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How many of you have been dumped and never contacted again?


finalendeavor

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finalendeavor

I need help getting rid of my residual hope. After two months since the breakup, after not hearing from him even ONCE, I still feel hopeful that I'll hear from him, at the very least. I'm just so sure he'll regret it, because of how good I was to him and how impulsive the breakup was, even though I know logically, he still might never reach out. Everyone, even on LS, tells me that he'll reach out surely at some point. It's terrible to think that he can just dump me over text in a really open-ended way, and never ever speak another word to me again. This was someone I was getting ready to move in with.

 

Tell me about the time you got dumped, possibly in a very bad way, and never heard from them again. How did you finally let go and move on?

 

Or, if you did hear from them, tell me how you felt when you finally did. Did you feel indifference at that point?

 

I need a story with some kind of happy ending (something about how you moved on and no long give an F), so I can be reassured that what I'm feeling is normal and that, at some point, I really WON'T care.

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I can't say I never heard from people again because life is funny & you do cross paths.

 

 

Since graduation I haven't seen anybody I dated in college. The geographic distances made it tough.

 

 

The local guy I dated, I never spoke to again but I did bump into him in a bar about 15 years later. I didn't even recognize him.

 

 

I dated the bookkeeper for a bar where I worked & never saw him again after I stopped working there.

 

 

My 2 grad school BFs I see every couple of years because we are in the same industry.

 

 

But for the most part if you don't make an effort to reach out, people simply fade out of your life. I was actually thinking about this the other day when I was considering cleaning out my FB & getting rid of people I knew from some group I no longer belong to. They aren't really my friends & would have no connection to my life but for social media. So it feels artificial.

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StalwartMind

While I know the many reasons as to "why", I'm still going to ask you this. Why are you hoping someone who can just treat you that cold, will contact you again. Would you blindly take him back if he "did" contact you can told you how much he regretted it all, and what if all that was just to do everything all over to you again.

 

No one, no matter how short or long their relationship was, should let feelings from past fool them into potentially being treated poorly again. That's not to say two people can't make things work, far from it, however things should be different and there would be need to be a variety of new conditions to be met or you might just set yourself up for a huge disappointment again.

 

If someone can't treat you with decency, especially if they end something out of the blue and no closure at all, then you are putting a lot of hope into something which I feel would be better spend on someone else. This is naturally not for me to decide, but don't prolong your own misery by thinking he'll reach out, just because others told you he will. No one can guarantee you anything, life doesn't come with guarantees. Living in the past or waiting for the future is essentially pointless, as everything happens right here in the present.

 

I choose my company carefully, but even so I wouldn't be surprised if certain things happened eventually, maybe this sound negative but being skeptical towards anything will just teach you to be cautious as well as protect yourself and your own interests. I'm a very positive an open person, however, I don't know for how long I'll have things or people in my life who are dear to me. What I can do is cherish ever single moment I am graced with their presence, and treat them with the same respect and kindness I always have.

 

People are crafty when it comes to promising other things, promises can so easily be broken, especially those we give that are long term. In a way, either believe the other individual who tells you something, or don't. I want to believe what people around me tell me, however if anything should counter that, I'll have my reservations about putting my trust in that individual again. Maybe that sounds simple and cold, but why even remotely put your hope up for something that may not even happen. This I feel is a lesson more people out to teach themselves, as disappointment is found plenty every single day among other humans.

 

I'm certain you were great to him, but in the end he didn't end up appreciating all you are. This is without a doubt hurtful, but it is also a reminder of why you should perhaps pursue others, who actually will give you the things you desire. Don't be afraid of failures or rejection or even let someone's poor treatment change the "great person" you already know you are. Don't let others have that luxury of ruining you, but turn it into something positive, and become an even better person. If you should choose to meet another individual, then you would want to present the best of you always. Letting go of how someone treated you poorly will make you a stronger person, and to me, there is no greater feeling than finally running into someone who you connect with on every level. Thankfully the more open you are as a person, the more people can do just that for you.

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GreenWellington

My break up wasn't necessarily terrible, and it was mutual to an extent, but it was initiated by her. It was a toxic relationship to say the least, and we dragged it on for far too long.

 

I went total black out NC two weeks after the break. Changed phone numbers, blocked her everywhere, made sure there was no way she could contact me.

 

I'm currently just over 4 months past the break up and she contacted me last week by e-mail asking how I was doing, wanting to catch up, and go for coffee ''as friends''. At first I reluctantly agreed, but sent her an e-mail the next day saying I had changed my mind and wouldn't be seeing her. I then politely asked her not to contact me again and to move on.

 

Haven't heard from her since...and I probably won't ever again.

 

But life works in strange ways and our paths might cross again one day..maybe a test from life to see where you're landed in the healing process. Her e-mails this week made it clear to me that I still have a while to go before I get to complete indifference.

 

Best of luck to you and stay strong. Respect yourself.

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I heard absolutely nothing from my ex for ten months. At that point I didn't think I would ever hear from him again, so it came as a complete surprise.

 

 

From other people's experience on LS, the three-six month mark seemed to be the most common time period that they miss/contact you. Once that time period came and went, I realised I needed to move on for my own sake. Why waste any more precious months of my life pining after someone who seemed to care so little for me?

 

 

What did I feel when he contacted me? Surprise, disbelief and astonishment! The feeling that he would need to do a damn sight more than send me a feeble email after ten months of silence!!

 

 

I must admit that after a period of his increasing attempts at contacting me, I was curious to finally get an explanation regarding the breakup. I had reached the point of recovery where I knew I would be OK to meet him and walk away. I know a lot of people say closure comes from within (and I agree that in some cases there is no other option), but for me it was very helpful hearing his side of events. That may not be true for everyone, of course, as every situation is unique.

 

 

If I could have that time over (knowing what I know now)? I wouldn't have wasted so many months wondering about him and if he would ever contact me again....

 

 

In the end, you can't control other people. The only control you can exercise is your own response to the situation.

 

 

There are some very wise, kind, supportive people on here, who have been in your exact shoes. We've survived it and gone on to be happy once again- although I won't pretend that it is necessarily easy to do. You will get through this and be OK :)

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thekarmacist

i cannot think of a single ex boyfriend that i have never heard from again. the biggest jerk of them all contacted me at 6 months, and then 13 years later, so you never know what will happen after even the most dramatic, ugly breakups.

 

hope is a real bit**. i have not heard from my ex in almost 4 months despite wishing him a happy birthday. i know we'll communicate at some point, but i can't put my life on hold waiting for that to happen. i do still love him and wish things could work out, but now is all i really know and without communication, it's over. as hard as it is, we have to push forward and stop waiting for our own sanity. since no one knows what the future holds, we need to make a future of our own.

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I heard absolutely nothing from my ex for ten months. At that point I didn't think I would ever hear from him again, so it came as a complete surprise.

 

 

From other people's experience on LS, the three-six month mark seemed to be the most common time period that they miss/contact you. Once that time period came and went, I realised I needed to move on for my own sake. Why waste any more precious months of my life pining after someone who seemed to care so little for me?

 

 

What did I feel when he contacted me? Surprise, disbelief and astonishment! The feeling that he would need to do a damn sight more than send me a feeble email after ten months of silence!!

 

 

I must admit that after a period of his increasing attempts at contacting me, I was curious to finally get an explanation regarding the breakup. I had reached the point of recovery where I knew I would be OK to meet him and walk away. I know a lot of people say closure comes from within (and I agree that in some cases there is no other option), but for me it was very helpful hearing his side of events. That may not be true for everyone, of course, as every situation is unique.

 

 

If I could have that time over (knowing what I know now)? I wouldn't have wasted so many months wondering about him and if he would ever contact me again....

 

 

In the end, you can't control other people. The only control you can exercise is your own response to the situation.

 

 

There are some very wise, kind, supportive people on here, who have been in your exact shoes. We've survived it and gone on to be happy once again- although I won't pretend that it is necessarily easy to do. You will get through this and be OK :)

 

What did he say when he finally reached out?

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UltimaWeapon

4/5 of the girls I have been with (dated/relationships ) have come back/reached out in one form or another

 

my ex of 4.5 years-left me for someone else back in 2010 and came back 2 times-wanting to get back with me..it ended September 2010..she came back in October of 2010 again in January of 2011

 

MOST RECENT:

This other girl I started seeing in 2013 - I was with her for 3 months- it ended because of religion issues and the fact we could never maintain a normal relationship because of that.

 

 

She came back 2 years later in June of 2015 wanting to see me and talk to me and everything- I declined (because of the most recent girl I was seeing)

 

 

I just got out of a situation where I was seeing a girl for 6 months and it ended pretty stupidly- shes 21 so I mean what can I expect? my thread is in the coping section- 180 degree flip in a matter of days If you want to check it out.

 

Not sure when she will come back but based on my experience- they all have so far.

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Out of all of the guys I dated/had a LTR with who left me, 3/4 came back in some way or another, although none that materialized into anything that mattered.

 

One boyfriend strung me along for years in high school and college in a weird on/off relationship. He finally ended it and I started dating someone else. He came crawling back but I turned him down because I was finally happy with someone else.

 

Another boyfriend who I dated for over a year was a complete psycho and left me for a woman we both worked with (probably cheated on me). He contacted me a few times to f*** with my head after he left me. But eventually was gone for good with the girl. They got married. BUT, he recently just contacted me 2 weeks ago (5 years later) saying he and his wife were divorcing and tried to get me to meet up with him. I kindly ignored his request. HA! What a Dbag.

 

One I dated for a couple of months and he ended it because he was getting back with his ex-wife. He came back for a bit though to have a FWB. I did not oblige.

 

The only one who left me and never came back was a boyfriend who broke up with me for another girl. They got married like 9 months after. Never heard from him again after our breakup.

 

I don't know if my current ex counts. He broke up with me almost 2 months ago....Haven't heard anything from him. Not sure if I ever will. In our rocky past, he would always come back to me eventually. I hope and pray he stays away for good this time so I can heal and move on.

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The first form of contact was a pretty generic email (what I believed to be breadcrumbs) saying hi and wanting to know how I was doing.

 

 

To be honest, I thought that was a bit of an insult after the months of misery I had gone through after the breakup...so I deleted it and I didn't respond.

 

 

This was followed by more and more detailed emails, which I again ignored. I figured that he could at least pick up a phone if he was really serious about contacting me.

 

 

He then called me (I hung up- mostly because I was so shocked to hear his voice!). He kept calling and eventually I agree to meet to hear him out. At this point, I felt that I had nothing to lose and I was confident that I was robust enough to deal with whatever resulted.

 

 

I am mainly a lurker on LS (I rarely post) and I read lots of other peoples' stories on here post breakup. I followed a lot of the advice on here and I think that it definitely stood me in good stead.

 

 

I do believe that if someone is determined enough to contact you, then they'll keep persisting. I was also very reluctant to give him the opportunity to explain his side of things, as I believed that he should have been able to do that at the time.

 

 

What finally persuaded me to hear him out? A mix of curiosity and knowing that life isn't always as cut and dried as I'd like it to be :)

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I know the answer you WANT to hear. That he will come begging for you back and he was wrong and he regrets being such an idiot! But if that were the case, you would not look at him the same way. He would always be the guy who hurt you and could leave again at ANY moment. You would feel insecure and paranoid. You would also be telling him that what he did was ok and setting your standards very low.

 

yes, some of the guys I have been with did reach out after. But not for the reasons I wanted. Here's a few. The list is endless but I will spare you =)

 

We'll call him Mr Alcoholic. 1 year relationship. Broke up ON our 1 year anniversary. Talk about awful. He treated me like crap toward the end once his mom passed away. He was a train wreck and I was a mess when it ended. About 6 months later he reached out to me (he even had a gf by then) to wish me congrats on running a half marathon. I could have cared less at that point. He was the one who actually inspired me to start running b/c it helped relieved stress. He is now married with a baby and I feel NOTHING toward him.

 

The next guy was Mr S. After dating a few months he COMPLETELY ghosted me. Vanished into thin air over Thanksgiving. I never said a word. April came and he reached out asking to take me to lunch and he wanted to explain his behavior. I had to hear him out....He told me that he liked me so much and that he had always seen himself as sort of a loner and it freaked him out. He also said that he was embarrassed bc of what "happened" the last night we were together. Apparently he was referring to whiskey D!ck which I didn't even notice bc I was probably just as drunk as he was. He asked me out on a dinner date where he proceeded to tell me his mom had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Clearly he was not in the right mindframe to date. Poof he vanished again. I only reached out maybe 2 years after that because I knew his house was probably damaged by Hurricane Sandy. But I feel NOTHING toward him.

 

Last guy we will call Mr Dad. This man COMPLETELY ghosted me after a nice trip out to Pennsylvania at his lakehouse. I never reached out after that. He contacted me a few months later and I was very hesitant but heard him out. He told me he had a great weekend with me but he thought I had a negative outlook in life b/c of one comment I made. (which was me basically questioning my existence on earth). This to me, was very judgmental and i told him that the person I'm meant to be with will like me despite my flaws and I can't be with someone who can judge so harshly. I feel NOTHING toward him.

 

Other than a few more, NONE of my exes have ever contacted me after. It was over and we went separate ways. Point being, while it seems hopeless right now, this guy is probably doing you a favor. If he DID reach out what would that accomplish? The first example I gave was a doozy of a breakup. I wrote in journals everyday, I was miserable for a solid few months after that. But now I can sum it all up within a few sentences and barely even remember what happened to be honest.

 

Everytime you feel hopeful, just say to yourself "he is choosing right now to not be with me". It helps me because it's true. The fact that he chose to not consider your feelings says what kind of man he is. This guy is no prize trust me.

 

I believe once you let go of this hope your healing will begin tenfold =)

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She contacted me several times, but it didn't get my anywhere. I think it just made things worse because it always ended up with my being to emotional. It hurts to talk to someone who you love so much, when they just talk to you like you are just a friend. To hear things like 'I love you, but I also love my father and my BF,' was very painful, even though I know that she didn't mean anything bad with it. It felt like I was downgraded to 'just a friend.'

 

I hope she won't contact me for a long time, and if that means that it will push her further away, so be it. You don't want to get dragged along by hope and seeing it getting crushed before your eyes over and over again, believe me.

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I told you this in another thread, but I'll go a bit more into detail. I've not spoken my ex in almost 6 years. It ended badly, (he left me for someone else) & after a few months of trying to be friends that also didn't go well, I finally went NC.

 

About, 3-4 months of not speaking, I received several missed calls from him from November to January of 2009 - 2010. He never left a VM, never texted, & I never did find out why he was calling me. I was very surprised as I was sure he wanted me out of his life & was thrilled I was.

I changed my number & email, not because of him, but for me - so I wouldn't be waiting around wondering if he would ever talk to me again.

So, for the past 5 years, I know his email & number hasn't changed, but he no longer knows mine.

If he has been trying to get a hold of me, I don't know about it. As far as FB & such, if he's tried to look me up on there & found me, I'm guessing he hasn't had it in him to message me after treating me so badly.

 

I can't tell you I don't secretly hope I'll hear from him again, because I do. I've moved on though simply because I had no choice after a while. You will feel better but yeah it can take some time. I'm sure me saying that I still think about him 5 years later is a downer, but I cannot begin to tell you how much I've learned about myself/healed in that time. I think if the relationship meant anything, it's normal to think about them & wonder, but also be able to move on.

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Lots of great advice on this thread.

 

I got dumped after several years and found out she cheated on me for around 4 months before she walked out. She left everything behind for me to clear up: clothes, mags, books, shoes etc. She told me she was moving out to live at a friends apartment when secretly she had moved in with her new bf. For about three weeks I hadn't a clue she was living with a guy and we even met up for a coffee after the first week of the break up.

 

Meeting up for a coffee and receiving her txts prior to that was the toughest thing of all. As NVO said I had been downgraded to just being a friend. Seeing the texts where she calls me by my first name in a very formal way was tough to take. Also sitting across the table with a coffee and seeing her smile but knowing there was no way back.. well, I wouldn't want to experience that again.

 

A friend put the idea in my head that she may have moved into a guys house as why would she move from my place to stay with a friend. Threes weeks at a friends is long time. Then, out the blue the following week after the cafe meetup I literally walk past her and her new bf! She turned the other cheek. Checked out FB to see the lovebirds together.

 

Anyway, first 4 months really tough as they were the winter months and with Christmas made it worse.

 

At the time people saying time is a healer didn't really help but it is true. When I found out she cheated on me too I went total NC and have contiued it to this day. 5 weeks to go and it will be one whole year! Obviously, she has never contacted me again since I saw them together.

 

I had the misfortune to bump into her a couple of times since and you know that was one of the best things that could have happened to me and it really accelerated the healing process. Seeing her again and how she didn't really appear to have made much progress: still not working, wearing the same clothes (the guy evidentally not a big spender, ouch!) made me realise that I had missed nothing and that she too didn't seem to be going anywhere. If you don't ever see the person all you keep is the romantic vision that you have in your head of what you thought it was like. It is probably one the reasons why some people still want to contact their exs. It's not reality though. When you bump into them (the exs) again you will see the truth as it really is and wonder why on earth you keep thinking about this person.

 

Heartbreak probably tells you more about yourself, that you got a good heart, you'd maybe even forgive the guy but that's because you are a good person.

 

Who knows the reasons behind peoples motives. The reasons may seem totally illogical to us. At first I was trying to figure all this stuff out like how could she walk out, what were the reasons, couldn't she see the error of her ways etc.. but now I sleep like a baby I don't worry about such things. As Jim Rohn says: call it Mysteries of the Mind and leave it at that.

 

There are more deserving people out there for you.

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Out of all my relationships (four serious) I have only not heard from one ex boyfriend. This particular boyfriend and I were best friends before dating, dated 6 months which turned out to be a horrible idea, ended on bad terms and then one day I told him not to contact me and that was almost 3 years ago and not a single word.

 

I think once someone is completely done with a relationship then it's over for good. Some guys will break up for reasons like GIGS or needing space and then realize it was a mistake. If the relationship was super stressful I wouldn't expect to hear from an ex. I am still in touch on special holidays, birthdays with one ex who I have on social media as well and we dated 5 years....although I am dating my most recent ex again (been back together for 3.5 months and we dated for 1.5 before that, broke up for 3.5 months) I never ever thought I would hear from him again or he would want to reconcile ever. I thought it was completely over. It was a rare occurrence though

 

It depends on the relationship honestly, and how bad the break up was. What happened?

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So it seems like most people hear from 90% of their ex's.

 

That leaves the 10% the hopeful mind wants to ignore. I think you've said all your ex's have come back?

 

That means this is the one that won't.

 

Does that help kill the **** hope that's plaguing you??

 

Lol, I hope so. Hope is THE WORST!

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finalendeavor

Well, oddly enough, the only one that DIDN'T come back, was the guy that took my virginity, when I was a particularly naïve fifteen year old girl.

 

 

The second one to not come back, was my most recent ex. We actually talked for a few months two years ago, and then he cut me off and got back with his ex, and we reconnected this last time, after those two years. I kind of started to feel cocky during those years, because he started to stalk my social media, but didn't have the balls to contact me. When I finally asked him how he was, he told me that he had been low-key trying to get my attention for about a year.

 

The fact that he technically "came back" once, particularly after just chatting with me for two months, makes me think he will again. If he could still remember me after all of that time, then I must've made an impact. This time was different though, because he actually got to meet me in person. I think that's what hurt, too. I thought that, once he met me in person, it would sort of "seal the deal", in a way. I couldn't have been more wrong. He seemed head over heels for me, and then just did a complete 180. The hope really is the absolute worst part. But honestly, the more time goes by, the more bitterness and disgust I feel towards him. I keep wavering back and forth between bitterness, disgust, and crippling loneliness, compounded by destroyed trust. If he were to talk with me, I'm not really even sure what I would say.

 

If he were to try to reconnect, I know it would be in some sissy, indirect way. That's probably why I haven't heard from him yet; he's probably being a coward because of the cowardly and awful way he ended it. And I KNOW he's smart enough to recognize and be conscious of the fact that he did a ****ty thing. He knows me so well though, that he probably also knows I'm not talking to him because I have too much self respect to beg and plead, even if I'm screaming internally. He knows all of my weaknesses. We're such similar people it's sort of scary.

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I've had many experiences with men coming back, none super satisfying.

 

Boyfriend in college dumped and returned twice. Eventually I didn't let him come back even though he expected to be able to. He seemed like a person who immature and didn't now what he wanted. I was devastated the last time, actually landed in the psyche hospital at school from depression, but shortly after began to feel ok again.

 

Next guy and I broke up after 3 years, partly due to the fact that I'd had an abortion and neither of us knew how to talk about it so our sex life became non-existant after and emotionally he shut down and I became clingy. Eventaully he left as I became too emotionally demanding. Found out a few weeks after that he was dating another girl. Was mad, but kind of understood. He loved me a lot, I think he needed an exit strategy from a ****ty relationship. He reached out just to talk because he said "you're my best friend, I miss you" a few weeks after BU (before I found out about he girl) but i refused to talk. Now I feel bad about that - I was just being fearful. That situation was just really sad and I wish I had been able to support him more during that time, he only broke up with me because I made life difficult for him. He never asked for me back although we did hook up/talk all night about a year or so later, but shortly after I started dating his roommate and I don't know whether that made him not want to talk to me again. These days we are friendly and polite with some distance in socialg groups. I know I sound like a bit of dbag in this situation and I was, very immature when it came to relationships.

 

The roommate and I dated for a year, I was not happy, I missed the guy above, I'd see him all the time (although by this time I was "over" him ie not devastated by the BU, just liking him as a person) since he lived with my new BF. New BF was nice, but not a good fit. He dumped me because I wasn't happy but wouldn't initiate. I was sad/hurt but relieved. Eight months later I felt I'd healed so I reached to him and asked if he wanted to hang out. I meant as friends. Later I found out he thought I meant get back together. Then after several months hanging out as friends, we sort of broke up again in reverse as I made clear I didn't want more, but he wanted more (like to move in together, actually). This situation ended up causing me an over the top amount of anxiety and the emotions/feas from that situation actually interfered in my dating life emotionally for many years. I don't know why. So in that situation, I'm glad we came back as friends - we are still friends today, we got past the anxiety and sadness and now date other people and are fine with it - but that fantasy about him "coming back and loving me again" turned out to be an emotional nightmare for me. I felt so guilty for not wanting to be with him that it made me have some severe anxiety. It was complex.

 

Anyway, most recent BU, as I've written about on the site, was nearly 4 months ago and I've had tiny tiny breadcrumbs in the form of facebook likes and one casually congratulatory email about a work project, but otherwise nothing. Statisicallly I'm 2 for 4 on serious relationships (I've had dumps and no returns on shorter relationships so actually that makes me 2 for 6, I guess). Because he did the BU so unexpectedly and hurtfully and strangely, I don't know what to do think. I do have past experience of men returning, but I know that every person is different. I can "picture" him returning, and also picture him NOT.

 

I empathize with you though. It is so hard to move forward if you feel there is hope for a return. My other exes, I never thought they would come back - never. So they surprised me. I do think it is easier when you can see them - either it grinds into you that they have moved on, or it gives them a chance to talk if they are scared to be so direct as call. My ex lives an hour away and we only have one mutual friend, my best friend, who would never put us together since she knows how devastated I am from the BU, so I don't know if I'll ever see him again (unless he has a random errand in my city which does happen at times). My mom said that most relatonships reconenct when people "see each other at a party", ie unplanned reconnection. And, I keep thinking, as people have written above, its ridicuslous to compare a short email or facebook like with the depth of agony we have experienced. I feel like if he wanted to come back, he would have to make a very big gesture and take a long time to build trust again. And yeah, it's not necessarily going back to the good times. Gettting back toether is complicated emotional process. Personally I go back and forth between being glad to never see him again , and wanting to work it out. And that's ok. It's part of the process.

 

Wow, in reading this, I'm really reaffirming for myself what a co-dependent dbag I was for most of the dating life up to about 5 years ago. I was so filled with fears. After the last BU with the guy where I had all the anxiety, I really worked hard on my patterns and really changed the way I treated men, and my latest BU of the recipient of all that work - I was kind, sweet, and gave him lots of freedom and support. It really blows that I finally get my **** together and then I get treated really badly. But people are people and they struggle - as I did in my youth, as my current ex is doing now. We have to forgive people and ourselves because we all have fears. That's why reconciliations can be so challenging - people are dealing with heavey stuff in their lives and they can be loving, but also hurtful. I've been on both sides of that and I know the only thing to do is keep reconnecting to love for yourself and respect for other people. We all just got to keep doing the best we can to be kind people. It's good to have other people like LS forums to talk with in this process.

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Well, oddly enough, the only one that DIDN'T come back, was the guy that took my virginity, when I was a particularly naïve fifteen year old girl.

 

 

The second one to not come back, was my most recent ex. We actually talked for a few months two years ago, and then he cut me off and got back with his ex, and we reconnected this last time, after those two years. I kind of started to feel cocky during those years, because he started to stalk my social media, but didn't have the balls to contact me. When I finally asked him how he was, he told me that he had been low-key trying to get my attention for about a year.

 

The fact that he technically "came back" once, particularly after just chatting with me for two months, makes me think he will again. If he could still remember me after all of that time, then I must've made an impact. This time was different though, because he actually got to meet me in person. I think that's what hurt, too. I thought that, once he met me in person, it would sort of "seal the deal", in a way. I couldn't have been more wrong. He seemed head over heels for me, and then just did a complete 180. The hope really is the absolute worst part. But honestly, the more time goes by, the more bitterness and disgust I feel towards him. I keep wavering back and forth between bitterness, disgust, and crippling loneliness, compounded by destroyed trust. If he were to talk with me, I'm not really even sure what I would say.

 

If he were to try to reconnect, I know it would be in some sissy, indirect way. That's probably why I haven't heard from him yet; he's probably being a coward because of the cowardly and awful way he ended it. And I KNOW he's smart enough to recognize and be conscious of the fact that he did a ****ty thing. He knows me so well though, that he probably also knows I'm not talking to him because I have too much self respect to beg and plead, even if I'm screaming internally. He knows all of my weaknesses. We're such similar people it's sort of scary.

 

Wait. He had never met you before and this is the first time you were physically togeter? How long did you physically spend time together?

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finalendeavor

I had this detail in a previous thread. We spent two weeks together. I know it all sounds crazy, we just connected to an insane degree. We'd both been in LTR before, but we agrred that what we were experiencing was different.The guy even had me meet his entire family and everything. I sort of know why the relationship ended at this point- everything moved so fast- but I don't know why it had to end so ugly and why I had to be cut off like that. I had thought, when he broke up with me, that it was because he didn't like what he saw in person, but he told me that he wanted me to commit and move out there the last few days I was there. We had flirted with the idea of these things before I visited, but he seemed really sure when I left. The guy really was head over heels for me, and then he withdrew and practically disappeared overnight. And I'm still 100% positive it wasn't another girl. The more I look back, the more I think he had some serious problems. These things are why I thought he was a Narcissist. His actions and feelings were and always so genuine, and then he turned everything off like a switch, without a care in the world. I feel like I would've been able to tell if he wasn't in to me when I stayed with him, I can always tell. Surely if he wasn't into me, he would've spared me the tears in the airport, having me meet the family, the details conversations about our living situation. It's all very, very weird. He even went out of his way to shower me with gifts and affectionate action after I left.

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Yes, you did mention that before, I couldn't remember where to look to double check.

 

Hmmm, so I had a relationship like that, circa 2005, that totally knocked the wind out of me and, and to be honest kinda changed my life...like in how I see things.

 

It was online. He lived on another continent. It went so fast. We talked about marriage and kids and he told me how much he loved me, Over and over. I flew to see him. It was amazing. Perfect. We both balled at the airport. Soulmate s***. About two weeks after I got home and many lovey convos, he just flipped one night. Crushed me.

 

Went complete nc for maybe a year or more. One day out of the blue he emails. I lost it. He apologized profusely. Tried to be friends but couldn't.

 

Skip to maybe 6 months ago he tried to friend me via social media. I just couldn't so I've ignored it.

 

Dunno, it seems if it's the right one...it wouldn't go anything like this.

 

Just a hunch. Let him go:(

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How many of you have been dumped and never contacted again?

 

Always, without exception.

 

I see this as unremarkable. Why? I'm the same way. When I'm done with someone, regardless of relationship type, they're erased. Of course, they're still alive, hopefully, but are again one of billions I have no active care or thought of. Think of the countless people out there whom one will never know. There's billions of them. Should one be concerned about that? IMO, the healthy answer is no. Move on. Life is short.

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Well, oddly enough, the only one that DIDN'T come back, was the guy that took my virginity, when I was a particularly naïve fifteen year old girl.

 

 

The second one to not come back, was my most recent ex. We actually talked for a few months two years ago, and then he cut me off and got back with his ex, and we reconnected this last time, after those two years. I kind of started to feel cocky during those years, because he started to stalk my social media, but didn't have the balls to contact me. When I finally asked him how he was, he told me that he had been low-key trying to get my attention for about a year.

 

The fact that he technically "came back" once, particularly after just chatting with me for two months, makes me think he will again. If he could still remember me after all of that time, then I must've made an impact. This time was different though, because he actually got to meet me in person. I think that's what hurt, too. I thought that, once he met me in person, it would sort of "seal the deal", in a way. I couldn't have been more wrong. He seemed head over heels for me, and then just did a complete 180. The hope really is the absolute worst part. But honestly, the more time goes by, the more bitterness and disgust I feel towards him. I keep wavering back and forth between bitterness, disgust, and crippling loneliness, compounded by destroyed trust. If he were to talk with me, I'm not really even sure what I would say.

 

If he were to try to reconnect, I know it would be in some sissy, indirect way. That's probably why I haven't heard from him yet; he's probably being a coward because of the cowardly and awful way he ended it. And I KNOW he's smart enough to recognize and be conscious of the fact that he did a ****ty thing. He knows me so well though, that he probably also knows I'm not talking to him because I have too much self respect to beg and plead, even if I'm screaming internally. He knows all of my weaknesses. We're such similar people it's sort of scary.

 

Read the sentences I bolded from your post. That's a huge red flag, that you should've taken notice of and I'm sure you are smart enough to see it as that but the decision you made to give him a chance was a huge gamble which you took and now you are suffering the consequences.. hopefully you'll learn from this.

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finalendeavor
Yes, you did mention that before, I couldn't remember where to look to double check.

 

Hmmm, so I had a relationship like that, circa 2005, that totally knocked the wind out of me and, and to be honest kinda changed my life...like in how I see things.

 

It was online. He lived on another continent. It went so fast. We talked about marriage and kids and he told me how much he loved me, Over and over. I flew to see him. It was amazing. Perfect. We both balled at the airport. Soulmate s***. About two weeks after I got home and many lovey convos, he just flipped one night. Crushed me.

 

Went complete nc for maybe a year or more. One day out of the blue he emails. I lost it. He apologized profusely. Tried to be friends but couldn't.

 

Skip to maybe 6 months ago he tried to friend me via social media. I just couldn't so I've ignored it.

 

Dunno, it seems if it's the right one...it wouldn't go anything like this.

 

Just a hunch. Let him go:(

 

This. This is exactly what I needed. I needed insight from someone who had experienced a similar situation.

 

And I know this now, looking back, Quattrob. Unfortunately this knowledge doesn't make the pain any less. I did take a gamble, and I did get burnt, but it still hurts like ****. I ignored this red flag, because I've been in his shoes, and realistically, if you're wanting to badly reconcile with your ex, you'll probably pick them over someone you've just been chatting with for a few months. It was definitely indicative of overall cowardly/ flakey behavior though, and shouldn't have been excused, particularly when other red flags were present. This boy is a huge coward. Can't commit, only gets in LDR's because of it, can't communicate issues in straightforward, concise manners. Thank god the pedestal is crumbling. I think I just want contact to make things feel more complete, in my mind. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I know I'd feel better and get over it quicker if I just got SOME tidbit in reference to what happened.

 

There were a whole lot of lessons to be learned from this though, so even though I used to regret visiting/ meeting him, I don't anymore. It was a learning experience. I'm still hurt and feeling the distant pangs of depression, but I'm feeling a lot less nihilistic and bitter.

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