freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 My heart just got shattered into a million pieces again He posted a picture of a new girl. After I saw it I got the worst reaction I was throwing up and crying and I calmed down now. I hate him. He ignored my letter. Now this. What a worthless human. This might make me sound like a horrible person but I wish my ex was dead Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I can't believe I feel bad saying that. I do t mean it. I just wanted an apology. He has gone to far lengths to show me how cruel of a person he is. I hope he feels every once of pain and suffering I've had to endure the last few years. He makes me sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I feel like I got my heart broken by him two and half years ago. Same feeling. Same pain. I don't think I can keep living this way with this pain and agony. I begged and begged for God to take my life right now. I cannot do this anymore. All I wanted was an apology. I feel like trash. He threw me out like trash. I'm not even human to him. I'm just a pile of trash to this person I regret losing my virginity too. I gave him a part of my soul. I feel sick to my stomach with this person. I thought he was a good person. He has rejected me and moved on and ignored me even. I've never felt a worse feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 U don't understand how much I regret losing my virginity to him. When I have a daughter I will make sure she protects herself. I was so careless and I have him my soul. ****. I messed up . I regret everything. I wish I never dated him. I wish I never fell a fool to that sweet smile and innocent eyes. So deceiving. I'm really wounded I'm talking to myself in my own thread **** it Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I am sorry you're going through this pain. It sucks. However, here comes the hard part- you really need to move away from wanting him to acknowledge and apologize for what he did or did not do. You wrote him a closure letter (contrary to advice you had been give on here) and he never responded but you said you were now at peace. Unfortunately it's never that easy. So called closure letters only bring up more questions, whether or not the person it is directed to responds. An apology from a dumper doesn't assuage the pain either for most people because it still doesn't change the fact that he/she doesn't want to be with you which is where the pain comes from. I can't count the number of times my ex apologized and it did NOTHING to make me feel better. I had to make a conscious effort to move on and find my own peace. It's a struggle but you keep moving forward day by day. Now you seem to be stalking him on social media because you knew he posted a picture of a new girl. Why would you do that to yourself? It's been over two years since you broke up and it doesn't sound like you have made progress at all. You may need to seek professional help to give you the necessary push to move forward in the right direction. I realize it's hard but it's not worth wishing death over. this. It really isn't. I encourage you to talk to a professional. Best wishes! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Felicite Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I'm sorry you are going through so much pain, I really feel for you. If your ex posted that picture deliberately because you sent the letter, he is a mean person of low quality, so please don’t cry for such an idiot. For the time being, try to hang out with friends and family and not to be alone, until you feel better (or go to a councellor). Maybe you cannot see it right now, but your heart will feel more at peace in the future. By sending the letter at least expressing what you truly felt, one last time. As long as you don’t do it again to yourself. It’s not worth inflicting yourself with the pain. Sometimes, like other people suggest, you have to put your hand on the stove. NC is something that ideally everyone “should” do to protect themselves, but we are human beings and we have feelings and emotions, so don’t be hard on yourself. Try to distance yourself from him, and from watching his social media. I had the same experience with a guy I was head over heels, and when I expressed what I felt, not only he made a mockery out of me, but paraded around and flirted with other girls, while I was almost crying at a corner. I only fed his ego and harmed myself, but I learnt from that experience even if it was the hard way. You spoke your truth as a last stand, let it go now. If he is unworthy (which he probably is) he will prove so in the future and you won't want to even know him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Freebird, that literally was like a punch to my gut reading this. I feel like I can feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. All I can say is you truly need to block him. I know it's hard but you need to use this as motivation to move forward, because looking back is just going to hurt you every time. This is the problem with social media. If you're not careful, you can get suckered into living a sort of illusion, while the other person is moving on and living life without knowledge or care for you. There are people who spend longer than just 2 years continuously checking their ex's and/or love interest's online profile and they struggle endlessly to move on, because it prolongs that agony and longing for the person. Hell, I know if I were to look up my ex after 2 yrs, I'd feel the same way as you. I'm 10 months from when he discarded me and I've stopped looking, because I know I can't handle it. Your reaction is normal, but you need to realize for yourself that this is not healthy what you are doing.. peering into the past. It's keeping his image fresh while the clock is ticking. I think it's good that you saw the girl though. Remember you asked for a sign from God? Well this is your sign. It's time to put the focus back on you. Give it a few months of no facebook lurking. It will give you some perspective, I promise. You deserve better than someone who would ignore you pouring your heart out 2x. You need to take care of yourself and find strength within, and know that you are strong. You've come so far already. Let this be the final push to do what you need to do, which is to start taking care of yourself. There are people in this life who will refuse to tie up loose ends. It's a lesson in letting go, accepting, and having faith that something good will become of the bad. You need to forgive and let go, for yourself. You don't need him to do this. He's already showed his refusal to cooperate, so what else is there to do? Start focusing on yourself. Take care of yourself by eating healthy, getting out, and exercising. Do things that make you happy. Focus on forgiving and letting go. I know it's hard but you can do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I'm sorry for your pain, truly. I'm not sure what more to add that hasn't already been said particularly by dyna85. I guess I would just reiterate the importance of refraining from stalking his online accounts. You will NEVER be able to move forward if you're constantly looking back at him or what he's up to today. Very dangerous territory. The best consolation is that you're not alone. We've all been here at least once in our lifetime. Having our hearts ripped out and stomped on has happened to the best of us and with enough time and distance, it can and will get better. I promise you. Take care of yourself. Hugs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I thought when I woke up the pain would be gone. I feel so sick. I feel the same feeling I did when he first broke my heart. The girl is really beatiful. She's half Asian. I always knew he had a thing for them (I'm not Asian.) she goes to school. She has a ton of hobbies. I didn't think he would actually find someone that's better than me. She exceeds me. I think we even have the same career goal. I feel sick to my stomach right now. I knew this day would come but I had no idea he would ever find a girl like that who's out of his league. I'm in awe Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Freebird, that literally was like a punch to my gut reading this. I feel like I can feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. All I can say is you truly need to block him. I know it's hard but you need to use this as motivation to move forward, because looking back is just going to hurt you every time. This is the problem with social media. If you're not careful, you can get suckered into living a sort of illusion, while the other person is moving on and living life without knowledge or care for you. There are people who spend longer than just 2 years continuously checking their ex's and/or love interest's online profile and they struggle endlessly to move on, because it prolongs that agony and longing for the person. Hell, I know if I were to look up my ex after 2 yrs, I'd feel the same way as you. I'm 10 months from when he discarded me and I've stopped looking, because I know I can't handle it. Your reaction is normal, but you need to realize for yourself that this is not healthy what you are doing.. peering into the past. It's keeping his image fresh while the clock is ticking. I think it's good that you saw the girl though. Remember you asked for a sign from God? Well this is your sign. It's time to put the focus back on you. Give it a few months of no facebook lurking. It will give you some perspective, I promise. You deserve better than someone who would ignore you pouring your heart out 2x. You need to take care of yourself and find strength within, and know that you are strong. You've come so far already. Let this be the final push to do what you need to do, which is to start taking care of yourself. There are people in this life who will refuse to tie up loose ends. It's a lesson in letting go, accepting, and having faith that something good will become of the bad. You need to forgive and let go, for yourself. You don't need him to do this. He's already showed his refusal to cooperate, so what else is there to do? Start focusing on yourself. Take care of yourself by eating healthy, getting out, and exercising. Do things that make you happy. Focus on forgiving and letting go. I know it's hard but you can do it. Dyna85, thank u. U have always been so kind. And helpful.. Don't you think my ex sounds like an awful person? Or is it just me. I really don't think I can do this alone. Not anymore. I cannot get through this on my own. I have no one to really pour my heart out about this to. I need to just cry to someone and I need someone to just tell me everything will be okay. I can't do it alone anymore. This was heart shattering. The girl is gorgeous. I never NEVER thought he could land a girl like that. I'm astonished. Karma doesn't seem real. I'm in such awe of everything right now. My heart hurts I cannot get out of bed luckily it's my day off. I have no one to talk about this to. I might talk to the last guy I was dating. He's the only person I can tell ANYTHING to. I know I'm strong but I don't think I'm this strong not on my own anyway. I can't keep living this way. I am not going to look at his social media anymore. I deleted the apps for now as a break from them Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 How do I get through this. I've never felt s worse feeling. I didn't think he would find s girl like her. I didn't. I never thought he'd even find a girl as good as me. But this girl is something else she's a 10. She skates, boxes and is sporty I'm in such awe. I can't believe this happened. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 My heart just got shattered into a million pieces again He posted a picture of a new girl. After I saw it I got the worst reaction I was throwing up and crying and I calmed down now. I hate him. He ignored my letter. Now this. What a worthless human. This might make me sound like a horrible person but I wish my ex was dead Freebird, I understand the feeling. Many months ago, I accidentally saw a FB pic of my ex and his new wife that was posted by mutual friends. Even after all that time of NC, I still got a little stick to my stomach at seeing him with his arm around another woman. It was just so weird. That feeling of being easily replaceable. I promise it will be okay in time if you allow yourself to heal. You have now seen the worst case scenario with your own eyes. Please realize that many people here have been through exactly what you are describing, and we found a way to keep on going. You are a wonderful person with much to offer, and you will keep on living and be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I keep thinking back to when we wanted to meet my family. And I was hesitant. I keep thinking about how I let him meet them and now they ask about him from time to time. I keep thinking about this and how cruel of a person he is after me introducing him to my very own father. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 How do I get through this. I've never felt s worse feeling. I didn't think he would find s girl like her. I didn't. I never thought he'd even find a girl as good as me. But this girl is something else she's a 10. She skates, boxes and is sporty I'm in such awe. I can't believe this happened. First, block him, and stop checking up on him. He needs to become irrelevant to your life. Second, allow yourself a few days to absorb the shock. Third, you have got to work on your self-esteem and realize that this guy isn't the be all and end all of life. Fourth, BLOCK HIM! I can't say that enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 First, block him, and stop checking up on him. He needs to become irrelevant to your life. Second, allow yourself a few days to absorb the shock. Third, you have got to work on your self-esteem and realize that this guy isn't the be all and end all of life. Fourth, BLOCK HIM! I can't say that enough. Why do u think this happened? This is an agonizing feeling. Do u think when I love someone else everything will be okay someday ? I know this hurt might not ever fully go away. But do u think one day I can love again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I mean why did she have to be beautiful? She's in school. Has a lot Of hobbies. And Asian. Why did this happen. I thought if he ever dated again it would NEVER in a million years be someone with all of those qualities. I'm in such awe I'm horrified Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Why do u think this happened? This is an agonizing feeling. Do u think when I love someone else everything will be okay someday ? I know this hurt might not ever fully go away. But do u think one day I can love again? I don't know why any of this happened. I used to ask that same thing about my situation. WHY? Why did I meet him? Why did he leave me? Why did he lead me on in a cruel manner? Why did I stay when my heart told me to leave? Why did he marry someone else so quickly? Asking these questions only leads to more questions. It's endless, and there are no black and white answers. One day, I just got tired of going over the same questions in my head and realized that I needed to get on with the business of living my life. I think we are hardwired to search for answers to everything, but, sometimes, you have to accept that there may never be an answer. Or there may never be an acceptable answer. I would be very careful about trying to date or love again to fix the pain you are experiencing. Everything will not magically be "okay" if you find love again. It might put a bandaid on things or distract you from your problems, but being in love does not fix things. You cannot forget a person who deeply hurt you. You just can't. You can make new memories with new people, and I highly encourage that because it helped me tremendously. But nothing will ever erase your ex or what you experienced. Your biggest task will be integrating him and this experience into your life story in a positive way. And that is d@mn hard to do, but doing so will help you find closure. All of our relationships and emotions are transient. People change, they leave you, they die. That's just a part of life that you have to cope with. I think it's important to invest in and learn to trust others, but you also have to realize that all of it could be gone in an instant. Yes, you can love again one day if you allow yourself to move on. So far, you have not allowed yourself the opportunity to move on, but you deserve it. You deserve to love again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I can't deal with this right now. This is Jair the beginning. The day I see my ex with a family, with children I'll be just as heartbroken as I am today. Probably more. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with him and everything to do with him not wanting me and rejecting me. And that I must have been so blind and in love and I must have thought that he felt the same. He must have never. I really need a true real friend right now. I don't have any true friends I can pour my heart to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I don't know why any of this happened. I used to ask that same thing about my situation. WHY? Why did I meet him? Why did he leave me? Why did he lead me on in a cruel manner? Why did I stay when my heart told me to leave? Why did he marry someone else so quickly? Asking these questions only leads to more questions. It's endless, and there are no black and white answers. One day, I just got tired of going over the same questions in my head and realized that I needed to get on with the business of living my life. I think we are hardwired to search for answers to everything, but, sometimes, you have to accept that there may never be an answer. Or there may never be an acceptable answer. I would be very careful about trying to date or love again to fix the pain you are experiencing. Everything will not magically be "okay" if you find love again. It might put a bandaid on things or distract you from your problems, but being in love does not fix things. You cannot forget a person who deeply hurt you. You just can't. You can make new memories with new people, and I highly encourage that because it helped me tremendously. But nothing will ever erase your ex or what you experienced. Your biggest task will be integrating him and this experience into your life story in a positive way. And that is d@mn hard to do, but doing so will help you find closure. All of our relationships and emotions are transient. People change, they leave you, they die. That's just a part of life that you have to cope with. I think it's important to invest in and learn to trust others, but you also have to realize that all of it could be gone in an instant. Yes, you can love again one day if you allow yourself to move on. So far, you have not allowed yourself the opportunity to move on, but you deserve it. You deserve to love again. Thanks BC1980. This is so hard Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Thanks BC1980. This is so hard Yup. It sucks. There aren't words to adequately describe the pain, but all of this can lead to tremendous personal growth it you allow it to. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Hi Freebird, you need to use your inner strength to get through this. It starts and ends with you. That's the simple yet harsh truth when it comes to healing. I know it's agonizing and you feel like you need someone to lean on, but if you look within, you will find the most comfort. Like BC states, sometimes there are no answers or no acceptable answers you will receive from the source of your pain, and that is the way of life. You only feel like you can't and won't be able to deal because the intensity of emotions are at an all time high. When you give yourself time and distance (in the online sense), you will become more objective. The pain will still be there, but you'll be able to cope with it more effectively. Like BC states, block him and stop checking up on him - he needs to become irrelevant to your life. This is absolutely critical for your healing, and should not be done in half measures. You must do it cold turkey and resist every temptation that surfaces weeks and/or months down the road, unless you want to prolong your healing further. You're not allowing yourself to heal because it's like you keep picking at the wound every time you check up on him. Forget confiding in this other guy you almost dated. No guy is going to solve your problems. You need to ride through the pain and find the answers which are there within yourself. You're better off talking to family or anyone else with whom you are close or going to a counselor... in addition to listening to your intuition and inner knowledge. You have the answers within yourself. This pain is trying to teach you something, but you don't need to twist yourself into knots trying to figure this all out, as the answers will come the more you live your life. Like BC said, your job is not to wish away the pain or try to escape it or cover it up or whatever. What you need to do is live your life, with the pain. This is the key: Your biggest task will be integrating him and this experience into your life story in a positive way. And that is d@mn hard to do, but doing so will help you find closure. We can't find closure by analyzing the situation but rather through living life, the answers come in time. It will be difficult, but pain fosters growth. Life isn't meant to be this smooth ride. There's hills and valleys along the way. This is a deep valley and it may seem like there is no end in sight, but you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Follow BC's four steps. My current mantra is: you can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. You've seen where this daily checking of his online profile has gotten you so far... it's held you back... nothing will change unless you stop doing that. Take action too. One thing I read recently which was helpful is you can't be a victim. You can't pray to God and expect him to do the work. You need to take action in healing yourself- eat well, get outside, get involved in activities, talk to people, go shopping, do whatever. You need to take action though. This is vital to your survival and healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Hi Freebird, you need to use your inner strength to get through this. It starts and ends with you. That's the simple yet harsh truth when it comes to healing. I know it's agonizing and you feel like you need someone to lean on, but if you look within, you will find the most comfort. Like BC states, sometimes there are no answers or no acceptable answers you will receive from the source of your pain, and that is the way of life. You only feel like you can't and won't be able to deal because the intensity of emotions are at an all time high. When you give yourself time and distance (in the online sense), you will become more objective. The pain will still be there, but you'll be able to cope with it more effectively. Like BC states, block him and stop checking up on him - he needs to become irrelevant to your life. This is absolutely critical for your healing, and should not be done in half measures. You must do it cold turkey and resist every temptation that surfaces weeks and/or months down the road, unless you want to prolong your healing further. You're not allowing yourself to heal because it's like you keep picking at the wound every time you check up on him. Forget confiding in this other guy you almost dated. No guy is going to solve your problems. You need to ride through the pain and find the answers which are there within yourself. You're better off talking to family or anyone else with whom you are close or going to a counselor... in addition to listening to your intuition and inner knowledge. You have the answers within yourself. This pain is trying to teach you something, but you don't need to twist yourself into knots trying to figure this all out, as the answers will come the more you live your life. Like BC said, your job is not to wish away the pain or try to escape it or cover it up or whatever. What you need to do is live your life, with the pain. This is the key: We can't find closure by analyzing the situation but rather through living life, the answers come in time. It will be difficult, but pain fosters growth. Life isn't meant to be this smooth ride. There's hills and valleys along the way. This is a deep valley and it may seem like there is no end in sight, but you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Follow BC's four steps. My current mantra is: you can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. You've seen where this daily checking of his online profile has gotten you so far... it's held you back... nothing will change unless you stop doing that. Take action too. One thing I read recently which was helpful is you can't be a victim. You can't pray to God and expect him to do the work. You need to take action in healing yourself- eat well, get outside, get involved in activities, talk to people, go shopping, do whatever. You need to take action though. This is vital to your survival and healing. Okay I will do this then. I will just have to resist the temptation. Thats true... even if he replied to my message or even had sent the most heartfelt of words, it would never have prevented the pain i felt when i had seen the picture of that girl on his social media. This is so hard. Its crazy because this experience has been a HUGE part of my life...its crazy to think that it is most likely completely irrelevant to his life Live with the pain. Youre right.....i have to live with the pain. I guess i was trying to avoid it but i just have to live with it and find ways to be okay . I never really looked at it that way. i thought that one day the pain would just go away...i have to accept its a part of me now. have to find it in me to be strong with the pain there I deserve far better, i think i always knew that. And i think that him and I are very different. I would want to date someone and be with someone who is more like myself and is more considerate of other peoples feelings. Someone who is spiritual and emotional like I am. It would be nice to be with someone who would do anything to keep me in their life...i dont think he ever felt that way towards me (clearly). It would be nice tho to one day be with someone who would treat me with the utmost love and respect and care for me like i would for them. i cant really say him and I shared that. I knew he cared about me...but he would have never fought for me. i dont think he was ever really in love with me..now that i think about it. someone who really cared about someone wouldnt do this to them. i want way more than this i want to move on one day, i really do. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Im heart broken too.. Link to post Share on other sites
glynnroy Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 My heart just got shattered into a million pieces again He posted a picture of a new girl. After I saw it I got the worst reaction I was throwing up and crying and I calmed down now. I hate him. He ignored my letter. Now this. What a worthless human. This might make me sound like a horrible person but I wish my ex was dead If your on his social network and your seeing his every move including him posting pictures of new girls , your in a vunetable postion, if he's with some one else you need to distance your self from him and take your self away from knowing what he's doing ! You will come across as desperate and it's not attractive ! I've been here and taken a hit , it hurts , but the main thing here is to keep your integrity and who you are ! Y People break up all the time , you won't be the last and your not the first ! My advice would be to throw yourself into some thin you love , give your self some time to grieve , do not Stalk him , do not contact him , it will be hard , but now is the time to concentrate on you ! If it's ended it probable wasn't meant to be , just bear in mind once your ready to date again , there will be done one else out there for you , you might not think it at this moment in time , I felt the same , keep your self fit and healthy and of sound mind , go No contact and live your life like there's no tomorrow! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 This might make me sound like a horrible person but I wish my ex was dead We associate death with the end. We tend to feel that if someone is dead then all the emotions tied to them die too but this isn't reality. The hatred, love, grief, regret, longing still exist in us after the person dies. Instead of hoping for their death and the hoped for relief, work through the pain. Numbing it only makes it worse when you finally feel it. It's like the dust bunnies you shove under the couch. You know they're there, it stresses you out to think about having to clean it one day, you wish it was just gone but don't want to walk alllll the way over to get the vacuum. Then you get fed up, clean it up, feel relieved and then wonder why you spent so much time stressing about it when you could have just dealt with it a long time ago. I just wanted an apology As the Rolling Stones said, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might well find you get what you need." Maybe what you need is to reframe your thinking. Every person you meet has something to teach you if you're able to find it. I see a few things to take away from what happened and I'm sure you'll find more. U don't understand how much I regret losing my virginity to him. Don't worry about things you can't change. There's nothing that can be done about what's already happened so take the lesson and move forward. Find someone better to sleep with, up your standards, teach your future children, etc. I would want to date someone and be with someone who is more like myself and is more considerate of other peoples feelings. Someone who is spiritual and emotional like I am. It would be nice to be with someone who would do anything to keep me in their life... It would be nice tho to one day be with someone who would treat me with the utmost love and respect and care for me like i would for them...i want way more than this i want to move on one day, i really do. This is the biggest gift he gave you. Your ex set you free and now you're aware enough to find the man who will be everything you want. Your ex has shown you in glaring detail everything you don't want to settle for. But do u think one day I can love again? Absolutely. The next time it'll be with someone better thanks to your awareness of how your ex's shortcomings affected you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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