I cant keep going anymore

[Lizrd3000]

Checking in....

 

Feeling horrible.

All my friends are on vacation to turkey, but i couldnt join them because of work and they could only go on this date.. now im left behind with my thoughts and really lonely. I think about my ex constantly and today is a really hard day. My friends will be gone for 14 more days... how am i gonna live through these 14 days..? I feel like im in hell right now.

 

I am getting a tattoo in 14 days too, im pretty excited about that, but that also is so very far away. It seems like ages from now.

 

Im also going on vacation with my best bud who is currently also in turkey in a month, but thats also so very far away.

 

My ex isnt showing any signs of wanting to get back together. Her mother whatsapped me yesterday, i replied but got no reply afterwards, and feel like complete **** now.

 

How am i gonna survive these weeks? I cant seem to find a way out.

 

I also went to the gym today, and got out 30 min later because i was ready to throw up, didnt finish my workout at all... also had emotional bursts during my sets with thoughts about my ex, which i never had before... my ex is now even haunting me during my workouts. It seems like its only getting worse and worse.

 

I just generally feel like **** recently. Also the weather is above 30 celcius everyday, but i got no one to really hang out with for now, so i feel ridiculously lonely, even more because its sunny and everyone is enjoying themselves.

 

 

I think im looking for help, but i doubt anyone can help. Advise only goes so far.

 

 

I decided to make this a new thread, as people dont usually respond to 7 page threads, lol.

[HowMightI-live]

The same way you survive anything, take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. Somewhere somehow it'll get better. Aknowledge your feelings without putting too much importance on the thoughts in your head. Be easy on yourself, be kind to yourself.

[Jonp219]

Don't worry in a few days it'll be 5 months since my break-up and I just got choked up at work right now. Those, "You're an undesirable, inferior, lame, unattractive male and nobody wants you" thoughts are consuming my head again.

 

You just have to keep pushing through no matter how much you want to give up, don't give up hope.

 

I see that you are from my city, if you ever want to drop a PM in my inbox you're more than welcome.

[Amas5750]

You're not alone in experiencing the emotional outbursts.

I just played a game of tennis with 3 others, went off the courts to "get a drink of water" but really went into the bathroom to get my act together. I was feeling emotional out on the court and had to excuse myself to pep talk myself out of it.

 

Are you able to get some strong words/mantras to repeat in your mind to ward off an emotional situation whilst out? I find if I can be by myself for even one minute I can deep breathe and say "I am getting through this" or like "forgiveness and strength".

It actually works and bolsters you up .

 

I'm so sorry you are in pain. You are not alone/ the only one.

 

Good on you for going to the gym. Keep going, even if you only make it through half your workout and cry all the way home. Force yourself to go.

[Lizrd3000]

Thanks for the replies guys.

still feeling very ****ty since the OP. I havent felt ****ty this long post breakup. Im scared im going back into depression, i think i already am.

 

I rarely get out of my house, i just dont know what to do. My friends arent coming back for 6 more days, and time seems to go on so slow.

 

My confidence hit rock bottom once again for unknown reason. My gym workouts arent 100% anymore because i just dont have the energy. When i go to sleep and wake up, i go to the bathroom for 5 min and get back to sleep for a few more hours, so that i dont have to deal with the day for that amount of hours im asleep.

 

My ex mother in law took 3 days to respond to my response to her text, so i decided to NC her aswell, then she send another text to ask how im doing once again, and thought ill just respond, because maybe she was bush those few days, but then she didnt respond once again, which leaves me confused. I just asked how she was doing and told her im doing ok.

 

The tattoo im getting in 6 days doesnt seem like a fun thing anymore, this depression really killed everything i worked for after the breakup, and I have no idea why it happened. Maybe because my friends are gone, maybe im feeling sorry for myself even though i know i shouldnt.

 

Life seems like one big blurr and all the same once again.

im going to england in 3 weeks, but also that doesnt seem like much fun with this outlook on life.

 

I dont know what to do, and really need advice for this.

[Yummm]

6 days is nothing mate, you'll be back with your mates in no times.

 

See the small positives, don't try reach for such big highs when you're in this emotional state.

 

See positive in that you're getting a tattoo, that's a change, that's significant and fun. Your mates will return and you'll get out the house more... It's summer! You're also going to come to my home town in 3 weeks and it's lovely here during the summer! Regardless of you working to your 100% at the gym, you're still going and keeping in shape, that's what matters.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, let yourself feel the way you feel but don't dwell on the negative, just let it pass. Breathe........ smile

[Lizrd3000]

6 days is nothing mate, you'll be back with your mates in no times.

 

See the small positives, don't try reach for such big highs when you're in this emotional state.

 

See positive in that you're getting a tattoo, that's a change, that's significant and fun. Your mates will return and you'll get out the house more... It's summer! You're also going to come to my home town in 3 weeks and it's lovely here during the summer! Regardless of you working to your 100% at the gym, you're still going and keeping in shape, that's what matters.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, let yourself feel the way you feel but don't dwell on the negative, just let it pass. Breathe........ smile

thanks for the uplifting post, i really do need to see the positives again, but its pretty hard sometimes.

 

I feel as if if i dont give it 100% of what i KNOW im capable of, im useless, especially in the gym.

 

Also, if im off of work and feel like i need to take a day for myself and watch a serie, i feel worthless because im not spending time on improving myself, thus wasting time. I feel as if i have to constantly do something to become a better/healthier person, but its pretty tiring. So granted i have to take days off and do nothing, but its a downward spiral if I do.

 

Im just venting. Thanks for the post yum, i appreciate how you always respond to my cries for help!

[Yummm]

No problem buddy. I feel your pain.. I was in absolute agony when my first love broke up with me, but the light is getting brighter and brighter.

 

You will have off days, but you really can't dwell. Time is healing but it's our mindset that allows us to heal faster. Accept that you're hurt, accept that you'll feel $hit, but ride through it and you'll feel more free eventually.

 

Up and down... we'll get there

[Omei]

Feeling really depressed after a break up is normal for some its like a death, I spent months in bed sleeping after mine. Its gets better in time trust me, the pain may not vanish completely and you may always care or wonder about them but just like me there will be a day where you think to yourself wow I didn't think about my ex at all yesterday and then realize your starting to have happy days on your own.

[Ariess10]

Feeling really depressed after a break up is normal for some its like a death, I spent months in bed sleeping after mine. Its gets better in time trust me, the pain may not vanish completely and you may always care or wonder about them but just like me there will be a day where you think to yourself wow I didn't think about my ex at all yesterday and then realize your starting to have happy days on your own.

 

I can't wait for that , I was doing so well for the last 3 months , 3 year relationship broke up nc for 3 months then I was browsing on a dating site and saw her .. Ugh just the worst feeling ever .. I am so ready to put this all behind me

[15Love]

You've got some really great stuff coming up!

 

Let the pain wash over you for the next six days. Don't fight it. Don't absorb it either. Just be with it.

 

Pick a book to read. We don't read as much as we should anymore. It's different then watching tv. You get lost in another world...and often gain new perspective. Which is what we all need right now...a little escape and a lot of perspective.

 

Hang on you're not alone by any stretch...we're here...feeling the same things.

 

You're not alone!

 

P.S. You're SO lucky to be able to afford your tattoo right now! I'd give anything!

[Lizrd3000]

You guys are right, I HAVE to STOP this silly feeling sorry for myself thing.

I've got it better than alot of people on this planet.

 

I've got no responsibilities, so I can easily be selfish and afford a tattoo, and a vacation for myself. I honestly don't know why I can't be grateful for the things I have, and am able to get for myself.

 

Thanks for the replies guys. I didn't have this self pity post break up, until now. No idea why it started now. Maybe because I'm alone with my thoughts since my friends arent here.

 

I just realized that this is something I can learn from! Being away from my friends for this long, made me realize how important they are to me. I'm gonna have to treat them to something nice when they get back.

 

Edit: friends just texted me saying they miss me, and hate how I couldnt join them, and the bud im going to england with said that he's looking forward to it, and can't wait to troll dem english civilians. Made my night! I can peacefully sleep now. lol

Edited July 9, 2015 by Lizrd3000

[Lizrd3000]

Wtf. As I close my laptop to go to bed, little sister comes home and tells me:

 

Guess who I just saw, your ex. She told me she misses you, and realizes you're a great friend of hers. (I told her when we broke up that it sucked because I did not only lose a lover, but also my best friend, and she said that she couldn't return those words). She said that she's ashamed for how things went down (She cheated)

She also cried when she saw my sister, and told her she's trying to stay busy with doing fun things and going out alot.

 

Life loves to punch me down when I'm getting back up, it's pretty hilarious actually. I'm not gonna let this get me down, I'm not gonna be a pathetic loser like i've been in my first break up with this girl, or like I've been this week. I'm gonna forget this and keep on living for 5 more days until my friends return.

 

I'M OUT!

[15Love]

That's the spirit! Take that as confirmation of what a great guy you are. Not everyone gets that feedback!

 

You're gonna have a blast on your trip!

 

Proud of your attitude

[Speirling]

I get the emotional outbursts while working out too- I've been told it's something to do with the brain getting it's wires crossed when the body has all the adrenaline firing off and it thinks it's a "fight or flight" type situation. I've been in tears, gotten furious and even thrown up a few times!!! I started working out more at home because with the depression I couldn't afford to miss the exercise endorphins and the fear of it happening in public was putting me off going to the gym and running. I don't know if this will work for you?

 

Congratulations on your reaction! I'm sure she was trying to help, but perhaps you could ask your sister not to share it with you if something like this happens again?! I have had to ask my friends to do the same - and asked they didn't pass information on how I was doing back to my ex as well. It's helped me accept that our lives aren't intertwined - and let's face it - any meaningful attempt at reconciliation would come direct. I think of it as my revenge: he doesn't get to know about me

 

Keep it up!

 

PS - go easy on those English civvies!!!

[mossycup]

You're doing a good job. Yeah, it's hard when you are alone, when friends arent around. Friends can help you get out of your head and feel good about yourself. Keep posting here, we've all mostly been there or somewhere like it! Some days I just can't believe, like literally can't process, that this break up happened, but I just keep pushing myself forward because the alternative, sliping into anxiety/depression, I've been there before and no ex partner is worth going there for. I time I will accept.

 

Last night before bed I was lying in bed and I just realized, I really love myself, I love myself so much. When we were together, that love overflowed onto him and I loved him very much. And now we are apart, this love is with me and I am taking care of me. I felt at real peace for the first time since he left, 9 weeks ago. As for him, I both worry about him not having enough love or worry about him being too happy!! lol, so I recognize, i'm just in a place where it makes sense yet to think about him, since I need to take care of myself. That's fine.

 

Waking up now, another day, start it with that feeling, oh, god, something's wrong, we are not together, feeling so heavy, but then, check email, check LS, look at kijiji furniture (redecorating my apartment as part of my life transformation post BU) and just move forward into my day. And remembering that feeling last night of how I love myself.

 

Sending lots of positive energy to you!!

[Lizrd3000]

Thanks guys, you don't know how much your replies mean to me.

It seems like I'm finally learning that life really is all about ups and downs. I'm so slow at learning things like this.

 

Whenever I'm in a bad mood, like a really ****ty one, I assume it's forever and I'm forever going to be feeling misreable.

 

But today was a good day. I did some things that I needed to get done, met a acquintence on the street by chance, he asked me if I started working out, because I look bigger than the last time he saw me at school 3 months ago. And also worked out today, back ONE HUNDRED %! I'm so very happy that I'm back at training the way I should again.

 

Also, only 4 days left till my friends are back.

 

 

I'm also gonna post a picture of the tattoo I'm getting in 4 days, I feel like I want to do that. It's going to be the logo of my favorite band Breaking Benjamin, with a music note through the middle of it to below, so it looks like a flower.

 

I appologize if I act like a overly dramatic teenager sometimes, but the emotions are so real. I've never really experienced these rollercoaster emotions before. And I'm very thankful that the people on here are so understanding and positive.

 

Thanks alot guys!

 

 

You're doing a good job. Yeah, it's hard when you are alone, when friends arent around. Friends can help you get out of your head and feel good about yourself. Keep posting here, we've all mostly been there or somewhere like it! Some days I just can't believe, like literally can't process, that this break up happened, but I just keep pushing myself forward because the alternative, sliping into anxiety/depression, I've been there before and no ex partner is worth going there for. I time I will accept.

 

Last night before bed I was lying in bed and I just realized, I really love myself, I love myself so much. When we were together, that love overflowed onto him and I loved him very much. And now we are apart, this love is with me and I am taking care of me. I felt at real peace for the first time since he left, 9 weeks ago. As for him, I both worry about him not having enough love or worry about him being too happy!! lol, so I recognize, i'm just in a place where it makes sense yet to think about him, since I need to take care of myself. That's fine.

 

Waking up now, another day, start it with that feeling, oh, god, something's wrong, we are not together, feeling so heavy, but then, check email, check LS, look at kijiji furniture (redecorating my apartment as part of my life transformation post BU) and just move forward into my day. And remembering that feeling last night of how I love myself.

 

Sending lots of positive energy to you!!

 

I can relate alot. I've realized how much I actually love myself after the breakup. Or let me rephrase that, I learned that I'm able to love myself after the break up. I never knew what it meant untill now. It's a weird thing.

Edited July 10, 2015 by Lizrd3000

[Yummm]

Good for you mate! Breaking Benjamin used are great, I used to be into them back in highschool haha!

 

Stay positive xx

[BriNyc82]

"If there are no ups and downs in life, it means you are dead"

 

I try to remind myself when I'm in the "down" slump