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Missing the person or missing a relationship?


Miko Yan

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I don't know anymore what I miss, since this last breakup was actually my first one after being 25 years alone (I'm 26). I know she wasn't good for me after all her lying and coldness (and probably cheating, I'll never be sure), but I'm also not sure if I want to be with her again or just to be with someone...

 

Sometimes I wish I never met her even if it means forfeiting all those wonderful moments together, because I've completely forgotten who I am and even after 3 months, I've made no efforts to improve myself or to meet new people because I find it too hard to return to be my old self again, since the girl I once loved decided I wasn't worth the time :(

 

After being alone for so long I was beginning to accept that, being single wasn't so bad and all, but now.. I don't think I'll be able to go back to that state again

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Marco Valerio

I share your feelings and words. Everything takes its time. There's no rush, just keep moving forward. Don't set a timeline for your recovery.

 

If I can, you can do it too mate. ;):D

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Michelle ma Belle

It sounds like you're missing the relationship more than the person.

 

It's your first break up and it stings. Actually, it doesn't matter if it's your first or fifty first break-up, they all suck on some level.

 

How long ago did you break up?

 

Regardless, I know this sounds like a cliche but it's a popular one for a reason and that is that time indeed heals. It's perfectly okay to wallow in your misery and feel sad and hurt and a bit disillusioned about things. We've all been there and we all heal at our own pace. Talking about it helps a great deal so stay connected on here but most importantly, stay open to what others have to say.

 

It's one thing to be hurt and sad and it's another to be forever jaded by this one experience. THAT will set you up for infinite heartache if you're not careful.

 

Good luck.

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I guess the hardest part is how angry I am with myself, after I kept chasing her, while she dumped me on my birthday via a text three months ago.

 

I tried to get her back (it became long distance the final month so it was probably hopeless but still) but she kept leading me on for weeks, and one night that I called her another man answered for her... when 2 days earlier she said she loved me and what not.

 

Being the idiot I am, still after that I wrote her a letter telling her how much I loved her and I couldn't be her friend so it was a farewell. It was the perfect time to close that chapter forever with a little spec of dignity (if at all)... but no, after a month of ignoring a hang up call and some texts, I fell for a text with lyrics from a song that went by "we can learn to love again". Needless to say, I resumed contact only to end up calling her several times (all being ignored) until one night she finally answered (probably thinking I was another person), I heard the same male voice grunting in the background for a second and she just hung up without saying anything.

 

Of course I asked if I caught them doing anything naughty, she denied it and that's the last I've heard from her since she ignored my apologies (yeah, somehow I ended up apologizing ugh)

 

I am so angry at myself for still falling so low for someone that doesn't even have the guts to end a relationship in person, and for losing all my dignity and myself in the process. After the BU, she lied so many times about a lot of things but I refused to believe it at the time, that someone I once trusted the most could lie so easily without any remorse. I never cheated on or lied to her or anything of the sort, for the record.

 

I guess when a relationship ends, so does any and all trust regardless if it's one sided or not, so friendships afterwards are impossible.

 

It's hard not to miss those morning texts wishing one a nice day, whoever it may be that sends them, don't you all think?

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Another way to view it is, if you cherished how you felt when you loved her, those feelings are what you grieve. They can also be, in time, the value which is remembered as part of one's life memories. That choice, of how we view our life memories, was one important take-away from being married. So, if waxing nostalgic these days, and expressing any 'missing', it would be missing how I felt when loving the person who was my wife for many years. The marriage didn't end with one of us dying, as some do, but the feelings of loss are, for myself, pretty similar.

 

You always have choices and you can always change your mind about those choices. It's up to you.

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