surfride Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) Hi all, I was doing well in terms of moving on but now I'm back here. Quick notes about my relationship with my ex: We were both 20 at the time. It was our first serious relationship for both of us. She was acting strange the week before she dumped me, I asked her what was wrong and she said everything was fine. A few days later she dumped me by a letter, not even in person. In the letter it stated she wanted to remain friends, however. After I got the letter I went no contact because I was very hurt by her erratic/impulsive behavior. A couple of months later I ran into her and told her I couldn't be friends (see my other thread). Over the past few months I did pretty well moving on. I'm grateful for all of the wonderful advice this website gives. I was able to accept that she wasn't going to come back (at least in the form I wanted). I realized that I deserve someone who is going to enjoy being around me as much as I enjoy being around them, and that my ex just wasn't that person for me. I have yet to date someone new, but I have been going out to clubs/parties and hooking up with girls. My ex and I go to university together and we are involved in similar activities. We do a coed sport club together and share some classes. It was manageable to be in absolute NC over the summer, but now there are situations where I am forced to be around her. It seemed alright at first, but the way she's been behaving lately makes things difficult for me. While I would prefer that we don't talk to each other when we're in class or at practice together, she keeps coming up to me and trying to make conversation. I do my best to cut the conversations short, but she keeps coming back to try and talk with me despite the signs I'm giving her that I'm not interested in talking to her. She's even starting to text me, (things like how have you been?) to which I've ignored. Anyways, the underlying reason why her behavior brings me back here is because it I know it is giving me a false sense of hope. My rational side knows how ridiculous this is (I'm glad I can see it that way after NC) but I think it makes sense for a dumpee to get their emotions stirred up in a situation like this. I know that this isn't fair or healthy to me, and I want it to stop. I'd like her to leave me alone and not approach me when we're in the same environment. I really enjoyed spending my time with her in our relationship, but that chapter of our lives ended and I'd like to move on with my life. I feel like I have to tell her much the same thing I already did once (see previous thread), that I can't be friends, because I can't separate my feelings for her with more platonic ones. But I basically already had this conversation once, so I don't know if she understands/respects this.... Trying to look at it through her eyes, I think she's just reaching out to relieve tension since we haven't really talked since our breakup and she thinks enough time has passed that we can be "friends." For her it probably seems like the right thing to do since we are now forced to be around each other. She may also be looking to get her ego stroked or to relieve guilt. I'd like to resolve these issues, what would be the best course of action? Edited October 6, 2015 by surfride Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Surfride ...she's completely disrespecting your boundaries and therefore you ...for her own selfish purposes. Don't allow her to do that. Tell her plain and simple you are not interested in maintaining a friendship with her and not to contact you. I had to do it recently and it felt really good to protect myself. Ball's in your court...send one down the baseline to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts