Jump to content

She's happy now


TrevorDia

Recommended Posts

I had the very unpleasant honour of running into my ex in the middle of London, just 2 days after my girlfriend broke up with me. As you can tell, this compounded a bad situation into one of the most gutwrenching moments of my life.

 

She was telling me about how great her life is now she has her new boyfriend - they've been seeing each other for a while now, she "loves him", and she "would do ANYTHING" for him before she'd ever leave him. Now that gives me a lot to think about because I thought that girl was my soulmate for the longest time - and she was a terrible person. Why is it fair that she found happiness?

 

She ended by giving me her new number (I blocked all her old ones) and telling me that if I ever wanted to talk that she'd be there. She called us friends.

 

This all probably sounds ridiculous and petty but ever since she told me that yesterday I feel a physical pain in my chest. Surely it couldn't be that emotional anguish has transformed into a physical pain?

 

I'm feeling so rock bottom right now that I'm tempted to take my ex up on her pity offer of friendship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So, you have only been broke up 2 days and she has already been seeing a new guy "for a while now"? In other words seeing someone while you were still together.

 

I find it odd she would be saying those things to you knowing that it would hurt you. Why mention anything at all? It could be a rebound, GIGS or she genuinely feels this way.

 

Whatever the reason, it's time to go NC and focus on yourself now. It will be tough but in time the pain will lessen and eventually you will have days where you don't think about her at all. If you want to get her back (although I don't know why you would given she has cheated on you) never go into the "friendzone", she needs a chance to miss you.

 

Go have fun, date new people, find someone that is right for you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2

No, this is his ex, ex-GF. He had a GF he broke up with 2 days ago, and he ran into the prior ex....

 

And yes, TrevorDia emotional pain can - and does - transform into physical pain.

 

This is a relatively new idea/discovery in Western Medicine as we know it, but to be brutally honest, the Chinese have known about this mind-body connection for over 4000 years.

 

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) has always dealt with the human frame as being inseparably linked to the function and effects of emotions upon the organs.

 

It's an absolutely fascinating subject. I studied it at college for 4 years, and am still learning so much about it, even after my course ended, so long ago. .

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
StalwartMind

Life isn't fair, people who are happy often have the surplus to offer kindness and consideration to others. Unless I'm misreading this, if she is a terrible person, why would you even consider taking up her friendship, you more than likely know how it'll go after awhile. The downside to some happy people is, that many of despite having the surplus of energy, will also not want "negative" influences in their life to corrupt their flow.

 

I can't tell you what you need, especially not right now after having your girlfriend break up with you. A fresh breath of air may be in order too, meeting someone entirely new eventually, in case you actually just want to try process all your thoughts and feelings. No matter what, we all owe it to ourselves, that when we do meet someone new, we should be able to give the best of ourselves. There's no shame in having a period where things aren't going your way, you'll get through this too, you have done as well before now.

 

None of what you write sounds ridiculous or petty, emotions can manifest in many ways, even into physical pain. We all take struggles differently, everyone can become weak at times, and it's more admirable to admit that than try to hide it. Some people can change, maybe even your ex, it's not for me or anyone else to say, it's your choice how you wish to go about it. It's entirely possible you may be able to draw something positive from friendship, but at the same time I'd also advice you to be cautious. It does take some mental strength to cope with others happiness when you more than likely want that yourself too.

 

There are many people out there in the same situation as you, someone who without a doubt could really use your company. I think it's a slippery slope to get too attached to the idea, of wanting what someone else has. We all have the ability to create happiness, it starts within ourselves. Life is way too random to predict when an unexpected pleasant surprise comes your way, but from my experience it can and will happen a lot, perhaps even more so if your attitude reflects something good.

 

Don't beat yourself up over this, try to process it all and think of the best choice of action, that you believe will help you get through this so you can arrive safely at your next destination.

Link to post
Share on other sites

TrevorDia -- The woman you ran into yesterday did not make you a true offer of friendship. It was just something people say. Lose her number. It will do you no good to talk to her periodically. All it will do is keep that pain in your chest. The pain was a combo -- jealousy that she is happy & pain because of your recent breakup. You kind of got kicked while you were down.

 

It's difficult but try to take your EX's present situation as insight into what's possible. She found happiness & now seems to be a nicer person. You will eventually find your own happiness.

 

For now do a post-mortum on your latest break-up, take the weekend to grieve & then move forward.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Never believe it when an ex tells you they are doing "soo great". You're only getting their version of things. I don't think anyone would tell their ex they are doing bad. Unless they are doing really REALLY bad.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain
Never believe it when an ex tells you they are doing "soo great". You're only getting their version of things. I don't think anyone would tell their ex they are doing bad. Unless they are doing really REALLY bad.

 

This times a million. Ex's have the same problem with all their new boyfriends or girlfriends, difference is maybe their new significant other can tolerate their BS more than you could. Whatever reason it ended it ended. Don't give her another thought. Move on, delete her from you memory banks. Maybe she gets butthurt you never make contact, who cares. You have to live your life.

 

Just an fyi, whenever I run into an ex, unless they ask, I NEVER mention if I'm dating another person. I especially don't say how great it is blah blah blah.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I had the very unpleasant honour of running into my ex in the middle of London, just 2 days after my girlfriend broke up with me. As you can tell, this compounded a bad situation into one of the most gutwrenching moments of my life.

 

She was telling me about how great her life is now she has her new boyfriend - they've been seeing each other for a while now, she "loves him", and she "would do ANYTHING" for him before she'd ever leave him. Now that gives me a lot to think about because I thought that girl was my soulmate for the longest time - and she was a terrible person. Why is it fair that she found happiness?

 

She ended by giving me her new number (I blocked all her old ones) and telling me that if I ever wanted to talk that she'd be there. She called us friends.

 

This all probably sounds ridiculous and petty but ever since she told me that yesterday I feel a physical pain in my chest. Surely it couldn't be that emotional anguish has transformed into a physical pain?

 

I'm feeling so rock bottom right now that I'm tempted to take my ex up on her pity offer of friendship.

 

Dude...are you an idiot? :lmao:

 

People that are "happy" don't go around telling everyone (specially their ex) that they are "happy". If they are happy, they just say "things are going well" or something of the sort.

 

As you mention, your ex-gf is a mean person. If she feels the need to tell her ex that:"she is happy, her new bf is awsome, everything in her life is wonderful"...its probably a lie.

 

Most likely: her relationship isn't that good; not saying it sucks, but its probably just as problematic as most relationships she ever has, with most of the problems these kind of people tend to have.

 

In fact the reason she might want "friendship", its just because she wants the attention of someone that used to love her.

 

Seriously, stop feeling sad, and continue to ignore her.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh, don't take her up on her offer. She sounds like the pits. Who says stuff like that?! Steer clear. She's looking to stroke her ego and feel like the bigger person. Lose that new number pronto.

 

Focus on healing this latest loss, and don't return to the older old "stuff"

 

Ever forward!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm feeling so rock bottom right now that I'm tempted to take my ex up on her pity offer of friendship.

 

don't.

 

her happiness sounds forced & fake to me.

it's like she tried to convince both you and herself that she's happy.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You're not friends with her, can't be, and won't be.

 

Take a break from being in a relationship and do some healing.

 

You have a backlog of emotional pain.

 

Don't lay down another layer of unresolved hurt.

 

No women for you.

 

Time to heal.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
This all probably sounds ridiculous and petty but ever since she told me that yesterday I feel a physical pain in my chest. Surely it couldn't be that emotional anguish has transformed into a physical pain?

 

The answer to the above question is YES. Why in the world do you think doctors are always telling people to reduce stress? Emotional anguish has a major toll on your physical well-being. I know that this chance meeting has just compounded an already bad situation, but do not waste another drop of energy being angry because things are going well for her. By the way, when someone goes out of their way to tell an ex-boyfriend how great things are going with their current boyfriend, bells start ringing in my head telling me that they are probably seriously exaggerating and things may not be very good at all. Why would she even offer her new phone number in the first place?

 

Anyway, it's just a low moment. You will be fine. Do not dwell on the past but be hopeful for the future. You didn't say much about the girlfriend that just broke up with you. So, it appears to me that you still have very strong feelings for the ex that you ran into. That ship has sailed my friend. Accept that fact and move on. It will be better for you emotions as well as your physical health. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Edited by GoBlue
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

She is not doing great in her relationship. I can tell you this. If she was, she would not be saying this.

 

Regardless, forget about it and focus on yourself.

 

I know your pain. It is like having an elephant sitting on your chest.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
The answer to the above question is YES. Why in the world do you think doctors are always telling people to reduce stress? Emotional anguish has a major toll on your physical well-being. I know that this chance meeting has just compounded an already bad situation, but do not waste another drop of energy being angry because things are going well for her. By the way, when someone goes out of their way to tell an ex-boyfriend how great things are going with their current boyfriend, bells start ringing in my head telling me that they are probably seriously exaggerating and things may not be very good at all. Why would she even offer her new phone number in the first place?

 

Anyway, it's just a low moment. You will be fine. Do not dwell on the past but be hopeful for the future. You didn't say much about the girlfriend that just broke up with you. So, it appears to me that you still have very strong feelings for the ex that you ran into. That ship has sailed my friend. Accept that fact and move on. It will be better for you emotions as well as your physical health. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

My thoughts exactly!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I wish that I had the time to respond to each of you individually, but I have read what you have all said and it's really grounded what I've been thinking. As you can tell I'm emotionally a bit of a mess and would grab any port in a storm, but when you all put it into perspective you're right - she's just looking to stroke her ego.

 

Thank you all for your advice, and thank you for helping me gain some perspective. It's time I take some time to myself to heal.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

As the others have said, I wouldn't place ANY value on her telling you how great her life and BF is.. Simply fiction like so many post on FB.

 

 

FB should be called Fantasy Island. I know lots of "friends" who's lives are train wrecks but looking at their FB page and posts, you'd think the birds are always singing, the sun is always shinning and they live a perfect life..

 

 

Two other thoughts about running into an ex who you think are super happy. Most of our exes (and ourselves) have baggage to some degree. No matter how hard they try, they will drag it into their next relationship unless they've addressed it in therapy. It's only a matter of time until "the honeymoon phase" ends, they let their guard down and all the same issues you had with them will now being enjoyed by the new person in their life.

 

 

My last ex probably has BPD or a high percentage of those traits. She's apologized for her behavior when she tried and failed to get me back 6 months after she ended us. I have no animosity towards her and hope she finds someone who rocks her world. The reality is, she's on her 3rd BF now and I'm sure he's being put through an emotional nightmare w/her. I'm on friendly terms w/her now and have run into her a couple of times in the last year. I'm in the same, loving, healthy, respectful relationship with my GF of 2 years now.

 

 

My point is don't worry about what the others are doing. We all know reality and perception is the true indicator.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I am fresh post-break up and my ex is already with another guy. Yes, this may be GIGS, this may be honey moon period, but I keep reminding myself that this may actually be her true love (she is fascinated by the guy).

 

The point is some people move on really quickly and find the next partner that stays with him/her forever.

 

The best thing is to not think what your EX is up to - No Contact.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I am fresh post-break up and my ex is already with another guy. Yes, this may be GIGS, this may be honey moon period, but I keep reminding myself that this may actually be her true love (she is fascinated by the guy).

 

The point is some people move on really quickly and find the next partner that stays with him/her forever.

 

The best thing is to not think what your EX is up to - No Contact.

 

 

This is absolutely true. Sometimes they do run into "the love of their lives" after leaving one relationship for a new one. It's a chance we all take in dating/having relationships. We are all guilty of trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Sometimes, despite how much we love someone, they are simply not a good, compatible fit for us or vs. versa.

 

 

As you state, you have to look out the windshield vs. the rear view mirror. There's no value in living in the past. When an ex moves on and finds happiness, we don't have to stroke their ego's by continuing to stay in contact w/them or giving them attention either. Vanishing and silence help us move on to our next great relationship.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I'm back because I need help. I've put off responding because I know how utterly ridiculous this is going to sound.

 

I caved and texted her. And now I'm stuck in some quasi-friendship with a girl I still care an awful lot about, and here's the kicker, she's arranging for us to meet up. For some reason she felt the need to emphasise that it's just as friends.

 

I tried to take some "me time", to recover from the breakup I'm going through, but when this ex (who is my previous ex, not most recent ex) offered me these stupid breadcrumbs, I of course accepted.

 

Now, whenever I talk to her I'm putting on a show to seem like I've got everything together, like everything is perfect. But I'll be honest, being around her makes me goddamn miserable, she never shuts up about her perfect life - and yeah, I get that she doesn't actually have a perfect life, but it doesn't stop it being crappy when she tells me about it.

 

This feeling is actually worse than when I missed her. She's back but she's only brought her most terrible qualities with her ¬_¬

 

I need help to get rid of her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You want to get rid of her? Tell her you don't think it's best you meet up then. I met up with my ex not long after she broke up with me and she told me she didn't want to talk about "us" when we met up. She just wanted to be friends, I wanted something more and I couldn't stand her talking about stuff going on in her life and other people in her life when we met up. I fooled myself into thinking I could still be friends with her when deep down I knew I couldn't. When we met up I thought this was the last time I would see her so I made the mistake of bringing up the very thing she told me not to bring up, "us" and by that point she too also realized I couldn't just be friends with her and so she went NC on me.

 

If you don't want to hear about her perfect life, you don't want to meet up. Tell her that, it's up to you man.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You imagine your Ex as a nice girl, happy, your soulmate... BUT YOU'RE WRONG!

 

She is a monster in a costume. A girl who breaks up with a guy and intentionally tells him how much she's happy with her new Bf, is nothing but a piece of sh*t.

 

She is not your friend. What your are going through is an abuse. She abuses your to boost her ego on your expense. Of course you feel miserable because that how you feel when someone abuses you.

 

Stay away from that B*tch. How can you want that kind of a person?UUUGGGHHH!!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...