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Coping with loneliness


Amas5750

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Until this year I had never experienced this depth of loneliness. My 5 year marriage ended 6 months ago then I was in a short (2 months) whirlwind intense "rebound" relationship up until a month ago.

 

I have never known such fear of aloneness. Can anyone else relate?

It's so scary and overpowering at times. The silence can be deafening.

I linger behind at work so I don't just return to an empty house.

I get stabbed with jealousy when my work mates all rush off to the people in their lives.

 

I'm 29 years old, no children.

 

I am lucky to have a job I'm passionate about. I love my work colleagues. My parents know how I'm lonely and I cry to them a lot. They are extremely supportive.

I have about 4 very close friends who contact me and I'm very open to them and they do try and bolster me up. I know I am lucky for that.

 

I tried to buy a TV to fill some of my time. The TV doesn't work. I might try and seek technical advice because I wouldn't feel so lonely in the house with the TV on.

 

I don't engage in many hobbies, though I am starting golf group lessons. I don't really want to but I'm forcing myself.

 

I get into bed at like 7pm. Cold and alone.

 

This weekend I have a baby shower and also forcing myself into a social game of tennis with strangers.

 

Yesterday I came home from work, sat in my bed, ate cheese in bed, and just sobbed.

 

How did my life get so lonely? And why does it feel like I'm the only one?

 

The loneliness and despair run deep. I've always wanted a family. It seems people get family units without trying and I was a bit needy and desperate with my last whirlwind romance. I am definetly taking time out from dating.

 

I think I am over my ex husband as that was a slow decline with lots of time to process .

 

I worry that I will never feel better. I feel totally broken and weak. Is it a choice to get back up?

How can I keep trying when I feel like my life has started to turn to ****. It's very scary and I was losing sleep and losing weight before for the last few weeks. Sleep is better and it's easier to force eating.

I'm on antidepressants now and I think it helps.

 

I was crying like 10 times a day for a few weeks. Now just 1-2 times a day.

 

I saw a counsellor once, maybe should do more.

 

Has anyone been this lonely?

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This may be small comfort, but there's always someone with a worse story. Such as struggling thru all the things you mention with no family or support structure. That's true and abject loneliness and solitude.

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Yes I know people out there have no support. My heart breaks for them. If I come across anyone like that I will extend a hand for sure.

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This may be small comfort, but there's always someone with a worse story. Such as struggling thru all the things you mention with no family or support structure. That's true and abject loneliness and solitude.

 

I know that in saying this, you're trying to be positive, but it really doesn't help. Its like saying "You're happy, but that guy over there is happier." (I'm guilty of this too.)

 

Now to the OP, I just want to say that being lonely sucks. It feels terrible.

 

However, you are starting to make slow transitions and are forcing yourself to change. You say you're going to golf? That's awesome! Maybe you'll enjoy it and find it peaceful.

 

You're going to play tennis? Great, maybe you'll develop some new after match friends and at the very least you're working your body which makes you more appealing and confident in the knowing.

 

I want you to know, that you will emerge from this. As I told another poster recently, take 10 minutes and imagine yourself surrounded by loving people or even someone special. You can make them as awesome as you want as its your imagination. Visualize it, feel it and then realize how exciting potentially finding this stuff will be. Embrace the mystery that at anytime, some thing awesome could happen. When you're out and about, if you have the mind to talk to someone or do something, don't repress it, just go with it and do it it without expectations. You may find that something magical is about to happen. Think of it as a kind of law attraction thing. ;)

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Yes I know people out there have no support. My heart breaks for them. If I come across anyone like that I will extend a hand for sure.

 

My BF was that guy for a couple years after his ex ripped him up, so yeah, those ppl exist.

 

You just have to tough it out hon. It's early yet for you, both for your marriage at 6 mos and even the rebound. You've got a lot of healing to do, but it does get better. Time's the big cure-all - it really is. :)

 

hugs

 

edit - sigh, firefly, would you kindly avoid speaking for the OP and turning this into some sort of moratorium on grieving in general when it's obvs all she wants is some comfort? Not everything has to be a debate, and I'm not looking for your approval as to the quality of my comfort.

Edited by jen1447
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loveweary11

The thread is kind of lonely.

 

I'll try...

 

See, being alone is a state of being. Loneliness is a state of mind.

 

I've been in absolute social isolation for months on end right now. Divorced from a 10 year marriage myself, had my rebounds and flings. Stuck finishing a large project by myself with a few employees right now.

 

I have not a single friend here, no family, no pet, no car...just a bicycle... and it's very rural. I'm 45 minutes by car from the closest city. No TV either.

 

So, I am more alone than probably anything you can imagine.

 

I am, however, only a tiny bit lonely. Or rather anxious because so many people are waiting for my to leave here and have some fun this summer. I'm anxious to go probably more than lonely.

 

I am utterly alone, but not lonely.

 

Maybe you could adjust too?

 

The only social connection I have is Snapchat, texting and Love Shack. Nothing else at all.

 

So... try to see it as a time to think, to work on something outside of work, to just be. Then let others come into your life as they appear.

 

But remember, being alone is being alone. Being lonely is how you feel. Even married with kids, there are many people who feel lonely.

Edited by loveweary11
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My BF was that guy for a couple years after his ex ripped him up, so yeah, those ppl exist.

 

You just have to tough it out hon. It's early yet for you, both for your marriage at 6 mos and even the rebound. You've got a lot of healing to do, but it does get better. Time's the big cure-all - it really is. :)

 

hugs

 

edit - sigh, firefly, would you kindly avoid speaking for the OP and turning this into some sort of moratorium on grieving in general when it's obvs all she wants is some comfort? Not everything has to be a debate, and I'm not looking for your approval as to the quality of my comfort.

 

Sorry you see it as debate. I was trying to comfort from the other end.

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Fleur de cactus

I too live alone and sometimes i feel lonely but not that lonely... But the difference is that I have 3 grown children who live away. They check on me frequently by phones and other mean of communication. I goes months going to bed in a quiet home and waking up to find out I am alone. However it used to not bother me. Instead, my children are the ones who are worried and are pushing me to date. Sometimes it scares me to think that I may not find a man if i continues to wait to long.

 

That is the story. You are young, go out, meet people have fun. Plan something for the weekend with people. Invite friends and family over, one day you will find a good companion.

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