lostsoul6486 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 It's been so long and sometimes I still get so ****ing sad it's unbearable. It's irrational. It's so stupid. She wasn't even good to me. Yeah, things were great at the beginning but the way things ended should make me feel like never seeing her face again. I didn't deserve what I got. If she came back on her knees asking me to take her back, I wouldn't. I am 100% sure I wouldn't because I deserved so much better and I know that and that's what makes things so much worse. I don't even want her back yet I have these depressing ass nights. It's not like she just fell out of love with me which hurts like hell. She cheated. She cheated and then she lied about it. She still lies about it. She'll never admit it. I HATE that I was too stupid to confront her about it while it was actually happening. I sometimes felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I was crazy for not trusting her. She manipulated me in so many ways and I still feel the worst pain I've ever felt whenever I think of her being happy with her fiance. How ****ed up is that? Why am I so down about losing someone who, when all is said and done, was so toxic to me? She made me so happy throughout the relationship, but, at the end of the day, she was terrible to me. She would have never cheated if she felt the way I felt about her. She didn't even have the decency to break up with me before finding her next boyfriend. It would have sucked but I wouldn't have all of this hatred and sadness locked inside of me after all of this time. It doesn't make any sense for me to be typing this at 3 in the morning because I'm losing sleep over her. I've been living like this for way too ****ing long. It's pathetic but it's reality. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenManAgain Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Try this. I've downloaded and put it in a loop to play over and over. It didn't work the first night but it got me some sleep ever since. As for the rest, I recommend fist - wall but drywall is expensive. Bed mattress against a wall with no neighbours on the other side and go. Everything you got. The mattress can take it. Make sure you do the Bruce Lee screams when you're hitting. As loud as you can. Edited October 10, 2015 by BrokenManAgain Link to post Share on other sites
wlh22 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Hey Lostsoul. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Please be strong and if you need to talk, I am here for you. I am kind of in the similar boat as you (although my ex didn't cheat on me, she ended things abruptly for no reason and just disappeared) so I feel your pain. But you and I both know we need to get out of this. She was not worth it, at least not after it ended. She has clearly moved on and we have to force ourselves to do the same and be optimistic about future. Be the guy she fell in love with. You need to be that guy again. I wish I could help any further but the only thing I can say is she is not worth spending any more time on. Link to post Share on other sites
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