Attempted suicide... now what?

[meanie_monday]

So I've been suffering from depression for a while and I finally broke. I attempted to commit suicide and I don't know if it was fate, God, or what, but my fiance stopped by my house unexpectedly and found me right before I did anything. He was devastated and didn't know what to do. In the aftermath of everything, he called off the engagement and said we needed to get me help and work on ourselves before we could focus on marriage. He knows it's important to be there for me, so we are still seeing each other, but he said we can't do it romantically, at least not for a while if ever. He says we may never "get back together" if things don't improve on both ends. He feels responsible for my suicidal thoughts because we had gotten into a pretty bad argument the night I attempted to commit suicide. He thinks that he drove me to the edge of my sanity. I tried to explain that depression runs in my family but I had never seeked help before, but he won't listen. My mother has never liked him and also blames him for what happened, so that has further planted that thought into his head. He says we both need to work on bettering ourselves, but thinks it's important for us to remain in each others lives as support (we are childhood best friends and have always been there for each other). However, nobody knows about the engagement being called off or put on hold besides our families. It feels a little strange spending time with him, but not being able to do anything like kissing or holding hands. All of it feels a bit confusing. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I can still spend time with him and his family, but it feels weird stopping all the romantic activity but no one else really knowing about it. I feel awful about hurting him and making him depressed as he's had experience with suicide in his family. But I am getting help (my mom is accompanying me to my doctor's appointment because she doesn't believe I'll go by myself and she scheduled my therapy) I guess I don't really know what I'm asking, but any input on the situation would be greatly appreciated.

[Mr Scorpio]

First off, I'm glad that you failed in your attempt. You only get one go around in this world. I know how debilitating depression can be. I know. Even doing everyday things feels like climbing a mountain. There are some people who try everything: medication, exercise, therapy, meditation, and they still can't escape the grasp.

 

But you don't have any reason to believe that you are one of those people at this point because you apparently haven't sought those resources. Now, that isn't meant to blame you. It is meant to let you know that there is hope.

 

Sure, it might take you a few months to find the correct drug/dosage. Yes, you will still have bad days/weeks/maybe even months. Sure, there is a stupid stigma in America regarding mental health. Well **ck that! "We" would criticize someone who sought help for problems with their liver, but yet problems with the mind are something to be ashamed about?

 

Nonsense.

 

You were dealt a rough hand by having depression based down through your family. However, the fact that you have: (1) family to drive you and (2) a computer with internet access to reach out to us means you've been dealt a better hand than hundreds of millions of people.

 

Moreover, you were just dealt a fresh card. Play it. Seek help. Be open and honest with your friends and family about how you have felt, and how you feel. Be open and honest with your doctor(s).

 

As for your (ex)-fiance, he is probably right. Relationships are dynamic. It takes two to tango. Relationships are about sharing.While it would be great to have that support system, you aren't in a place where you can share right now. You need to work on you. Not school. Not work. Not relationships. Just you.

 

If nothing else, keep posting. Keep writing. Keep reaching out. Don't die.

[d0nnivain]

Depression is debilitating. Are you in therapy? If not you need to start like yesterday. It really does help. So does movement. When you feel the worst is when you need to force yourself to go for a walk, meet with a friend just do anything other than lock yourself in your house. With time & the right doctor, it does get better.

[meanie_monday]

Depression is debilitating. Are you in therapy? If not you need to start like yesterday. It really does help. So does movement. When you feel the worst is when you need to force yourself to go for a walk, meet with a friend just do anything other than lock yourself in your house. With time & the right doctor, it does get better.

 

My mom is setting up some stuff for me because she doesn't think I will if left up to me. I box but kinda stopped going because my depression was making me lose interest in everything. I forced myself to go today and really used it to purge any emotional negativity I was feeling. Unfortunately, I went a little too hard and pulled a muscle in my side lol but yeah, I definitely want to do something about my depression, because I don't want to further ruin all the wonderful relationships I have with people.

[d0nnivain]

You are lucky to have a caring mom like that. Hang in there.

[JustGettingBy]

So through this you've learned that you have a bf and family who want to help you, and feel you're worth saving. Like the others have posted, going to therapy is a must. It's probably best that you, one at a time, tell anyone who may need to know about what happened. If they give you their support then you know you have more people you can depend on. If they give you a hard time, then you'll know they're people who you should remove from your life right now.

 

Don't feel bad about making your fiance feel guilty, as he clearly does have some understanding of what's going on in your mind (after all, he's supporting you) and said "work on ourselves" to you, meaning he is getting the help he needs. Still be there to support him, but don't stress yourself you worrying.

 

If depression runs in your family, you know that its not your fault. Right now, you need to focus on yourself. Therapy, anti-depressants and the like often take months to work, so don't feel as if there's anything wrong with you if you don't get immediate results.

 

There's a reason your friends and family are taking the time to save you, and that's because you are worth saving. Keep your head up when you can, and make sure you always have support.