So...I hear she might be pregnant...

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I'm not sure if it's true or not (since I've been in NC), but I overheard the grapevine saying that she's now pregnant (not by me). After breaking up with me after 5 years and living with him immediately after for about 3 months now.

 

I know I should be like "whew, dodged a bullet there!", but I'm having a really hard time with this (especially since I don't know if it's true or not). I shouldn't care because it's no longer my business, but it's tearing me up inside. My ulcer has been working overtime since I first heard. I go through moments where I want to find out if it's true, but then I come to my senses. We're not together anymore, we're not getting back together, and she's not a part of my life anymore. I would tell the same thing to any friend I had going through the same situation if it occurred.

 

Problem is, I still care about her (even though I shouldn't), and I hate to see her rush full-bore into something like this with a guy that has a proven track record of being a flake. I would hate to see anyone screw up their life like this, much less her. She always said she didn't want to have kids any time soon then I hear this. I don't know this woman anymore, and I'm glad she's out of my life.

 

Still...

 

Please help me, I feel stupid for even being affected by this but it's tearing me up inside.

[DK666]

I'm not sure if it's true or not (since I've been in NC), but I overheard the grapevine saying that she's now pregnant (not by me). After breaking up with me after 5 years and living with him immediately after for about 3 months now.

 

I know I should be like "whew, dodged a bullet there!", but I'm having a really hard time with this (especially since I don't know if it's true or not). I shouldn't care because it's no longer my business, but it's tearing me up inside. My ulcer has been working overtime since I first heard. I go through moments where I want to find out if it's true, but then I come to my senses. We're not together anymore, we're not getting back together, and she's not a part of my life anymore. I would tell the same thing to any friend I had going through the same situation if it occurred.

 

Problem is, I still care about her (even though I shouldn't), and I hate to see her rush full-bore into something like this with a guy that has a proven track record of being a flake. I would hate to see anyone screw up their life like this, much less her. She always said she didn't want to have kids any time soon then I hear this. I don't know this woman anymore, and I'm glad she's out of my life.

 

Still...

 

Please help me, I feel stupid for even being affected by this but it's tearing me up inside.

 

 

This actually happened to me about 6 years ago. My girlfriend at the time decided to dump me, one week later my best friend at the time decided to go round there, he ended up sleeping with her and getting her pregnant; so in the space of one week I lost my girlfriend and my best friend. To top it off a little over a year later that friend (ex friend at that point) was shot and killed while on a road trip across the US, I hadn't spoken to him since I found out about the pregnancy, so we never got anything resolved in any way whatsoever.

 

You're gonna feel crap, no doubt about it. The only thing you can do is exactly the same thing you've been doing for getting over the breakup. NC and everything that goes along with it, focus on yourself.

 

Strange you should mention this because I'm half expecting to hear about my current ex being pregnant, probably paranoid but as it's been done to me before.....

 

Keep moving forward.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Thanks for the reply; it does put my situation in perspective. I know there's always someone who has it worse than you but it's still a huge deal when it directly affects you.

 

I'm sorry you never got resolution with your ex-friend, but someone who does something like that to you can't be resolved with anyway.

[DK666]

Sorry I didn't mean to make it sound like I was worse off than you, it's not like that at all, it's just all relative. You're going through your own situation so you will feel like crap for a while, same as I did, but you will get through it.

 

The main part I wanted to get across was that it's just like a regular breakup still, you have to move forward and focus on yourself, I did get past it and I can look back now and not be upset. I met a woman who I stayed with for 4 years, and am now actually good friends with despite breaking up. You never know what's around the corner.

[fireflywy]

Let me ask you a question. If this is true and you could somehow pull her from this other guy, would you want to help her raise the child of a man she conceived it with only months after ending a five year relationship?

 

I made a suggestion to someone here the other night and while it sounds weird, maybe it will help you get a handle as to why you're still caught up on this woman (yes, I know you had a five year investment with her.)

 

Go to a computer, open up Word or Notepad, close your eyes, and just type EVERY single thought you have at that moment whether it be "I feel itchy on my scalp" to "I need to take the garbage out" to thoughts about her. Write EVERYTHING down. Do it for at least 10 minutes without worrying about typos or opening your eyes. The longer you do this, you will just follow your thoughts and let them flow. As you do this, you may identify how all of your thoughts connect together and even find out what your subconcious is saying about this woman without you acrively trying to contol your thoughts You may even write out, when you think about her during the experiment "Why do I think about her?" (Doing so as stream of conciousness thought) and you might even have your mind asnwer you.

 

It sounds weird, I know. I did it and when thoughts of my ex came up, I paused and wrote down my thought as to why, and I kid you not, I felt like another me answered.

 

The second thing I.would do, when asking why you want this person is to create what I call a future journal. You'll write a fake entry, say "December 4, 2015" and write about things would have gone with her without change and your frustrations with her that would have continued and eventually pushed you away from each other.

 

Sometimes when we break up with someone, we have doubts about whether or not we did the right thing and we are so lonely for their presence that we don't ever ponder exactly how bad the road would have been if we continued walking down it.

Edited August 6, 2015 by fireflywy

[fireflywy]

One last thing.... this song has some things I want you to carry with you.

 

"This is the first day of the rest of your life..." (her life is hers)

 

There are people out there who love you and won't let you fall.

 

And in the end "everything is going to be alright." (With her, you, all of us so there is no need to worry)

 

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Let me ask you a question. If this is true and you could somehow pull her from this other guy, would you want to help her raise the child of a man she conceived it with only months after ending a five year relationship?

 

That's an easy one...nope. Her choices are her choices, and she chose to not involve me in her life anymore. I won't be a fall-back option, especially now.

 

I made a suggestion to someone here the other night and while it sounds weird, maybe it will help you get a handle as to why you're still caught up on this woman (yes, I know you had a five year investment with her.)

 

Go to a computer, open up Word or Notepad, close your eyes, and just type EVERY single thought you have at that moment whether it be "I feel itchy on my scalp" to "I need to take the garbage out" to thoughts about her. Write EVERYTHING down. Do it for at least 10 minutes without worrying about typos or opening your eyes. The longer you do this, you will just follow your thoughts and let them flow. As you do this, you may identify how all of your thoughts connect together and even find out what your subconcious is saying about this woman without you acrively trying to contol your thoughts You may even write out, when you think about her during the experiment "Why do I think about her?" (Doing so as stream of conciousness thought) and you might even have your mind asnwer you.

 

It sounds weird, I know. I did it and when thoughts of my ex came up, I paused and wrote down my thought as to why, and I kid you not, I felt like another me answered.

 

The second thing I.would do, when asking why you want this person is to create what I call a future journal. You'll write a fake entry, say "December 4, 2015" and write about things would have gone with her without change and your frustrations with her that would have continued and eventually pushed you away from each other.

 

I think I'll give your suggestions a try. I'm past the point of ever wanting her back (or even in contact with her), but it could help straighten out my thoughts a little better.

Sometimes when we break up with someone, we have doubts about whether or not we did the right thing and we are so lonely for their presence that we don't ever ponder exactly how bad the road would have been if we continued walking down it.

 

I wasn't the dumper; she was. But, I get your point. I see more of her immaturity, flaws and general craziness than I did before, which is a good thing for me.

[fireflywy]

Yeah, I didn't want mine back either but I was somehow stuck on her. It was like there was this permanent buzz (still comes and goes but coming less) in the front of my brain like a preview television always showing her channel in a tiny little box playing in the top corner.

 

When I did the first thing, automatic writing, and just let myself think, I realized what exactly about her I missed which I had kept denying. Then, like anything, once I was able to identify it and give it a name, I can now put it away easier.

 

With that said, I think at the end of the day, you found her physically attractive and while you don't want her, its hard to move on from the idea that you know she's being physical with someone else and you're asking yourself "Why did she dump me for THAT guy. Why didn't she fight for me? He must be the better guy because, she may be pregnant and she's giving her body to HIM, not me."

 

I went through that anyway. *shrug* I think, perhaps, many do.

 

But the truth is, sex isn't everything (unless you're on a some of the other boards here where apparently sex and anything goes seems to be what many consider to be MORE important then being faithful and/or monogamlus with a good person lol) and they will have their hiccups and struggles too. Trust me, she isn't on her way to a land of rainbows and candy gum drops raining from the skies especially if she isn't that relationship mature at this point.

Edited August 6, 2015 by fireflywy

[casey.lives]

keep it simple: It's over.. don't worry about her.

[fireflywy]

keep it simple: It's over.. don't worry about her.

 

This too. ^^

 

However I would recommend avoiding the word "don't" as you work through this OP.

 

 

Don't think about a pink elephant. Don't imagine how tall it is, how broad it is, or how pink it is. Don't think about that elephant.

 

Use "Stop" if you must. "Stop worrying about her."

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Sorry I didn't mean to make it sound like I was worse off than you, it's not like that at all, it's just all relative. You're going through your own situation so you will feel like crap for a while, same as I did, but you will get through it.

 

The main part I wanted to get across was that it's just like a regular breakup still, you have to move forward and focus on yourself, I did get past it and I can look back now and not be upset. I met a woman who I stayed with for 4 years, and am now actually good friends with despite breaking up. You never know what's around the corner.

 

Sorry, I guess I could have worded that better. I didn't mean you were trying to say your situation was worse or anything. I just meant that I sometimes have to remind myself that no matter how bad I think my situation is, someone else always has it worse.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

With that said, I think at the end of the day, you found her physically attractive and while you don't want her, its hard to move on from the idea that you know she's being physical with someone else and you're asking yourself "Why did she dump me for THAT guy. Why didn't she fight for me? He must be the better guy because, she may be pregnant and she's giving her body to HIM, not me."

 

Eh, not so much. I'm past the physical attractiveness of her...and while yes I don't like to think about her being with the other guy, it doesn't bother me so much anymore.

 

It's more that despite all that she pulled on me, I realize she's human and makes mistakes. I'm not saying that breaking up with me was a mistake (maybe in the way she did it), but the choices she's making now. From the guy she hooked up with (unemployed loser) to the possibility of making a life-altering decision after only 3 months into the new relationship. I don't like seeing anyone make so many blatantly bad decisions, but I know there's nothing I can do about it. I'd feel the same if it was just an acquaintance of mine.

 

Like I've said though; not my problem anymore. I just hate seeing stuff like this happen in general.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

 

But the truth is, sex isn't everything (unless you're on a some of the other boards here where apparently sex and anything goes seems to be what many consider to be MORE important then being faithful and/or monogamlus with a good person lol) and they will have their hiccups and struggles too. Trust me, she isn't on her way to a land of rainbows and candy gum drops raining from the skies especially if she isn't that relationship mature at this point.

 

Lol. I hear you there. I think sex is important, but loyalty, trust and communication are just as important.

 

I also agree that she's very emotionally immature. I just hate seeing her possibly ruin her life just as it starts. She'll learn someday I hope.

[No Limit]

That poor child...

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

That poor child...

 

I agree. She's always said she hates kids and is very hostile and negative towards them (not physically, but she always said how she couldn't stand kids being around). She also has a habit of being very moody. Like I've stated before the guy she is with has a daughter that is being raised by his parents...she doesn't even call him dad but by his first name.

 

I feel sorry for the kid (if there is one) but...not my problem.

[yorkie]

im sorry but I couldn't read every ones posts or replies!

 

 

I split with my ex and after a year she fell preggers! and you know what I knew it was going to happen but I feel your pain. massively in fact!

 

 

my ex didn't fall preggers to my best mate and I was with my ex for 13 years nearly. but you know what that pain is there.

 

 

the question you asked how do you deal with it????????

 

 

I don't know TBH. all I can say is every day and every hour you are gonna feel the pain. and as much as it hurts me saying this cos im rubbish at taking advice! you just need to try and Try is the key word! focus on you! when times are bad beat that head of yours keep it busy! whether you exercise or play online gaming or get out with friends or play scrabble focus on something different and keep doing that!

 

 

it hard but I don't have the answers but I feel your pain!

 

 

wow it hurts and once the hurt goes its the WTF stage and how to get pass that??????????/ I don't know! but I been there and am there and feel your pain!

[JollyDays]

I'm not sure if it's true or not (since I've been in NC), but I overheard the grapevine saying that she's now pregnant (not by me). After breaking up with me after 5 years and living with him immediately after for about 3 months now.

 

I know I should be like "whew, dodged a bullet there!", but I'm having a really hard time with this (especially since I don't know if it's true or not). I shouldn't care because it's no longer my business, but it's tearing me up inside. My ulcer has been working overtime since I first heard. I go through moments where I want to find out if it's true, but then I come to my senses. We're not together anymore, we're not getting back together, and she's not a part of my life anymore. I would tell the same thing to any friend I had going through the same situation if it occurred.

 

Problem is, I still care about her (even though I shouldn't), and I hate to see her rush full-bore into something like this with a guy that has a proven track record of being a flake. I would hate to see anyone screw up their life like this, much less her. She always said she didn't want to have kids any time soon then I hear this. I don't know this woman anymore, and I'm glad she's out of my life.

 

Still...

 

Please help me, I feel stupid for even being affected by this but it's tearing me up inside.

 

I actually find it interesting how some can move forward so quickly after a breakup. I know that breaking up means moving forward, but I find it kind of unnerving (if that's the appropriate term) how some people can just move on after a long relationship as if the dumpee never existed. Oh well, I wouldn't worry about her. If she wants to kick it with a "flake" and get pregnant by him, then a "flake" it is! LOL

Edited August 8, 2015 by JollyDays

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Well, it was confirmed to me today. She is pregnant with his baby.

 

Not sure how to feel about that. I'm hurt obviously but it's not any of my business.

 

Confused...

 

The amount of anger I'm feeling is...immense. I want to reach out to someone...anyone (not her though). It'll pass I know but I guess the betrayal is complete now. I just wish I had access to her state of mind to figure out what the HELL she is thinking.

Edited August 10, 2015 by Unlucky_I_Guess

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Anyone have any ideas on how to process this? I'm feeling a bit better but it's still hurts quite a bit.

 

I'm already planning on working out after work...should be a good workout, I'm thinking.

[DK666]

Anyone have any ideas on how to process this? I'm feeling a bit better but it's still hurts quite a bit.

 

I'm already planning on working out after work...should be a good workout, I'm thinking.

 

 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

 

Keep busy with doing what you're doing. Gym, friends, going out, posting here.. whatever it takes to stay busy, at least for a month or two as you get through the worst of it.

 

Oh and of course, strict NC, you don't need to be hearing updates on them, it won't help you at all. You need to be moving on with your life.

 

When my crap happened I got into the best shape of my life, keep focusing on yourself just like a regular breakup. That's really all you can do.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Funny you mention working out; I'm in the best shape I've been in years.

 

I've been doing complete NC and it's working wonders (until my co-worker opened his big mouth). I've been doing good and I'm to the point now where I want nothing to do with her. It still hurts but less than I thought it would. The woman I loved doesn't exist anymore and I'm learning to accept that.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

These last couple of days have been so up and down it's insane...one minute I don't care because it doesn't involve me and we're done, the next I'm depressed and upset, mainly because I can see how she's ruining her life and there's nothing I could do about it. I just want this to end. I'm sick of it.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Not sure if anyone is still reading this but I'm going to post on here anyway...

 

Today has been an all-around sh**ty day. I can't stop thinking about her and getting all worked up. I know this is none of my business...she's definitely moved on and I'm sure I never even cross her mind. I just can't help feeling like I have a knife twisting in my back with her hand on the grip. I've never felt so betrayed and disregarded as I feel now. Not even during my divorce. I gave this woman everything I had and it's tossed away like NOTHING. Now she's pregnant? With a guy she's lived with for 3 months? I'll never understand the insanity of women. Never.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I don't think anyone is still reading this, but oh well...

 

I'm still having up and down days. I've noticed that she has been appearing in my dreams at night all of a sudden, which leads to a bad day the following day. But, I'm still soldiering on. Avoiding places where I might run into her and not seeing her has definitely helped.

 

On the plus side, I've been working out 4 days a week for the last couple of months. So far, I've lost around 35 pounds and FINALLY broke the 200 pound barrier yesterday. I look and feel better than I have in years! It hasn't translated into any female attention but I'm not ready for anything serious right now anyway (attention is always nice, though).

 

All in all, I'm still here, she's still gone and still pregnant (I'm assuming). I lost my job last week but I'm not letting it slow me down.

 

Keep on living life. That's all you can do.

[DK666]

I don't think anyone is still reading this, but oh well...

 

I'm still having up and down days. I've noticed that she has been appearing in my dreams at night all of a sudden, which leads to a bad day the following day. But, I'm still soldiering on. Avoiding places where I might run into her and not seeing her has definitely helped.

 

On the plus side, I've been working out 4 days a week for the last couple of months. So far, I've lost around 35 pounds and FINALLY broke the 200 pound barrier yesterday. I look and feel better than I have in years! It hasn't translated into any female attention but I'm not ready for anything serious right now anyway (attention is always nice, though).

 

All in all, I'm still here, she's still gone and still pregnant (I'm assuming). I lost my job last week but I'm not letting it slow me down.

 

Keep on living life. That's all you can do.

 

I'm still reading this mate, I just haven't been posting because I've slipped into a depression myself the last couple weeks over my own ex.

 

Good job breaking that 200lb barrier, what's your target?

 

Keep on living indeed, don't let them or anyone stop you moving forward.