Bumped into ex and feeling very down

[cjd1955]

Hi All,

 

Quick back-story - I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years at the end of June (her decision). I tried everything at first to try and get her back - we met up a few times to talk it over, tried couples counselling but ultimately my attempts were all in vain and it was already too late for her.

 

Since then, I've been crushed. Still convinced she's the love of my life and I failed to give her what she needed over the last 6 months of our relationship (when I just started taking everything for granted). However, I've got a new job, made a few new friends and signed up for a few new things, like volunteering with kids in school etc. Nowhere near feeling good on a daily basis, but it's a start.

 

I've recently been going out for drinks with a girl I used to work with, and we've kissed once or twice. I'm in two minds about whether it's a distraction, or whether I actually feel something, but hey, it was something to do on a Friday night rather than sit in alone.

 

This Friday, I was at a bar in London with the new girl. We were sitting at the window and all night I'd just had a very strange feeling that I was going to see my ex. Low and behold, half way through the night I caught someone looking at me and then locked eyes for a split second with my ex, who was walking past. She was looking over her shoulder to check it was me - when we locked eyes for a second, she waved and I (assuming I looked very shocked) just nodded my head. Then she was gone again.

 

I left the bar quite quickly afterwards and have since had a terrible weekend - I feel like I've slipped back to square one. What was something that was becoming a sad memory - I can't remember what she sounds like, what we used to do on Saturday mornings together etc. was once again a physical object in my life.

 

I'm feeling a few things:

 

- Why is this happening?! There are 10m people in London and she just happens to pop up at a time when I don't want her to, to remind me she's still here

 

- What if she thinks bad of me for moving on. Reality is the girl I was with could have been anyone, she wouldn't necessarily assume I'm on a date and I've moved on already, but still - it hurts to think that seeing me with someone might have hurt her and the reality is she's still all I think about.

 

- When we locked eyes, it sent me straight back into a world where I remember how much I love her. I have changed so much since the breakup that I really think she would be proud of me for becoming closer to what she always wanted. I've certainly changed in a good way for me, but it does all feel bittersweet because I wish I would have seen the light a bit sooner and had the chance to save the girl I love so much.

 

I can't help but think I'd love to drop her a message this week asking if she wants to catch up over a drink. We haven't spoken, or seen each other in 4 months. Would be good just to talk about everything we've been up to separately and see how she's doing. However, on the other hand I realise that if that meant anything to her, I have to let her contact me first. I just don't want her to be thinking that I've moved on and she has to leave me to it.

 

Any words of wisdom, or advice, or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Cheers everyone.

[stemac]

Hello cjd that must have been so hard for you and very upsetting but what if you did contact her and doesn't go as you want it to ? It would put you right back to square one, if she really missed you she should be contacting you I know it's soo hard, I am to going through the same thing shell I contact her it's only been 2 weeks and the pain sometimes is to overwhelming but I have contact her to get her stuff back, that's going to be heartbreakin as I love this girl with all my heart, but I know your heart will be telling you to message her

[HowMightI-live]

Totally normal that youre feeling this way 4 months in. If i had seen my ex 4 months after the breakup i would have probably died right then and there. Just take some to recollect yourself and then soldier on. Thats all you can do. I actually saw my ex after a year and some months just a couple of days ago. I felt nothing and walked right pass her as if she was a stranger. And it wasnt because i was trying to be rude or mean...it was really because she IS a stranger i feel nothing for. If anything was surreal about that moment it was realizing that. You will get to this same point. It might take a while, it'll certantly take longer then 4 months but you really will get over her. Now granted, it sucks that you had to see her NOW when youre still reeling from the breakup but it is what it is.S**T happens, it always does and it always will. But at least it seems like you handled it well and at least you didnt see her with someone else. Really, all i can say is take it a day at a time and it does get better mate.

Edited October 20, 2015 by HowMightI-live

[BelleSkye]

From a girls perspective, I was in a similar situation (as your ex). I just didnt feel anything for the guy, no passion, no hate....just indifferent. As luck would have it, life dealt me with a few blows and I landed up wanting my ex. I didnt get him back. Think in your case, I will just move on and not read too much into the moment. I hate to say this, but there are more good women out there than men. So feel lucky that you still have a chance to move on.