How are you dealing with your mood swings?

[DexterLS]

It's been about 3 months post-breakup for me after my ex cheated and left me for another guy. 6-year relationship: She is working in another country and is with the guy there.

 

It's been only a week of NC, however, and yes I did all the bad things I shouldn't have done: begged, pleaded and cried etc etc. However, last Monday, I took a stance and told her, I'm done with all of her "breadcrumbs" - I'm just done and I don't think chasing her is what's good for me right now.

 

I have my Masters' degree coming up in about 4 weeks and so I'm really looking forward to that to help take my minds off things. However, right now, I am freelancing at home and at times, it becomes really difficult to cope.

 

I have irregular mood swings. Some days are good, some days are like hell. I have tried deep breathing. I have tried distracting my mind with other things (music, reading etc). I have tried hitting the gym etc but it seems to never be "enough".

 

Anybody with any coping tips for me?

[darkbloom]

Get in your car, turn the music up, and rage at her. Anytime the anger overtakes and I just need to get it out, that's what I do. I pretend he is in the passenger seat and I go at it. It really helps right before I go into work or before I go to an event/place that he would normally go with me to.

 

I have always been very vocal and I express my anger with words. This helps.

[StalwartMind]

You are still quite early in the post-breakup, and even if you did beg, plead and cry, none of these things are going to mean much to someone who's mind is in a completely different place. It's a natural reaction, since you are still attached to her, and none of us want to lose something that we didn't want to lose. With that said though, none of us should ever have to try "convince" someone else that we are the right person for them. If they can't come up to that conclusion by themselves, then you are going to be fighting for someone who doesn't want you to.

 

It's difficult to say what would help you the best, it very much depends on how you as a person function in general. I freelance from home at moment as well, but I've always been fine with being alone. This is easier for me because I am introverted, and I'm confident enough with myself and my own thoughts. The mood swings can be rather challenging to deal with, especially because a lot of small things can end up triggering them. Perhaps going for a drive and raging at her will work for you like darkbloom said. I'm too assertive myself, and anger does nothing for me or my life, but as such we are all different.

 

I do believe personally it's healthy to occupy your mind, as it makes time pass. It may only give you temporary relief but this is still better than a constant state of misery. Time is both your enemy and friend. You need time to pass in order for your mind to adapt to the new situation. This is the unfriendly part, as you more than likely just want to hit the fast forward button to get to that point. While being able to do this would rock, it also makes you miss the entire experience of a part of your life that will help shape your new self. It can be painful, it'll make you feel ups and downs like roller coaster ride. Even so you will learn from this and it'll teach you many things, such as how you shouldn't let anyone treat you poorly.

 

Somewhere out there, there is a person who would adore your company, this may not do you much good right now, but until when the time comes where you would like to meet someone again, you will be rebuilding yourself and your life. Try not to feel to bad about the moments where you are at your lowest, let it happen because it's still the right path to wherever it is you'll eventually end up. I'm happy you have your Masters' degree coming up, that's something to look forward to. I'm not going to ask you to be overly positive or such, but I do think it's vital to find one thing or multiple things in your life constantly that gives you something to look forward to. Revel in whichever other pleasures will come unexpected as well as expected on your way, the road may be rocky, but our mind is our sanctuary, all of us feel at times like we are bombarded with showers of negative feelings, but they are a part of us too and the remind us of all the things we don't like. This is important because it helps us know what things and which people who will do our life the best.

 

Hope you can find a bit more peace with yourself, our mind really is the key to our well-being. Don't neglect your thoughts and feelings, let them run their course. Feeling better comes in small bits, and while it may be hard to notice, all the bits do add up eventually.

[kasop]

Ive gotten pretty good at not letting my mind wonder off to her. Sometimes i have to even say it out loud. Tell myself to stop thinking about her. I dont believe there will ever be enough as you say. We do these distractions to stay healthy and keep our lives going and you cant have enough of that lol

[candie13]

Awareness mediation is really good, very helpful. There's an app, called Headspace - but loads of others too. They are short - 10-15 min and really effective. Very effective.

 

Breathing. Yoga. But meditation is very good.

[na49]

I am having a rough last couple of days after feeling okay. There's no secret that gets me through the bad days, but sometimes it helps when I remind myself that nothing has changed in relation to her. I've been NC for almost 3 months, and it's not like I learned anything new since then that should change how I feel.

 

I know she left me to be with a guy who was "just a friend", I know she had sex with the dude 2 weeks later, I know she lied, and made me think she wanted me back, and I know that she found another boyfriend a week later. This is all old news, so when I'm feeling like sh*t, I tell myself "the only thing that has changed here is my mind" and it helps. Other than that, I just go through it. I go to bed early to end the day, listen to music, exercise, eat something, etc.

[DexterLS]

Thanks a lot guys for your amazing responses. I am reading "The Road Less Travelled" and it has been a huge help so far, as well. I recommend this book for anyone going through a hard time.

 

Thanks again.