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No Contact Support Thread [Post here instead of contacting your ex]


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 30th December 2017, 7:42 PM   #1066
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Please share how you've broken NC. I've been pathetic with it, longest I've managed is 9 days. I'd like to know I'm not the only one.
I broke NC 5 weeks after starting. The break up happened around the first week of August, 5 months ago. We continued to talk a little for a few weeks until she told me couldn't anymore out of respect to her ex/new boyfriend. I stopped talking after that. 3 weeks later she sent an email about a job link. I ignored it but the seed was planted in my head nonetheless. I was trying to protect myself and honor her wishes but ignoring the email made me feel so crappy. Took me two weeks before I finally broke and called her and left a voicemail. So yea, that was 5 weeks after. She ignored it. I then wrote a message about how I was okay and would be okay with time and wished her well. And that I didn't respond to her email out of respect for her relationship with her ex. She ignored that also. I pushed some more because at this point I lost all respect for myself and didn't care. Asked her why she was ignoring me. She said "I'm sorry (Insert my name), but I promised him I wouldn't have contact with you. Hope you understand." That was all.

Felt my heart snap in two. Felt my brain go numb. The pain of it all and accumulated damage most certainly contributed to my losing my new job at the time. I've been out of it for months licking my wounds and trying to jump start myself. It's been 3 months of NC since I broke. She didn't contact me on my birthday or the holidays. Not that I expected her to..but deep down inside had hoped.

So, I've been there. I know what it feels like to feel reduced to absolute unimportance.

Last edited by Beachead; 30th December 2017 at 7:47 PM..
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Old 30th December 2017, 9:37 PM   #1067
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Please share how you've broken NC. I've been pathetic with it, longest I've managed is 9 days. I'd like to know I'm not the only one.
Ugh. I managed nine days today too, then broke it on a whim to share legitimately important news via text. I should have left it there but he called, so then I called, then he called and I took it. D'oh!
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Old 31st December 2017, 11:09 AM   #1068
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Ugh. I managed nine days today too, then broke it on a whim to share legitimately important news via text. I should have left it there but he called, so then I called, then he called and I took it. D'oh!
Thank you! I know it's weak of me but it does make me feel better, knowing I'm not the only one.
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Old 31st December 2017, 2:33 PM   #1069
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Thank you! I know it's weak of me but it does make me feel better, knowing I'm not the only one.
You're not weak - nine days is a lot! I'm frankly shocked at how very difficult it is. The only thing that seems to work for me is staying busy - as busy as possible - and talking with friends.
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Old 1st January 2018, 9:22 AM   #1070
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Happy New Year J. !
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:26 AM   #1071
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Have to stay NC. Reaching out to my virtual community for support!

I think I posted this upthread, but here's an overview of my post-break up conduct and contact and events:

November 24 - Ex broke up with me; NC 11/24-12/1
December 1 - Showed up at his house unannounced; spent night together
December 2/3 - Saw ex intermittently because we had a mutual friend in town (mutual friend I could throttle for introducing us!); NC 12/4-12/8
December 8 - Showed up at his house unannounced again, we hung out but did not spend the night; NC 12/9-12/13
December 13 - Ex sent bread crumb text; we were in touch with me initiating through 12/17
December 17 - Ex came over as "friend," we ended up sleeping together
December 18 - Ran into ex, he gave me a gift he'd gotten me for Christmas
December 19 - I get farewell text and missed call from ex, do not reply
December 20 - I find out I'm pregnant
December 21 - Tell ex; he does not take the news well; 12/22-12/30 NC
December 25 - Ex texts for the holiday
December 28 - Have a miscarriage
December 30 - Tell ex the news via text. He calls, which I screen, then I call back five hours later. He calls back shortly thereafter and we talk. I end the conversation, he says he'll be in touch soon and tells me when he'll be back in town.

Loathe though I am to admit it, I totally agree that contact set me back in terms of healing and moving on. Even though I was cool on the phone, and cut the chat short, I just feel like I am making a fool of myself by being available in any way to him.

I am in love with him and I miss him terribly. The stupid part of myself would be happy to settle for a FWB arrangement with him, just to have contact with him and to see him. But I'm in a much, much more vulnerable place than him. I know it wouldn't be fair to myself. But I just can't quit him.

It hasn't been forty-eight hours and I miss him terribly, I just hope he reaches out again soon for my ego. I know I shouldn't care and I should block him, but I'm being a fool.
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Old 1st January 2018, 7:38 PM   #1072
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NC is SO HARD

Wow, I was doing so well until I texted him Saturday. I was on a roll - nine days - starting to feel so confident about moving on and forgetting his a**. I texted him the info I thought he should know. Should have ignored his call. I did - for five hours! Then called him back. UGH!!!!! I'm going crazy. I have every contact and contact time he's initiated over the past five weeks memorized. I'm obsessed. And I'm kind of pissed that he texted me a merry Christmas but nothing for New Years.

Please please God make me forget him, make me move on, make me focus on something, anything else. I am going sooooko crazy thinking about this fool, hoping he'll contact me, and feel I can't quite bring myself to block him.

Meanwhile I have real life issues I need to be focusing on: starting classes again, job leads, my CHILDREN. And I'm hung up on a skinny, emotionally unavailable commitment-phone alcoholic with mommy issues. SMH - at myself!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:10 AM   #1073
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I'm remembering things tat hurt, or just piss me off. One night he stormed out because I told him I had slept with a friend (female, once, when we were teens) who had started dating our mutual friend and was coming to visit. We fought on the phone and he said I shouldn't have any contact with anyone at all that I had ever slept with. In theory I get it, but we're talking a couple of girlfriends whom I had slept with once 15-20 years ago.

Meanwhile, he was in constant contact with his ex (ours was a rebound relationship, though it felt like a lot more to me), for reasons I won't go into here. He would then give me a hard time for being in touch with my ex - a guy I have two kids with and am divorcing. Really? Sorry dude, not the same as an ex-girlfriend.

Every night when we were falling asleep he would ask "Do you love me?" Over and over and over again, I would have to keep saying yes, yes, I love you, I promise.

There was one night soon before we broke up that he ended up staying out really late - was supposed to be by at eight or so. That night he had promised he'd only hung out with his colleague and colleague's wife, and a really old lady barfly who flirted with him. Fine. However, since the break up I found he he played pool with the colleague, the wife, and this really cute local girl. He had promised me there were no other girls there! Grrr.

Finally, also soon before we broke up, I broke into his Vm (not cool I know) and heard a super flirtatious message from a girl Anna. I confronted him about it and he admitte to calling her - she's a girl he'd slept with on an excavation.

Random late night musings. Getting pissed off. The hypocrisy, man.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:10 PM   #1074
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So everyday that goes by its becoming easier and easier to let go of your narcissistic crazy ass. To think I actually wanted to marry you is crazy as hell because youíre mentally incapable of even loving like a damn pet. Iím forever grateful that you came into my life and showed me that WOMEN like you do exist, because youíre a big ol piece of ****. But, I forgive you and I forgive myself for letting it get to that point. Itís been one week of NC and everyday Iím getting better and better. You wanted me to wallow in self pity, right? But look here ya crazy ass lady, Iím not gonna do that.

Iím gonna have a badass life without you in it, and no longer will I let you use me to fill your ego. Enjoy life without me, because Iíll never get caught back in that crazy web of yours.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 2:15 AM   #1075
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I really hope you realize what you've done. I truly hope you wake up one day and realize it isn't the "Sex and the City" world you think we live in. People are not objects, building true deep emotional connections and severing them because you get bored isn't a norm, and true commitment requires sacrifice, not just words.

I truly hope one day you feel it all. Whether it be by realizing what you've done to me, or the next guy.

You honestly don't know how much damage you've done to me and my family. People were disowned after you did what you did. And your family stealing, your relative being brought up on charges, I'm starting to understand when people say, "You almost dodged a bullet".

You honestly don't know how much I loved you. You were my first to actually get that emotionally intimate. I was about to give up so much to make our situation work, and you throw it all away for what? For another man? For GIGS? I'll never know the truth, and I accept that. I just want this pain to be over. You don't deserve this place in my heart that you'll always have. I've never been in love like this before, I never thought it would cause so much pain and leave such a scar.

I know I pushed you away far enough now. After my cousin told you to F'off, I think you got the hint. You're used to men chasing and you obviously thought I was going to beg, but for what?! I gave you everything I could in the current state I'm in, I can't offer any more. If that wasn't enough to at least fight for us, to at least TALK, then I can't be in your life now, and when you see what you've missed out on because of your lack of patience, I won't let you back at that time either.

The trauma I have is how could you do this to me? To completely change to a person I didn't recognize in the end? To act so cold? To end it without a single attempt to make things work? I know my final e-mail put you in your place, otherwise you wouldn't of tried to reach out by the only medium you weren't blocked months later. You saw I wasn't those men you're used to courting that will be begging for your affection. But like I said, I can't let you back. I stop myself from thinking back because the memories are distorted. There are times my mind tells me, "well if you did this, she would still be around", but then I remind myself other events that I'm starting to forget to completely see the whole picture. So I just stop myself from spiraling down those holes.

After catching a glimpse of your whole family, and seeing what I was walking into, the uphill battle because I was different and got to where I am by different means. I definitely dodged a bullet.

I don't want to talk to you ever again, I know your type, I know how the convo would go, and I just don't want to go through that pain. To hear you completely contradict the things you said in the past, play it off, and justify your actions without admitting your wrong doing. Completely feel you completely emotionally detached, I can't. I'll always turn the other way when I see you, ignore every plead to talk to me, and I'll do it at any cost. I just have to guard you from my heart. I don't know how you did it the first time, but I'll be damned if I open that door again... "Fool me once...", you know how the saying goes.

Last edited by wishyouneverleft; 3rd January 2018 at 2:24 AM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:53 PM   #1076
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I do feel I've turned a corner but....

Am getting a little anxious as he's coming back into town today/tomorrow. We live in a teeny town of less than five-thousand people and would run into each other pretty regularly when we were dating (I had just moved here). There isn't really a way around it.

I'm also feeling some type of way that he hasn't called or texted since Saturday. I know I should block him but he said he would be in touch. Part of me wants to stay in touch, but there's no way in hell im initiating contact!
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Old 5th January 2018, 11:43 PM   #1077
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I texted you right before new years eve telling you I hope you move forward and be happy in 2018.

I know breaking NC wasn't the best thing to do, especially since the holidays make us weak, but that text was me forgiving myself for what I did in 2017.For not walking away when I should have. For being weak. I don't want to be angry with you or the situation, I wanted 2018 to be a fresh emotional start.

I didn't know if you'd even respond, but you did. Nearly two days later and for the first time, I had no desire to say anything back to you. I know it's ridiculous, but I am doing my best to keep you out of 2018. I feel like 2018 is my protective bubble, you can't hurt me here.

All of last year revolved around you. ALL of it. For the first time in years I am doing my best to make this year about me. Not another year that I will think back to and the highlight was which guy I was dating at the time.

You put me through so much and I am emotionally numb right now. My soul is bruised, but I am doing my best to try and be okay.
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Old 6th January 2018, 4:15 PM   #1078
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We are not actually broken up, nor were we actually together. It's been this slow pulling away kind of thing. The last time I reached out to him was Monday. He reached out Wednesday. I haven't heard from him since Wednesday. I decided that I will go NC with him. There is so much going on in his life, I just don't think I can be there with/for him. I feel so torn. I'm trying NC to get my own head around everything that has happened with us. I just don't know what else to do. I'm sure he will eventually reach out again, I just hope I am in a better place head-wise when he does.
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Old 6th January 2018, 4:42 PM   #1079
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Saw you yesterday

And crumbled inside. My intuition told me I would see you and my intuition was right. Today marks one week that we have not spoken, and that neither of us has reached out to the other - the longest time period since we met (which was only four months ago). Hard to believe that I had such freedom before we met. I wish I could forget you.
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Old 7th January 2018, 12:59 AM   #1080
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So today is 10 days of NC and I feel amazing without YOU in my life. Iím assuming you thought I was going to wallow in self pity, right? Guess what? Iím doing the complete opposite you narcissistic cunt. My days are no longer filled with questions and concerns, I can go to bed without being confused as to what in the **** is going on lol. Iím grateful that you showed me how deceitful and manipulative people can be, youíve changed my life for the better.

Things Iím excited about:

Going to bed without worrying about your crazy ass
Actually getting laid and it being good
Not having to drive to see you, Satanís child.
Being able to spend my time growing as a person
Not having to drive to see you.

Overall I hope you donít try to ever contact me, you are for sure out of my life for good. Till next time when I need to vent.
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