Shadesofgry Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Long story short ... Dated for five years on and off mostly on very much love of each other's lives we were both separated for a time he got divorced I didn't for various reasons which I won't get into... I believed he was slightly narcissists and at times he treated me badly but I take my share of responsibility ... We broke up about 16 or so months ago ... He told Me he loved me forever but couldn't wait for me anymore etc I was heartbroken but was tired of disappointing him so knew it was for best... Never saw coming what happened next he replaced me in five days and got married to this woman not knowing her a year All the while for the less than a year he dated her he kept contacting me regularly to check in maybe it was guilt bc he crushed me idk.... He didn't tell me he was engaged then half an hour before I told him I had the most important job interview of my life which he knew he told Me he was getting married in two weeks needless to say I was truly gutted I went strict NC and told him never contact me again I no longer believed he loved Me as he said since he made me feel like I was nothing to him. ... Meanwhile my husband who was also in a new relationship in last and I realized we wanted to try again to make things work and things have been going well while I'm not over my ex I learned to cope and to be happy again for what I do have Fast forward about a week and a half ago after being instructed not to ever contact me again I get contacted after five and a half months!... He says he knows I mentioned i didn't want him to contact me unless something was severely wrong ( I never said that btw I just said don't ever contact me again!!) he informs me he is ill with a potentially fatal disease and he is going to be undergoing more testing and will hopefully know more soon and he would keep me informed ... I am still hurt mind you but I couldn't not respond bc I am genuinely concerned for him even though he treated me Worse than I would treat a stray animal! I wished him good luck with everything he said he wanted to tell me and thought I would want to know what is going on... I feel like this all set me back badly bc now I'm Concerned and shouldn't be bc that's his wife's job the woman he replaced me with and married ... Still bitter I am I guess... Tonight again he messages and tells me he is going into hospital for more tests tomorrow and will let me know ... Why are u telling me this I think!? If he wanted to tell Me the test results I get that but telling me u r going to get the tests ok what do I do here I don't wanna be cold I am Acutely worried about him and shouldn't be and I told him this he said we have too much history and too much of a connection to not be concerned and to Always care about each other ... I can't have this drag me down it took me So long to get back to me at same point I want him to be well and keep telling him that.. Why is he doing this to me ?? He has a wife now shouldn't he be talking with her and I doubt she knows he's taking to Me .. do I ignore his sickness and go back to NC ? Idk what to Do.. I will always love this man and am scared for him but I can't be there for him now I'm trying to work on my marriage and he's got a wife is it bad if I push him away even tho it hurts ? So confused here :-( Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 He disrespected you by contacting when you said to never contact again. He disrespected your M which you said you were working on and now he's playing the 'feel sorry for me card'. He disrespected his wife because well, she's his wife! He shouldn't be looking for attention from you. He sounds crappy. I'd block him. It's too bad you responded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shadesofgry Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 He disrespected you by contacting when you said to never contact again. He disrespected your M which you said you were working on and now he's playing the 'feel sorry for me card'. He disrespected his wife because well, she's his wife! He shouldn't be looking for attention from you. He sounds crappy. I'd block him. It's too bad you responded. I responded bc if God forbid he died I would not forgive myself!! Besides our torrid relationship we grew up together I've known him for 41 years this is very hard situation I am heartbroken if he is really sick I just don't understand why he wants attention from me he's a newlywed !!! Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 what sickness are you talking about? he has not been diagnosed with anything, wake up a little, woman, jesus... you know why he's contacting you, because he rebounded and is naturally unhappy and wants your attention by making you his second best in that department and also bargaining pretty low by doing a very typical move, the 'I'm sick' comeback... it is not the first nor the last person that pulls this one during NC, he's going after the last bits of kindness that he can find in your heart left for him, and you're falling, sorry to say, like a fool. Wish him the best, tell him to seek treatment and to leave your number in the must-contact list so someone can call you if this happens to be a terminal disease and he passes away. Make it sound quick and like you mean it. Let him enjoy his soap opera on his own, like the narcissist idiot that he clearly is... Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Also please do REAL NC, it's not what you instruct him to do, it's what you have to instruct yourself to do, if you were serious about healing, about your relationship and not being in touch with someone so toxic, he would not be able to discard your instructions the same way he discarded you and get in touch, simply because he would be BLOCKED, he could press 'send' saying he's dying in a hospital, that his house burned or that he's getting divorced, and you'd be fine because you would never receive that. There are endless setting and options to prevent an email, text, call or social media post from reaching you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I responded bc if God forbid he died I would not forgive myself!! Besides our torrid relationship we grew up together I've known him for 41 years this is very hard situation I am heartbroken if he is really sick I just don't understand why he wants attention from me he's a newlywed !!! 41 years. So what. He's acting like a jerk. And you responding puts your marriage at risk of ending. Is that worthwhile? He wants attention so you will have sex with him. Don't play along. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shadesofgry Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 41 years. So what. He's acting like a jerk. And you responding puts your marriage at risk of ending. Is that worthwhile? He wants attention so you will have sex with him. Don't play along. Idk who said up above he wasn't diagnosed he was with liver disease ... Don't know extent of it and whether he will need transplant or what .. Just don't have those details yet... As for putting my marriage at risk no I am not bc I did tell my husband that he contacted me and told him why and my husband the gentleman that he is told me to tell him he is sorry and to send his regards and wish him well... That is a decent man and I know what I have now I didn't always but it took a long time ... My love for this ex will Never completely go away tho I wish it would it would be easier for me to just ignore/block him I just don't have the heart to do that for some Reason and yes I guess I am a fool I just wanted to Know if anyone else was in this situation would they turn their backs on the ex bc for some reason I seem incapable of that ...I do believe he is starting to realize he is in a rebound marriage but that's really not my concern I have left him to the choices that he made and got on with my life Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I think he wants attention and pity. I wouldn't give it to him after the way he treated you. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 And this is why you should block your ex's from your phone as soon as they become an ex. This crisis would have easily been averted if it had never come through. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 What does he want from you? Sympathy? An affair? He has a wife to share this with, and you have a husband. You broke up and went NC for good reason. He is NOT your friend. If he contacts you again, wish him well but tell him no more contact, and if he does you'll contact his wife, and you've already told your husband who is not pleased. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) I responded bc if God forbid he died I would not forgive myself!! Besides our torrid relationship we grew up together I've known him for 41 years this is very hard situation I am heartbroken if he is really sick I just don't understand why he wants attention from me he's a newlywed !!! If he's that sick he's probably contacting everyone he ever had a close relationship with. I wouldn't be flattered or read anymore into it than that. Just wish him well and pray for him AND HIS WIFE! Edited August 31, 2015 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I just wanted to know if anyone else was in this situation would they turn their backs on the ex bc for some reason I seem incapable of that ... I personally would not turn my back on him. BUT it WILL ruin your marriage. If you value your marriage above this old flame...simply go NC. Block him from your phone so you get no more messages. Pray for his well being and never look back. Good bless your struggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shadesofgry Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I personally would not turn my back on him. BUT it WILL ruin your marriage. If you value your marriage above this old flame...simply go NC. Block him from your phone so you get no more messages. Pray for his well being and never look back. Good bless your struggle. He contacted me again today to tell me he had blood work and whatnot as if I need a play by play.. You all are right I don't really need to know what is going on with him it's not my problem anymore and I am happy with the new lease on life I feel I have gotten... There is no place for him and his narcissistic ways in my life ... Maybe I would feel different if he would even acknowledge the pain he caused me and tried to apologize ... He hasn't.. It's business as usual for him ... Don't want it don't need it... Next time he contacts me I'm just not responding bc I just don't feel the need to any longer he did enough damage to me and I have better things to worry about than him ... Let him lean on his wife... I leave him to the life he chose ...thanks all for the advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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