for sharing your experience. Makes me feel that I am not the only one going through this.

 

Yes these are life experiences, but sometimes it happens all too often. That's when you feel that it is better not to have this experience, it is not worth the pain and hurt.

 

As you said the other person walks so easily, not only that, find a new person the very next day to live as if nothing happened. You feel so disposable, and not even worth a mention. Like you were never there.

 

Sorry for babbling.

[TheLoveBelow92]

Thanks for sharing your experience. Makes me feel that I am not the only one going through this.

 

Yes these are life experiences, but sometimes it happens all too often. That's when you feel that it is better not to have this experience, it is not worth the pain and hurt.

 

As you said the other person walks so easily, not only that, find a new person the very next day to live as if nothing happened. You feel so disposable, and not even worth a mention. Like you were never there.

 

Sorry for babbling.

 

Dont apologize, we are all the same its just to gain some insight to someones elses problems to ease your own to make you feel like your not alone.

[moonwalker86]

Hmmm your post is frighteningly similar to the way I've felt about my current situation. I'm trying my best to let go and accept what is happening and even though I have the pain hits me in waves and some days are harder than others.

 

I think I loved my wife too deeply, sounds stupid, but I seriously never thought she would leave me. I thought that the fact that we had a child together was enough for her to want to stay, at least for our family's sake. I was totally wrong.

 

Then I get to thinking, was she being real with me these 8 years? Did she really mean all the things she said. I would never break up our family. I would never make the decision to leave and cause my son to grow up in separate homes. But she did. I believed her when she said we would be forever. I engrained it in my mind, I took it for fact, it ****ed me up.

 

Because it's like everything you believed was a lie, the rudest awakening imaginable. Sometimes I look at her and stll can't believe she's capable of walking away from me. Because I believed that she had a heart of gold.

I believed she wasn't capable of hurting me or my family to the extent that it's been.

 

I've become much more accepting of the situation, but damn, some days it's just hard. So hard to see the person that I use to know being someone completely different, it's so unreal.

 

I guess if we think too much about it, and hold onto the sentimental things and memories it only breaks our heart more.

 

It's when I start thinking about what we could have been that I feel the pain a little deeper.

 

I will admit it also hurts when I see other couples in love, being affectionate, having fun. Especially when they have kids with them, I envy them, I envy that my life didn't turn out that way, for my child's sake. If I didn't have a child, it wouldn't hurt so much. I'm glad he's here but I didn't ever want this life for him.

[AspenBaldwin]

I know, part of you wants them to suffer a little, at least a little.

Otherwise you are left thinking they really never cared about you.

But maybe is a good thing they are gone, so now you can move on with your life and perhaps find a truly interested human being who doesn't ditch you like yesterdays garbage, or sends u a text to say it's over because he ain't got the guts to tell you to your face.

[Stressed_26]

I know, part of you wants them to suffer a little, at least a little.

Otherwise you are left thinking they really never cared about you.

 

Nothing was said more true. This would have gone a long way in my healing and moving on. alas