LostInNC Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I am a little over 3 weeks into him leaving me and I feel like such a zombie. I could be a cast member on Walking Dead. I can't sleep so my eyes are always grainy and gross feeling, I don't smile anymore and certainly don't laugh. I have a perpetual pinched frown on my face. And my make up plain ol' sucks because I give up halfway through putting it on. I think what's the point. Doesn't matter what I look like he left anyway. Quite ugly when you think about it. I clench my jaws so tight to keep from crying that my teeth hurt. I don't look at anyone anymore when I walk because I am so focused on getting what I need and getting away from people. I don't even say hello to the cashier because I am so lost in space. People must think I am a Big Ol' B. My attire when I get home from work is sweat pants, slippers, t shirt and his robe. And I shuffle around cleaning, taking care of the pets, nibbling here and there on small things like pickles and cheese and ALOT of time staring out the back door of the sunroom wishing he was out in his garage working on a car or something. I loved to hear him tinkering in the garage because I know he liked it so much, that was his hobby playing with stuff in the garage. So no I am not coping well unless Zombitis is considered coping because as I have been telling people "At least I showered". So chalk one up for bathing because it is about all I can do. Oh and I cut my nails down to the nubs because I don't even feel like taking care of them which is bad for me because I am a nail polish junkie. Zombie girl walking.....and crying Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I drink first thing in the morning. I can't imagine anything in the entire world outside my door being compelling enough to drag me outside. Her wedding pix went up on Facebook 5 months after she broke it off, three months after my sincere letter asking for a life together. It's like walking through a nuclear winter now. I have been replaced as easily as a Lego block. I too am a zombie. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dylon Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Hang in there. Lots of zombies here to be friends with. It will get better. I'm a zombie during and after so it's been a while since I was a human lol. Take care! Now for a beer for the evening. Life sucks sometimes but there will be good days ahead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 The pain eventually becomes a dull echo. Try to learn from the experience as much as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Seems like you're embracing the cliche of post breakup letting yourself go and wallow in sadness and are wondering how to cope. You already know how to cope. Little things like showering every day, putting on outfits that make you feel attractive, doing your hair and makeup, not falling asleep with a tub of ice cream on your chest and staring into an empty garage reminiscing. It's going to take time to get over your BF. But being the "smelly sweatpants and no make up on" girl every day is just feeding into your own depression. Look good= feel good. When you feel good about yourself and appearance, you carry yourself and emit a better vibe. Who knows, maybe the hot guy walking down the street smiles and gives you a 2nd look and that gets your ego a nice boost to let you know you still got it and the worlds not ending. But you're just letting yourself stay stagnant by basically being lazy and "woe is me" mantra through this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 why did he leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInNC Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 why did he leave? Hi Bluefeather, I don't know. I came home from work and he was gone. No fight, no arguments, no money problems, no infidelity.......just packed up, quit his job and moved 1200 miles back to his hometown in MN after us being together for 7 and a half years. We got engaged in 2012 so I thought he was here tppo stay and he would always say he was never leaving and what is so sad is that I truly with all my heart believed him. The first person in my life I actually trusted with everything and he is gone. No note, no phone call.....nothing. He changed his number and is not on facebook. He didn't close it down just blocked me and has not been on since. So zombie girl today also in CLEAN sweatpants I never said they were smelly that is just gross. And crying and right now reading LS. This sucks...... Link to post Share on other sites
Heatherknows Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Hi Bluefeather, I don't know. I came home from work and he was gone. No fight, no arguments, no money problems, no infidelity.......just packed up, quit his job and moved 1200 miles back to his hometown in MN after us being together for 7 and a half years. We got engaged in 2012 so I thought he was here tppo stay and he would always say he was never leaving and what is so sad is that I truly with all my heart believed him. The first person in my life I actually trusted with everything and he is gone. No note, no phone call.....nothing. He changed his number and is not on facebook. He didn't close it down just blocked me and has not been on since. So zombie girl today also in CLEAN sweatpants I never said they were smelly that is just gross. And crying and right now reading LS. This sucks...... That is very strange behavior. I swear that sounds like a movie where the husband winds up being a Russian Spy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Keep posting. It's good to get it out. As to sitting in his robe, that's a bad idea. You need to immediately get rid of every single reminder around your house. Sell his tools from the garage and go on a nice vacation or something. Burn that robe. Those kinds of relics will make Zombie Mode last longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Get rid of everything of his. His bathrobe, any gifts he's given you, any pictures of the two of you. Just. Throw. It. Out. Seriously, it's cathartic. You will come out of this haze. Promise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K2z Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I have a book on yoga I'm afraid to touch or open because a photo of her is inside, and a piece of paper on which we wrote "I love you" on both sides to each other. I'm seriously losing my **** today. I can't believe what I let slip through my fingers. The worst thing is the simultaneous sense of urgency (do something! fix this!) and paralysis. There are no options. She's married now. She's some guy's wife. And it happened because of my inaction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I have a book on yoga I'm afraid to touch or open because a photo of her is inside, and a piece of paper on which we wrote "I love you" on both sides to each other. I'm seriously losing my **** today. I can't believe what I let slip through my fingers. The worst thing is the simultaneous sense of urgency (do something! fix this!) and paralysis. There are no options. She's married now. She's some guy's wife. And it happened because of my inaction. Don't open the book. Soak it in gasoline and light it on fire. You must purge them. They aren't coming back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Hi Bluefeather, I don't know. I came home from work and he was gone. No fight, no arguments, no money problems, no infidelity.......just packed up, quit his job and moved 1200 miles back to his hometown in MN after us being together for 7 and a half years. We got engaged in 2012 so I thought he was here tppo stay and he would always say he was never leaving and what is so sad is that I truly with all my heart believed him. The first person in my life I actually trusted with everything and he is gone. No note, no phone call.....nothing. He changed his number and is not on facebook. He didn't close it down just blocked me and has not been on since. So zombie girl today also in CLEAN sweatpants I never said they were smelly that is just gross. And crying and right now reading LS. This sucks...... ****... sorry that happened. That sounds like a serious problem with him. Not you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInNC Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 ****... sorry that happened. That sounds like a serious problem with him. Not you... Thank you Bluefeather. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInNC Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 Today was a long and exhausting day for me. Mentally and emotionally drained. I saw a therapist today and it wore me out but I am going back next Thursday. Needless to say she has no idea what happened other than it is not my fault. Doesn't help me much. My eating has been really bad today. I ate half a bag of vending machine chips and that is it and drank maybe 3 cups of coffee. I have a counter full of food for Thursday so I hope I can pick it back up then. Otherwise just not hungry. My brain says eat but my body says no way. I came home after therapy and took and nap for about 1 and a half hour. Mainly I just laid there with my eyes shut asking him to come home. And then I prayed asking for him to come home but I do not think anyone is listening. I feel as if I am still in the fog and can't find my way out. I am tired I guess and I have cried most of my day away. Something has got to change . Still not coping and still missing him.....why is life so damn hard? Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 That truly sucks, I remember feeling like that all over xmas once. And much worse. Now I look back and wonder "how the hell did I get through that" because I know it was never worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInNC Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 (edited) Hello Zombie Buddies! I am supposed to be working but as usual my mind is wondering to far off places and I came here to get a little grounded. I feel like Chevy Chase.... "I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey **** he is! Hallelujah! Holy ****! Where's the Tylenol?" Edited November 24, 2015 by LostInNC 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dylon Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I would bet all the zombies would like to be invisible at work. I know I did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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