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peculiar reaction to photos now


ephemeralme

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ephemeralme

.... how are you coping today? what good thing have you done for YOU today?

 

 

~~~~

I know there might be a comment about NOT looking at photos, but ..

as someone who does some work with my photography, my photo file is FILLED with photos of him.. it is a job in itself to try to filter them into another folder.

 

 

weeks ago, coming across his photos.. I would cry. tears of sadness for this loss. .. of times shared, love shared; places we had been and goodness shared.

 

 

then, I looked and just saw the windows to his soul... I saw a dear man and someone I love and loved and cherished

 

 

 

 

now... the feelings; emotions are almost troubling to me.

I feel like I am a stranger-- looking at photos of strangers.

 

 

I can see there are two people there who loved, had obvious joy with each other...

but... I am almost numb to his face ....

who are you? who were you? you are this person I so loved and looked forward to growing old with ...who are you? It is almost disconcerting to almost feel nothing ... looking at him in these photos doesn't invoke a smile or a good feeling right now.. there is not a sense of attraction like there used to be, it isn't cold and it isn't warm...it is just a person in a photo with me .

 

 

it just feels strange and so bizarre and almost worrisome..

 

 

what is this?

yes there is much hurt, sadness, loss, grief and pain with all of this, but I just don't understand this reaction now...

 

 

has anyone ever encountered this? understand it?

 

 

peace to all struggling today with heartache...

sending you hugs.

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Itspointless
but... I am almost numb to his face ....

who are you? who were you? you are this person I so loved and looked forward to growing old with ...who are you? It is almost disconcerting to almost feel nothing ... looking at him in these photos doesn't invoke a smile or a good feeling right now.. there is not a sense of attraction like there used to be, it isn't cold and it isn't warm...it is just a person in a photo with me .

There comes a point that our brain is just tired of everything, the same feelings, the same thoughts, everything time and time again. As a precaution we then start to dissociate: SELF FRAGMENTATION AND TRAUMA. Do not fool yourself, the feelings are still there and need to be dealt with.

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