Spontaneous meetup with ex gf

[Lizrd3000]

Hi guys.

 

So, in the 4AM'z I got a message from my ex, saying hi.

I answered and things progressed into a phone call, and at the near end of the phone call I jokingly said ''well, come to my house then'' at 4AM. Never did I expect her to take it serious and actually come over...

 

So when she came over, we hugged and had ALOT of fun, joked around and hugged and kissed.

 

After about 2 hours of having fun and joking around, we ended up having sex.

Then we cuddled and layed next to eachother, and had sex once again after 3 hours after that. Then when the day had started, we hung out and talked really well. We both cried, and came to the conclusion that we both love and care for each other, but it just can't work. She called me love, said I love you etc alot though. So did I.

 

I guess this was good closure. We hung out, had sex 3 times, smoked weed for the first time ever together, and just had a blast. At the end, I told her I'll see her ''sometime'', and was just very cool and down to earth about the breakup. She was the same.

 

We're both just pretty amazed at how mature we're both handling it right now, and feel like we can maybe be friends in the future.

 

She did also tell me about her having sex and kissing other guys, and my emotional response was better than I would ever have anticipated.

 

I don't know what the use of this post is. On paper I should be feeling great after this, but I'm pretty EMPTY right now.

[d0nnivain]

Sex with an EX happens. It i snot an automatic reconciliation. It probably stirred up the good feelings when you were together before it all fell apart. that is why you feel empty now. It will pass.

[Lizrd3000]

Sex with an EX happens. It i snot an automatic reconciliation. It probably stirred up the good feelings when you were together before it all fell apart. that is why you feel empty now. It will pass.

Thank you, but I'm not back at square 1 am I? I can't tell.. I just feel weird.

[Lizrd3000]

1 day later and i do feel as if ik back at square one, but im wiser than i was 2 days ago.

 

Im hurting like i was 2 months ago, probably even worse, because now i dont see my ex as the evil person i portrayed her like in my head. Now shes a fun and admireable person that i love who i'm missing.

 

But i did realize that i will never go back to my ex gf's in the future. Done is done, no reason to go back and reignite the feelings.

 

DONT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX!

[15Love]

shooooot.. That's my fear. All this fighting through nc...and if he calls I can't see myself being strong. So what's it all for

[RoseHeart]

Sex with a ex can go both ways. In my case it brought me and my ex back together but in your case it went the opposite and unfortunately then the bad news is that it will set you back... A LOT. I understand things happen and one gets carried away but I don't think it was a smart move and I hope you don't allow it to happen again especially if you know where you stand. You'll have to definitely allow yourself time to heal now without her. Learn from this experience. That empty feeling is very normal.

[Lizrd3000]

Sex with a ex can go both ways. In my case it brought me and my ex back together but in your case it went the opposite and unfortunately then the bad news is that it will set you back... A LOT. I understand things happen and one gets carried away but I don't think it was a smart move and I hope you don't allow it to happen again especially if you know where you stand. You'll have to definitely allow yourself time to heal now without her. Learn from this experience. That empty feeling is very normal.

Thank you for your post. (:

[Simon Phoenix]

Sex with an ex is fine if you don't have feelings for said ex. But sex with an ex is just sex to that ex. Take it for what it was -- a roll in the sack with a familiar companion -- and that's it.

[Lizrd3000]

I met up again, had passionate sex twice and she said all kind of sweet things.

 

Then she said shes afraid shes in love with me again. I think she wants me back guys, i do too, but i dont think i CAN.. I do love her, but i cant forget the things she did.

 

Wow. I cant believe she wants me back.

[Ariess10]

Ugh that's why NEVER looking back and staying nc is the way to go.. Now you are all messed up and putting yourself through this

[Lizrd3000]

I know... i had to learn the hard way.

I asked to hang out today but she couldnt, shes going on vacation tomorrow. (Its obvious she'd say no) but i felt rejected.

 

I know this situation is toxic, and the best remedy is to let go and not look back, but i feel like im already way too deep into this. I dont know what to do. She's sweeter to me then she's ever been during our relationship.

 

I want to move on already. I realized today that im too afraid to get into a relationship again, let alone with someone who has hurt me like she did.

 

I need advice

[Simon Phoenix]

I know... i had to learn the hard way.

I asked to hang out today but she couldnt, shes going on vacation tomorrow. (Its obvious she'd say no) but i felt rejected.

 

I know this situation is toxic, and the best remedy is to let go and not look back, but i feel like im already way too deep into this. I dont know what to do. She's sweeter to me then she's ever been during our relationship.

 

I want to move on already. I realized today that im too afraid to get into a relationship again, let alone with someone who has hurt me like she did.

 

I need advice

 

Stop hooking up with her. Stop chasing her. Just stop.

[Lizrd3000]

We are back together...

under a few conditions that benefit me.

she had the gigs, and realized it wasnt greener.

i told her she has to work to earn her trust back, and be completly transparant in her messages to other people. She also has to cut all contact with a certain guy.

 

This is really weird.

[Gus Grimly]

We are back together...

under a few conditions that benefit me.

she had the gigs, and realized it wasnt greener.

i told her she has to work to earn her trust back, and be completly transparant in her messages to other people. She also has to cut all contact with a certain guy.

 

This is really weird.

 

Gonna be a Slippery Slope man.

[RogerWallace111]

All I can say is that you'd better act like a serious f*ckin boss. I like to be optimistic but the simple truth is that in all likelihood, if you don't present yourself as a significantly more appealing, doper motherf*cker now than you were previously, things will go down a similar path quickly.

 

It can work. The trap is coming back into it less sure of yourself than before (understandable of course), and thus being even fairer game for mistreatment...

[Morphine]

Wow, it is so good to see that people do get back together. I wonder for how long. Keep us updated :-P

 

If I ever get back together with my ex (unlikely) id make sure it is a NEW relationship, starting slowly, plenty of space for each other and TOTAL honesty.

[Simon Phoenix]

We are back together...

under a few conditions that benefit me.

she had the gigs, and realized it wasnt greener.

i told her she has to work to earn her trust back, and be completly transparant in her messages to other people. She also has to cut all contact with a certain guy.

 

This is really weird.

 

So this is Round 3 huh? Best of luck, but something that has broken twice is almost certainly going to break a third time. I believe in giving a person a mulligan under the right circumstances, but anything after that reeks of codependency and/or vineswinging. Hope it's different for you, but unfortunately I have a feeling like there is going to be more drama in the future.

[Lizrd3000]

So this is Round 3 huh? Best of luck, but something that has broken twice is almost certainly going to break a third time. I believe in giving a person a mulligan under the right circumstances, but anything after that reeks of codependency and/or vineswinging. Hope it's different for you, but unfortunately I have a feeling like there is going to be more drama in the future.

 

I agree with you, and i expect there to be more drama. But i do have to admit that our relationship became better after the first breakup, and it might this time around. I made my boundaries clear, and she respected them.

 

I told her that if she wanted to try and make it work between us, she had to cut all contact with this guy friend she was hanging out with, and she did as far as i know. She texted him telling him that they cant have contact anymore due to her being in a relationship with me again.

 

I dont know.. i dont really have high expectations, and in a way it shields me from hurtful feelings. I currently dont trust her neither, and i told her she has to work on earning it back.

 

She seems really attracted and in love with me again, its hard to imagine that shes playing me. I dont think she is.

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree with you, and i expect there to be more drama. But i do have to admit that our relationship became better after the first breakup, and it might this time around. I made my boundaries clear, and she respected them.

 

I told her that if she wanted to try and make it work between us, she had to cut all contact with this guy friend she was hanging out with, and she did as far as i know. She texted him telling him that they cant have contact anymore due to her being in a relationship with me again.

 

I dont know.. i dont really have high expectations, and in a way it shields me from hurtful feelings. I currently dont trust her neither, and i told her she has to work on earning it back.

 

She seems really attracted and in love with me again, its hard to imagine that shes playing me. I dont think she is.

 

I'm just saying, if a relationship breaks twice, the odds of it working the third time are slim and none. Sounds like you're putting lipstick on a pig right now.

[Lizrd3000]

I'm just saying, if a relationship breaks twice, the odds of it working the third time are slim and none. Sounds like you're putting lipstick on a pig right now.

 

The chances of any relationship succeeding is slim. If I dont do this, im gonna regret it for the rest of my life. I rather fail a 100 times in my first love and realize it cant work, then not having tried and have nagging thoughts with what if's...

 

I dont think im sugarcoating at all, im pretty pessimistic in love right now actually, but I have to try. I believe ive become a little different these 2 months apart, and I hope she has too. She says she has changed a bit.

 

She never had the chance to go out and live a single life, because im the reason she opened up and became more confident. These 2 months apart gave her the opportunity to live a single life and see whats out there. She wasnt all that amazed, is what she said.

 

What are your thoughts on this? I appreciate your point of view alot, i know that you're usually right. ):

[Simon Phoenix]

The chances of any relationship succeeding is slim. If I dont do this, im gonna regret it for the rest of my life. I rather fail a 100 times in my first love and realize it cant work, then not having tried and have nagging thoughts with what if's...

 

I dont think im sugarcoating at all, im pretty pessimistic in love right now actually, but I have to try. I believe ive become a little different these 2 months apart, and I hope she has too. She says she has changed a bit.

 

She never had the chance to go out and live a single life, because im the reason she opened up and became more confident. These 2 months apart gave her the opportunity to live a single life and see whats out there. She wasnt all that amazed, is what she said.

 

What are your thoughts on this? I appreciate your point of view alot, i know that you're usually right. ):

 

Not tried? You tried -- twice. It didn't work out -- twice. I don't really see why you need to be the one to "try" again. That's kind of codependent dude.

 

In two months? Yeah, there's no difference. You're basically rebooting the old relationship. I'm sorry dude, I think this is way too soon and you're basically delaying the inevitable. It'd be one thing if you ran into each other after 6-12 months or something, but it almost sounds like she had her eyes on someone else, it didn't work out for whatever reason, and she's landing back at a familiar place while she figures out her next move.

 

You taking her back so easily (and yes, even with conditions you're taking her back when she wants to come back) doesn't bode well for the future. Odds are she'll get antsy again and dump you again, because she knows you'll be right there waiting should she need to reconsider.

 

Sorry man, I think you're repeating history. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me more ... you get the picture.

[guest569]

What a terrible idea gigs and you welcome her back with open arms, what are you thinking!

[Lizrd3000]

Back together with my ex for a week now...

i can see why i broke up with her again. Its not only the fact she flirts and cheated on me, but her way to go about things and how she thinks she deserves special treatment in life just pisses me the **** off. I regret ever going back for sex with her and even taking her back, as all my feelings have come rushing back.

 

The way she changes plans last minute pisses me off, the way we agreed she'd stay over at mine, to only get the plans changed because she forgot she agreed to babysit her dads dog at his house, so i have to come along.

 

I shouldve listened to you guys. The same problems and irritations are arising at the 1 week mark already. The hell am i supposed to do?

[CarrieT]

The hell are you supposed to do?!?!

 

BREAK UP!

 

Tell her there was a reason it didn't work in the first place and that it can't work in the second place.

 

Go No Contact and STAY No Contact this time!

Edited July 25, 2015 by CarrieT

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Write a list of things that are deal breakers for you with her. If she can't deal with them, then leave. Since you let her back, you kind of owe her a chance to fix her issues. She probably wont, but tell her in no uncertain terms what needs to change about her.