Jonp219 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Hey everyone! I hope everyone is doing well! Just wanted to give an update on myself since I reached 5 months NC a few days ago following the ending a 4 year relationship that happened almost 7 months ago. Hopefully my update will help out the newcomers in search of some hope that eventually it does get better, however it all depends on you and time. Since I was last here I finally went to pick up my college diploma (yay), and I found an internship downtown working as an administrative intern for a non-profit culinary company and so far it's going great! I've also been doing a lot of reading on finding my purpose and aligning my lifestyle with my goals in life. I do find that I read too much, but don't do enough action. Therefore, I will dedicate this month to going out and doing as many things as possible that is out of the ordinary for me! lol. As a matter of fact, I'm just going to do that TODAY! **** it, feeling discomfort is just another opportunity to grow and i'm going to start embracing that from now on. In addition, I went with my family to Tampa for a week long vacation earlier this month. It was wonderful getting away from the lights and noise for a while just to enjoy the company of my cousins and a much simpler lifestyle compared to NYC. I'm thinking of moving to Tampa in a few years, but we'll see what happens lol. Now, do I feel better about the break-up? Yes. I don't get that heart sinking feeling I use to get in the mornings anymore. Sometimes I get it through out the day very mildly, but nothing that stops me in my tracks. I haven't had it for about a month now, and it's weird I didn't notice it till the other day. I don't really miss her, I miss being it a relationship more than anything at this point. I miss having sex and having intimate discussions with a special someone. Haven't dated anyone, I'm still scared of approaching and meeting women, but soon enough i'll get back out there. My friends have noticed that I've grown, they say I've matured a lot since the BU. I've become more humble, aware, articulate, stronger, and resilient (Their words, not mine!! lol). I do feel a little different, but nothing that significant lol. Yesterday something unexpectedly happened though. It was late at night at around 3AM when I started cleaning up my desktop. I ran across this Google Drive folder and I opened it. In this folder I found old pictures of me and my ex (birthdays, getaways, pictures in the park etc.). Immediately I received this sharp jolt right in my heart, I didn't expect these pictures to still be here it took me back a little. Right before I was about to X off the window I decided not to, and just look through them. One thing I've learned through out this whole BU ordeal is that resistance is pain. If you want to conquer your fears and emotional scars you have to face them head on, so I looked through the photos and felt whatever I had to feel coming my way. As I sat there just looking through these photos something hit me. The way I was reacting to these photos was just, different. 2-3 months ago I would of probably been balling in tears wishing she would come back. However this time I didn't do that, I smiled at a few pictures, I payed attention to our facial expressions, and just digested all this into the present moment. I soon realized, she's not all that. Not ONLY in terms of looks, but just like me she wasn't perfect, and we both have A LOT of growing to do. I said to myself, "Omg, imagine if we got married we would would of been ****ed!". I couldn't possibly marry someone so unsure about themselves like her, and she couldn't possibly marry someone so volatile and confused, such as me. Looking through those photos I knew I had to feel what I felt, I needed that moment of clarity to take things into perspective. Afterwards I did cry. Only because... 1) I loved her at one point, and although the feelings aren't as strong I had to find someway to release that tension I felt. Obviously i'm not indifferent yet, but it'll come! 2) I couldn't believe how hard I've been on myself these past couple of months. I've regarded myself as weak and undesirable individual who can't make a woman happy, yet I haven't given myself close to enough credit for how strong I REALLY am as a person. Looking at those photos told me a story, it told me that i'm recovering remarkably well and if I can get through this I can get through ANYTHING. Fear is slowly becoming my friend and i'm happy to have met him. But don't worry, I placed the photos in a flash drive and deleted them off my computer. No more trips down memory lane, not now anyway. So Yes, that's my update guys. Do I feel better? Yes. Do I still struggle? Yes, a little from time to time. The codependency I felt towards her is slowly shifting to me now, and all i can say is--it's about damn time! It's nice to be back, take care 11 Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Wow!!! That is SUCH awesome news! You are truly an inspiration! I'll be keeping your update in my mind for strength. Thanks for coming back to tell it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Wow!!! That is SUCH awesome news! You are truly an inspiration! I'll be keeping your update in my mind for strength. Thanks for coming back to tell it! No problem It's a slow process but eventually I think everyone gets there one way or another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Nice to seeing you doing so well Jon. I remember your posts back then and you've come along way. You're another fine example of how effective NC is in healing and moving on. Oh yea, last thing.. Pitch the memory stick with the pictures of you and her together in the trash. There's no reason to keep them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DK666 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Thanks Jon for posting this. I've had setbacks myself recently, having bumped into the ex with her new partner twice now within a week, the latest being today and it hurt me more than I expected. I look forward to being able to see her without getting the twinge in my chest, hopefully sooner rather than later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Good stuff Jon. I won't even have to yell at you this time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Thanks Jon for posting this. I've had setbacks myself recently, having bumped into the ex with her new partner twice now within a week, the latest being today and it hurt me more than I expected. I look forward to being able to see her without getting the twinge in my chest, hopefully sooner rather than later. Honestly at this point that's my biggest fear. I'm scared of what my initial reaction will be if I were to ever see her with a new partner. Obviously, it's going to take me back a bit, but I don't know what else that's going to do to me. I haven't seen her in my area for a while so I'm guessing she goes straight home from work. Either way, I don't care. Whatever happens, happens. I wish you luck DK666 and try not to run into her so much. Try hanging out in new places or taking alternative routes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Good stuff Jon. I won't even have to yell at you this time. I know Jen! Isn't it great?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Nice to seeing you doing so well Jon. I remember your posts back then and you've come along way. You're another fine example of how effective NC is in healing and moving on. Oh yea, last thing.. Pitch the memory stick with the pictures of you and her together in the trash. There's no reason to keep them. Thank you Aloneinaz . But, i'm only keeping it so I can use it as a barometer for my recovery. Maybe i'll look at it in a year or 2 from now, and then i'll toss it . Link to post Share on other sites
DK666 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Honestly at this point that's my biggest fear. I'm scared of what my initial reaction will be if I were to ever see her with a new partner. Obviously, it's going to take me back a bit, but I don't know what else that's going to do to me. I haven't seen her in my area for a while so I'm guessing she goes straight home from work. Either way, I don't care. Whatever happens, happens. I wish you luck DK666 and try not to run into her so much. Try hanging out in new places or taking alternative routes. We live in a small town, and while she seems to have avoided going out to bars at the weekend (where I was expecting I would bump into her) we still are bound to cross paths every so often, I am envious of people who are not practically forced to see their ex every week or two. It's getting easier though, it's just hard work. I remember some of your earlier posts a couple months ago, it's good to see you are doing better. In fact it's good to see anyone doing better, it gives some hope for the rest of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 We live in a small town, and while she seems to have avoided going out to bars at the weekend (where I was expecting I would bump into her) we still are bound to cross paths every so often, I am envious of people who are not practically forced to see their ex every week or two. It's getting easier though, it's just hard work. I remember some of your earlier posts a couple months ago, it's good to see you are doing better. In fact it's good to see anyone doing better, it gives some hope for the rest of us. I feel for those who live in small towns for that exact reason. Yeah man if you want to get better you will (I promise). As long as you remain NC and focus on your life you'll get better. If you don't have alot of friends go make more. Join meet-up groups and socialize with different folks, that's what I did from time to time and it helps. Meditation has helped me alot too, I would recommend that more than anything. If you ever want to talk you can always shoot a PM my way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Did you ever jump back in the music thing at all Jon? Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Whoa I'm happy for you Jon, I remember how you used to blame yourself so much and had her on the pedestal. I'm glad you are heading into the right direction and that you are slowly realizing that you are much better than you give yourself credit for. Keep it up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Glad for you buddy. Well done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Felicite Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I said to myself, "Omg, imagine if we got married we would would of been ****ed!". I couldn't possibly marry someone so unsure about themselves like her, and she couldn't possibly marry someone so volatile and confused, such as me. Looking through those photos I knew I had to feel what I felt, I needed that moment of clarity to take things into perspective. 1) I loved her at one point, and although the feelings aren't as strong I had to find someway to release that tension I felt. Obviously i'm not indifferent yet, but it'll come! 2) I couldn't believe how hard I've been on myself these past couple of months. I've regarded myself as weak and undesirable individual who can't make a woman happy, yet I haven't given myself close to enough credit for how strong I REALLY am as a person. Looking at those photos told me a story, it told me that i'm recovering remarkably well and if I can get through this I can get through ANYTHING. Fear is slowly becoming my friend and i'm happy to have met him. So Yes, that's my update guys. Do I feel better? Yes. Do I still struggle? Yes, a little from time to time. The codependency I felt towards her is slowly shifting to me now, and all i can say is--it's about damn time! Glad to hear you are doing so well JohnP I can totally relate. Your post was such an inspiration for me today, and I am really happy you are doing so well. It gives me hope for the future, because I ‘m going through a very difficult phase and I really want to get better but circumstances are not helping me. I ‘ve been facing a 3 month breakup of a LT relationship that was supposed to be serious, but he ended it out of the blue (by treating me badly, dumping me and starting to hang out/ party with 20year olds and now dating one of them). What you say above describes exactly how I feel, and today I only realized how hard I have been on myself, considering me weak, undesirable, lesser than him and comparing myself (in my thirties), to a stoned 20year old girl and thinking I have no value and what does she have and is better than me to him. It seems I dodged a bullet.. imagine being married to him and having to deal with a GIGS or midlife crisis. You ‘re absolutely right, you can’t possibly marry someone that is so unsure of themselves. I hope to feel in the future, like you feel right now. I have lots of things planned, and serious matters to attend to and it makes me feel strong that I deal with reality, instead of trying to escape from it like him. I wish you the best and I hope you continue in this awesome way! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 Did you ever jump back in the music thing at all Jon? Yeah I did Jen. I've been trying to get the feel of it again by watching tutorials on Youtube and messing around with the program. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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