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No Contact Support Thread [Post here instead of contacting your ex]


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 12th November 2015, 3:43 PM   #16
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Today is for some reason tough for me, not sure why exactly, probably because it's Thursday, and we used to go to lunch on Thursdays. I keep wanting to email her, but I know keeping up NC is the best. I'm sure she still thinks I'm unstable and does not want to hear from me. I made a "date" for Saturday, just as friends with a woman I met on CL how replied to an ad I posted under "platonic", "Just need a friend". I'm trying to get out there and keep myself busy. I'm actually considering talking to a counselor, just so I have someone I can vent to. I really probably can't keep it inside, maybe it's best to get it out and talk about it. We've been broken up since September 29th, and at first we had some contact ... I posted details in this thread in case anyone is curious.here

Tomorrow will be one week of NC. Today just really sucks.
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Old 12th November 2015, 3:54 PM   #17
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Letter to her:

You were always obsessed with your ex-husband. Every little thing I did that you had an issue with, you immediately compared me to him. It was exhausting living in his shadow. Maybe you are still obsessed with him. Do you still creep on his FB page? I think deep down, despite the abuse he levied on you, you are still in love with him. I'm sure after you have long since forgotten me you will still be obsessed with him. I think you are attracted to douchebags who use you, more than nice men who try their best to treat you well. Also, you created more drama than you realize, with your passive-aggressive postings that you knew would draw a reaction from me. I've realized how childish that was. I've taken this opportunity to grow up some. I've admitted my mistakes and apologized for them. While we were together you unfairly compared me to your ex, and since we have broken up, you have taunted me in to reacting just so you could gain "control" by ignoring me. Which is fine because it's for the best. Yes, you were special, but I know now that I can do better and be a better man, more satisfied with my own pursuits than I could have been with you. This was an opportunity to change for the better, and I've taken that opportunity and am making the most of it. I hope you are too Please consider this constructive criticism, if I didn't care, I wouldn't need to get this off my chest. If you're as wise as you aspire to be, you will listen and consider it, and not brush it off as the rantings of an unstable ex. I know we can never be together again, mostly because you will never offer an apology. You will never admit to doing any wrong: you don't have to; pretty women always have someone who will support what they say or do regardless of how wrong or right it may be. But honestly, I don't care about right or wrong; you hurt me and you know it, and I will never hear you say, "I'm sorry." I feel I deserve at least that much, but I doubt you can bring yourself to even admit it to yourself, let alone say it. You can grow as a person, or you can recede back in to your cold shell of protection, and learn nothing from what I say. I hope you choose the former, because I know that inside you do have a good heart. I also know you don't show it enough because you feel the world values cold, calculating manipulation. And I know I will never feel anything again from the heart inside of you, and that's fine. We've both let our pride keep us from happiness. I've learned that. I hope you learn it too. I'm a better man for it, and I know that. You don't need to get over me, I don't think I ever really meant that much to you ... I was just a long-term rebound from an abusive marriage. Before you date again, you need to get over your former husband, otherwise you will just wind up hurting another man who has grown to care for you.
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Old 12th November 2015, 8:56 PM   #18
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I haven't seen her since my birthday two weeks ago as we were long distance. We haven't talked since Tuesday at 2:00 AM. I've been (in general) much happier and more excited for my future since we are not together. I do get sad though. I miss the memories. Going out to dinner, holding her hand, talking about our future children. I try to remember I'll get to do that with my next girlfriend, one who treats me better, doesn't get irritated over nothing, isn't so selfish and takes everything so personally.

Sometimes I feel bad for her, thinking that she's going to one day realize we shouldn't have broken up. Other times I'm upset, because I think she feels bad for me and that I'm some pathetic baby. I really want to text her and make sure she's okay with this still, and tell her that I'm doing great. I just loved this girl so much and we were best friends, I really hate the idea of her thinking I'm pathetic. It's going to be a chore not acting on my instincts and messaging her tonight or in the coming days.
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Old 12th November 2015, 10:41 PM   #19
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We hugged and kissed goodbye on Monday, the minute after you left, I texted you that I was missing you already. You only coldly replied, 'that quick?'


You told me we can still be friends, best friends you said. You assured me many times that you still care about me and want me in your life... as a friend I suppose. You just don't want me back.

I'm probably one of the nicest persons you have ever met and I meant a lot to you- you said. But you don't want to commit in this relationship now because you feel that you have yet to heal from the previous one (he's married with a son who's living with the mother in another country; she's a manipulative b*tch who only uses him for money)

You're right about needing time to fully recover. But while you do so, I can't be in touch with you anymore because I can't stay JUST friends with you. I'm going to work on myself and get myself ready to meet the next person who will truly love & appreciate me for who i am.

I sent you my last email on Tuesday; I told you how I felt about this whole thing and asked you not to contact me ever again as i need time & space to heal. And then with a broken heart, I deleted our chat history, your number and media files in my phone.

You texted me the next morning anyhow, asking if I was at the airport already (I flew to his country to say final goodbye). I saw that text and replied only 'yeah' hours later. He told me he was only texting to see if I was alright, and not gonna contact me again after this as I asked him.

No Contact is what I'm doing right now. But you still texted me on Wed, asking me to delete those sexy photos you have sent me, I deleted that text without reading it. The next day you texted again 'please confirm'. I waited for awhile to reply 'already did' and then you followed up with 'also those in your macbook air'.

To be honest, I couldn't be arsed to look and delete them one by one in my laptop, I just backed up my photos that's all, I hardly look at them once I've done so.

My final reply was- 'You have nothing to worry about'.

You replied, 'Ok.' and that was it. I deleted the text again without giving you the 2 blue ticks.

As much as I would love to hear from you again, I'm actually pretty nervous to hearing from you again. I hope you don't try contact me for a long long time. I still think of you a lot and I wanted to share everything with you on a daily basis.

But I need to move on. without you in my life.
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Old 12th November 2015, 10:43 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by howwie324 View Post
Letter to her:

You were always obsessed with your ex-husband. Every little thing I did that you had an issue with, you immediately compared me to him. It was exhausting living in his shadow. Maybe you are still obsessed with him. Do you still creep on his FB page? I think deep down, despite the abuse he levied on you, you are still in love with him. I'm sure after you have long since forgotten me you will still be obsessed with him. I think you are attracted to douchebags who use you, more than nice men who try their best to treat you well. Also, you created more drama than you realize, with your passive-aggressive postings that you knew would draw a reaction from me. I've realized how childish that was. I've taken this opportunity to grow up some. I've admitted my mistakes and apologized for them. While we were together you unfairly compared me to your ex, and since we have broken up, you have taunted me in to reacting just so you could gain "control" by ignoring me. Which is fine because it's for the best. Yes, you were special, but I know now that I can do better and be a better man, more satisfied with my own pursuits than I could have been with you. This was an opportunity to change for the better, and I've taken that opportunity and am making the most of it. I hope you are too Please consider this constructive criticism, if I didn't care, I wouldn't need to get this off my chest. If you're as wise as you aspire to be, you will listen and consider it, and not brush it off as the rantings of an unstable ex. I know we can never be together again, mostly because you will never offer an apology. You will never admit to doing any wrong: you don't have to; pretty women always have someone who will support what they say or do regardless of how wrong or right it may be. But honestly, I don't care about right or wrong; you hurt me and you know it, and I will never hear you say, "I'm sorry." I feel I deserve at least that much, but I doubt you can bring yourself to even admit it to yourself, let alone say it. You can grow as a person, or you can recede back in to your cold shell of protection, and learn nothing from what I say. I hope you choose the former, because I know that inside you do have a good heart. I also know you don't show it enough because you feel the world values cold, calculating manipulation. And I know I will never feel anything again from the heart inside of you, and that's fine. We've both let our pride keep us from happiness. I've learned that. I hope you learn it too. I'm a better man for it, and I know that. You don't need to get over me, I don't think I ever really meant that much to you ... I was just a long-term rebound from an abusive marriage. Before you date again, you need to get over your former husband, otherwise you will just wind up hurting another man who has grown to care for you.
Message to my ex.
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Old 13th November 2015, 6:30 AM   #21
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Message to ex:

Hi......Bye!
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Old 16th November 2015, 11:36 AM   #22
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Its day 12 of NC. I miss him like crazy. I cant help but think and subconsciously dream about him everyday since the breakup. I know this breakup is fresh but I thought it would be easier with time. Why do I feel like Im not progressing. I feel like im falling back on the bandwagon. I resent myself for thinking about him all the time. I resent myself for wanting to text him whenever I have any significant news to share. I resent that im secretly hoping that he would text, call or email me to tell me that he has changed and want to reconcile. There were so many signs that this relationship is not going to work out, but i ignored it because I love him. Why do I only remember the happy moments when we were together but not the times when I cried and cried because I didnt know where I stood in the relationship. I dont even know if he ever loved me. I worked so hard and put in so much effort. I thought all my efforts would pay off in the end just like how I was taught when i was a child. I should be at work right now, but I cant. Im so tired. Im emotionally and physically drained. Im very tempted to contact him and ask him if he still cares because I am in so much pain right now. Why doesnt he contact me, does he not care? What happened?? How can someone I deeply care about not care about me? He cant spend 10seconds to see if im ok? why cant i get over him. ughhhhhhhhh
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Old 16th November 2015, 7:51 PM   #23
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This Thursday its been a month since NC (I have no desire to contact you) but as I sit here listening to Eminem - Stronger than I was, it reminds me of our relationship.

I know you probably think I would but I would never ever go that far and hurt you like that (no matter what other people say) and its so difficult lately (again I have no desire to contact you) but I just want to tell you how much I love you these past couple of days, honestly more than anything, and honestly lately the past week i've realized no matter what happens, i'll always love you.

- Jack
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Old 18th November 2015, 6:35 AM   #24
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Almost 2 years later and I still cry about you. You are probably engaged planning to buy a house with a fiance by now. It just hurts knowing that you probably never did envision a long life like that with me. I just wish you could have left me with an idea of how I could have saved our love. Instead I have to constantly find bad things about myself that made you end it. When I look back on our relationship, I just see myself as evil and you as good. It really hurts knowing I have to live my whole life without ever seeing, hearing, or touching you again. This is torture, a life sentence.
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Old 18th November 2015, 6:37 AM   #25
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Sorry I hurt you so much. Sorry I caused so much pain in your life. Sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations. Sorry I blew it. Sorry I was born.
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Old 18th November 2015, 7:09 AM   #26
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J,

I hope you're doing well.
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Old 19th November 2015, 3:41 AM   #27
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Hi S,
so, here we are again. Seven years have passed, more or less - I don't really care for precision right now.

Am I still here, are you wondering? I guess so. I'm not really sure about this, but I think that you're still haunting me. Remember when we told each other that we were each other's curse? I guess I kind of jinxed it.

I want to think that you are holding me back, but that would be a lie. You're living your life and I don't know anything about it. It was my call to cut all contact with you, reasons for which are not important now, so this is a bed I made for myself. I did it with the best intentions: we were hurting each other all the time, we were unable to communicate, even in sex I felt we were guilty. Come on, we didn't share anything.

We started growing apart when you started the university. I guess it's natural, for I also changed a lot in that time. But I'm here on this forum because I have to admit that I'm still emotionally attached to us. There, I said it. I'm not sure I am emotionally attached to you - I don't know you anymore. I'm bound to the past, to the feeling of you loving me, to the feeling of longing for each other. Probably, my brain is still wired to crave for the drama and fight we created in each other's life. It's sad but it is the way it is. I can't find any other explanation for my pining.

I think I sabotaged almost every relationship I had after ours. Probably ours as well. I couldn't stand it, but I thought about you for so much time, even when I was with others. And it's time to face this. I don't know if my thought were lust, love, anger, nostaglia or a mix of all this - what I know is that they held me back. They blocked from being the best "me" with any other girl I was after you.

Mind you, they were not the only factor. In this period I'm coming to face many of my shortcomings that before I refused to admit or to deal with. I won't go into the details now, but it's strongly connected to emotions, self-worth and lazyness. What I want not is to be free. Even if it means I have to accept that you moved on from on.

I can't pine for you forever. I can't have my mind waiting for miracles to happen for the rest of my life. Wonderful opportunities pass by me, terrific people I let go because my heart simply can't accept that the love we had has now taken a different from and will not return the way it was.

I can't live in the past, this I know. So I have to let you go. I decide to let you go. I don't know how I'll make it, but I promise myself I'll let you go. For us, but must importantly for me.

Goodbye, my dear. You'll always hold a place in my heart. I'll always, unconditionally love you. But I have to move on.

I wish us all the best.
With love,
S
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Old 19th November 2015, 11:00 AM   #28
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Another Thursday, another crappy day. I'm in the office today, I'm not sure if you're in or not. I'm forcing myself not to look to see if your car is here. What does it matter? You've made it clear you don't want to talk to me. I know that if I run in to you, you will probably ignore me, just like you are. I know it's better this way, I know we both need to heal. This is time to heal, but I just want to tell you so many things. I miss our communication. I miss having a constant friend to talk to. I know we can't go back to where we were before. I see how there were things about us that had become, if not "broken" then not right. I want to work on those things, but you don't want to talk. I'm not sure what I did wrong, if anything. Maybe you are just taking this time off to heal the hurt feelings too. That's what I'm hoping. But should I hope? What if a month goes by and you still don't contact me? What if I reach out to you then and you still ignore me? I know I have to move on, but something tells me this was right for us, and it's worth holding on to, even if only for a few more weeks. I hope it's not all in vain. I'm sure once I have decided that it's time to give up completely, you will then want to be my friend ... but I'm not sure I can ever give up completely until I fall in love again.
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Old 20th November 2015, 2:04 AM   #29
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How could you POSSIBLY do this? We are barely 6 months separated and you post wedding photos of you with this Euro schlub, bog standard cookie press man du jour.

How could you possibly be willing to marry in six months? How could you possibly place that credibility in someone else, after all I said to you?

I feel so lied to and betrayed. I feel like my entire chest and guts have been cleared out with an ice cream scoop.

How is it so easy for you? Was I so replaceable?

My life feels over. Thanks.

My heart. My heart. My heart is over. Any pain I offered you has returned to me 10X.
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Old 20th November 2015, 10:17 AM   #30
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On Wednesday when you drove past me, I'd taken the wrong turning leaving the supermarket. Typical that I take the wrong turn then see you drive up and past me.

The second time you saw me on Wednesday, you kept your distance... for once.

The girl I'm seeing arrived 5 minutes after you left, I wanted to see for myself if you got jealous, your housemate who keeps me updated has said that he didn't see anything that night or said anything about me since.

I'm not curious because I still have feelings for you, I'm just curious to know why you're jealous when you rejected me as you only see me as a friend.
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