NVO Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I'm giving this friendship thing with my ex some thought the last days. But how do you know if your ex deserves your friendship? I mean, there happens a lot during a break-up. And I think both parties may say or do some things that hurt the other. But where do you draw the line? Is someone who hurts you worthy of your friendship? Is it immature to keep blaming someone for something they did, or should you be the forgiving person? Personally, I'm trying to work on setting up more boundaries for myself. I think that during my previous relationships I let my ex girlfriends control and hurt me too much, without me standing up for myself. Maybe I'm just too forgiving. But it also feels very childish to keep punishing someone for something they did. I don't know... Just wanted to know what you all think about this. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 She dumped you in July, am I right...? You can only kindle a friendship with an ex, when you feel total. complete benign indifference to what they're doing with their lives. If you read the NC Guide, it explains what that is. It's seeing them in a romantic, passionate loving clinch with a new partner, and merely thinking you should buy some fresh salad, as the one in the fridge is going limp, brown and inedible. In other words, it shouldn't affect you emotionally, one small jot. Are you honestly at that stage? If you believe you are, and your ex is willing, go for it. If the tiniest grain of emotional attachment remains - it won't ever work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NVO Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 She dumped you in July, am I right...? You can only kindle a friendship with an ex, when you feel total. complete benign indifference to what they're doing with their lives. If you read the NC Guide, it explains what that is. It's seeing them in a romantic, passionate loving clinch with a new partner, and merely thinking you should buy some fresh salad, as the one in the fridge is going limp, brown and inedible. In other words, it shouldn't affect you emotionally, one small jot. Are you honestly at that stage? If you believe you are, and your ex is willing, go for it. If the tiniest grain of emotional attachment remains - it won't ever work. It was in May, but that doesn't matter haha. Pretty amazed that you can link someones username to the correct situation though! Thank you for the information. I read the guide and I know about this stuff too, and I'm not ready for it right now. I know this. But that's not the point, sorry if I failed to make it clear, sometimes it's hard to express your feelings in a language different from your mother tongue. I'm struggling to find out whether someone's actions during a break-up could be a reason to not be friends with them. I'm not going into details because the details don't matter, but after a good relationship she said and did some things during the break-up that makes me wonder if a friend would do that to me. But I also know, speaking from personal experience, that people do some stupid stuff when they are hurt. Maybe I should talk it over with her in the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I don't know. Do friends abandon each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NVO Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I don't know. Do friends abandon each other? Well, in your situation I guess it's not a very hard decision to take. But my ex had every right to leave me, no hard feelings about that. It's her behavior afterwards that makes me wonder if I ever want to be friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 In short, my answer is No. For me, if I'm in a romantic relationship with someone then I was already their friend in addition to being romantically involved. I like to think that when you see a person at their very worst, that's when you should ask yourself if you could maintain any kind of relationship with this person. Link to post Share on other sites
Hell Yeah Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) one of my ex's from about 10 years ago is my best friend but it took a long while as others have suggested to get to that point, but is now very fulfilling The mother of my children were aren't friends but have to be civil and communicate regularly as we have kids obviously My current ex doesn't deserve anything from me, and even if she could move the stars, and help create world peace in the process. I couldn't on the basis that i love her kids, I could never be happy with just a friendship and not have the unofficial Dad role role towards her children that i had while being with her. It would just hurt too much Edited October 5, 2015 by Hell Yeah error Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts