rainrhonda Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'm 38. Guy I dated for 3rd in time in four years, has dumped me for another girl for the third time. I also lost my best friend recently.. As in not friends anymore.. Long story but its devastating. I can't have kids. I have no siblings. Dating sites don't work, I never get a 2nd date with them.. I'm not overweight or what I'd call ugly. I make friends easily. But men don't stay with me. Im just not love material. I don't have single friends at this age.. Even the divorced find a new mate right away and they have kids so it isn't like I have array of people who can go out for fun at anytime. I'm growing old alone, and if I died, only my parents would probably care much. I wouldn't hurt myself. But I also wouldn't care if some tragic accident took me tomorrow. I have nothing to live for. I go to work everyday and come home and there is no one to talk to. I don't have the money it takes to travel or see parts of the world, otherwise. I would happily do it by myself. I hate my life. I cry everyday. I can't go a doctor.. Thats more money I don't have. I work full time in the medical field and my income is very low. I have tried finding other jobs for years, with no success so I'm stuck there. I have 2 degrees already and student loans, so I can't go back to school. I will never have a single dream come true. How is a person supposed to be happy this way. Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 It can be rather difficult to find any happiness when you portray your life in the manner as you did. I'm not going to tell you that your life is different, because how we view life in general is based on our personal opinion. Where some will only see gloom and doom, others see potential, hope and opportunities. Considering how visual most people are, if you are not overweight nor ugly, then you should basically be swimming in offers. This doesn't seem to be the case, unless perhaps you are attracted to a certain type, who would never show you decent treatment anyway. Many are only attracted to certain types or have specific requirements, this will complicate matters to varying degrees, at least compared to someone who is much more open with a potential partner. I know it can paint as a sad picture if you only have parents that would care much if you died, I'm currently in a similar situation but I'm neither looking for friends or a partner this very moment, although for some reason that doesn't seem to stop people from approaching me. I don't find this sad myself, in fact I'd much rather have one good friend than 50 mediocre/insignificant ones. It's not difficult to make friends, but it's a challenge to find those that will enhance your life and give it more meaning. You say you have nothing to live for, I'm not going to argue against that, but I do believe we all need some interests and hobbies to keep us occupied, as it is the fewest of relationships where your partner can give you 100% dedication. There is of course also just the chance that you are the type of person who finds motivation and becomes more vivid if other things in your life, feel meaningful. Whatever the case is for you, most things in life don't just appear or come by themselves, we all do have to put in some effort. I'm sure you've tried, and it is unfortunate you can't have children, especially if you so desire, but there are couples who make it work otherwise, either with no children or by adoption. When money is tight it doesn't help things much, but it doesn't make them impossible either. We can all save even more, granted it may take more joys out of ones life too. Student loans I imagine are no fun, but you can still meet people who would show you interest. Activities even on the internet can lead to interesting relationships, there are many more options now a days compared to 15 years ago. Nothing you described would remove my interest, or find you to not be love material, there is a great chance you are just meeting the wrong men and yep it can take a long time to find one who is right. There's a lot more things that could be said, but what type of activities do you enjoy or could you see yourself grow fond of? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Have you tried any new hobbies since the break up? Link to post Share on other sites
ballycastle Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'm 38. But men don't stay with me. Im just not love material. Neither am I. Hurts don't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rainrhonda Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I have hobbies or things I'm interested in. I'm learning guitar. I love to watch baseball. But, there are only certain days that i have the motivation or energy to get into them. Its fun when I get into them, but I'm still alone at the end of the day. Hobbies are a temporary thing to occupy time/thoughts. So if we could focus on hobbies 24 7 then we wouldn't have time to think about what brings us down. So all the down time in between is enough to bring me back down to the lowest of low. What do my interests and hobbies matter when no one is there to talk about it with.. How will it effect my life in the long run...well it won't...who cares about my hobbies.,know what I mean. I could be all alone with a million hobbies but in the end you are still alone. So whats the point? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Maybe you need to volunteer doing things for other people to get out of your own head? No offense but people aren't attracted to people with bad attitudes and yours sounds very bad. What are you grateful for? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm 38. Guy I dated for 3rd in time in four years, has dumped me for another girl for the third time. I also lost my best friend recently.. As in not friends anymore.. Long story but its devastating. I can't have kids. I have no siblings. Dating sites don't work, I never get a 2nd date with them.. I'm not overweight or what I'd call ugly. I make friends easily. But men don't stay with me. Im just not love material. I don't have single friends at this age.. Even the divorced find a new mate right away and they have kids so it isn't like I have array of people who can go out for fun at anytime. I'm growing old alone, and if I died, only my parents would probably care much. I wouldn't hurt myself. But I also wouldn't care if some tragic accident took me tomorrow. I have nothing to live for. I go to work everyday and come home and there is no one to talk to. I don't have the money it takes to travel or see parts of the world, otherwise. I would happily do it by myself. I hate my life. I cry everyday. I can't go a doctor.. Thats more money I don't have. I work full time in the medical field and my income is very low. I have tried finding other jobs for years, with no success so I'm stuck there. I have 2 degrees already and student loans, so I can't go back to school. I will never have a single dream come true. How is a person supposed to be happy this way. Hi rainrhonda it sounds like you are stuck in a depressive loop and thought patterns that make you only focus in your text on what you cannot do. It takes time but you need to reroute your brain. Unfortunately such feelings and believes are like a toxic cloud around us that not only makes us depressed but also affect the people around us. I would recommend you to start running, it doesn't cost much, but helped me a lot in times when I only got 40 euro's per week to spent. There must be things you can be happy about! There are lots of exercises you can do by yourself to learn to focus more on the positive. But as I said that takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 rainrhonda, I am sorry you are feeling like this. You sound as thought you have clinical depression and you really need to see a doctor for advice. I don't understand why you can't afford to do this? You say you work in healthcare. Doesn't your organisation have counselling facilities for staff? Maybe you could have a word with the HR dept about this? They should be interested in this because your work performance may well be suffering. Stay strong. Things are never as bad as they first appear x 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rainrhonda Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I am a pretty hard, super focused worker. So I manage not to let probs in life effect it much. Sure there are days that I just want to hide in the bathroom and cry... But tell myself my job is more important so the feeling passes in minutes. As for helping people thats what I already do 40 hours a week.. I take care of sick people and I like it. That said most of my life is already about caring for others. So I tend to want life outside of work to be all about me, or who will care about me? Not that I wouldn't enjoy a volunteer project helping sick or needy... Its just that I already so that for a job. And its rewarding. But at the end of the day you wonder who cares that much about you. Link to post Share on other sites
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