HansonGirl Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) I am having a difficult time moving on from a crush and not feeling hurt. I like this guy and it actually seems we're hanging out more and more, in a group but hanging out. i am conflicted if i want to be friends. He invited me to something recently and it was just me him and another mutual friend. so he's including me more and i sense maybe considering me a friend more but it breaks my heart to listen to him talk about the 23 year old girls he apparently goes for. and outright flirt with them in front of me. The ugly side of me thinks, wow, she looks older than 23 and she's chunky. i don't get it. i'm only a couple years younger than him (30)( he is 32) and i feel like i could contend with her. he has just met her, for 3 minutes and acts all great because he got her number I simply don't know if i can be a friend to him because I don't want to hear about his dating life, and I don't want to talk to him about dating. I'm feeling rejected and resentful. The thing is, i am never ever going to be a 23 year old. if that's his type, i am barking up the wrong tree. the other thing that angered me was that at least twice he has outright ignored me when i was speaking to him. i felt invisible. I don't want to be treated like that. yet when i'm attracted I have a hard time... And instead of moving on in a healthy way, i tend to do things to sabotage it so bad by being mean to push the guy away that the problem is solved in that way. but i know that's not right. And should i make it clear I don't want to speak to him about other girls he wants to date? if i start avoiding him should I tell him the reason why? should i say, listen i dont want to hear about your dating life, and maybe we shouldn't hang out any more. like maybe he will figure it out? Edited August 2, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 You are in touch with him and not really thinking of any other things. In this situation it would be impossible to get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 You are in touch with him and not really thinking of any other things. In this situation it would be impossible to get over him. So what do you suggest I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 So what do you suggest I do? Stop hanging out with him for one. He friendzoned you. He wouldn't be talking about/to other girls in front of you if he liked you. He obviously enjoys your company but doesn't see you as a dating option. I have a really good friend at work who is in the exact same situation as you and it pains me to see she can't move on. If he liked you he would have made a move by now. You can either accept he just wants to be friends and leave it as a friendship. If you can't do that then you need to go NC. Move on. It's painful but it's necessary. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Stop hanging out with him for one. He friendzoned you. He wouldn't be talking about/to other girls in front of you if he liked you. He obviously enjoys your company but doesn't see you as a dating option. I have a really good friend at work who is in the exact same situation as you and it pains me to see she can't move on. If he liked you he would have made a move by now. You can either accept he just wants to be friends and leave it as a friendship. If you can't do that then you need to go NC. Move on. It's painful but it's necessary. NC it is. and if there is a group function, i am not attending if he's going to be there. i think you are totally right. it's just that we reached this place where we've been hanging out more. I agree: "Friendzoned." if he drops by however just to say hi, what on earth do i do? (i want to be prepared...) Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 NC it is. and if there is a group function, i am not attending if he's going to be there. i think you are totally right. it's just that we reached this place where we've been hanging out more. I agree: "Friendzoned." if he drops by however just to say hi, what on earth do i do? (i want to be prepared...) Keep the conversation short, be polite, and go about your way like you have something to do. Also be thankful you never slept with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 So what do you suggest I do? Take every measure to get him. Whether it requires a lot of trust rebuilding or it requires a lot of investment. Otherwise it would be a pretty good idea to completely forget him and ignore any thoughts about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Take every measure to get him. Whether it requires a lot of trust rebuilding or it requires a lot of investment. Otherwise it would be a pretty good idea to completely forget him and ignore any thoughts about him. what do you mean "get" him? lol. he's into people 7 years younger than me. maybe i should get a time machine? all joking aside, i guess i'm not his type Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 what do you mean "get" him? lol. he's into people 7 years younger than me. maybe i should get a time machine? all joking aside, i guess i'm not his type Then why you still love him? Do you miss something in others that you had found in him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Then why you still love him? Do you miss something in others that you had found in him? that's what I am saying. Intellectually i know that it can't work (as I am not his "type") but if i like somebody already i can't just snap my fingers and make my feelings go away. all it does is add to the logical reasons to move on, and is painful Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 that's what I am saying. Intellectually i know that it can't work (as I am not his "type") but if i like somebody already i can't just snap my fingers and make my feelings go away. all it does is add to the logical reasons to move on, and is painful That's correct. No matter how bad or good he was, you may never find such comfort in anyone else at this moment. Give yourself some time, you are not yet prepared for another relation. Link to post Share on other sites
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