Best way to get them out of your mind?

[start8957]

It's been 3 weeks since the breakup, 1.5 weeks since NC, except for when he texted and had to get his stuff. He was the kind of guy that wouldn't tell me how he felt, wouldn't give me an honest answer, led me on, played games, completely selfish, until he started seeing someone else and the whole thing ended because I found out. I was NEVER with someone like that before. This was the kind of guy I only saw in movies, the full package ***hole. Of course he was perfect in the beginning, but aren't most of them?

 

Anyways. What do you do in moments where an ex pops into your head? I don't really have regret, only a mix of sadness and anger. Mainly anger and confusion.

Should I let those feelings in, analyze them and try to deal with them? This usually just leads to tears and me ending up on loveshack trying to understand why he acted this way.

Or should I force the thoughts of him out and think of something else?

What works better in the long term?

I read several posts with mixed reviews. Some say it's better to deal with these feelings while some say that your brain will think about them once in a while because it's like an addiction. You were happy at some point and your brain is trying to go back to what it knows that makes you happy. So, it's best to block these thoughts out and replace them with something else.

 

What has worked best for you so far?

Thanks!

[harrybrown]

Do something nice for yourself. Something that you like to do.

 

Get some exercise, it helps me.

 

From your comments, it sounds like you will be better off without him in your life.

 

For me it helps to think about something else. You do have to go thru the grief stage, the anger stage, etc.

 

But be glad you found out before you married him.

 

Try to do the 180 and move on, but this is still hard.

 

Good luck to you.

[Chronograph]

Well in the beginning, at the stage you're at, 3 weeks post breakup it was really really hard to keep him or memories out of my mind. I had to organize my move and find a new flat and a job, that helped. Apart from that ... doing something, where you really need all your attention and focus. For me that was singing lessons, going on stage, putting yourself in situations where you just have to function.

 

But I also have to say I still cannot fully control these thoughts or memories. They would just totally randomly pop into my head, and they still sometimes do. No matter how distracted I was or how busy. It just happens, it's just normal. I guess you have to accept it, partly. It's part of grieving. If you try to block or suppress it ... it might come out in an even worse explosion-like way and overwhelm you.

[Helz87]

I definitely don't think you should block it out, accept the thought and let it pass as the days go on it will become easier. Speaking from experience don't block it out or you may end up in a position I'm in where I'm grieving a relationship two years after our break up because I pretended everything was ok.

[Nep2112]

I definitely don't think you should block it out, accept the thought and let it pass as the days go on it will become easier. Speaking from experience don't block it out or you may end up in a position I'm in where I'm grieving a relationship two years after our break up because I pretended everything was ok.

 

This is a great point. When my 3 year relationship ended 2 years ago I was very angry and felt betrayed. This gave me some false confidence that I was dealing with it fine and didnt cause me much harship, longing, sadness etc. After the first year of NC she reached out and apologized. Instantly I was no longer angry and while this may seem like a good thing it forced me to grieve and feel sad about the loss. To this day in fact. I am still in mourning and have constant reminders. I think If I was able to deal with those feelings and really feel the

Loss right away I wouldnt be where I am now.

[start8957]

Its been a month now and there is less sadness and anger. I definitely took some time to be sad, cry, etc. But I picked myself up pretty quickly. Only thoughts I block out are random thoughts of my ex with the girl he was seeing when he broke up with me. Idk if theyre together or not, idk if hes seeing someone else, but I don't want to know. I don't want to think about that. I think that blocking those thoughts out is helpful so I'm not dwelling on it.