michellew Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Long story short---my step mom from ages 3-22 just up and left my dad 14 years ago and never looked back or made contact again. With that, she left me and my brother behind as well. Granted, we were already adults at the time, it was still very difficult. She was a 2nd mom to me and was part of my life for 19 years. In fact, we were even closer than my mom and I. There was not an evil stepmom bone in her body and she loved me like her own. Then one day she just disappeared. She didn't say bye, she changed her number, she left the state, she remarried 6 months later, and she never made contact with any of us again. Literally just fell off the face of the earth overnight. Even though it's been 14 years since she left, I still think about her all the time, especially around milestones (my son whom she adored is about to graduate and it's bringing up a lot of old memories). I have tried to make contact with her through her family in the past, but I don't think they sent her my letters. If they did, she never wrote back. I guess my question is, how can someone just leave their loved ones in the dust like that? I don't think I could ever live with myself. I know her and my dad had marital problems, but why cut off contact with me as well? My dad would have been fine if her and I stayed in touch. Could she have had a mental breakdown of sorts? She did have a hysterectomy a few months prior to the downward spiral if that matters. My dad seems to think hormones and depression from the hysteroctomy played a huge role in all of this. I still don't understand. Missing her and just want answers and closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I'm sorry this happened and you're hurting. That's incredible, no contact? No idea where she is? I'm sorry I don't have any answers and I couldn't fathom why someone would vanish intentionally. Hope you find peace, soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellew Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I'm sorry this happened and you're hurting. That's incredible, no contact? No idea where she is? I'm sorry I don't have any answers and I couldn't fathom why someone would vanish intentionally. Hope you find peace, soon. I just know she's in Florida somewhere with her husband. That's all I know. It's been so long, I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. I just wish I knew why she felt she had to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubberfly Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Nothing happens all of a sudden. She had been planning it for a while, only no one saw the signs. (From her standpoint) Sometimes it's easier to pretend things never happened after you choose to abandon them. It takes away the guilt, you don't have to admit what you've done if you're in a state of denial. You can live in your own little bubble, completely away from the mess you've left behind. My father abandoned us, and went gallivanting to another country. Didn't tell us where he was, why he left, nothing. He magically reappeared one day, and explained to us what I described above. He was weak and not strong enough to face his problems head on. So he disappeared. Doesn't make it right, but at least in my case it explained a little bit of where his mindset was at the time. I hope you're able to work through this. It's never easy to let things go (or attempt to figure out a tough situation) when you have so many unanswered questions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I agree with the above post but sadly that makes them nothing but completely selfish & unable to consider other people which is clear from her actions... don't waste your time thinking about her anymore because if she had have given your feelings a thought then she wouldn't have done that to u... be proud of your son & remember that he achieved that with your guidance so divert your thoughts to how proud u are of yourself x Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I think that seeing you would make her feel guilt, and she doesn't want to feel that. If she keeps in contact with you, she would have a constant reminder of what she did to your dad. It's selfish and not right, but I think people do that a lot. Just completely cut off any connection to the past in an attempt to deny what happened. By doing so, they never have to face their actions and the consequences. I'm really sorry she did that to you. I bet, deep down, she does feel guilty. I think that her cutting off contact is an indication that she does know what she did was wrong and she does feel remorse. She simply doesn't want to face any of it. I'd be willing to bet that she has thought about contacting you over the years, but it gets easier to deny something the more time goes along. I think the really interesting thing is that most of us are very forgiving if people come clean and just admit wrongdoing. If someone expresses genuine remorse, we do tend to forgive and try to understand. I think that we understand that no one is perfect, and we have made mistakes ourselves and needed forgiveness. But so many people are so prideful that they simply do not want to admit any wrongdoing or apologize. Like your step mom, they sacrifice a relationship for the sake of pride. Or they simply rewrite the story of what happened and attempt to make you buy into their version of events, which, of course, paints them in a better light. And if you don't accept that version of events, then you can't really have a relationship with the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchman1 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 If you realy want to find her, than you could get a P.I. A good one gives you name, adres, work, family in 24 hours, cost about $ 150. Best wishes, Dutchman ! Link to post Share on other sites
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