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How to deal with anger


Heatemyheart89

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Heatemyheart89

Hi all

 

How do you deal with anger you feel towards your ex? Also anger you feel towards yourself ? Looking back at my relationship , it was a year of pure hell with my ex letting me down constantly . I felt this was my fault , it is only now he has apologised and admits how he treated me was bad . I feel angry and discusted at him, but furious at myself .

 

He made me feel unwanted and unwelcome . We argued about certain individuals (other females coming on to him and one time his friends girlfriend openly treating me poorly ).I was proved right about them every time . I am shocked at myself for not walking away .

 

Any ways of getting through this anger stage ? I don't wish to speak to this person again and he has blocked me and vice versa .

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Hi all

 

How do you deal with anger you feel towards your ex? Also anger you feel towards yourself ? Looking back at my relationship , it was a year of pure hell with my ex letting me down constantly . I felt this was my fault , it is only now he has apologised and admits how he treated me was bad . I feel angry and discusted at him, but furious at myself .

 

He made me feel unwanted and unwelcome . We argued about certain individuals (other females coming on to him and one time his friends girlfriend openly treating me poorly ).I was proved right about them every time . I am shocked at myself for not walking away .

 

Any ways of getting through this anger stage ? I don't wish to speak to this person again and he has blocked me and vice versa .

 

 

I have to come to believe that the anger stage is the worst and longest lasting phase. For sure.

 

 

At least you got an apology. Lots of us didn't and wont.

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StalwartMind

A relationship shouldn't be hell, a few rocky episodes, sure, as long as you and your partner end up understanding each other better, that's how it should be. You can be upset even furious with yourself, be that for awhile but don't let it consume you. Anger has no place in my life, as I feel it's a waste of energy that could be spend on loving someone else or even myself. Accept that things weren't great and let it become a part of who you are so you don't end up in a similar situation again.

 

If someone consistently makes you feel bad, and you on top of that make that person aware of it, then there isn't really any excuse for accepting such a behavior. None of us should be in a situation that makes is miserable, hopefully you'll eventually turn your negative thoughts into those of positive ones. Whether you choose to be in another relationship again or not, that person will need you at your best, and having lingering anger from the past, is neither what you or he deserve. Letting go may not be easy, but with time you can. Surround yourself with positive people and those who respect you, even meeting new people that can remind you of your qualities being appreciated can do wonders to overcome difficult periods.

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A relationship shouldn't be hell, a few rocky episodes, sure, as long as you and your partner end up understanding each other better, that's how it should be. You can be upset even furious with yourself, be that for awhile but don't let it consume you. Anger has no place in my life, as I feel it's a waste of energy that could be spend on loving someone else or even myself. Accept that things weren't great and let it become a part of who you are so you don't end up in a similar situation again.

 

If someone consistently makes you feel bad, and you on top of that make that person aware of it, then there isn't really any excuse for accepting such a behavior. None of us should be in a situation that makes is miserable, hopefully you'll eventually turn your negative thoughts into those of positive ones. Whether you choose to be in another relationship again or not, that person will need you at your best, and having lingering anger from the past, is neither what you or he deserve. Letting go may not be easy, but with time you can. Surround yourself with positive people and those who respect you, even meeting new people that can remind you of your qualities being appreciated can do wonders to overcome difficult periods.

 

 

There is a flip side to that: being with someone who claims to be miserable and that you are the source of their misery. You try in vain and that they leave.

 

 

That's where anger lives.

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Anger can often be a doorway to healing.

 

Don't resist it.

 

Express it.

 

Anger should be externalised. Talk about it. Shout about it. Write about it. Break something, pick up the pieces and break them.

 

When you express anger in a healthy way, it leaves you feeling shiny and new.

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In the days following my BU, I channeled my anger into doing physical things. I cleaned out my closet and the spent time with a punching bag in the garage.

 

Do not internalize it or it will be detrimental to your health. Externalize it, do something physical with it.

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In the days following my BU, I channeled my anger into doing physical things. I cleaned out my closet and the spent time with a punching bag in the garage.

 

Do not internalize it or it will be detrimental to your health. Externalize it, do something physical with it.

 

How about two years later sitting at your desk seething.

 

 

How the hell do you deal with that.

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I am in the middle. I miss my Ex like crazy but then I'll start hating her for treating me like dog poo and cheating on me. :(:mad::(:mad:

 

Its a vicious cycle.

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I think you simply have to accept your mistakes that you made in staying in that dysfunctional relationship. Once you reach acceptance and tell yourself "well, I'll never do that again" while forgiving yourself, you'll let it all go.

 

 

My last ex I'm quite sure had BPD. She was a HORRIBLE GF! I put up with so much BS from her. When she dumped me cause I told her I was done with her nasty treatment, I was SSOO livid at myself. I finally after a month or two forgave myself and learned things about me that contributed to me staying with her.

 

 

I still was angry at her but I channeled that anger into progress. I moved on, stayed NC and met my now 2 year GF a few months after. My crazy ex reappeared 5-6 months later with dumpers remorse. I was still harboring LOTS of anger at her. She apologized all over herself and took full responsibility for her horrific actions. She wanted me back and was told no. She then BEGGED for me to forgive her. Ya know what? I did forgive her and felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders.

 

 

I could have a pity party for myself and say "why me" when I look back at having to experience her and the chaos. Or, I can say "oh well, I learned a lot about that experience".. My anger towards her turned to sadness. She's just needs intense therapy do help her with her disorder (that she won't admit to). She's NOT going to change and will continue to experience dysfunctional, toxic relationships while my GF is such a massive upgrade in all areas.

 

 

I'm rambling but my point is, letting go of anger and accepting will make you feel so much better and improve your outlook. You'll get there.

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How about two years later sitting at your desk seething.

 

 

How the hell do you deal with that.

Just the same.

 

Externalise it.

 

Express it.

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I think you simply have to accept your mistakes that you made in staying in that dysfunctional relationship. Once you reach acceptance and tell yourself "well, I'll never do that again" while forgiving yourself, you'll let it all go.

 

That's tough to do when you're going through the different processes. I'm in anger stage right now, more mad at myself than my Ex. Mad that I was such a fool for sticking around such a dysfunctional person.

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That's tough to do when you're going through the different processes. I'm in anger stage right now, more mad at myself than my Ex. Mad that I was such a fool for sticking around such a dysfunctional person.

 

Gus,

 

 

You have to go thru the processes. The anger for me was a good thing. It brought out my competitiveness. I knew I should of ended that relationship months before she did. So, when she dumped me, I was like "oh, hell no.. you're kicking me out of YOUR life"..!

 

 

It was all the motivation I needed to vanish from her life and at the same time, work on myself. I did uncover some of MY issues that made me stay w/her. I have a friend that's a therapist that I worked with and once I figured it out, I came to peace with it. There's an expression "we can't change the past, but we can control our future".. It's very appropriate in these situations.

 

 

There's no value in holding on to anger, remorse, guilt or other negative, damaging emotion/s. It only damages us and our mental health.

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I had a very crude method: I drove to work and screamed loudly in my car while driving. I let a huge amount of rage out that way! There was a woman I was trying to date and she let me believe she was interested but wasn't. Her work was on my way to my work. I flipped her a finger a few times in passing.

 

Immature? Totally! But it still felt good and it got the rage out.

 

Aneurysm warning! If you have weak blood vessels don't do this. If you don't know, err on the side of caution. If you don't care (like me) then don't friggin blame me if you burst a vessel, but do enjoy yourself!

 

Or you can overeat, take it out on strangers or your kids, your workmates...maybe go to a football game and take it out on the stupid quarterback!

 

Then, there is forgiveness...nah! :laugh:

 

Ken

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Learningtowalkagain
How about two years later sitting at your desk seething.

 

 

How the hell do you deal with that.

 

Have anyone you can chat with? I have a desk job too. When I need to let anger out I vent to a girl I know through Instant Message. She loves hearing me vent because she knows my ex and has some issues with her as well (ex is BPD). I trust her because she's also confided things in me I know she wouldn't want anyone to find out. Venting to someone is awesome as long as there's trust there.

 

Aside from venting, if you're stuck at your desk and have nobody to vent to. Start a journal. Write your thoughts down. It'll help you get it out instead of having the thoughts swirl around in your head. Post here often. Vent. Nobody here will ever give you crap about venting. We all do it, that's why we're here.

 

Outside of the desk, I love hitting the heavy bag. I wish I could put one up in my house somewhere because I would beat the **** out of it all day. Go to the gym. Get that anger out, get those endorphins up. Don't feel like working out? Still go. Walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes. Stretch. Just do SOMETHING.

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Absolutely the best advise above ^^^ for both men and women, get busy, go the gym (you might even meet someone who'll take your mind right off him).

 

Nothing gets your anger out like working out physically.

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