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Yepanotherone

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Yepanotherone

So today me and my now ex broke up. The day prior I brought up how the long distance was effecting our relationship.. I was ready to talk about sorting it out but then she dropped the bomb that she wasn't sure what she wants. Came out of nowhere, she had always talked about things we will do in the near future..

 

At the back of my mind I always saw this coming.. she's 19 (turning 20 soon) and heading into her second year at University and feels too young to be in anything serious. I'm 24 and just finished University and about to head travelling for 10 weeks.

 

We were casually dating for 5 months and then official for 4 months. And majority of the time we were official we had to deal with long distance where we only saw each other twice the whole time due to really bad timing of events stopping us seeing each other.

 

We both agreed it's a case of right people wrong time and I really hate that. She mentioned maybe meeting up after my travels, I'd honestly love to get back together but I know it's not healthy to hope and wait for that.

 

I'm honestly devastated, I can't stop crying. She had many good qualities I liked. I feel I was the one who lost his way due to problems I haven't quite dealt with.. (Anxiety/depression) I lost my attraction and never really felt like I truly deserved her.

 

I'm making this diary to help myself cope, accept, ultimately move on and use this pain I'm experiencing to better myself.

 

Future posts will be shorter, I felt I needed to give this some background. If you have any questions or would like to follow and support please do. I'll be most grateful. Thank you.

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Day 1:

 

Ground zero. True mix of emotions right now which come in waves. The what if's are beginning to plague me. Broke down in front of my parents, my Mum and Dad comforted me. I wish I could say it helped but all logic right now I can understand but it makes no difference to how I feel. Appetite is dead.

 

I know I'm going to have to move on. And I will be going NC. I've done this in the past so I know how to do it and how effective it is.

 

Not long after the break up phonecall I changed my Facebook relationship status to single. I also unfollowed her and her friend so any updates won't come up on my news feed. However I still have her added as a friend I guess I'm not ready yet to break that off, I guess a part of me wants her to see how awesome my travels are, wonder about me and want me back..

 

I've searched her Facebook profile already a few times today, I guess trying to find out how she feels. I'm going to have to stop this or completely unfriend her as it's not going to help me.

 

I don't think she will ever contact me though I wish she would. I know I won't be contacting her, though I'd really like to in order to get closure and talk things through more and work things out but I know that's going to make me look pathetic.

 

I guess at the moment you could summarise how I feel as in extreme pain, hope that something will make it all ok however deep down I know how this plays out and I know it's fatal to hope and it won't work out. She will go out enjoy the single life and the rest is history..

 

And there I was thinking this post was going to be shorter haha. Let's see where this leads hopefully weeks from now I can look back on this and see the progress I've made to benefit myself.

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Day 2:

 

It's 14:30 I'm struggling today, I was awake most of the night with thoughts running through my head.. Finally fell asleep at 7am and woke up around 12pm and since then I laid in bet learning to try and come to terms with this. I understand why she had to break up, she wants me but for herself to grow she had to move on and be free. It's almost worse that we broke up when there was still a spark and chemistry which most likely would have been set on fire again once we would each other more often come late September. Her yearning to be free and experience the single life would have probably always been there and would have come up sooner or later. I almost wish it happened when we were a very rough patch so the break up was easier.

 

My emotions are all the place, one second I'm over her and ready to take on the world and the next second I just break down into tears. I didn't think losing her would honestly be this tough.. I thought I'd be alright this break up as I've sort of become use to them, how wrong was I.

 

I feel this break up hurts deeply because it comes back to a deep issue of mine where I truly feel I am not enough, I've been rejected, I'm faulty goods. It's been a battle of mine for many years now and is the cause of my depression and anxiety. The fact that she chose that other life over me shows that I wasn't enough, if she really truly wanted me and I was enough she would have stayed and sacrificed the single life in order to build a relationship with me.

 

Damn it maybe I need to go back to counseling I can't continue with these lurking thoughts. They always come back to bite me.

 

My goals today to be a better me:

 

Watch a 2 hour video on how to handle/Get over breakups

Not check her social media pages (I know this will turn into an awful habit if I don't stop the pattern early on)

Drop a parcel off

Find out my work patterns for this week

Further research places to travel in Vietnam and what camera may be suitable for my travels

Go to the gym later tonight

Maybe meet up with a friend or talk to them on the phone about the situation and get my mind off the break up

Make sure I eat enough, my appetite has completely gone at the moment

 

I may update this later once I've done these. I was planning on getting a haircut but I'm worried I'd just begin crying while sat in the chair. That would be awful for everyone so maybe it's best I avoid that for a few days in till these emotions begin to stabilize.

 

Edit:

 

18:45 - I'm re-reading this since the morning and I find it interesting how now I can view it differently or for what it is... I feel more positive right at this hour and I wouldn't have said stuff like the below toxic quotation from earlier if I were to write the piece out at this very moment. It's just something I need to be aware of that at times I will feel in the dumps and other moments I will feel strong. I must observe my actions during these moments and not doing anything rash. Time and action will heal all.

 

"I feel this break up hurts deeply because it comes back to a deep issue of mine where I truly feel I am not enough, I've been rejected, I'm faulty goods. It's been a battle of mine for many years now and is the cause of my depression and anxiety. The fact that she chose that other life over me shows that I wasn't enough, if she really truly wanted me and I was enough she would have stayed and sacrificed the single life in order to build a relationship with me."

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Day 3:

 

I hit the sack at 04:00 and had a terrible sleep due to my nephew - he's 2 and a half years old and lively and loud, can't blame him. Finally woke up around 13:30 and stayed in bed till around 14:30 watching videos about traveling South East Asia, it's the only thing keeping me going at the moment. The hope that I will create a new better me from the lessons and experiences I'll gain out there. I am scared as I traveling alone, I'll have nobody to fall back on and I'll really have the put myself out there and I'm afraid at times that will be difficult for me and I won't do that and be left stranded alone.

 

I feel really lonely so far today, definitely the most depressed I've woken up feeling since the breakup. I'm checking every morning and night to see if she's messaged me but no. It's really painful losing a companion I with talked with daily. I really want to know how she's coping, whether she's hurting just as much or she's fine and moving on.. I feel it would help me but I know getting back in touch would restart the cycle and make it worse.

 

I've began blaming myself for putting myself in this situation. There were plenty of red flags that she wasn't mature enough and wanted to live the single life but I chose to believe her though deep down I never really trusted her because of her actions and I also feel she never really trusted me. She never really looked 100% comfortable with me where she could let go and open up, it was hard dealing with someone who wouldn't open up and it's hard to build connection without intimacy and vulnerability.

 

Damn it I wish she never said we could possibly talk this through before my travels and possibly meet up after my travels. That's made a part of me cling on to hope which is unhealthy and will cause me further pain.

 

I wish this breakup didn't happen when I had so much free time due to my current part-time work schedule and the fact I've now finally finished University - which I'm also finding it difficult to come to terms with. With all this free time my mind is wondering into self pity.

 

What I completed yesterday:

 

Watch a 2 hour video on how to handle/Get over breakups (Done!)

Not check her social media pages (I know this will turn into an awful habit if I don't stop the pattern early on) (Done! - Really proud of myself for that!)

Drop a parcel off (Didn't do)

Find out my work patterns for this week (Done!)

Further research places to travel in Vietnam and what camera may be suitable for my travels (Done however still a work in progress)

Go to the gym later tonight (Done!)

Maybe meet up with a friend or talk to them on the phone about the situation and get my mind off the break up (Didn't do)

Make sure I eat enough, my appetite has completely gone at the moment (Was better still need to eat a bit more)

 

Today's goals:

 

Drop a parcel off

Choose a haircut style for tomorrows cut

Get out of the house - Maybe meet up with a friend or talk to them on the phone about the situation and get my mind off the break up

Not check her social media pages

Watch a further video on how to overcome a breakup

Further research places to travel in Vietnam and what camera may be suitable for my travels

Keep a track of my food intake

Aim to get to sleep earlier - Goal tonight is between 2:00 and 2:30

Possibly go to the gym, it's a rest day from weights but I may do light cardio and stretching to get out the house

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Day 4:

 

I slept for maybe 4 hours last night.. couldn't fall asleep it must have been around 5:30 by the time I did. However this morning my emotions are much more stable I haven't broke out in tears and I don't feel alone as much as I did yesterday.

 

Maybe I'm actually beginning to realize how kinda incompatible we were and how immature some of her actions were but I was blinded by 'love'.

 

Last night I rejoined Tinder, I have zero ambition to go on a date right now but possibly talking to other girls though it feels a bit early may help me overcome my ex and realize there are more women out there.

 

Yesterday I felt I had to just get out of the house, I'm feeling fed up of being stuck indoors sat by my computer dealing with this. So yesterday I went to the supermarket just to get out the house, I ended up spending about 30 minutes reading a magazine without feeling extremely anxious.. for me that's a huge step as I use to get bad anxiety while shopping/in stores but it seems to have improved lately and especially yesterday. It's like my brain is operating on a lower frequency. Just less care for minor things in life that cause my anxiety to tick.

 

Yesterday's goals:

 

Drop a parcel off (Done!)

Choose a haircut style for tomorrows cut (Didn't do)

Get out of the house - Maybe meet up with a friend or talk to them on the phone about the situation and get my mind off the break up (Done! - went to the supermarket and also reconnected with an old friend)

Not check her social media pages (Done!)

Watch a further video on how to overcome a breakup (Done!)

Further research places to travel in Vietnam and what camera may be suitable for my travels (Done! Requires further work)

Keep a track of my food intake (Done!)

Aim to get to sleep earlier - Goal tonight is between 2:00 and 2:30 (Attempted but will try again)

Possibly go to the gym, it's a rest day from weights but I may do light cardio and stretching to get out the house (Didn't do had a day off)

Researched what phone to buy (Done! Further work required)

 

Today's goals:

 

Choose haircut

Haircut

Cash a cheque

Keep a track of my food intake

Aim to get to sleep earlier - Goal tonight is between 2:00 and 2:30

Watch a further video on how to overcome a breakup

Not check her social media pages (Done!)

Further research what phone to buy

Gym

Possibly go into town and walk around the shopping mall to look for deals on shorts/Get out of the house

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Playing catch up here so will write two days.

 

Beginning to really feel real now. Day 5 was an interesting day my anxiety lessened quite a lot and I found myself having conversations without rushing, there was flow and I felt very comfortable shopping on my own. It was one of the best feelings I've had in a while. I felt a period of little anxiety and was at peace with myself and the environment.

 

I did a snap chat story of a gorgeous view it was purely for the intention of hoping to see if she would get back in touch or would view it.. She did view it but I haven't had any response. I need to do learn to do things for me not for her.

 

Day 5:

 

Choose haircut (Done)

Haircut (Done)

Cash a cheque (Done)

Keep a track of my food intake (Didn't do)

Aim to get to sleep earlier - Goal tonight is between 2:00 and 2:30 (Done)

Watch a further video on how to overcome a breakup (Done)

Not check her social media pages (Done!)

Further research what phone to buy (Done)

Gym (Done)

Possibly go into town and walk around the shopping mall to look for deals on shorts/Get out of the house (Done)

 

Day 6:

 

Mourning/Depressed kinda day.. Sucks

 

Goal:

 

Work (Done)

Gym (Done)

Sleep by 02:00 (Done)

Keep track of diary (Done)

Don't check her social media (Done)

Tell my Boss about myself going Travelling (Done) - Huge weight off my shoulders!

 

Day: 7

 

Work

Keep track of diary

Sleep by 01:00

Don't check her social media

Set up plans with friends for weekend

Possibly go to the gym to stretch/run - It's meant to be a rest day

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Day 7 update:

 

I feel really crap right now. I've been doing my best to avoid seeing any social media from her but just now I received a snap chat from a friend and then after opening it the app left me on the 'stories' page where I could see my ex's story.. without thinking I jumped at it, Sure enough it was a couple of stories of her getting ready to go out drinking tonight with her friends, she really looked gorgeous. Dammit I was slowly getting better now this has messed me up.. now I'm thinking she's going to meet loads of guys, kiss them, get their number and so on and how much I miss her.

 

I'm really hating this break up, I wish I could be one of those guys which it didn't effect them but the truth is I'm highly sensitive and this is killing me. I'm trying to stay strong and have a positive mindset but I really feel like giving up.

 

This has really set me off.. this has truly messed my head up.. now I'm in a battle of wanting to know what happens so I want to check more social media. However I know that it is going to hurt me bad. It's like an addiction, a painful addiction that plays on insecurity and fear.

 

Anyone here to talk right now? Please convince me not to look

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Please block her on any and every form of social media. You have to for your own healing, and before you see something that will majorly p*ss you off/upset you.

 

Don't worry about what she might think, it's about you now.

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Please block her on any and every form of social media. You have to for your own healing, and before you see something that will majorly p*ss you off/upset you.

 

Don't worry about what she might think, it's about you now.

 

Thank you for replying really appreciate it right at this moment. I've managed to calm down my emotions in the past 30 minutes since the incident. That initial shock of emotions truly messes up my mind, my actions, my outlook on life and general well being. I can't do that anymore that was truly painful.

 

I know you're totally right, I just wished she never said we could possibly meet up again when I get back from traveling, that has left me confused whether too or not... she may take it the wrong way and it will completely destroy my chances with her ever again. I wish she said we are never talking again and then that would have been easier, instead I'm left with a vague sense of promise that may or may never come true... arghhh

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Day 9 NC:

 

I haven't updated this diary in the past few days mainly due to being lazy.

 

A few things have happened..

 

I got drunk on the friends with work mates and we ended up going back to mine to play drinking games and carry on the party, anyway I ended up sleeping with one of my work friends. We have always had an underlying attraction for each other and I guess we hit it off on the night out. It's a bit awkward though as she has a boyfriend, I'm not proud but it happened. Hopefully we can remain friends and she doesn't feel too bad.

 

I also took a few Snapchat stories of the night out and drinking games, I definitely did it so my ex could see these pictures.. I guess I was immature and wanted her to feel the pain I had felt when I saw that she was going out. I won't be adding stories in future to get back at her. That's wrong and not me.

 

I keep thinking of my ex.. I can't beat this feeling that she will be the most beautiful girl I will ever date, she is gorgeous I can't deny that. I went on Instagram and I saw she had uploaded a picture of her on a night out and yup she is looking great. I also noticed she had unfollowed me and therefore I did the same. After seeing that picture I felt the need to check her Facebook page (1st time I have done this) and anyway she had pictures of her night out up and had also 2 new male friends added(I assume from that night out). I'm not going to read into that too much or it may drive my head crazy.

 

I'm not sure if I have already posted about the fact she deleted and removed herself from pictures of us on Facebook. That cut me deep, it's like she is truly wiping me out of existence. A part of me feels she is playing a game with me as she knows that I was going to go full NC (We had discussed how we had dealt with prior breakups) then there's the part of me that's wondering was I really that bad of a boyfriend that you're not even going to keep a single picture of us? Is this a move to wipe existence of me so she can quickly date other guys? Or is this a sign she's hurting bad and has to punish me or get rid of me to help herself? I don't know I'm so confused.

 

Right now I'd love to talk to her, truly would. Not even in a let's get back together kinda way, just in a 'can be be respectable to each other kinda way'. I keep repeating those words in my head "maybe we could get coffee when you get back off travels".. it was in a kind of asking me tone.. or maybe she was just saying it to ease the blow of breaking up..

 

I keep thinking about how I changed during the relationship and how I wish we did things differently. My mind has been reflecting a lot recently and there's many things I wish I did differently and how I wish I spent my time more wisely when I was younger and made the most of valuable decisions.

 

She's all I've been thinking about lately and I mean non-stop... My mood is pretty low at the moment but you wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at me. I can fake it well.

 

If I check her Facebook page again I will delete her. At the moment I've only done it once (today).. In the coming weeks I may delete her anyway but that truly feels like cutting the chord and destroying any chance of us getting back together.

 

I've been working a lot recently but next week my goal is to refocus myself on gaining knowledge about traveling, sorting what I need out for traveling, sticking to a gym routine, saving money and hanging out with friends when possible.

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Deleting her from facebook will not prohibit you guys from reconnecting in the future. There is a world outside of facebook. She knows where you live.

 

DO delete her if you check her page again. It's not gonna help having access to her. Maybe just delete he anyway. You'll be ok, just try it and see.

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Deleting her from facebook will not prohibit you guys from reconnecting in the future. There is a world outside of facebook. She knows where you live.

 

DO delete her if you check her page again. It's not gonna help having access to her. Maybe just delete he anyway. You'll be ok, just try it and see.

 

True it is probably very minor in the grand scheme of things and we both have each others number.

 

Really wishing I never checked her page now, I was recovering well and now I can't fall asleep. I even checked her Twitter after.

 

It's funny how small curiosity can blow up.. started with checking instagram, noticed I was down a follower, checked it was her sure enough it was, unfollowed her, wondered if she had deleted me off Facebook, had to find out so searched her..

 

I guess I feel shocked and hurt really by how she is treating this break up.. To remove all pictures of us.. that feels awful considering we broke up on good terms.

 

I keep thinking about meeting up with her to discuss us but I'm not sure what I'd hope to achieve from it.. maybe it would just rub salt in wounds. I mean it's not like we would get back together any time soon anyhow as I'll be away travelling but I do catch myself saying "but when January comes around we could meet again"..

 

I really do need to let go.. I'm in no position emotionally right now to even contact her. I'd be needy, desporate and insecure.. not a great formula.

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True it is probably very minor in the grand scheme of things and we both have each others number.

 

Really wishing I never checked her page now, I was recovering well and now I can't fall asleep. I even checked her Twitter after.

 

It's funny how small curiosity can blow up.. started with checking instagram, noticed I was down a follower, checked it was her sure enough it was, unfollowed her, wondered if she had deleted me off Facebook, had to find out so searched her..

 

I guess I feel shocked and hurt really by how she is treating this break up.. To remove all pictures of us.. that feels awful considering we broke up on good terms.

 

I keep thinking about meeting up with her to discuss us but I'm not sure what I'd hope to achieve from it.. maybe it would just rub salt in wounds. I mean it's not like we would get back together any time soon anyhow as I'll be away travelling but I do catch myself saying "but when January comes around we could meet again"..

 

I really do need to let go.. I'm in no position emotionally right now to even contact her. I'd be needy, desporate and insecure.. not a great formula.

 

Stay strong. Delete ever way of contacting her. Everything!

 

Like who gives a **** what she is doing. She hasn't got you and aren't you an amazing, fun , confident , strong man. She is the one missing out. Focus on just being an even better version of yourself. You will go off travelling and have loads of new adventures!!!!

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Stay strong. Delete ever way of contacting her. Everything!

 

Like who gives a **** what she is doing. She hasn't got you and aren't you an amazing, fun , confident , strong man. She is the one missing out. Focus on just being an even better version of yourself. You will go off travelling and have loads of new adventures!!!!

 

Thank you that was really nice to hear. Been questioning myself lately.. Why wasn't I good enough kind of thoughts?.. I really need to stop those thoughts and focus on improving myself. There's some areas in my life I've noticed since the break up that I really want to improve. I'd like to improve my social life, figure out my career, be more aware of when and not to be sensitive and lose some weight.

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Sorry you're going through this.

 

I've been there. My first love and I dated for 1 1/2 years in college. My junior year due to her mom passing away and her financial situation changing she had to leave school and move back home to Colorado. (School was in the Northeast). Due to her moving back we obviously had to break up. I knew I wasn't going to move there and she wasn't able to come back. Our feelings were still there and we loved each other but we just couldn't do anything about the circumstances. Heartbroken of course.

 

We talked for the next 4-6 months as if we were still together. During those months I was in school and then had the summer and occupied my time going out with friends and with the sport I played in college. That helped me not think about her so much and how crappy it was because my mind was forced to be occupied with other situations.

 

During that summer about 5 months post break up we started missing one another's phone calls more frequently. She started a job back in Colorado and I was working, playing my sport, or just doing things. So when I was free to talk she wouldn't be due to work, and when she was free to talk I wouldn't be due to what I was doing. This made the reality of the situation sink in to me. The distance thing wasn't going to work, I would need to let her go and while I was still in love with her I owed it to myself to continue living my life and open myself to new possibilities.

 

This helped me.... Until she started seeing someone else that fall. Mind you I hadn't seen her since the previous February. But seeing her post pics with a new guy who she was seeing just brought everything back. I texted her more and tried talking to her. She would pick up and call me back but it wasn't the same. The spark wasn't there as sting because when you don't see someone for 9 months it's natural for that to fade.

 

She stopped seeing that guy in November, so it was a short fling. I made a last ditch effort and said "screw it, I miss you I'm going to buy a ticket and fly to see you one weekend". She agreed and wanted me to come so in late November I flew there, so exited and thrilled id get to be with her and thinking we would act like BF/gf just like the last time I saw her.

I got there and it wasn't like I had hoped. While we had fun and it was great to see her, she wasn't all there I felt in terms of love. We kissed a few times but nothing intense like when we were dating. I thought it would be a given that we'd have sex and that didn't come close to happening. By the end of the weekend I left, she cried and spent the time in the airport listening to sad songs on my iPod.

 

On the flight home I guess I had an epiphany. It was over. I was going to be ok. I can't tell you what exactly made me realize this but it happened. Maybe it was the semi awkwardness hanging over us when I was there, maybe it was the slight rejection I felt by her not sleeping with me or being as affectionate as she was when we dated, maybe it was seeing what she had to do on a daily basis to make ends meet. Whatever it was I realized that we'd never be together again.

 

And I was ok. I was happy I had met her and fell in love with her. I was happy that she helped me mature and I learned how to treat a girl right and what a loving relationship should be like. I wasn't mad at her, I wasn't spiteful that "why does this have to happen to me, why couldn't she just stay at school?". I knew she would've if she could've. I was happy that I grew and experienced the things I did with her and knew that I could date someone else and have ALOT to offer.

 

I got home and ended up having the most incredible senior year of college that a single guy could have. I hooked up with girls, went out with friends, enjoyed life in every possible way. Would it have been that way if she never left? I don't think it would have to be honest. Not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with her, but I was happy I got to experience being single in that final year.

 

Eventually a year after graduation I started dating a girl that I had met during that senior year of college. I doubt I would've met her if I had not been single that year. Fast forward 5 years and were getting engaged this fall.

 

So moral of the story? You'll be ok. I hope that my story and experience is able to show you that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to be angry at the world for the situation, but you can and you will get past it. The key is to finally have that realization that it's over and you're ok with it. Have that moment where you're happy you had the time and memories with her and wish her the best but know that you owe it to yourself to put the romantic emotions behind you.

 

I wouldn't block her because that's mean to do to someone who never did anything wrong to you. But if you can't stop yourself from looking at her page it might be something you have to do. You can be incredibly mature and deactivate your Facebook that way it's not just doing it to her. But I think meeting new girls and having a good social life nowadays will require an active social media platform.

 

Once you do that.... It's all gravy man. You'll be fine.

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Really feeling crap and that the world is against me right now. I was driving through country lanes to my hospital appointment for breast cancer screening this morning and my tyre popped.. I'm not going to make my appointment, it's the second time I haven't been able to make it now.. really feeling alone in life at the moment. I have nobody to call or to come pick me up.. my parents are away and my sister is in work. Starting to really question what am I doing so wrong in life.

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That's a **** feeling. Hope you are ok and you got it sorted. It's not the end of the world, don't catastrophise this. It's a tyre and missed appointment.

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That's a **** feeling. Hope you are ok and you got it sorted. It's not the end of the world, don't catastrophise this. It's a tyre and missed appointment.

 

Yea you're right I'm okay now I walked home and just let it all go. I'll sort it out later today it isn't the end of the world.

Sadly a women not long afterwards had her tyre punctured as well, there's a huge crater in the road. Myself and the women exchanged details so we can claim against the council and they should pay for the cost of a tyre though they will dispute it.

 

I guess witnessing it happen to another person made me feel I'm not the only person going through bad events, they are part of life and should be acknowledged as unfortunate but put in perspective.

 

I kind of find it ironical that my New Years resolution was to make this year the most successful year of my life (Graduating, Travelling, New Job, Moving out, Relationship).. it's all kind of been a mess tbh. This year has honestly been the hardest of my life to date. I've had numerous health issues (1 that I'll have for life and 1 that I that isn't resolved yet but looks like it could be a benign tumor) which then effected my Graduation (I didn't graduate with my friends and that sucked) and travelling (had to push dates back) and I worked way too much in the first few months of this year.. I was doing close to 40 hour weeks while also studying in my final year of University.. Rediculous looking back but I felt pressured by work to do so.

 

This year I have definitely learnt hell of a lot about myself and what I need to change. I'm actually proud of myself considering my background with mental health and anxiety. I find that I have a few medium low days but then I'm able to bounce back. I keep thinking to myself maybe all this hardship has a purpose, it must do, even if it doesn't I like to think it does.

 

I'm actually excited to see the kind of person I'll be after my travels, I feel it's going to be a massive event in my life that will change me as a person.

 

Thank you all for your support, you've been really helpful. I don't really have any friends I can talk about these issues (being guys we avoid it) and within my family we don't really talk about internal issues unless it's very apparent. So thank you.

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Yepanotherone
Sorry you're going through this.

 

I've been there. My first love and I dated for 1 1/2 years in college. My junior year due to her mom passing away and her financial situation changing she had to leave school and move back home to Colorado. (School was in the Northeast). Due to her moving back we obviously had to break up. I knew I wasn't going to move there and she wasn't able to come back. Our feelings were still there and we loved each other but we just couldn't do anything about the circumstances. Heartbroken of course.

 

We talked for the next 4-6 months as if we were still together. During those months I was in school and then had the summer and occupied my time going out with friends and with the sport I played in college. That helped me not think about her so much and how crappy it was because my mind was forced to be occupied with other situations.

 

During that summer about 5 months post break up we started missing one another's phone calls more frequently. She started a job back in Colorado and I was working, playing my sport, or just doing things. So when I was free to talk she wouldn't be due to work, and when she was free to talk I wouldn't be due to what I was doing. This made the reality of the situation sink in to me. The distance thing wasn't going to work, I would need to let her go and while I was still in love with her I owed it to myself to continue living my life and open myself to new possibilities.

 

This helped me.... Until she started seeing someone else that fall. Mind you I hadn't seen her since the previous February. But seeing her post pics with a new guy who she was seeing just brought everything back. I texted her more and tried talking to her. She would pick up and call me back but it wasn't the same. The spark wasn't there as sting because when you don't see someone for 9 months it's natural for that to fade.

 

She stopped seeing that guy in November, so it was a short fling. I made a last ditch effort and said "screw it, I miss you I'm going to buy a ticket and fly to see you one weekend". She agreed and wanted me to come so in late November I flew there, so exited and thrilled id get to be with her and thinking we would act like BF/gf just like the last time I saw her.

I got there and it wasn't like I had hoped. While we had fun and it was great to see her, she wasn't all there I felt in terms of love. We kissed a few times but nothing intense like when we were dating. I thought it would be a given that we'd have sex and that didn't come close to happening. By the end of the weekend I left, she cried and spent the time in the airport listening to sad songs on my iPod.

 

On the flight home I guess I had an epiphany. It was over. I was going to be ok. I can't tell you what exactly made me realize this but it happened. Maybe it was the semi awkwardness hanging over us when I was there, maybe it was the slight rejection I felt by her not sleeping with me or being as affectionate as she was when we dated, maybe it was seeing what she had to do on a daily basis to make ends meet. Whatever it was I realized that we'd never be together again.

 

And I was ok. I was happy I had met her and fell in love with her. I was happy that she helped me mature and I learned how to treat a girl right and what a loving relationship should be like. I wasn't mad at her, I wasn't spiteful that "why does this have to happen to me, why couldn't she just stay at school?". I knew she would've if she could've. I was happy that I grew and experienced the things I did with her and knew that I could date someone else and have ALOT to offer.

 

I got home and ended up having the most incredible senior year of college that a single guy could have. I hooked up with girls, went out with friends, enjoyed life in every possible way. Would it have been that way if she never left? I don't think it would have to be honest. Not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with her, but I was happy I got to experience being single in that final year.

 

Eventually a year after graduation I started dating a girl that I had met during that senior year of college. I doubt I would've met her if I had not been single that year. Fast forward 5 years and were getting engaged this fall.

 

So moral of the story? You'll be ok. I hope that my story and experience is able to show you that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to be angry at the world for the situation, but you can and you will get past it. The key is to finally have that realization that it's over and you're ok with it. Have that moment where you're happy you had the time and memories with her and wish her the best but know that you owe it to yourself to put the romantic emotions behind you.

 

I wouldn't block her because that's mean to do to someone who never did anything wrong to you. But if you can't stop yourself from looking at her page it might be something you have to do. You can be incredibly mature and deactivate your Facebook that way it's not just doing it to her. But I think meeting new girls and having a good social life nowadays will require an active social media platform.

 

Once you do that.... It's all gravy man. You'll be fine.

 

 

Thank you this helped. I'm slowly beginning to realise it is over, it actually is. Though I do catch myself saying 'But when I meet her again I'll show her awesome I am and how I've got my act together and we will get back together'.. I realise this is just day dreaming.. it isn't even hope..

 

I'm truly upset I let such a beautiful girl out of my grasp. She was so pretty that it actually caused me to be anxious around her - I don't feel we were ever 100% comfortable around each other.. She was reserved and I was anxious... I guess I feel deep down I fell in lucky to date such a beautiful and intelligent girl, I ultimately felt inferior and it affected my confidence and persona. I do wish we had met at a different time, a time when I wasn't going through such major adjustments which affected my mood. I just feel at a loss, I know she's going to get snapped up soon, she's very attractive and on nights out guys will hit on her constantly. I'm angry at myself. All those 'What if' scenarios are plaguing me.. 'What if my anxiety lessened around her', 'What if we had spent more time together', 'What if I was actually happy and not slightly depressed'.. maybe then I could have shown her the real me.. that's what annoys me is that I felt I never gave her the real me and I also feel I never experienced the real her (She was so closed off emotionally I really feel her ex boyfriend hurt her badly and as a result she has learnt to be closed off to avoid pain).

Edited by Yepanotherone
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Yepanotherone

Quite a significant finding... I just went on Yik Yak and it's an app where you can communicate anonymously with those in a nearby distance. Anyway I was able to see posts from where my ex lives.. I found a post which was 100% her it said "Can my relationship last if I'm going onto second year of uni, and my bf has just finished uni, and two hours away?".. the date posted was 2 weeks ago.. it's 100% her everything matches and it even matches with some of the things she brought up.

 

I feel now I actually understand the main reason why. I just wished we talked about it more. I feel a sense of relief that it wasn't down to me 'not being good enough' it was due to geographical and stages of life differences. Now I don't feel she's doing everything to hurt me but actually I feel she is hurting just as bad and also took NC actions in order to help herself recover.

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Yepanotherone

My ex messaged me yesterday wishing me good luck for my exam results. Oddly enough though it didn't effect me at all.. I'm not sure if I'm just past the point of caring anymore.

 

I don't seek hope from the message and I'm not reading into it or obsessing over it. I'm going to continue NC it feels harsh on her but I'm having to do this for me. I need to sort myself out first.

 

Anyone else experienced an ex sending them kind words after a break up? Did you feel guilty for not replying?

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My ex dumped me about a week before my birthday. Went NC straight away.

 

She ended up messaging me on my birthday, wishing me well and trying to check up on me, I gave in and replied. We got into a long convo but to me it was very cold, way too friendly and formal and it made me alot more sad.

 

It hurt and set me back, so I went strict NC ever since.

 

Stay NC, don't overthink, it's breadcrumbs and means nothing. Stray strong!

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Yepanotherone

Day 13 NC:

 

So almost 2 weeks today. Madness.

 

Anyway last night I got chatting with a girl that we use to talk a lot online (we met through tinder) but never actually went on a date. Next week we are going on a date, all be it a casual one it's definitely something in the right direction.

 

The gym was very hard work last night, I definitely need to up my calories, I'm loosing quite a bit of weight which is good but maybe it's happening too fast.

 

Today's goals:

 

Send out a letter to my work asking for time off during my travels

Get a replacement for my tyre

Chase up the council for further details on how to claim back money for my tyre

Gym

Plan my Asia travel route

Possibly head into a phone shop and haggle for a better phone.. undicided on iPhone 5s or Samsung S5..

 

Thanks all for your continued support. My emotions are definitely more table now and I'm far less anxious when thinking about myself and my ex never getting back together though it saddens me

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