I am so broken....

[1DAY]

My ex-fiancé broke up with me abruptly nine weeks ago citing lack of intimacy as the main reason, but there is a lot of back history there with anger (temper), lying on his part and even speaking to other women behind my back.

 

 

Since the break up he has moved into our travel trailer at our seasonal lot and has been going back and forth between wanting to work things out and telling me we're over. On July 16th he came to my house and told me he wanted to work things out. Told me he still loved me and we were intimate. The next day he was distant and cold, and wouldn't respond to my text messages. I called him the day after that and he was very hostile...saying he felt nothing when we were intimate and then hung up the phone. Since then he has been very abusive and disrespectful towards me.

 

I spoke to him last night after begging him to please talk to me and explain what is going on. He told me he met someone he's interested in. He said she's not ready for a relationship with him right now so they are just friends but spending time together. I was shocked and taken back so I said "you're ready to start a new relationship two months after a break up that was headed towards marriage?" He said he would choose her over me any day and that I am just somebody that he used to know. A stranger, and that he has no feelings left for me at all - - none - - nothing. Those were his exact words. He also said "I've fallen so far out of love with you". I asked about having just been intimate and saying he wanted to work it out, to which he responded "I don't care about what happened last week. I will NEVER get back together with you".

 

 

I am so broken. Feel used...and I don't understand how anyone could be so cruel to someone who they wanted to share their life with. Even if he did feel these things, isn't there a better and more empathetic way to express them? Why does he want to hurt me so badly?

 

 

Any encouraging words would be helpful. I am at work and barely holding it together.

Edited July 28, 2015 by 1DAY

[15Love]

My ex-fiancé broke up with me abruptly nine weeks ago citing lack of intimacy as the main reason, but there is a lot of back history there with anger (temper), lying on his part and even speaking to other women behind my back.

 

 

Since the break up he has moved into our travel trailer at our seasonal lot and has been going back and forth between wanting to work things out and telling me we're over. On July 16th he came to my house and told me he wanted to work things out. Told me he still loved me and we were intimate. The next day he was distant and cold, and wouldn't respond to my text messages. I called him the day after that and he was very hostile...saying he felt nothing when we were intimate and then hung up the phone. Since then he has been very abusive and disrespectful towards me.

 

I spoke to him last night after begging him to please talk to me and explain what is going on. He told me he met someone he's interested in. He said she's not ready for a relationship with him right now so they are just friends but spending time together. I was shocked and taken back so I said "you're ready to start a new relationship two months after a break up that was headed towards marriage?" He said he would choose her over me any day and that I am just somebody that he used to know. A stranger, and that he has no feelings left for me at all - - none - - nothing. Those were his exact words. He also said "I've fallen so far out of love with you". I asked about having just been intimate and saying he wanted to work it out, to which he responded "I don't care about what happened last week. I will NEVER get back together with you".

 

 

I am so broken. Feel used...and I don't understand how anyone could be so cruel to someone who they wanted to share their life with. Even if he did feel these things, isn't there a better and more empathetic way to express them? Why does he want to hurt me so badly?

 

 

Any encouraging words would be helpful. I am at work and barely holding it together.

 

YES!!! There are a thousand and one ways to express his feelings besides the way he chose to! He sounds like hell!!

 

I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. It's wrong on a thousand different levels.

 

The only thing I can truly offer is, from an objective point of view, you win by a million miles. This other girl is the one losing out. She might end up with someone so cruel and horrible I shudder for her.

 

You absolutely should NOT have married him. If he's capable of this behavior he would be so much worse if you were married. I have found marriage NEVER makes people behave better so you better have a great starting place. You did not have that with him.

 

Forgive yourself for sleeping with him one last time. Chalk it up to the fact that you loved him. But that's not enough. Now start complete NC. Count your lucky stars and never look back!

[stupidkittten]

I had an ex like that. He said really similar stuff. Finally I stopped trying and then whenever I ran into him again, he immediately left the girl he was "so in love with" and then tried to get back with me and confessed he had regretted it the entire time and that he had always missed me.

 

It was so similar. He talked to girls behind my back like your ex too. He got with one girl 2 weeks after the break up for like a week or two and then another immediately after her (the real girl he had a crush on or was so in love with). I'd say I don't know why you'd want a guy back like that but I do know. The best thing you can do is completely go no contact. It's the only way to make him come back and I know how stupid that feels because it feels like you know this guy enough that you shouldn't have to "play games" like not talking to him or like if you don't talk to him, you lose any chance like he's just gonna have an easier time forgetting you but it's really the best thing to do. Focus on yourself and act like you're happy until you are.

 

Don't contact him at all and if he contacts you, don't fall back into it easy. Make him work for a second chance if he decides to come back around. You may end up realizing you're better off without him. I did and I was a complete and total wreck after the break up.

[1DAY]

I had an ex like that. He said really similar stuff. Finally I stopped trying and then whenever I ran into him again, he immediately left the girl he was "so in love with" and then tried to get back with me and confessed he had regretted it the entire time and that he had always missed me.

 

It was so similar. He talked to girls behind my back like your ex too. He got with one girl 2 weeks after the break up for like a week or two and then another immediately after her (the real girl he had a crush on or was so in love with). I'd say I don't know why you'd want a guy back like that but I do know. The best thing you can do is completely go no contact. It's the only way to make him come back and I know how stupid that feels because it feels like you know this guy enough that you shouldn't have to "play games" like not talking to him or like if you don't talk to him, you lose any chance like he's just gonna have an easier time forgetting you but it's really the best thing to do. Focus on yourself and act like you're happy until you are.

 

Don't contact him at all and if he contacts you, don't fall back into it easy. Make him work for a second chance if he decides to come back around. You may end up realizing you're better off without him. I did and I was a complete and total wreck after the break up.

 

Did your ex ever explain to you why he spoke to you in such horrible ways if he didn't mean it? I can't resolve in my mind how anyone could be so cruel. I feel like he hates me and it's a terrible feeling knowing that not even two weeks ago, I opened my heart to him and slept with him.

 

 

I will be implementing no contact as I don't care to hear any more abusive comments or how I pale in comparison to this other woman. I know I should be glad I didn't marry him. I can accept a break up, but what I can't accept is the hatred and anger towards me. It hurts so much.

[15Love]

Did your ex ever explain to you why he spoke to you in such horrible ways if he didn't mean it? I can't resolve in my mind how anyone could be so cruel. I feel like he hates me and it's a terrible feeling knowing that not even two weeks ago, I opened my heart to him and slept with him.

 

 

I will be implementing no contact as I don't care to hear any more abusive comments or how I pale in comparison to this other woman. I know I should be glad I didn't marry him. I can accept a break up, but what I can't accept is the hatred and anger towards me. It hurts so much.

 

this is the danger. It's possible he "didn't mean it" it doesn't matter. Even if he meant it he shouldn't say it that way. He's not a safe person to be around. Run!

[stupidkittten]

Did your ex ever explain to you why he spoke to you in such horrible ways if he didn't mean it? I can't resolve in my mind how anyone could be so cruel. I feel like he hates me and it's a terrible feeling knowing that not even two weeks ago, I opened my heart to him and slept with him.

 

 

I will be implementing no contact as I don't care to hear any more abusive comments or how I pale in comparison to this other woman. I know I should be glad I didn't marry him. I can accept a break up, but what I can't accept is the hatred and anger towards me. It hurts so much.

 

His excuse is that he strongly felt at the time that he didn't want to be with me and me begging him just made him angry so he said whatever he thought he needed to say to get me to leave him alone and then when it worked, he regretted it.