So I saw my ex...

[Jonp219]

I was walking home from spending the day downtown and who I see on the corner of my block? My exes car. I took a glace to see if it was her and it was. She was in the car with some other girl, I assume it's a coworker since she normally comes out of work at this time. She didn't see me (she was texting on her phone), but seeing her faces kind of messed me up a little.

 

I was downtown all day trying to build the courage to walk up and talk to other girls (work on my social skills). And I just couldn't do it, not even one. Now to come back to my hood and see my ex on my block? What the ****?

 

My heart is full right now, I don't know how to deal with my emotions right now. I was already frustrated as it is...

 

But thank God she didn't see me. Funny thing is today makes 3 months since I last spoke to her

Edited June 27, 2015 by Jonp219

[Yasuandio]

I hate when that happens. And it happened on a freaky regular basis during my four year divorce. It probably still happens, but I changed up my routine big time.

 

You did the right thing! BRAVO!

 

Remember Gibbs Rule #39: There are no coincidences. Keep your eyes peeled all the time, and disappear yourself fast if you spot her. As you can feel, this kinda crap is very disconcerting.

 

Try changing up your routine, some new places, a different route. You are gonna be fine. You are a good-looking guy - that's why she's hanging around your hood (and she doesn't have the guts to do it alone). How dumb is that? Playing on her cell phone in her car with friend-girl riding shotgun, and just happens to be parked on your block. Duh?!#$#!

 

Once this sinks in, you are gonna lose total respect for her. I promise you that. Yas

[Jonp219]

I hate when that happens. And it happened on a freaky regular basis during my four year divorce. It probably still happens, but I changed up my routine big time.

 

You did the right thing! BRAVO!

 

Remember Gibbs Rule #39: There are no coincidences. Keep your eyes peeled all the time, and disappear yourself fast if you spot her. As you can feel, this kinda crap is very disconcerting.

 

Try changing up your routine, some new places, a different route. You are gonna be fine. You are a good-looking guy - that's why she's hanging around your hood (and she doesn't have the guts to do it alone). How dumb is that? Playing on her cell phone in her car with friend-girl riding shotgun, and just happens to be parked on your block. Duh?!#$#!

 

Once this sinks in, you are gonna lose total respect for her. I promise you that. Yas

 

Some of her coworkers live in my area, so I guess she was just waiting for one of them to come back out. Funny thing is this the first I see her around here since January. She's probably over it and doesn't give a **** if she sees me or not lol.

 

There's nothing to really change up, its my block I live here lol. I can't help it, I saw her and I kept walking that's the best I can do.

Edited June 27, 2015 by Jonp219

[JDPT]

I suppose I can use an analogy and say that you can't ease pain with more pain. You are in a very emotionally sensitive sate of mind at this point. It can only suggest to not be so hard on yourself and give pursuing women a rest for now. You'll be in a much better state of mind to pursuit once you give yourself a break and sort out your emotions. Bumping into an ex is bound to happen, what's the likelihood of it? I'm not certain but at times it feels as if we coordinate things for it to occur. Try to get your mind off things, watch a movie, meditate, write what occurred today on a piece of paper and then throw it away. The point is for you to process what occurred today and continue on your healing journey. And yeah dude, don't let anybody disturb you, specially on your block!

[Jonp219]

I suppose I can use an analogy and say that you can't ease pain with more pain. You are in a very emotionally sensitive sate of mind at this point. It can only suggest to not be so hard on yourself and give pursuing women a rest for now. You'll be in a much better state of mind to pursuit once you give yourself a break and sort out your emotions. Bumping into an ex is bound to happen, what's the likelihood of it? I'm not certain but at times it feels as if we coordinate things for it to occur. Try to get your mind off things, watch a movie, meditate, write what occurred today on a piece of paper and then throw it away. The point is for you to process what occurred today and continue on your healing journey. And yeah dude, don't let anybody disturb you, specially on your block!

 

I suppose you're right I need to be more patient with myself, but standing still and 'focusing on me' isn't helping me heal. I need to at least attempt to get back into the dating world even just for the fun of it or that pain WILL linger. If I see that it's not for me at the moment then I will stop and rethink my emotion state. For the most part I was doing just fine until yesterday. Seeing her there just took me back a bit.

[RedButton]

My ex lives basically on the corner of my block, she moved in a few months ago (after about 6 months of no contact).

 

It's still really weird having her so close by. We've spoken once when we saw each other on the street (before that I've just avoided her because I didn't know how to deal with it).

 

We were very pleasant and nice, it wasn't a terrible experience. Having said that most of the time I'm fine, but every now and then I get really down about it. I think it just takes time to adjust but you'll soon be over it I think.

[Jonp219]

My ex lives basically on the corner of my block, she moved in a few months ago (after about 6 months of no contact).

 

It's still really weird having her so close by. We've spoken once when we saw each other on the street (before that I've just avoided her because I didn't know how to deal with it).

 

We were very pleasant and nice, it wasn't a terrible experience. Having said that most of the time I'm fine, but every now and then I get really down about it. I think it just takes time to adjust but you'll soon be over it I think.

 

My heart is still beating and I lost my appetite. I can't believe it had this much of an effect on me. I don't know what to do with this. Am I just suppose to feel this?

[fireflywy]

My heart is still beating and I lost my appetite. I can't believe it had this much of an effect on me. I don't know what to do with this. Am I just suppose to feel this?

 

Yes. Just feel it and let it pass through you. Have you ever read the book "Dune"? Here's a quote; take it and apply it how you feel right now.

 

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain..."

 

In the end, when this passes, only YOU will remain. It's going to be okay.

[Jonp219]

Yes. Just feel it and let it pass through you. Have you ever read the book "Dune"? Here's a quote; take it and apply it how you feel right now.

 

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain..."

 

In the end, when this passes, only YOU will remain. It's going to be okay.

 

Thank you Firefly

 

I don't know how I'm going to stop being fixated on this girl. Like, she still looked as beautiful as ever. What the ****...

[RedButton]

My heart is still beating and I lost my appetite. I can't believe it had this much of an effect on me. I don't know what to do with this. Am I just suppose to feel this?

 

The first time I saw my ex it was like being punched in the stomach. Quite literally I felt physically weak and ill.

 

I thought I was over her completely, but it's going to be a shock seeing them after a long period of no contact, no way around it. You'll get those butterflied in your stomach man.

 

But guess what? The next time I saw her it was like a punch in the stomach again, but I recovered faster.

 

The time after that it was like a strange feeling of anxiety and I realised immediately, 'this is silly'.

 

The time after that I went out of my way to walk up and say hello and have a quick chat. We both walked away smiling and laughing.

 

I'm not going to lie, time to time I still feel anxious and odd about it, but I also feel less and less strange with each day. It's just like anything, it's going to be hardest early on and gradually get easier.

[sportygirl89]

Least you didn't find out your ex is engaged and possibly got the girl pregnant. After being nuts and saying you couldn't love anyone at 5-6 months. Yet he has only been with her for 4 months, she isn't at all attractive and doesn't have shape well the good kind.

[Jonp219]

The first time I saw my ex it was like being punched in the stomach. Quite literally I felt physically weak and ill.

 

I thought I was over her completely, but it's going to be a shock seeing them after a long period of no contact, no way around it. You'll get those butterflied in your stomach man.

 

But guess what? The next time I saw her it was like a punch in the stomach again, but I recovered faster.

 

The time after that it was like a strange feeling of anxiety and I realised immediately, 'this is silly'.

 

The time after that I went out of my way to walk up and say hello and have a quick chat. We both walked away smiling and laughing.

 

I'm not going to lie, time to time I still feel anxious and odd about it, but I also feel less and less strange with each day. It's just like anything, it's going to be hardest early on and gradually get easier.

 

Yeah and your situation was much harder since she was living close to you. That's exactly how I felt when I first saw her, it was like a punch in the stomach. Thank God we didn't make eye contact I wouldn't know how to react if I did. However, I'm sure if she saw me she wouldn't say a word to me.

 

My biggest fear is seeing her with someone else. I know it's going to happen, but just the thought of it makes my stomach turn. It reinforces the idea that I will never do better than her, and the relationship ended because of me (which it did). I can't even bring myself to date anyone because I don't meet too many people.

 

I'm still fixated on the idea that she's "the one". Although there is no "one", the past still drives me off the wall. She's the type of girl to hold a grudge forever so i'm sure she will NEVER speak to me again.