BelleSkye Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Hi guys. Im finally almost on my way out of South Africa. Moving to New Zealand to start a new life after a traumatising break up (also, the job was paying waaay below average, so I decided to call it quits on that too). Problem is that I loved (or love???) this guy so much that I have to leave the country.....the pain and uncertainty of him ever coming back makes me realise that I need to move forward and not look back. Problem is that I have had dreams / nightmares ever since we broke up (October 14....nightmares started a week later). Each dream or nightmare leaves me in a haunted way that I am zombified when I wake up. The last one, we were both fighting for each other, we were screaming so much to not lose each other........I woke up realising I may never love as passionately as before and it makes me feel.....suicidal? I have had plenty of nice / good boyfriends in the past but I love this last guy with all my heart. He made sure (first time ever from his side) that we are strictly going to go nc. I tried contacting him in the last two weeks of October but he refused to take any calls or messages from me. When I moved out of the apartment, 31 October, I went into nc. I moved away from the city we both lived in. I am now with my parents (700km away from him) and will leave Monday. How do I regain hope that I will love passionately again? I feel so physically sick that after 4 years, this is it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostInNC Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Hope will come eventually when you open yourself up to it again. It happens for everyone in one way or another. Hope for a better future and hope for eternal Love. Even those with nothing still can have hope because their heart if open for hope to come in. Right now your heart is broken, beaten and wrapped up so tight and shoved way down in a box so you can protect it because of the pain it is feeling. But when the pain starts to lessen you heart will fill with hope of another love. I don't know if this is making sense but it is the best way I can put it Good luck on your trip to New Zealand. That is amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Dylon Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 You are doing the right thing. The new environment will bring you a lot, new stimuli to move you and change the balance of all those neurochemicals that are messing with your head. A new deck of cards. Everything will surprise you and wake you to a new life. Then when you are aren't looking and expecting, new love. He will be nothing but a history somewhere else in time and place. It will happen. Trust me. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 (edited) I woke up realising I may never love as passionately as before and it makes me feel.....suicidal? BelleSkye The one thing i learned from my 20s is it is not good to "love so passionately" because you put that love above self preservation. I hope that you love someone deeply in the future but not so much that you forget yourself. Remember this love for how wonderful it was ... but remember what it did to you (and the parts of it that broke you ... as you have detailed on this forum ... it was not healthy). Edited November 22, 2015 by StBreton Link to post Share on other sites
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