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Comparing my ex


Molly12

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Hi, i am in need of help!! i was with my ex for 4 and a half years and just over the past few months I found out he had cheated on me a few times, I ended the relationship completely cut contact block him for everything possible so he is unable to get in contact and I can't see or hear of him. At the start I was doing well focusing on myself enjoying time with my friends and getting on in life and was in a great place. I recently met someone new he is such a nice guy were not in a relationship or that but he has brought me on a few dates i have a great time with him he's so different from my ex he treats me so good and I know he really likes me but for some reason recently I've been thinking about my ex. I've started to compare them and I hate it but can't stop, I feel like I miss my ex so much now and I don't know why because this guy is the nicest most respectful guy I have ever met and I know would never ever do anything to hurt me! Am just wondering is this normal? Will I stop doing this? Il admit am not 100% over my ex am still hurt and it would kill me to see him with someone else but yet I would never get back with him.. Can anyone help me?

Edited by Molly12
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I am in the same boat, I also was in a long term (6 year) relationship with my ex (also cheated multiple times), and same thing, I was doing really good not wanting anything to do with him. I was getting my space, I thought I was healing. I toyed with the idea of dating, I've met some really nice guys, and my automatic emotional response is "I miss my ex" and "I feel guilty." It like I'm cheating on my ex or something, because even if we broke up and we're in no contact, I am still "attached" to him.

 

Long story short, I think you're not ready for dating quite yet. Meeting new people that you really like should be exciting, and not something that automatically makes you think of your ex. I would stay friends, if he's a really great guy he would understand.

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Yes that's exactly how I felt, I was in a great place probably the happiest iv been in a long time after my ex and bang this new guy comes along swipes me off my feet, treats me literally like a queen to him brings me for dinner on days out and never makes me pay for one thing and he is so handsome and dresses himself so well. Now all am thinking about is my cheating ex and how I would love to be doing all these things with him and I wish he could be like the new guy. I hate it so much my ex didnt treat me right for the last year of our relationship he go off with his friends and never make contact he would never bring me for dinner go on days out our relationship was boring and then it was all because he was off messing about with other girls!!! He had no time for me and I spent the last 3months of our relationship crying because I knew we weren't going to last and then a week later my friend called and told me he had cheated. I found out later he cheated way more than once. I cried a lot the first day I found out but for some reason felt a weight lifted of my shoulders I felt relief that it was over and he was the one that ruined our relationship not me. But now this is driving me crazy I don't want to compare my ****ty ex to this new guy. It has also affect me in other departments aswell (in the bedroom) I look at this new guy and think "aw no I can't sleep with you I want my ex" is this normal?? I want to be with this new he has everything going for him and its so hard these days especially around my area that a fella is going to treat a girl right! I don't want to loose him I want rid my ex for good he is the only thing that's holding me back I feel he still has control of my life and it makes me so angry!!!!!!

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TaraMaiden2
....he is the only thing that's holding me back I feel he still has control of my life and it makes me so angry!!!!!!

 

Correction:

 

...."I am the only thing holding me back, I am letting the memory of him control my life, and I am so angry at me for being so weak as to abdicate all mental and emotional control to him!"

 

Seek therapy. You need it.

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Correction:

 

...."I am the only thing holding me back, I am letting the memory of him control my life, and I am so angry at me for being so weak as to abdicate all mental and emotional control to him!"

 

Seek therapy. You need it.

 

Thank you them few words have actually helped me. Now I see where am going wrong it's me that's letting the memory of him destroy something that could turn out to be the best thing that could happen to me. I need to stop and remember its up to me to stop this and to remember its over and to remember the reasons for it!

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