Jump to content

Finding a way to let go...


phatgreenbuds67

Recommended Posts

phatgreenbuds67

I met a girl 8 months ago that I fell hard for the moment I saw her. No rhyme or reason, she was just the one. I’m a good looking guy and I have a great career. So for me to get so wrapped up in one girl when I had so many others that we on-call for me…well I will just say I was deep in love.

 

The relationship was rocky. She insisted on girl’s nights and girls trips way more then reasonable for me. It was a very rejected feeling for me and as a result I broke up with her several times. Every time after a day or two she would text me about how much she misses me and we would work it out. When I was with her I was in heaven. WE were out every night eating and drinking and we shared what I thought were some very intimate moments. A lot of them in fact. This last time we had a fight. She in typical fashion took two hours to respond to my text about where to meet. I shut down and blew her off the rest of the weekend. When I tried to talk to her that week she said she wanted to take a break. I panicked and I knew from before we met she had a match.com profile and all her friends were on there as well. I went on after that text and created a profile myself. She quickly found out and called to tell me she as done. My heart broke hearing such finality in her voice. Now three weeks later she has not spoken to me nor acknowledged my existence. I have heard from friends that she is on Tinder dating, she is active on Match dating…she used pics of our happiest times together for her match profile with me cut out. Its crushing that she is already replacing me. I have also heard that she was never really feeling it and was trying ot break it off for some time now but just couldn’t do it.

 

So! Looking at this logically, there are so many things that I should be thankful for. She is a financial mess, she drinks every night often to the point of passing out. She is not a nurturing mother to her two young boys…in fact I think she is rather resentful of them. Sex was average at best, and only her way. She has issues no doubt. I know that I dodged a bullet. The entire relationship, if you want to call it that, was me giving and her taking. She brought nothing to the table for this relationship. There was no relationship, there was me in love with a girl who strung me along with false hope so her party lifestyle could be financed.

 

I know all of this yet I cannot get her out of my head. I am still in love with her as crazy as that sounds. I know she feels nothing for me and I will never have her in my arms again but I still cannot seem to find that magic that will allow me to let her go. I struggle with the NC. I am committed now and its been less then a week but I will not cave. I am just broken and in the morning it’s the worst. By night time I am usually pretty ok with all the emotion drained from the morning. I have made a conscious effort to avoid that neighborhood and all the mutual friends we had. I am doing all that I know how but its getting worse. So I have found online that they are using hypnotherapy to assist in coping an moving on. I found one local here in Dallas that I am calling Monday, and if that is a bust I will fly to Atlanta for a well know practitioner and pay whatever it costs to make this go away. Stay tuned.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry you got stuck on this girl. She sounds like no kind of prize...but unfortunately those are the ones that we often, unexplainably, can't let go of.

 

You're not alone.

 

Please post more about this hypnotherapist! I've seriously been considering looking in to this as an option! I'm working with 16 years here. I'll try anything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
phatgreenbuds67

Crazy thoughts...I have several girls trying to date me. They are all beautiful and some are even better then my ex. But I cannot go through with it because I have this crazy thought that as soon as I am in bed with another girl, the ex is doing the same thing and its heartbreaking. I have a date tonight with a beautiful woman who is my equal in all ways including business and by all accounts I should jump at this chance...All I can think about is the ex.

 

I bought some self meditation audio's designed for heartbreak...been playing it over and over all night in bed and all day on my couch. Its helped a little I think. I am not crying today but I have moments when I think I could. I have very high hopes for a clinical version. The more I read about it the more I think this is the way to go.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You seem to be limerent.

 

(In my opinion.)

 

Limerance! I haven't heard that in so long! I think Limerance is a very real problem but when I learned about it ages ago...unsurprisingly when I was trying to make sense if this thing, with this specific guy, 1000 years ago, I don't remember solutions to overcome it.

 

I better hit Google.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I found one local here in Dallas that I am calling Monday, and if that is a bust I will fly to Atlanta for a well know practitioner and pay whatever it costs to make this go away. Stay tuned.

 

 

Looking forward to how this goes!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
WOW! The Limerence is spot on. I have never heard of this before...now how do we cure it?

 

You cure it by learning what love is.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

:eek: wow. How simple but powerful! What if I understood what love really looked like! I've read this is a common problem with girls who don't know their father...it makes since. The way this guy ignores me feels very ...familiar.

 

But you've got a point. Just because it's familiar doesnt mean it's love. Perhaps I'll shall make myself an expert on what real love looks like. Thanks, Satu!

 

What do you think phatgreenbuds? Have you ever met real love? I'm thinking...I have not.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
phatgreenbuds67

First things first...I need to get this feeling destroyed so I can get on with my life. After that I will learn what real love is. Great diagnosis though Satu.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
phatgreenbuds67

First Hypnotherapy appointment scheduled for today at 5:30. Its expensive and its supposed to be 5 sessions. I am hanging by a thread today. I need this fast. How can she live with herself and what she has done? I just keep imagining her waking up and bouncing around the house like nothing is wrong and she has lost nothing important in her life. How could I have been so wrong about her?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
First Hypnotherapy appointment scheduled for today at 5:30. Its expensive and its supposed to be 5 sessions. I am hanging by a thread today. I need this fast. How can she live with herself and what she has done? I just keep imagining her waking up and bouncing around the house like nothing is wrong and she has lost nothing important in her life. How could I have been so wrong about her?

 

You and I both brother, I don't get how people can just forget and move on .. You would like to know if they hurt like us, but if we really think about it , does it matter? Will it change anything? No it won't we will still be broken up .. I'm just so lost with this breakup I never had so many emotions at once.. It truly is exhausting

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Man do I wish I could get hypnotized to forget everything. The good bad and the ugly. I am so exhausted as well. My mind hasn't been able to completely shut down since it ended. I find myself getting so tired from thinking about it that I don't even want him back! I just want to stop thinking about it already.

 

Whether the other person is upset or hasn't moved on doesn't matter. It's called a breakup bc it's broken.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
phatgreenbuds67

FCK ME! I was at the gym feeling pretty empowered knowing that this therapy session is coming and soon I will be be able to feel better. Then I get a text from her friend telling me that my EX was wanting to know how I knew she was dating someone. First of all I didn't know she was dating him...I thought it was just a casual date and next guy up...now its confirmed that there is another guy that gets those eyes, those lips, her arms...I nearly lost it in the gym.

 

Speaking with the hypnotherapist on the phone, she is very positive and has done a lot of this kind of work. After 5 sessions I should be able to look at my ex and wonder why did I ever waste anytime on this person who so clearly was not worth it? I will be able to move on in a matter of hours versus weeks and months. I pray to God for his blessing that this actually works. EVERYONE here take a knee and pray that this works for if it does, we all have a light at the end of our painful tunnel.

 

I feel as bad now as I did the day it happened. So I will post after this session and all others to let you know how it goes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
FCK ME! I was at the gym feeling pretty empowered knowing that this therapy session is coming and soon I will be be able to feel better. Then I get a text from her friend telling me that my EX was wanting to know how I knew she was dating someone. First of all I didn't know she was dating him...I thought it was just a casual date and next guy up...now its confirmed that there is another guy that gets those eyes, those lips, her arms...I nearly lost it in the gym.

 

Speaking with the hypnotherapist on the phone, she is very positive and has done a lot of this kind of work. After 5 sessions I should be able to look at my ex and wonder why did I ever waste anytime on this person who so clearly was not worth it? I will be able to move on in a matter of hours versus weeks and months. I pray to God for his blessing that this actually works. EVERYONE here take a knee and pray that this works for if it does, we all have a light at the end of our painful tunnel.

 

I feel as bad now as I did the day it happened. So I will post after this session and all others to let you know how it goes.

 

So sorry you had to deal with that at the gym. The universe seems to know when we're gaining some traction and out goes the rug from under us.

 

Eagerly awaiting your feedback on the session!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
phatgreenbuds67

Ok so first session complete. First off Hypnotism is not what anyone would expect. She was very upfront with me and we did alot of background story stuff so that took most of the time. When we finally did get into it, I was relaxed and honestly didn't feel like anything was happening. She told me that the first time was just to gauge my susceptibility and lay some ground work. So she kept talking me into relaxing and letting go of my stress...after a few minutes she asked if it was ok to talk directly to my subconscious. I nodded and as soon as she started talking I broke out in uncontrollable crying. I don't even know why. Nothing has even been mentioned of my heartbreak. I just cried as she kept addressing my subconscious like it was a whole other entity.

 

After it was all done I admit that I don't feel much better however she again emphasized that this was just the ground work. Next session is where we dig in and it gets rough. I have some homework to do until the next session. She gave me some self hypnosis routines to do each morning noon and night. I will put the work in and hopefully by this Sunday I will be ready to enter the world again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Veeeeerrrry interesting. Are you doing all five days this week?! So by Sunday you should feel noting towards your ex!?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
phatgreenbuds67

No I am doing session 2 and 3 on saturday. Then 4 on wednesday. 5 has not been scheduled yet.

 

She has given me a tremendous amount of resources online. Youtube has a lot of self hypnosis stuff as well. Just google "self hypnosis for heartbreak".

 

I plan to take advantage of every bit of this. Worst case is it keeps me busy this week and helps me work toward the inevitable.

 

I had this awful thought. As I said originally, she drinks every night and often drives drunk even on the nights when her kids are in the car. I could easily find the police that patrol that small neighborhood let them know what to look for and guarantee and DUI with child endangerment charges. Man that would be evil of me to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
phatgreenbuds67

Well the hypnotherapy path actually helped. Of course I put in a ton of my own work with self-hypnosis, Zoloft, Abilify, and a lot of meditation. It was a month into this breakup and I was feeling good again. Not 100% but I was in a much better place overall. Then it came...she texted me and wanted to get together to talk. I resisted at first and finally gave in. Long story short we got back together and I was on cloud 9. It seemed like she was really wanting to make this work and she truly had missed me. for 10 days I was soooo happy. Then this last Sunday I ****ed it all up and lost her again. I pushed to hard to quick and she pulled out as fast as she could. I am now back to square one and starting the recovering all over again. I hate this!

 

If you are struggling I recommend the hypno-therapy path. Its expensive but its worth it as it cuts the time into weeks versus months and years.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...