I was just thinking about something...

[Jonp219]

I was just thinking about something regarding 'love'. This is just a thought that came to mind while I was on the subway. People always say a relationship is a place you go to give, but if that's true why do so many break ups end the way they do? Why the NC? Why the abandonment? Why all the pain?

 

If you were really in it to 'give' then why would you completely eradicate them from your life? Real love wouldn't do that right? We go into this wanting the best for this person then the love runs out and now we don't care if this person were to get hit by a bus? The love we came to 'give' must of been pretty limited for us to go about it in such a manner.

 

I just can't wrap my head around human love and it's inconsistencies. I understand love runs out, but to just toss them aside as if you told them, "you did your job, ok then **** off now, you're life is meaningless, bye" just gives me clear indicator that all of that was a monumental waste of time (to you and me).

 

Love was great for me, but it was also painful. When I first fell in love with my ex that's when I started realizing my deep rooted jealousy issues. Just the thought of her leaving me made me want to pull a knife on myself and end it all before she did. I don't know what love will feel like the next time around, do I really want to put myself through that again? Is it really worth it? Did I ever fall in love or was I just obsessed? I don't know.

 

BTW I'm sober lol

Edited July 26, 2015 by Jonp219

[Gloria25]

I was just thinking about something regarding 'love'. This is just a thought that came to mind while I was on the subway. People always say a relationship is a place you go to give, but if that's true why do so many break ups end the way they do? Why the NC? Why the abandonment? Why all the pain?

 

If you were really in it to 'give' then why would you completely eradicate them from your life? Real love wouldn't do that right? We go into this wanting the best for this person then the love runs out and now we don't care if this person were to get hit by a bus? The love we came to 'give' must of been pretty limited for us to go about it in such a manner.

 

I just can't wrap my head around human love and it's inconsistencies. I understand love runs out, but to just toss them aside as if you told them, "you did your job, ok then **** off now, you're life is meaningless, bye" just gives me clear indicator that all of that was a monumental waste of time (to you and me).

 

Love was great for me, but it was also painful. When I first fell in love with my ex that's when I started realizing my deep rooted jealousy issues. Just the thought of her leaving me made me want to pull a knife on myself and end it all before she did. I don't know what love will feel like the next time around, do I really want to put myself through that again? Is it really worth it? Did I ever fall in love or was I just obsessed? I don't know.

 

BTW I'm sober lol

 

The jealousy, inability to move on, IMO, spells "unhealthy attachment" and not "love"...

 

Yes, being broke up with sucks...it's a blow to the ego, but you can't let it define/determine your worth.

 

Just cuz someone ends it with you didn't mean they didn't love you and/or care for you at some point. Not everything was meant to be. Shoot, there are people in marriages and/or RLs who don't even love each other but are together for practical reasons (i.e. raising kids). So, trust me, just cuz someone stays with you doesn't necessarily mean they love you.

 

"Love" isn't enough...RLs include things like compatibility, shared interests/goals, etc. People change and/or evolve sometimes too - so, at one point you two may be right for each other, then at some point no more.

[SammySammy]

I think most of us get into to relationships to SHARE love. Very few of us are able to give love without wanting or expecting love in return. That's where the hurt comes from. When we feel that we weren't loved properly in return.

[Ariess10]

I know I'll never get in a relationship again , nope no way not worth it .. I'm gonna stick to being single , I think it's what works best for me

[15Love]

I was just thinking about something regarding 'love'. This is just a thought that came to mind while I was on the subway. People always say a relationship is a place you go to give, but if that's true why do so many break ups end the way they do? Why the NC? Why the abandonment? Why all the pain?

 

If you were really in it to 'give' then why would you completely eradicate them from your life? Real love wouldn't do that right? We go into this wanting the best for this person then the love runs out and now we don't care if this person were to get hit by a bus? The love we came to 'give' must of been pretty limited for us to go about it in such a manner.

 

I just can't wrap my head around human love and it's inconsistencies. I understand love runs out, but to just toss them aside as if you told them, "you did your job, ok then **** off now, you're life is meaningless, bye" just gives me clear indicator that all of that was a monumental waste of time (to you and me).

 

Love was great for me, but it was also painful. When I first fell in love with my ex that's when I started realizing my deep rooted jealousy issues. Just the thought of her leaving me made me want to pull a knife on myself and end it all before she did. I don't know what love will feel like the next time around, do I really want to put myself through that again? Is it really worth it? Did I ever fall in love or was I just obsessed? I don't know.

 

BTW I'm sober lol

 

Lol!

 

I don't really understand either. I've always wanted to maintain a friendship of sorts with everyone I've ever "loved" Just cause it didn't work doesn't mean I don't want to know them. But VERY few people feel that way.

 

I'm also learning this CRAZY concept I was unaware of for most of my life and then wasnt excepting of it...up until a couple months ago. Apparently, people put people in categories. The have people they like to see movies with, and people they like to eat with, and people they talk light with and people they talk heavy with. And they keep those people in those boxes. Which seems to make them expendable.

 

And once you're expendable you're just a hope skip and jump from obsolete.

 

It's hard for people who don't think like this to grasp...at least it is for me...but I've witnessed it so many times and had people say they think that way so many times...I have to believe it.

 

So the problem is coping in a world wher people can "love" parts. Especially if you're the type to love the whole of people.

[BriNyc82]

Jon I get what you are saying, but there are different types of love. And maybe not all love is unconditional. Even if you never speak to someone again you can still love them. But I agree, I wish that my breakups could have been clean cut "wish you well, you're a good person, just wasn't mean to be" BLAH BLAH BLAHHH. When I was with R his happiness meant so much to me. I always wanted him to be happy, I would have done ANYTHING. I just never knew leaving his life would make him happy. If I truly care about him and it's what he wants shouldn't I still give it to him? Sucks for me, but it's the truth.

 

I think a friendship may develop after your heart has healed. It's very difficult to go from being in love with someone to friends.

 

Love is not just about "giving". It's about giving AND taking.

[Jonp219]

Jon I get what you are saying, but there are different types of love. And maybe not all love is unconditional. Even if you never speak to someone again you can still love them. But I agree, I wish that my breakups could have been clean cut "wish you well, you're a good person, just wasn't mean to be" BLAH BLAH BLAHHH. When I was with R his happiness meant so much to me. I always wanted him to be happy, I would have done ANYTHING. I just never knew leaving his life would make him happy. If I truly care about him and it's what he wants shouldn't I still give it to him? Sucks for me, but it's the truth.

 

I think a friendship may develop after your heart has healed. It's very difficult to go from being in love with someone to friends.

 

Love is not just about "giving". It's about giving AND taking.

 

At this point I really don't care for a friendship, now or in the foreseeable future. She left me, she hasn't even sent a breadcrumb or bothered to checked up on me. Not that I'm looking forward to it, but she was the one who was so 'over me' that she initiated the break up. This just shows how little she really cared to begin with, she was only in it for herself. If I ever saw her I would just look at her like a stranger, I wouldn't even acknowledge her presence. If she ever said hi to me I would ask, "Who are you, and have we met?" lol

[Learningtowalkagain]

I know I'll never get in a relationship again , nope no way not worth it .. I'm gonna stick to being single , I think it's what works best for me

 

I was out with my buddy last night, said the same thing to him. He just gave me 'that look'. That's like saying "I'm never drinking again" when you're hungover.

 

I'm content at this point. I know what's out there. I'm happy doing the single thing for now. Working on myself.

[Brokenmech]

This is probably one of the best articles I have read about love and relationships. I thought I would share it with you and see what your opinion on it is. It's a lengthy read but well worth it. I share the writers point of view.

 

https://worduncut.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/relationships-are-not-meant-to-last/

[Jonp219]

Personally, I can never get into the mindset of "never loving someone again", I just can't. Although I'm hurt and struggling to see pass this stage, I will always yearn for a loving relationship. I don't know why I'm like this, even I don't understand it at times. I grew up around my parents and their awful marriage. I guess I'm just trying to rewrite my fathers wrongs, but then I did most of his wrong in my previous relationship and it failed. I was impatient, insecure, jealous, and unhappy. Maybe she wasn't the one for me but that's still no excuse.

[central]

Having let people go because I wasn't right for them, or vice versa, is sensible - wanting the best for them may mean that someone else would be a better match. And that's why I don't get angry if someone breaks up with me - I wish them the best and move on (although I'll probably hurt for a while until I do). If we split due to simple incompatibility, we can remain friends - if there was harmful behavior, then NC is better. I'm not one who will hope we'll get back together, so staying friends will not impair my ability to move on.

[BriNyc82]

Personally, I can never get into the mindset of "never loving someone again", I just can't. Although I'm hurt and struggling to see pass this stage, I will always yearn for a loving relationship. I don't know why I'm like this, even I don't understand it at times. I grew up around my parents and their awful marriage. I guess I'm just trying to rewrite my fathers wrongs, but then I did most of his wrong in my previous relationship and it failed. I was impatient, insecure, jealous, and unhappy. Maybe she wasn't the one for me but that's still no excuse.

 

Jon that is really nice to hear, especially after what you have gone through. Even though you are hurting you still won't give up on love =) At least you are self aware to know these things about you and you can work on them.

[BriNyc82]

Having let people go because I wasn't right for them, or vice versa, is sensible - wanting the best for them may mean that someone else would be a better match. And that's why I don't get angry if someone breaks up with me - I wish them the best and move on (although I'll probably hurt for a while until I do). If we split due to simple incompatibility, we can remain friends - if there was harmful behavior, then NC is better. I'm not one who will hope we'll get back together, so staying friends will not impair my ability to move on.

 

I completely agree. If they think there is someone better suited then by all means. He never specifically said that to me though. He was making this all about these other factors that had nothing to do with me. Which is why it was so much more confusing. I guess I just have to assume that him not wanting to continue means there is someone better out there for him.

[Jonp219]

This is probably one of the best articles I have read about love and relationships. I thought I would share it with you and see what your opinion on it is. It's a lengthy read but well worth it. I share the writers point of view.

 

https://worduncut.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/relationships-are-not-meant-to-last/

 

Eh, I hate stuff like this, but it's somewhat true lol

 

This part really hit me though, "This is where you get tired. Fed up. Lines like “I deserve better” gets thrown in the air. Then “you don’t do **** for me” may follow or “you’ve changed”". my ex told me ALL those things when we broke up. And I will also admit that I'm guilty of saying this to her in the past as well...

 

But afterwards she was still writing about me on Twitter for months, and she remains single till this day. I thought she left me for someone else but I guess she just rather be alone than be with me...

Edited July 26, 2015 by Jonp219

[Gloria25]

I think most of us get into to relationships to SHARE love. Very few of us are able to give love without wanting or expecting love in return. That's where the hurt comes from. When we feel that we weren't loved properly in return.

 

Thank you,

 

That's sorta how I feel now...I was masturbating last nite thinking about dude and you know like when you're like saying things to that person you're having sex with? Well, I'm sorta saying to myself like "I have so much to give you, just let me"...

 

So yes, the pain is I feel like I have so much to give - which is what you should enter into an RL with, the selfless desire to "give"...but, I feel like the person I want to give it to does not want and/or appreciate what I have to offer.

 

Well, that's my issue I guess. I need to stop trying to "love" someone who doesn't want it and/or appreciate it...That's what "I" need to work on.

[jen1447]

I was just thinking about something regarding 'love'. This is just a thought that came to mind while I was on the subway. People always say a relationship is a place you go to give, but if that's true why do so many break ups end the way they do? Why the NC? Why the abandonment? Why all the pain?

 

If you were really in it to 'give' then why would you completely eradicate them from your life? Real love wouldn't do that right? We go into this wanting the best for this person then the love runs out and now we don't care if this person were to get hit by a bus? The love we came to 'give' must of been pretty limited for us to go about it in such a manner.

 

I just can't wrap my head around human love and it's inconsistencies. I understand love runs out, but to just toss them aside as if you told them, "you did your job, ok then **** off now, you're life is meaningless, bye" just gives me clear indicator that all of that was a monumental waste of time (to you and me).

 

^ One of the biggest conundrums and contradictions of the very concept of humanity's supposedly most lauded and pure virtue, imo.

[Gloria25]

Having let people go because I wasn't right for them, or vice versa, is sensible - wanting the best for them may mean that someone else would be a better match. And that's why I don't get angry if someone breaks up with me - I wish them the best and move on (although I'll probably hurt for a while until I do). If we split due to simple incompatibility, we can remain friends - if there was harmful behavior, then NC is better. I'm not one who will hope we'll get back together, so staying friends will not impair my ability to move on.

 

Agreed, ^^

 

In my situation, it sucks and hurts, but you gotta be realistic and practical. Sometimes letting someone go doesn't mean you don't give a hoot about them, you are being realistic about the situation.

 

In my situation, I have to be realistic that I can't do certain things for him and I have no right to hold him back, deprive, and/or tear him away from that.

 

I'd prefer NC in my situation, cuz I'm finding that the two things (1- Him living his life w/o me, while I see it unfolding right before my eyes; and, 2-Him still holding a candle for me that he will not act on) is tearing me apart.

 

I have my moments that I'm happy for him, yet I have my moments where I can't stand certain things he does for other women - especially when it's something he learns about me then does it with another woman...that stings. Not cool. I rather not know/see it.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Gloria25

[OldSoul86]

Agreed, ^^

In my situation, it sucks and hurts, but you gotta be realistic and practical. Sometimes letting someone go doesn't mean you don't give a hoot about them, you are being realistic about the situation.

 

In my situation, I have to be realistic that I can't do certain things for him and I have no right to hold him back, deprive, and/or tear him away from that.

 

I'd prefer NC in my situation, cuz I'm finding that the two things (1- Him living his life w/o me, while I see it unfolding right before my eyes; and, 2-Him still holding a candle for me that he will not act on) is tearing me apart.

 

I have my moments that I'm happy for him, yet I have my moments where I can't stand certain things he does for other women - especially when it's something he learns about me then does it with another woman...that stings. Not cool. I rather not know/see it.

 

Precisely, being the one who's sensible and practical can be painful. It is necessary though, and you should be thankful that you have enough foresight to see the relationship as a dead end - I know that in the long haul it is preferable to cut it off than to drag it out to the bitter end. Why waste more time unnecessarily, in this situation the time is better utilized healing and then looking for a more appropriate partner.

 

Like it says in my signature - it takes tremendous courage and a lot of heartache to let go, multiply it ten fold if it was someone you still had feelings for.

 

I also agree about the NC thing - it is not like you don't care about the partner, NC just makes disengaging easier and allows you to move on without the additional heartache that comes with keeping in contact.

[Jonp219]

Precisely, being the one who's sensible and practical can be painful. It is necessary though, and you should be thankful that you have enough foresight to see the relationship as a dead end - I know that in the long haul it is preferable to cut it off than to drag it out to the bitter end. Why waste more time unnecessarily, in this situation the time is better utilized healing and then looking for a more appropriate partner.

 

Like it says in my signature - it takes tremendous courage and a lot of heartache to let go, multiply it ten fold if it was someone you still had feelings for.

 

I also agree about the NC thing - it is not like you don't care about the partner, NC just makes disengaging easier and allows you to move on without the additional heartache that comes with keeping in contact.

 

My ex was the practical one in this case lol

She knew the relationship was toxic and I've known it for a while too, but thats the way I am, I've never been realistic. I've always been the one to dream and materialize everything the way I would want it to be in my head. I try to force everything to work because I feel I would never get that chance again.

Being practical is not my forte, I live in my head too much.