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Coping with holidays and birthdays


changeofseasons

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changeofseasons

The ex that i have been NC with for almost a month now (yay) has a birthday coming up. I dont think i would have such sentimental thoughts about it if it wasnt for the fact that his last birthday was a big occasion for me as well. The night before his birthday i spent a few hours at his house and lost my first kiss to him. I cant let myself forget that the reason why i was over at his house was because he guilted me in not coming across as being interested (we first met the weekend before that, i decided to not become over zealous and tell him how much i liked him not even a week into seeing him) so i felt bad and hung out with him that night. I HATE that im so sentimental, now that a year is coming up on when we first dated im just stuck on it

 

I read this article on Natalie Lue's awesome site: Excerpt from The No Contact Rule: Dealing with ?occasions? like birthdays post-breakup | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue I refuse to get into contact with him again, but cant help but feel bad that this is all coming up. How do you all deal with this? I'm still battling the mono that i got from him :mad: so im hoping maybe on the 5th i'll just sleep it off like i have been but im scared. I'm tired of being sad and i want to be over it already.

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StalwartMind

I guess on some level that greatly depends on how we connect something with experiences we've had. Different events trigger memories, both pleasant and unpleasant. With time you can change how you associate things with negative emotions, especially if you manage to strengthen your mentality. Powerful memories can be hard to shake if one doesn't have many of them or perhaps just have a hard time letting them go. Sometimes it takes another new or wonderful experience to replace an old one. Other times just meeting someone who can relate greatly to how you feel. I think the important thing to understand is that we all cope with things very differently, and in that sense whatever helps us get to where we want to be is great.

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These days are few. It's 24 hours. You keep yourself busy & distracted. Once you get through one set, the rest becomes easier.

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After a breakup they really do just become another day .. Guess it's looses its apeal after the hurt and everything. .. Just focuses on yourself and things YOU wanna do .. That day go to the spa , casino or something that you enjoy .. It's about you now not the past leave it there

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Marco Valerio

My break up was on December 2013, NC since Jun 2014. She contacted me this year on my birthday, Jun 12th, to wish me HB of course. I responded her with a polite text. Her birthday was the day after, Jun 13th, but I didn't wish her a HB (I did feel a little awkward, I must say), why I didn't? Because we have become strangers to each other.

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My break up was faced with with many occasions within the next coming days and weeks. Me and my ex broke up on the 6th of February then Valentine's was on the 14th, my birthday was on the 19th, and our anniversary was on the 27th. I swear that was the worst month of my life, but it passed.

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Put a different spin on it. Say it was your boss that you really liked and felt you did a good job for him. He then fired you in a lousy way. Would you want to wish him a happy birthday?

 

 

You'll find it's NOT a big deal to NOT wish someone from your past that's not in your life anymore a HB. I'm a VVVEERRRYYY sentimental guy. I just know there's boundaries you shouldn't cross after a relationship ends. It's no different that having a once best friend that you had a falling out with. You don't wish them a HB either..

 

 

The day will pass by quickly and you'll wonder why you even put this much thought into it.

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It all passes in time .. I keep saying it but time really is the best healer

 

Agreed and disagreed. Yes the pain lessens as time passes, but it really depends on what you do with that time that will allow you to heal fully. I still feel like crap from time to time but that February I was more depressed than I have ever been in my life. The fact that I got through that month without killing myself or harming myself was truly a miracle in my eyes. I'm just glad it was all under my control, that alone gives me a sense of peace.

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SoThatHappened

I just went through the 1-year anniversary of the breakup, immediately followed by her daughter's birthday and her birthday.

 

Each day each event was on my mind. However, MUCH less than the year before.

 

Just plow through it like any other day. After midnight, you can say you got through it and envision the ex is no longer celebrating anything. It's also the furthest event away in their life again, i.e. 364 days until they get to celebrate that event again.

 

Hang on, don't contact. You'll get through it. Believe me.

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I find that people like to use holidays/birthdays as an excuse to break NC.

 

At the point that one person decides to break up with another person, they have accepted that they do not want that person in their life in the capacity that they were. If they have decided they don't want you anymore, why would you bother wishing them happy anything?

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I find that people like to use holidays/birthdays as an excuse to break NC.

 

At the point that one person decides to break up with another person, they have accepted that they do not want that person in their life in the capacity that they were. If they have decided they don't want you anymore, why would you bother wishing them happy anything?

I agree !! That's why I made my self a ghost , thought to myself "you don't want me in your life?, you got it " .. It's hard to just flip a switch after being with someone for so long , all the holidays and bday and what not .. But you gotta remember that person now is a stranger what we had with them is over .. It hurt yes, but we gotta let it go and start looking what could be , not what could have been

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Unlucky_I_Guess

I recently celebrated a birthday...the first one without my ex. I ran into her the Friday before at a bar and she wished me a happy birthday, but only because I mentioned that it was the day after her dad's. Otherwise, she didn't even know what day it was on. Unbelievable. I still remember hers, but I'm not wishing her sh*t on her birthday.

 

It was rough, but I got through it thanks to family and friends who really stepped up to support me this year. I'm incredibly thankful for them; this turned out to be the best birthday I've ever had. They are what counts, not someone who can't even remember what day it's on and don't want you in their life.

 

Too bad, she would've had fun. LOL

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My break up was on December 2013, NC since Jun 2014. She contacted me this year on my birthday, Jun 12th, to wish me HB of course. I responded her with a polite text. Her birthday was the day after, Jun 13th, but I didn't wish her a HB (I did feel a little awkward, I must say), why I didn't? Because we have become strangers to each other.

 

Why did you reply to her if she's a stranger to you now? I thought parents taught their kids to never talk to strangers? :p

 

On topic, my ex broke up with me exactly a week before my birthday and sent me happy birthday text, but this was when we were still contacting eachother and fooling myself into thinking I could be friends with her.

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I find that people like to use holidays/birthdays as an excuse to break NC.

 

At the point that one person decides to break up with another person, they have accepted that they do not want that person in their life in the capacity that they were. If they have decided they don't want you anymore, why would you bother wishing them happy anything?

 

Because deep down they have this lingering last bit of hope that if they break NC and send them a text or something saying happy birthday it will put their ex's mind onto them again and start the whole reconciliation process by possibly striking up a conversation later down the line, kind of like a "hey, don't feel afraid to contact me" or something.

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changeofseasons

Thanks for the replies you guys! August is tough because there were tons of firsts i experienced like i mentioned, like tonight was 1 year since our first date, im stupidly sentimental like that and take responsibility for my emotions but i have to kinda blame societies view of firsts; it has kind of have clouded my judgement for the past few months. First's actually suck, the fact that i was not experienced and he was just terrible at kissing, i never was pleasured by him; made me think sex was actually boring, oh and the most important fact of all he's the person that has treated me the worst in my somewhat short life kinda says alot. But the mindset of how women start physical relationships is sickening, there's got to be a way that we can teach our girls that whenever you lose your first kiss or virginity its not the best and honestly not that magical as people make it out to be, but your body should be off limits to anyone that cannot respect. Anyways. end rant about that.

 

Thankfully i was the one to break things off and completely block him out, i feel like because i have showed him that i now have respect for myself i absolutely need to keep myself accountable, theres no going back. He may have been the egomaniac but now my ego will not let me be weak or needy with anyone especially mr.toxic ex. I'm mad, bro.

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changeofseasons

^ treat yo self!

 

seriously, take the time to spoil yourself and make yourself happy. keep busy with what you love, its the only day out of the year that you have the excuse to do anything (that doesnt go against the laws or morals lol)

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