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Well today marks 4 months NC


Jonp219

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Wow, it really hasn't been that long has it? Lol

 

Anyway, I feel a whole lot better than I felt 3 months ago. For the most part the pain lingers but it doesn't stop me from meeting my obligations. I'm still not able to find a date due to my own accord. I suppose I'm too scared of rejection, and too scared of getting involved with someone else (even if it's just for fun).

 

Lately I'm starting to realize that I don't miss HER, I miss the idea of her. Quite frankly, I just miss her presence and the sex we use to have. Rarely do I ever think about the convos since they weren't any different than the ones I would have with my brother or my friends. I just miss her being around, it feels like she died and that never feels good.

 

Last night I had a dream about her. Funny thing is I completely forgot the dream, I just know she was in it lol. I know because when I woke up I sensed her energy. Its that feeling I'd get if she was around, the feeling I'd get if I were to see her.

 

I'm still scared of the future. I still believe it will never get better than what I had with her. Nothing gives me that spark to believe otherwise. I'm starting to notice more beautiful women, but I know they don't want to deal with a guy like me.

 

Anyway, that's my update. Lately I've been getting hit with brief moments of depression but after I meditate it goes away. Meditation has been my friend through all this. I will definitely continue to do it.

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Wow, it really hasn't been that long has it? Lol

 

Anyway, I feel a whole lot better than I felt 3 months ago. For the most part the pain lingers but it doesn't stop me from meeting my obligations. I'm still not able to find a date due to my own accord. I suppose I'm too scared of rejection, and too scared of getting involved with someone else (even if it's just for fun).

 

Lately I'm starting to realize that I don't miss HER, I miss the idea of her. Quite frankly, I just miss her presence and the sex we use to have. Rarely do I ever think about the convos since they weren't any different than the ones I would have with my brother or my friends. I just miss her being around, it feels like she died and that never feels good.

 

Last night I had a dream about her. Funny thing is I completely forgot the dream, I just know she was in it lol. I know because when I woke up I sensed her energy. Its that feeling I'd get if she was around, the feeling I'd get if I were to see her.

 

I'm still scared of the future. I still believe it will never get better than what I had with her. Nothing gives me that spark to believe otherwise. I'm starting to notice more beautiful women, but I know they don't want to deal with a guy like me.

 

Anyway, that's my update. Lately I've been getting hit with brief moments of depression but after I meditate it goes away. Meditation has been my friend through all this. I will definitely continue to do it.

It's great to see your starting to feel better, I been following your story, I also just hit 4 months nc .. It's getting better and I can see the light at the end of this dark tunnel .. Keep your head up and keep moving fwd

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It's great to see your starting to feel better, I been following your story, I also just hit 4 months nc .. It's getting better and I can see the light at the end of this dark tunnel .. Keep your head up and keep moving fwd

 

Thank you Aries! It's a tough road but we must stay on course. :)

 

If you don't mind me asking, what have you been doing since the break-up? What's keeping you distracted from thinking about her, and what improvements have you made in your life?

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Ah, Aries & Jon. I remember how all 3 of us had a breakup right about the same time. Yesterday, I hit 4 months.

 

I figured out that I don't miss being in a relationship with him, I miss the friendship that I had with him. We've been best friends since we were kids. Almost 20 years. We told each other EVERYTHING.

 

I was doing well until I heard from mutual friends that he was on vacation with the gf in Monterey. Never mind that I asked him numerous times if we could go away on vacation, and he always said no. He said he was too swamped with work.

 

I'd be farther along in the recovery/healing process if I had been on a single date in these past months. But I haven't. I've been doing all the right things, but nothing yet.

 

I did take a sushi making class recently, which was amazing!

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I'm still scared of the future. I still believe it will never get better than what I had with her. Nothing gives me that spark to believe otherwise.

 

That's how I feel as well. My Ex was a perfect match. I felt so lucky to find someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

 

The reason I feel doomed is that, I've met a lot of cool women in my life, but I never got that *spark* from any of them. My Ex and I did one of those compatibility tests, it scored 98%. I'm lucky to get in the 80 percentile with other women.

 

It IS scarey to go into the unknown not knowing. I'd love to believe there's someone out there for us. I really would.

 

Congrats on 4 months NC. I'm still struggling everyday with it. But seeing your success gives me hope I will make it through this.

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Ah, Aries & Jon. I remember how all 3 of us had a breakup right about the same time. Yesterday, I hit 4 months.

 

I figured out that I don't miss being in a relationship with him, I miss the friendship that I had with him. We've been best friends since we were kids. Almost 20 years. We told each other EVERYTHING.

 

I was doing well until I heard from mutual friends that he was on vacation with the gf in Monterey. Never mind that I asked him numerous times if we could go away on vacation, and he always said no. He said he was too swamped with work.

 

I'd be farther along in the recovery/healing process if I had been on a single date in these past months. But I haven't. I've been doing all the right things, but nothing yet.

 

I did take a sushi making class recently, which was amazing!

 

Hey Tuna,

 

Wow that's really rough, you guys knew each other for 20 years?? I couldn't imagine how hard this whole process must of been for you Tuna. It's funny how things work out in the long run. We think friendships always make the best relationships but sometimes it's more than just that. I realized that all I miss from my ex is the companionship and the sex. Although we could talk, our relationship was missing the friendship aspect of the whole thing (go figure). Would you ever consider being friends with your ex again? Many many years down the line?

 

Sushi making class sounds awesome! I'm thinking of doing toastmasters and maybe a few improv classes to get me out of my shell.

 

Some guys I've met have told me that I have a good communication skills to meet women but all i'm missing is the self confidence. Which is also something I was missing in my relationship so I really need to work on that.

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That's how I feel as well. My Ex was a perfect match. I felt so lucky to find someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

 

The reason I feel doomed is that, I've met a lot of cool women in my life, but I never got that *spark* from any of them. My Ex and I did one of those compatibility tests, it scored 98%. I'm lucky to get in the 80 percentile with other women.

 

It IS scarey to go into the unknown not knowing. I'd love to believe there's someone out there for us. I really would.

 

Congrats on 4 months NC. I'm still struggling everyday with it. But seeing your success gives me hope I will make it through this.

 

Me and my ex scored a 75% on those things lol.

 

Our relationship was really immature, so immature that we couldn't go away on vacation to another country because she was too scared of what her parents might think. For majority of the relationship I felt like a babysitter, she grew up a little, but still.

 

I read your story, and no matter how compatible you are with someone, an unhealthy mindset from either side would tip the balance. I'd say you dodged a bullet there, you probably don't want want to believe it, but you did.

 

I believe there's someone out there for all of us too. I'm 25, I really hope I find a better girl than my ex. I know you will too, you seem like a good guy.

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Thank you Aries! It's a tough road but we must stay on course. :)

 

If you don't mind me asking, what have you been doing since the break-up? What's keeping you distracted from thinking about her, and what improvements have you made in your life?

 

I joined the gym and have lost 48 lbs in 4 months lol , heart break does wonders .. I just keep doing things I like , even tho I really don't wanna I tell myself I can't stop my life because of her , and I know she isn't waiting around crying about me .. She's living her life and so will I .. I bought a cabin that I am remodeling so that takes a lot of my time .. As far as self improving I have a long ways to go .. But I know I am no where near ready to date , nor do I wanna ..

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I believe there's someone out there for all of us too. I'm 25, I really hope I find a better girl than my ex. I know you will too, you seem like a good guy.

 

Thanks Jon, I hope you find someone who will suit you better as well. You definitely deserve to be happy, everyone does.

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I joined the gym and have lost 48 lbs in 4 months lol , heart break does wonders .. I just keep doing things I like , even tho I really don't wanna I tell myself I can't stop my life because of her , and I know she isn't waiting around crying about me .. She's living her life and so will I .. I bought a cabin that I am remodeling so that takes a lot of my time .. As far as self improving I have a long ways to go .. But I know I am no where near ready to date , nor do I wanna ..

 

Awesome, yeah I lost 23 lbs. myself lol. I need to start hitting the gym though, only reason I lost weight is because I started eating better and i'm not eating out as much as I use to when I was with my ex lol.

 

I have a long way to go too. I'm just so impatient with myself and all this 'self-improvement' stuff. I wish it wasn't so difficult to get out of my comfort zone.

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Congrats on 4 months of NC. Our breakups happened around the same time, so we're on a similar track. You've come a LONG way since you first joined here. You will only get better with time/staying active. I understand you expect more from yourself (I'm the same way) but you are doing fine.

 

Self confidence is an issue for me too man, and people can sense it from a mile away. I wish there was an easy fix, and I could just magically believe that I'm good enough, but I can't. That's the biggest thing holding me back when it comes to meeting people. If you find out any ways to fix your self confidence, let me know lol.

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well done, Jon, really really well done ! 4 months, what an achievement. One week over 2 months of NC for me. First month was horrible, and what helped a lot was the running and meditation combination. I think the shock and the anger also helped me push through, but with time, the energy disappeared and the pain came back.

 

I've done lots of things I always wanted to do but was too scared to. I took a full class - one week, daily classes - of classical dance. That was amazing, I used to do ballet growing up. It really grounded me. I allowed myself to grieve and also took care of myself. I've indulged and bought tickets to see my favorite bands at a cool music festival, nearby. I took the time to stay in, post here and cry my eyes out, instead of going out and escape confronting my pain by socializing meaninglessly. I went back home and spent time with my family and sister. I talked about it until I ran out of words. I've let the pain and disappointment sink in.

 

I still hold a heavy grudge and anger at him for lying and for having wasted my time. Looking at the big picture, I am glad I met him, because he fixed me, emotionally - I was pretty shaken up, before I met him. I start to forget him. I don't remember how his voice sounds. i remember some pics we took but I do not remember his face expressions. I do not remember our conversations. I think I am over him.

 

I think he gutted from RS for quite a while. I am... done. Don't get me wrong, I like dating and seeing men, but I will never take anyone seriously just like that. I think... he made me aware of just how deep human deception can go. I think I really resent him because I feel trapped emotionally. He waited for me to emotionally invest and invest and then served me for the truth. Only writing that makes my blood start to boil, haha.

 

A sucker and a time waster. Useful, in the long run. I look forward to eliminating these false RS residues.

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Lately I've been getting hit with brief moments of depression but after I meditate it goes away. Meditation has been my friend through all this. I will definitely continue to do it.

 

Jon, how did you learn to meditate? Did you read a book how to do it or read about it online? everyone swears by it and I want to try but I'm not even sure where to start. I've found bikram yoga helps. For those 90 minutes I'm so focused on myself nd feel so mentally strong. Except the one time I laid in savasana and just cried. I couldn't tell if it was sweat or tears running down my face :/ I think the teacher probably thought I was crazy.

 

congrats on 4 months everyone! I can't wait until I hit that milestone

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Jon, how did you learn to meditate?

 

Bri, try Find your people - Meetup. There are tons of groups out there. I've signed up for a meditation group that meets every Saturday. It's totally free and also a good place to make some new friends.

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Congrats on 4 months of NC. Our breakups happened around the same time, so we're on a similar track. You've come a LONG way since you first joined here. You will only get better with time/staying active. I understand you expect more from yourself (I'm the same way) but you are doing fine.

 

Self confidence is an issue for me too man, and people can sense it from a mile away. I wish there was an easy fix, and I could just magically believe that I'm good enough, but I can't. That's the biggest thing holding me back when it comes to meeting people. If you find out any ways to fix your self confidence, let me know lol.

 

Thanks bro lol

 

I feel like I've come a long way. It's strange you know, I still remember the first 2 weeks after the break up, and how I just broke down in front of my brother in the middle of the night. It's the most vulnerable I've felt my entire life. Now today, I feel more at peace. Sure I have my moments where I get sad and think about her or the relationship, but the pain of it all is fading (Thank God).

 

I'm going to start doing some volunteer work and some Meetups in the upcoming weeks before I leave to Florida. Self-confidence comes from knowing what you're value is and doing things outside of your comfort zone will help you find that.

 

I've been speaking to a few new people lately and most have told me that they get a good vibe from me. So I'm happy about that, i'm happy that i'm slowly starting to feel comfortable in my body again. Self-confidence will come, slowly but surely lol

 

Try meditating. It keeps you from living in your head, it helps alot.

 

Thanks for caring man. If you ever need anything you can throw me a PM. :)

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well done, Jon, really really well done ! 4 months, what an achievement. One week over 2 months of NC for me. First month was horrible, and what helped a lot was the running and meditation combination. I think the shock and the anger also helped me push through, but with time, the energy disappeared and the pain came back.

 

I've done lots of things I always wanted to do but was too scared to. I took a full class - one week, daily classes - of classical dance. That was amazing, I used to do ballet growing up. It really grounded me. I allowed myself to grieve and also took care of myself. I've indulged and bought tickets to see my favorite bands at a cool music festival, nearby. I took the time to stay in, post here and cry my eyes out, instead of going out and escape confronting my pain by socializing meaninglessly. I went back home and spent time with my family and sister. I talked about it until I ran out of words. I've let the pain and disappointment sink in.

 

I still hold a heavy grudge and anger at him for lying and for having wasted my time. Looking at the big picture, I am glad I met him, because he fixed me, emotionally - I was pretty shaken up, before I met him. I start to forget him. I don't remember how his voice sounds. i remember some pics we took but I do not remember his face expressions. I do not remember our conversations. I think I am over him.

 

I think he gutted from RS for quite a while. I am... done. Don't get me wrong, I like dating and seeing men, but I will never take anyone seriously just like that. I think... he made me aware of just how deep human deception can go. I think I really resent him because I feel trapped emotionally. He waited for me to emotionally invest and invest and then served me for the truth. Only writing that makes my blood start to boil, haha.

 

A sucker and a time waster. Useful, in the long run. I look forward to eliminating these false RS residues.

 

Thanks Candie :)

 

Exercising and meditation is an awesome combination. I've been doing a lot of meditation lately and it's amazing how calm I feel afterwords. It's like i'm tapping into a power that I never knew of lol. Although, I do need to start hitting the gym so I can do some cardio and get myself more defined lol.

 

I cry from time to time still, but nowhere near as much I did during the first month. I'm starting to see the relationship for what it really was. We were just two immature and unstable kids who had no direction in life, and we needed to expand our horizons in order to figure ourselves out. It gives me a little peace knowing this needed to happen so I can find myself and figure out my own flaws.

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Jon, how did you learn to meditate? Did you read a book how to do it or read about it online? everyone swears by it and I want to try but I'm not even sure where to start. I've found bikram yoga helps. For those 90 minutes I'm so focused on myself nd feel so mentally strong. Except the one time I laid in savasana and just cried. I couldn't tell if it was sweat or tears running down my face :/ I think the teacher probably thought I was crazy.

 

congrats on 4 months everyone! I can't wait until I hit that milestone

 

I took Yoga at my college for a whole semester. I also watched and listened to some meditation videos and tapes on YouTube and Spotify. My mother is heavily into meditation and spirituality, so she's given me some pointers on how to relax. There's also a great book on spiritual enlightenment that I think everyone should check out if they haven't it's called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

 

You can meditate anywhere and anytime. Meditation is all about getting out of your head and focusing on the PRESENT. The present is all we have and it's all there is. The past and future is all an illusion. :)

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Hey Tuna,

 

Would you ever consider being friends with your ex again? Many many years down the line?

 

Sushi making class sounds awesome! I'm thinking of doing toastmasters and maybe a few improv classes to get me out of my shell.

 

I would consider it. He was a wonderful friend for so long before we got together. I think we could be friends again someday. I would never date him again though.

 

You should do those improv classes & the toastmasters thing. My sushi class was amazing. I loved doing it.

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I still hold a heavy grudge and anger at him for lying and for having wasted my time. Looking at the big picture, I am glad I met him, because he fixed me, emotionally - I was pretty shaken up, before I met him. I start to forget him. I don't remember how his voice sounds. i remember some pics we took but I do not remember his face expressions. I do not remember our conversations. I think I am over him.

 

WOW. This is strong. I really do not want to forget my ex and the moments we have spent together.

 

I would consider it. He was a wonderful friend for so long before we got together. I think we could be friends again someday. I would never date him again though.

 

I think I could be friends too, but only when I am trully over my ex and I am dating someone else. It would boil my blood seeing my ex with another dude...or her having children with him, since she never wanted to have kids when I was with her! agrh

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Hey congrats man. Youve really come a long way.

 

4 months NC here as well. I feel like we've all been on a similar trip from: life is hard, to this week was hard, to some days are hard, to some moments are hard.

 

I really feel like I'm in the last throes of this. But still...some moments are really hard.

 

I've noticed as well that I'm happier when I've eaten healthy (as well as working out and meditating). That's a really big one for me but maybe that's because my usual diet is pretty unhealthy.

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