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Does forgiving them with the anger and letting go?


itisdanielle

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Brief background: 3 year relationship, he ended it 2 months ago, 2 weeks after the BU I found out he had cheated with a mutual friend (of course, no longer a friend), haven't spoken to him since then. A tiiiiny bit of browsing on his Twitter (not for a while though)/deleted his number/blocked his FB.

 

I can see such an improvement in myself since the breakup. I'm not over it, but I am getting on with life, I've stopped hoping for a reconciliation (why did I ever even want one?!) and really am trying hard to move on. Overall I am quite proud of myself for how I am coping.

 

My problem is that I still have so much anger about what he did to me. I prefer the anger to being upset, but I feel that the anger isn't really healthy in terms of moving on.

 

How do I deal with this? Does it help to forgive an ex who treated you badly? Any other tips to deal? Will it eventually pass, because I can't imagine ever not being furious at him!

 

By forgive I don't mean contacting him and telling him I forgive him, more coming to terms with it myself and letting it go.

 

Any tips/previous experience/anything would be wonderful!

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May not help but I like this:

 

Buddhist proverb:

Holding on to Anger is like holding on to a hot burning coal with the intent of throwing it. The only person who gets burnt is you.

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the best thing i find, is to stop talking and thinking about it. close it and put it in the deeper recesses of your mind. Not thinking is Not feeling!!!

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Buddhist proverb:

Holding on to Anger is like holding on to a hot burning coal with the intent of throwing it. The only person who gets burnt is you.

 

Exactly! Being angry isn't exactly helping me. I just feel that the anger isn't calming down.

 

the best thing i find, is to stop talking and thinking about it. close it and put it in the deeper recesses of your mind. Not thinking is Not feeling!!!

 

I have stopped speaking to friends/family about it - I feel like we have discussed everything that has been on my mind and don't feel the need to bring it up any more.

 

Not thinking about it.. I don't really like that. In the past I have had other situations (not relationship problems) where I completely suppressed how I felt and it backfired. I understand mulling over it too much is a problem and I completely agree with avoiding that.

 

I just feel that while I'm angry, I am not over it. So if I learn to let it go, this may help.. Easier said than done, though.

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Brief background: 3 year relationship, he ended it 2 months ago, 2 weeks after the BU I found out he had cheated with a mutual friend (of course, no longer a friend), haven't spoken to him since then. A tiiiiny bit of browsing on his Twitter (not for a while though)/deleted his number/blocked his FB.

 

I can see such an improvement in myself since the breakup. I'm not over it, but I am getting on with life, I've stopped hoping for a reconciliation (why did I ever even want one?!) and really am trying hard to move on. Overall I am quite proud of myself for how I am coping.

 

My problem is that I still have so much anger about what he did to me. I prefer the anger to being upset, but I feel that the anger isn't really healthy in terms of moving on.

 

How do I deal with this? Does it help to forgive an ex who treated you badly? Any other tips to deal? Will it eventually pass, because I can't imagine ever not being furious at him!

 

By forgive I don't mean contacting him and telling him I forgive him, more coming to terms with it myself and letting it go.

 

Any tips/previous experience/anything would be wonderful!

________________________________________________

 

Danielle,

 

When you find out that someone you love is not the person you thought they were, when they betray you as your ex did to you, anger is part of the healing process.

 

Five steps...Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

 

It truly does help to be able to look and recognize where your at in the process and to know that what you are feeling is expected.

 

My understanding is when you get to the acceptance phase you accept the relationship is over, recognize your part in it and learn from it as you move forward in life.

 

Some people will tell you that forgiveness is for yourself. It allows you to move forward. My goal would be indifference. To hear his name and feel little to nothing.

 

Gracie

 

****************************************************************

I can't even look at you anymore, all I see is this stranger that once meant everything to me.

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