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I want to do something silly. Please help me


Ijustdon'tgetit

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Ijustdon'tgetit

Please can someone help me before I do what I know I "might" regret tomorrow. Excuse me if my grammar is bad. I'm just writing this to get it all out rather than write a formal essay. I usually read different post of people making the mistakes so that I don't make the same ones but lately, this urge to get in contact with my ex has been increasing. And no amount of reading advice and warnings is helping.

 

I don't know if some of this matters but for some reason I think it's relevant in why I feel the urge to get in touch with him somehow.

 

It's been back and forth blocking with my ex and me since the break up. We have a few ways to get in touch with each other naturally. Post breakup my ex blocked me on facebook.. He claimed he had exes in the past write outrageous things on his page. Neither of us used facebook very often then. I've gotten over it..

 

In the early stages of the BU when I was still bargaining. I sent a hurtful message after my final desperate attempt for him to feel my pain. He then blocked me on whats app and words with friends. {It's a game on the phone. I will be calling it "the game" throughout this post.} I waited perhaps a week before caving and told him how it hurt to be blocked and we both apologized. He unblocked me on whats app only.

He's made it clear he wants to be friends. At first I accepted. Subconsciously I know it was only to keep him close. After reading the advice on this website, it has helped me tremendously to regain my self-confidence and esteem back to somewhat normal levels.

 

I've been trying to move on but the reasons for our BU causes me to hope continually. But I have accepted this. I'm letting him go. I attempted no contact. At least enough to stop contacting him. In the interim, I have been looking at his online status on the game. I go back and forth with ceasing to look and starting again.

 

Now my birthday was 5 months after the BU. He unblocked me, requested gameplay with me on the game, and messaged a birthday wish days before my birthday. From what I've been trying to learn from this site, nc is the best way move on but of course I was adopting the entire steps, so the whole thing was pointless. But the bottom line was I knew I wasn't ready to talk to him. By the evening I messaged him that it wasn't my birthday. He replied "I thought your birthday was (my actual birthdate)". I knew I already looked SO emotional the moment I sent the first message, which I didn't want! I'm just in so much regret for everything that has happened with this man.

The day before my birthday I sent him this message "thank you for the birthday wish. I'm sending this message because I would like you to know I wish no ill will toward you. I wish you the best."

Then and there I blocked him.

On my birthday he unblocked me on facebook! And sent a birthday wish again! I replied, "thank you. I sent you a message on the game. I hope you received it."

I then blocked him there with the plan that I could leave him behind gracefully.. Afterwards, he reblocked me. That was 6 weeks ago.

 

I'm now so conflicted. I read so much advice given here the past 6 months and I've learned a lot. I've been able to let the anger, most of the regret, and most of my questions for him go. Now, even though I keep telling myself that I'm not ready to talk to him and I try to convince myself to just wait another month, I feel I would like to get in touch with him. I want to start playing the online game with him like we use to.. I feel it would be proof, more to him than to me, that I have let it all go because I would be able talk to him rationally unlike in the past. I have this horrible nagging feeling that I need to do this. But, I know that I "might" regret it soon. I don't want to be "just friends" with him. And if I request the game, it's guaranteed he will ask about how I'm doing.. But, I don't want to talk. I just want to play that damn game with him to let it be known I'm moving on. I know that my actions up until now has clearly shown I haven't move on from him.

I know that if he wanted to talk to me he would but after all that happened, he most likely is letting me move on and won't contact for a long time. I know that he might see my request as the opposite and that I haven't moved on because I always come back. But, "what if" he doesn't and it works out ok? I feel like maybe this must be done so that if the hope is exhausted I would have no choice but to let it go!

 

Maybe with objective views from all of you, you can help me see why I would feel the need to do this. I just feel so silly writing about my struggles and feelings like this. It's something I rarely do but I fear I'm going to do what I absolutely don't want to do and I need help.

 

Thank you

Edited by Ijustdon'tgetit
Loveshack edited out wrong words
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I just want to play that damn game with him to let it be known I'm moving on. I know that my actions up until now has clearly shown I haven't move on from him.

 

From an outsider's objective, you HAVE been showing him clearly that you are moving on and are doing very well. You have blocked him and he was the last to initiate contact 2x, not you. You did good by just responding tactfully and keeping it moving and re-blocking as necessary.

 

I think you've handled yourself extremely well and did not come across as SO emotional when you told him it wasn't your birthday. You were to the point and I don't think it revealed any emotion. You just stated the facts, that it wasn't yet your birthday.

 

I don't think you should contact him at this point though because I will tell you from experience, the urge CAN resurface at the 6 month mark, and I think if your goal is to demonstrate that you are moving on, contacting him will reveal the opposite - that you're still thinking of him.

 

Keeping in contact is only prolonging the inevitable. It's broken. You don't need to fix anything. I think you should let the urge come and go as it pleases but not act upon it.

 

You have nothing to prove to him. Think of yourself.

 

Tomorrow is no different than any other day in the 6 weeks that have passed since you last communicated. Keep going and push thru the urges.

Edited by dyna85
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If you had really let it all go, you wouldn't care what he thinks. So it's important to be honest with yourself. You're not completely over it but you're trying to justify reasons why you should connect with him because you think it will bring you closure or make you feel better or something good will come of it.

 

Just let it be what it's gonna be. You're resisting and fighting back but if you just sit back and let these feelings wash over you and learn to cope with them, you'll get to a better place. I have urges to do a lot of silly things at times, but they rarely bring me any peace and just prolong the pain and urges. OR they make things worse than they already were.

 

and you gotta stop with blocking and unblocking. Just block him on everything and be done with it. You should be trying to move on for your own well-being, not to impress him.

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If he broke up with you - and it sounds like that is the case - then he is almost certainly not agonising about whether to stay in contact or play the 'game' like you are. It's just the sad truth. Do you want to be a mild interest when he's feeling bored? He doesn't deserve your interest or time. I have found in my past that at some point something suddenly clicked in my brain and I realised they were no longer important or relevant and that they were the past. It happens especially when you realise that they are not feeling the same and have almost certainly moved on.

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Ijustdon'tgetit

Dyna: I can see how you're right about the whole birthday situation. I guess I know I was being different and so I figured he sensed it. I didn't want to come off bitter or in any way that would cause him to pity me.

 

To address everyone's concerns so far.

 

None of us could truly know if he doesn't care. Yes, it appears as though I'm moving on now, which I want, but what I didn't want is to close all doors to where he'd feel it would be wrong to invade my space if he thinks I'm still healing. By my last actions of blocking him, I shut the door so if he felt he ever wanted to come back, he'd feel it wrong to do so.

 

Throughout the entire ordeal I never knew what to do or say for fear of coming off as pathetic or manipulative but that's how I felt THEN. And it's why I needed the Nc then. The main reason I went nc the original time was to get better so I could stop "embarrassing" myself. But, every month he contacted me again so I felt I had no choice. I want to show him my new confidence. Isn't that some of the main points of low contact/ nc? Getting yourself back?

 

I'm feeling better and have changed and learned a lot. I don't necessarily want to fix things, but that could be a part of it. I think if I can get this off my chest he would no longer feel sorry for me. I want to change my image in a way. I want to play the game to show I no longer care about "begging". That I'm just fine without him. I would hope to get the opportunity to make it clear that I love him but if he doesn't want to be with me then it's his loss. When I was in that weird confused phase in the beginning, I told him I didn't want him any more and regret the relationship. It wasn't true. I never was honest with my feelings then to anyone. That's one way I've changed. I've learned to be honest with my feelings. I've also recognized my tendency to create fantasies rather than to stay in reality. Also, I've learned to forgive and realize we all make mistakes.

 

So realistically, I don't ever want someone to have to stay in a relationship they don't want. I want to know if he's happy. It seemed like I didn't care about his happiness or at least that's how he made it seem.

 

I guess I've read a lot of advice from people here who speak about ways that the dumper would possibly be curious and come back if you left the dumper's life and were honest. I never made myself clear to him not one time as I was going back and forth between ignoring and blocking him so maybe it's just guilt and hope talking here..

 

To add, we were long distance and he claimed that's the main reason for our breakup. Could have been lies, sure, but I most likely will harbor hope for a long time because once the reason for our break up ends, it's possible for reconciliation.

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Ijustdon'tgetit

I wrote most of this last night to sleep on it. Then this morning I attempted to get in touch with him, only to find that I am blocked on the game as well. I had reason to believe I wasn't because of certain features. This is probably for the best. I won't subvert his blocks like I once did in the past. That's probably what he wants (for an ego boost) but it would not serve my main purpose for wanting to get in touch with him in the first place.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts as to why he, who dumped me, would feel the need to block me? I feel as though it's just spiteful. Or, it reaffirms my belief as I stated above that he thinks I need it to move on. Of course, he may not really care at all. But, I don't believe that because I haven't done anything to deserve blocks like this, other than make him feel guilty perhaps?

Edited by Ijustdon'tgetit
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I wrote most of this last night to sleep on it. Then this morning I attempted to get in touch with him, only to find that I am blocked on the game as well. I had reason to believe I wasn't because of certain features. This is probably for the best. I won't subvert his blocks like I once did in the past. That's probably what he wants (for an ego boost) but it would not serve my main purpose for wanting to get in touch with him in the first place.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts as to why he, who dumped me, would feel the need to block me? I feel as though it's just spiteful. Or, it reaffirms my belief as I stated above that he thinks I need it to move on. Of course, he may not really care at all. But, I don't believe that because I haven't done anything to deserve blocks like this, other than make him feel guilty perhaps?

 

Sorry, people do this kind of thing. It could be random, unintentional or intentional. Does it make him a nice guy? Don't you deserve someone nice and caring?

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Ijustdon'tgetit
Sorry, people do this kind of thing. It could be random, unintentional or intentional. Does it make him a nice guy? Don't you deserve someone nice and caring?

 

While I do get the gist of what you're saying, if it's human nature then what has he done that makes him more uncaring then the rest? We all as humans are selfish to a certain extent. How can I be angry when I did exactly the same thing? My actions were what I needed to do for me to heal. So why would I be angry if he's doing what's best for himself?

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Ijustdon'tgetit

I'd just like to update and say that I've achieved what I wanted. I don't want to put too many details on here because I know there are a lot of hurting people holding onto hope. I believe my situation and ex are a little different than most people here, so I wouldn't want anyone to make an impulsive mistake while going through troubled times.

 

I came here hoping to get pros and cons of opening the lines of communication, since I'm an analytical thinker. I'm glad I went with my gut on this though.

A few days ago, I was screwing around with game requests. I realized my ex unblocked me.. I see this as no coincidence. We played for a while then he asked me how I was. He ended up telling me how unhappy his life is and he realizes now that he should have moved to my country to be with me when he had the chance. A lot of good things has happened since then.

 

I've taken a lot of time reading and learning throughout these 6 months since our breakup and I was able to apply it now. Thanks to the people who took the time to answer me.

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