feeling inadequate at times/ not myself

[whywhywhywhy]

I went through a horrible 5 year relationship/1 year left for another guy and then / back together for 1 year.

It ripped apart my soul and shook me at the core. Changed my perspective of life.

During this relationship;

I fell in "love" or whatever and I lost a lot of myself.

 

I remember back when I was young and in highschool; I was extremely outgoing, confident, in shape, fearless, adventurous, motivated, focused (good grades in school/ projects) aggressive, positive etc. I had no problem going up to random people/ women and just talking/ flirting. I had no fear of expressing myself and being the life of the party.

 

During this relationship; I was molded into a mundane, passive, timid, shy, reserved, introverted person for fear of disapproval of my significant other/ making her mad. Ended up leaving me for another guy after living together for quite a while. Ruined my focus in school (1 class away from entering the nursing program). I lost every single one of my friends, fell off the face of the planet and because i dedicated my life to my significant other. Everyone would call me "hey you're the guy that everyone knows" random people would know my name and approach me/ want to hang out with me, etc i'm not trying to brag it's just a comparison of how pathetic I feel now.

I realized that relationship is toxic and was never good for me and i'm glad it ended and took me getting back with her 1 year to really regret it and see that this person did not deserve any more of my love.

 

It's been since the beginning of 2015 I've become single and i'm having a hard time making friends and trying to date/ approach women. I'm 23 going 24 and I have a lot of regrets and wish I would have had my career going right now. I've lost a lot of weight so physically I feel confident.

 

I'm over my ex, but I have feelings of bitterness and regret and I feel so robbed of my identity I don't know who/ what I am anymore.

 

I just want my confidence and outgoingness back and i'm having a hard time.

 

I've moved cities so all the friends I had are 100 miles away.

I try to go out and have some acquaintances, but no one who I can just call up and ask to hang out. No one close. It's so different at this age.

 

Now this may be the reason I am feeling blue, on top of all the others listed.

I did hook up with a girl for over the course of two months, but she just got out of a relationship and things suddenly stopped so quickly (easy come easy go?) and she's already dating another guy literally a week after our last hook up/ and 1 hookup when she was already going on dates on another guy. so I feel pretty used (but i should have known because she literally just got out of a relationship)

 

I started to like her (I had fun with her though, In a way i am happy i am able to have genuine feelings for someone else rather than my ex. Big big big difference than when I was heartbroken and tried to date other girls. I had a huge increase in my ego/sexual confidence after sleeping with her and learned a lot about myself sexually; my ex of 7 years I always had performance anxiety and 2 other women after, but after this encounter that problem is long gone and I feel extremely confident in performing/providing intimacy to my next partner, I can outlast my partner now which i'm so surprised from being not able to even perform to being able to keep going and going; sorry if that's too much info it's just a positive thing that i'm extremely happy about)

 

After this small little heartbreak/hook up whatever it is;

I'm just sad again, almost as if i was hurt by my ex (nothing close to that feeling) abandoned/ alone

 

but just the feelings of emptiness/ loneliness.

 

Why do I feel so inadequate? I feel like a loser because I don't have friends.

I feel like I wasn't good enough for this hook up girl because she's already seeing someone else after having the short intense whatever we had(we became intensely/emotionally connected so fast, and she would constantly ask if we were dating, puppylove/ honeymoon phase, I didn't want to say yes because I already knew she wasn't ready to date/ relationship)

 

I've hate what i've become and i'm becoming depressed.

I guess I long for a companion/ a woman I can trust and I know i'll get it some day but i'm so impatient/ but at the same time I want to be comfortable with myself and confident to the point where I don't need a girlfriend to validate myself.

I'm an INFP and i've read that we're always searching for a relationship/companion/love.

 

Come to think of it, I don't think i've ever lived without being focused on a girl/ dating/ or trying to date/ not dating.

 

How can I learn how to be alone happy and not worry about finding a girlfriend?

 

I've realized that sex is important to me and I someone desire it every day/ not sex but intimacy, kissing/ holding, and of course sex.

Physical touch is my love language so I guess this creates a problem.

I'd rather not sleep around; and I would really like a partner to fulfill this. Maybe I do need a relationship. I don't know.

 

 

Sometimes I feel confident and comfortable alone, but those are short streaks with long weeks/ months of feeling blue. I may have a seasonal bipolar thing?

 

Can anyone help? Any tips?

 

I feel so lost, lonely, and lacking.

I get compliments on my appearance and females notice me more, but I just don't have the confidence to say anything witty anymore/ keep a girl on her toes. I just feel so bland.

It's a silly thing that I'm losing my mind over this, but I feel like I want to cry and I haven't cried in months. I know my outgoing / not a care in the world, confident, fearless side of me is in here somewhere anyone have tips on bringing that back?

 

Please give me thoughts if you can.

[travelbug1996]

First of all you're are 24 years old and young enough to have plenty of time for love.

 

I would suggest you focus on your feelings of bitterness and regret. That relationship showed you many things about yourself. Examine what those things are. For me I saw how weak my boundaries were and how easily I turned on myself for another human being.

 

Don't get in a relationship for a while. Just focus on your confidence and social skills. For sex you may have to forego that if it doesn't happen.

 

Start to journal and create a gratitude list of things you're thankful for. For me, the list fights off depression. Start to volunteer and get outside of yourself.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Sounds like u are suffering from depression, go & see a doctor & with a bit of help from them u will find yourself again x

[Satu]

If you don't like being who you are, change.

 

Change.

 

Yes, that's it.

 

Change.