purpledooze Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I think I'm at the final stage of grief. Took me 6 months to get here. Today, I woke up feeling less pain. I responded to his last message, asking how work was doing and I don't even want to get a response from him. All I said was, "Sorry I wasn't able to provide an update sooner. Been busy dealing with backlogs and fixing communication issues with the team. Work is okay. Project needs some major changes." This Sunday will be his and his ex girlfriend's anniversary. Their 13th. Maybe they'll get together. Maybe he'll propose. After all he bought her a surfboard. She seemed so happy. I don't know why she felt the need to unblock me temporarily so she could post that picture and set it to Public so it shows up on my timeline. But it's a statement nonetheless. He forgot my birthday. Or just didn't care enough to send me a greeting. Indifference. Or maybe he's reciprocating my non-responsiveness. I've finished all the ebooks from this whole relationship rewind thing. I'm at a stage called Death's Door. Or Drift, because I don't know if we're actually on speaking terms. I'm supposed to write him an email, but at this point, what I'm actually feeling is RESIGNATION. Hopelessness. And while I'm writing this, he's probably making love to her right now. Makes me sick to my stomach. I've meditated and spent some time looking back at how our relationship was. Where we went wrong. Mistakes made. Red flags. We had really good times. Even the moments I thought were the best somehow are lies now. As if all the expensive dates and extravagant trips were his way of making amends for the sacrifice and risk I took to be with him. His ex never left the picture. She call him, asking for help with her career, or when she was sick. He'd run to her. Yet when he talks to me about her, he complains that he needs lots of space from her. God knows I tried to fill those shoes. I tried to dress better. Tried to learn how to pronounce French cuisine right. I tried so hard to catch up to him that I made so many mistakes that pushed him further away. In the end, he said my efforts weren't good enough. It dawned on me that the only times we were good, were the times they were having problems. When she couldn't spend Christmas with him, he took me to Japan. Now that we're broken up, she's happy. Either I was the backup plan, or he's the type who just can't be alone. I'm not even sure I want him back now and I think I'm close to moving on. Then maybe I can start spring cleaning my apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 When you get to acceptance, it's possible to view the good times as what they were, good times, and without qualification. For myself, having experienced divorce and death at nearly the same time (within a couple months), I found the grief processes to be remarkably similar and the acceptance stage to be the most invigorating and peaceful part of the process. With acceptance, there is no want, no feelings of loss, IME rather a calm and celebration of the good fortune we have to be alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purpledooze Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 When you get to acceptance, it's possible to view the good times as what they were, good times, and without qualification. For myself, having experienced divorce and death at nearly the same time (within a couple months), I found the grief processes to be remarkably similar and the acceptance stage to be the most invigorating and peaceful part of the process. With acceptance, there is no want, no feelings of loss, IME rather a calm and celebration of the good fortune we have to be alive. These past 6 months have been hell. But yea, maybe it was only because I was scared of reaching the Acceptance stage that I continued to look for signs of hope. I even bought a get-your-ex-back system. The advice seems good, it seems it could work, but I don't even want to try it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 With deep loses there is not a "final stage". Grief moves and shifts. It is not linear, it cycles. Wait and see what the next waves bring up the shore and take back out to sea and do not be in a hurry to label your feelings. They are just feelings, not facts. Peace 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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