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Guys I'm Tired.


Jonp219

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I love her, I hate her, I want nothing to do with her, and then I want her all over again. :rolleyes:

 

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, enough is enough. I believe this is the first time I've heard myself say it at this capacity. I've been having dreams about her since Wednesday night. Why? I have no idea, and the worst part is I could never remember the dreams. I wake up, look at the ceiling and say, "Why am I thinking about you?" It's infuriating and maddening beyond belief. Could there be a psychic phenomenon at play here? Are our minds somehow still interconnected and we feel each other whenever one thinks of the other? Who knows, right? But then again, who really cares? As Humans we always search for answers in anything, but fact of the matter is feelings are illogical.

 

Lately, I've been finishing up with my final class, taking improv classes once a week, applying to internships, and I went to a Mets game yesterday with a couple of friends (Yankee fan forever though :p). I'm just trying to enjoy myself and keep my mind off all that other 'stuff'. Mornings are the only time of day I feel really uneasy.

 

Some of my friends say it's time to get back out there and try dating again, but it's hard for me to meet people, and I feel a strain within me when I think about dating. Not because I don't want to, but mostly because i'm not looking forward to the grueling process of starting over with someone new. Something about it screams, 'too much work' and 'too much pressure'. I simply never learned how to date without the intention of getting into a relationship or having a FWB. You could call it inexperience, but that's just how I am.

 

Anyway, I'm just sick and tired of all this crap.:mad:

 

The feelings, the helplessness, the pain, the boo hooin' crap it's all so time consuming and annoying. A good friend of mine told me when his relationship of 6 years ended he was a complete mess for over 7 months. He was feeling just like I've been feeling lately all up until a psychologist asked him a question. And that question was, "You do you ever imagine what it would feel like to be free of this feeling?" my friend replied, "No", the doctor responded with, "then why don't you? Just think of how it would feel to be free of this burden". Since that day my friends recovery became a whole lot easier.

 

That's what I must start doing, I must imagine myself with a clean slate every time I wake up in the morning. Begin the day anew and take advantage of all the opportunities that are granted to me through out the day, it's really the only way to go.

 

This place has become my personal journal I write too much here. :laugh:

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How long has it been since break up?

 

Well maybe you feel like not ready. I believe rebounds can be healthy. I am considering one myself.

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"People come to the consulting room and lay out a collision of values with great embarrassment and agony. They want resolution but would have something even greater if they could ask for the consciousness to bear the paradox. A friend went to her hour with a Dr. Meyer in Zurich who was famous for commenting with the single word "ja" to anything he was told. In good English style my friend bravely laid out the complexity of her life. She burst into tears and cried out that she could stand it no longer. "Ja, gut," replied Dr. Meyer. "Now something will happen."

 

This is stark medicine but it is correct for one who has the strength to bear it. When the unstoppable bullet hits the impenetrable wall, we find the religious experience. It is precisely here that one will grow. Jung once said, 'Find out what a person fears most and that is where he will develop next.' The ego is fashioned like the metal between the hammer and the anvil. This is for the brave and one does not easily easily find a moral or ethical nature strong enough for the process.

 

Heroism could be redefined for our time as the ability to stand paradox."

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We know. Mourning the loss of a relationship & healing afterwards can be exhausting. But the good news is the fact that you are sick of it means you are on the road to recovery. There is light at the end of the tunnel & no it's not an on coming train.

 

 

Keep hanging in here. Since you mentioned an improve class so try to remember what this feels like. You may be able to draw on it later.

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How long has it been since break up?

 

Well maybe you feel like not ready. I believe rebounds can be healthy. I am considering one myself.

 

It will be 6 months on Thursday.

 

I guess I have to try and put myself out there and see what happens.

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And dude, you keep posting here. You've come a LONG way down a tough path.

 

I'm proud of you dude.

 

Thanks Firefly :)

 

Idk where I would be without people like you and Donnivain in this group. You guys have been nothing short of spectacular in helping me through my BU. Thank you so much.

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Thanks Firefly :)

 

Idk where I would be without people like you and Donnivain in this group. You guys have been nothing short of spectacular in helping me through my BU. Thank you so much.

 

Thanks. I don't know how much I help, I definitely have some strong opinions on this forum in general. Like you, the people here helped me tremendously too. In the end though, these are just words, you are doing all the work. That should be very uplifting and you should be damn proud of yourself that you're emerging from this a different man.

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Your post is exactly how I am feeling. It has been longer though for me. I am truly exhausted as well. I stay as busy as I can every day. But the nites are the worst. The minute I lay down I miss him terribly. He treated me horribly. Has hurt me terribly thati am wondering if the pain will ever end. I was officially divorced Feb 2014 yet I am still suffering at the end of the day. I am too hurt to get back in the dating field nor do I want to at this point. I am too afraid. I want someone to love me and to love them so badly I know I will ruin any kind of relationship. I am wondering now if life is over in regards to my happiness? Is it possible ??? I have tried so very hard to I've forward that now I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading !

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Your post is exactly how I am feeling. It has been longer though for me. I am truly exhausted as well. I stay as busy as I can every day. But the nites are the worst. The minute I lay down I miss him terribly. He treated me horribly. Has hurt me terribly thati am wondering if the pain will ever end. I was officially divorced Feb 2014 yet I am still suffering at the end of the day. I am too hurt to get back in the dating field nor do I want to at this point. I am too afraid. I want someone to love me and to love them so badly I know I will ruin any kind of relationship. I am wondering now if life is over in regards to my happiness? Is it possible ??? I have tried so very hard to I've forward that now I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading !

 

You're still putting a lot of energy into him. Even though you are divorced, your attachment mechanisms are still activated and hence why you miss him. You are still, subconciously working on the relationship when you don't need to anymore.

 

This may sound strange, but one night, I closed my eyes, put my hands on a keyboard, and just typed EVERY thought that came into my head from the weather, to my ex, to the news in a kind of automatic writing experience. By the end of it (I had my eyes closed about 20 minutes) it was almost like I had a dialogue with my subconcious and reading over the transcript (lots of typos lol) helped me identify where I was still hung up or how thoughts were connected to her.

 

Oncd I was able to identify my hang ups, I gave it a name, anylized it, and took control of it.

 

You could give it a try. Write everything that comes to your mind even if your thought switches mid sentence.

 

You may also be what is known as anxious attacher.

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You're still putting a lot of energy into him. Even though you are divorced, your attachment mechanisms are still activated and hence why you miss him. You are still, subconciously working on the relationship when you don't need to anymore.

 

This may sound strange, but one night, I closed my eyes, put my hands on a keyboard, and just typed EVERY thought that came into my head from the weather, to my ex, to the news in a kind of automatic writing experience. By the end of it (I had my eyes closed about 20 minutes) it was almost like I had a dialogue with my subconcious and reading over the transcript (lots of typos lol) helped me identify where I was still hung up or how thoughts were connected to her.

 

Oncd I was able to identify my hang ups, I gave it a name, anylized it, and took control of it.

 

You could give it a try. Write everything that comes to your mind even if your thought switches mid sentence.

 

You may also be what is known as anxious attacher.

 

Writing down all thoughts sounds like an excellent idea ! And help with perspective. I have Not heard of an anxious attached it will look into it. Thank you !

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Writing down all thoughts sounds like an excellent idea ! And help with perspective. I have Not heard of an anxious attached it will look into it. Thank you !

 

I read it in a book called "Attached:The New Sciencd of Relationships". The book is about three attachment styles that many fall into. Highly recommended.

 

Here's an article about anxious attachers (the book is better imo)

 

Understanding Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment

 

Also, if you do the writing thing, do it a second time and maybe ask yourself questions as to why you feel/act the way you do. You might, just might, hear yourself explain something to you as write it out (eyes closed.) Its weird, but it can be wild if you're relaxed as you do it!

 

And remember, do it with eyes closed. Write down EVERY thought as your mind wanders. I would also keep a dream journal too but DONT use a dream interpretation manual. YOU interpret what you remember. The subconcious is weird, but fun to examine and it has incredible insight.

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Hey Jon, this sounds like progress! For a long time i clung onto this obsession with moping and dwelling, missing him all the time and analysing it all. I have had these moments of sick and tiredness where i block him out of my thoughts (perhaps when we are sleeping, some of these thoughts creep in).. You're sounding very strong and positive and have come a long way already.

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SycamoreCircle

Jon, you're on your way. Virtually everything I read in this post sounds like me one year ago.

 

Yes, I do believe there is a psychic connection. And I believe that for a while it works like this---when you think about them, they give a rat's a$$ about you; when you give a rat's a$$ about them, they think about you. I firmly believe that.

 

As for your friends pushing the dating game, do whatever you feel up to. I made a few stabs at it and it didn't feel right. But I'm glad I did it, I feel like every step or misstep helps put memories, time and distance between you and those feelings.

 

That tiredness is a good thing. Eventually, you're going to get sick of caring about her, sick of cycling the coulda-woulda-shoulda through your head. You'll meet a new person, have a new spark and feel up to starting over.

 

Hang in there.

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Could there be a psychic phenomenon at play here? Are our minds somehow still interconnected and we feel each other whenever one thinks of the other?

 

I think there has to be extrasensory perception in relationships. Had a few instances that were pretty mind blowing. Last week, I was having a bad dream about my Ex on a Dating site. I could see her and the guy she cheated on me years ago chatting back and forth somehow. It disturbed me enough I woke up feeling crazy anxiety and in the darkness went to my computer.

 

I remembered her OKcupid profile and sure enough it was reactivated and she was on-line! It's was 3:30 AM. I immidiatly broke NC and called her, she answered. I told her about the dream and asked her why she had already reactivated her account. She told me she thought she saw "that guy from my dream" at the movies and reactivated her account to contact him, just to see if it was him or not. That she wasn't looking for men, that all the guys on there were all old geezers. Riiiiiiight. That's why she had all new pics and updated info. The conversation from there was pedantic at best. Talking in circles. She left some breadcrumbs and I ended the call as she sounded half asleep. That was the last time I will ever speak to her.

 

I feel that dream was a sign. It was amazingly vivid. It's too much of a coinciodence not to be some sort of message. It was showing me her true nature, that I need to really move the heck on. I got a text from someone last night who's on the periphery of her circle. She had some info for me. Guess who my Ex is now dating? Yep, you got it.

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Yes, I do believe there is a psychic connection. And I believe that for a while it works like this---when you think about them, they give a rat's a$$ about you; when you give a rat's a$$ about them, they think about you. I firmly believe that.

Thanks for making my day, SC! I firmly hope it works like that.

 

As for you, Jon, long time without corresponding with you here, but still I'm very proud of your progress and the fact that you're still hanging on there. Time will eventually heal all of us.

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Thanks for making my day, SC! I firmly hope it works like that.

 

As for you, Jon, long time without corresponding with you here, but still I'm very proud of your progress and the fact that you're still hanging on there. Time will eventually heal all of us.

 

:) THIS!!

 

There is wisdom in this old man's comments. (Sorry Van, couldn't resist and it's been a long time lol.)

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:) THIS!!

 

There is wisdom in this old man's comments. (Sorry Van, couldn't resist and it's been a long time lol.)

 

Hahaha! I hope you're doing good as well!

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I was at the same point a little while ago. The tiredness is a positive step, but I remember it was hard to deal with. It isn't anything tangible you can directly assuage but you're so concretely, exhausted.

 

I remember reading something similar to what your friend's therapist said at a similar time for me, the line went: "Never have I seen a man so thrilling and free" ...and for it really put my life into perspective. I was the antithesis of that character - chained by shackles of my own making.

 

I've been channeling that feeling for meditating ever since.

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