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Extremely depressed


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I stuffed up, it was all my fault he didn't love me because I am hideous inside and out . I feel so worthless and cant forgive myself for stuffing up my only chance . I truly believe he was the one for me and I know what we had was really amazing and special and should not have ended up like this.

 

I'm so depressed and suicidal and have a script but they take a couple of weeks to kick in and I am worried about side effects during exam time.

 

I really want to contact him, i miss him so much. I dont understand any of it and its been too long to still be at this preliminary stage. If it weren't for my family i would have given up i would gladly give up

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silverliningplaybook

I know it feels so intense now.

But don't do it.

I have tried killing myself before over a guy.

I was even hospitalized for it. He would come in and out of my life and many times I felt like it was my fault why he didn't want to stay. After all this time i'm coming to the conclusion, that even if it was my fault, even if i'm so repulsive and gross in his eyes... my life is more valuable than his opinion. I know that's something really difficult to feel at this point and don't feel like you are alone because there are MANY women and men who have been in the same position. Right now, you're broken. Do what you must to feel happy again. I just joined this site because i'm going through an awful break up as well.

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I'm sure you are not hideous inside & out. That is the depression & loss talking.

 

It can't be all your fault that the relationship ended. It takes two to make it work or to break it.

 

Contacting him won't help much. He doesn't have the answers. You think he might but he doesn't. They never do. That kind of closure is a myth. After a break up there is nothing the other person can say which will magically take away all of your pain.

 

Please do not kill yourself over a guy. The pain you feel is temporary. It will pass. Things will get better. When you feel you are at the end of your rope talk to a close friend or family member; tell the doctor who wrote you the prescription; call a suicide hotline; post here. But please do not take your own life.

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These feelings will pass, but for the moment you have to endure them.

 

Other people have been where you are now and have come through it.

 

You will be alright, but it takes time.

 

********************************************************

 

 

1. Recognise that you're in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres for a female.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here often.

 

 

******************************************************

 

Love,

 

Satu.

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you sound depressed. I think you have to do 2 things asap:

 

1. go running. I mean it. Go running now. It may seem worthless but your body will produce endorphines and that is a natural antidepressant. Go running daily if you have to. I know that you don't feel like moving from your bed, but that is the single best thing you can do for yourself

 

2. seek therapy asap. Talk to a professional in addition to taking medication. This is the best combination.

 

3. eat well. It's vital to eat.

 

4. Sleep. you will sleep well if you are tired. If you go running, you will be tired which will help you sleep.

 

This is serious, so treat yourself seriously.

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I stuffed up, it was all my fault he didn't love me because I am hideous inside and out . I feel so worthless and cant forgive myself for stuffing up my only chance . I truly believe he was the one for me and I know what we had was really amazing and special and should not have ended up like this.

 

I'm so depressed and suicidal and have a script but they take a couple of weeks to kick in and I am worried about side effects during exam time.

 

I really want to contact him, i miss him so much. I dont understand any of it and its been too long to still be at this preliminary stage. If it weren't for my family i would have given up i would gladly give up

 

 

You are,

 

Not hideous.

You are not Worthless.

 

You are pulling yourself apart with self blame and self loathing. I did it for a long time.

 

Take the prescription, takes a while to kick in. (Helped me a lot)

 

He`s not the one for you or he`d be with you. (Thought the same)

 

Please no contact. It will not help, i may make it worse...

 

You will get through this. A long road but you will come through.

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Screw the preliminary stage illusion. There is no preliminary stage. The process of grief is long and arduous. If it were easy, Loveshack would not be in existence. There would not be the millions of books and articles dealing with breakups and heartache, there would not be the trillions of songs regarding the misery of being brokenhearted.

 

You are not alone or abnormal in your thoughts or feelings.

 

Nothing is ever 'all your fault.'

 

If it makes you feel any better, most of us on here feel like sh/t. Total sh/t.

 

We've all felt worthless at some point in our lives. However, for some reason, the gods have kept you alive. That very fact proves that you are not worthless; that you do have a purpose.

 

For starters, it sounds like your family is counting on you to make it through... and that you do have people who care about you and to whom you do matter. The bright side... you have them. Some people aren't blessed with a caring family. I know I take mine for granted in periods of self-loathing and heartache.

 

One thing I know, having been brokenhearted before, is that some way some how I got through it. And I never thought I'd see the light of day. But it did come eventually. And for you it will too. I know time is not the best of friends some times and it can feel like the enemy.

 

Yet this is life. We must carry on... surely there will be a better day some day. This isn't the end of life. Even if your days are filled with sadness, you need to push through for any chance of that brighter day.

 

Find strength in yourself. You can do it. We're rooting for you.

 

Please take care of yourself. Sending love your way. It will be OK.

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brokengirl85

He has power over you because you gave it to him. But he's just a guy, good, bad, just another dude. You'll find thousands like him through your life. He's just not that special, you know? Maybe he's special for you because he doesn't want you anymore, but people don't always like us, and we need to understand this.

 

It's not that you're worthless if love or a bad person to be with, it's just that people have different needs and sometimes they don't need what you need.

 

You have the power to forgive him and the power to let him go. You have the power to control your life. Don't give that power away, it's just yours. No one has the power to change your life. It's on your own.

 

Go run. You need to shake off that depression. Run.

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Just as happiness is temporary, so is sorrow. These feelings that you have will not last forever. Yes, this boy was a big part of your life. However, if you remove him from you life there is still you. You have a heartbeat and a family and memories and friends and childhood experiences and a favorite food and a job and a million other things that make you up. The boy was just a small piece of you. You cannot let him take those million things from you because you are sad.

 

You don't cease to exist after suicide. All of the people that are left behind will hold those small pieces of you. They have to figure out what to do with all of those memories of you and the fact that they cannot, no matter how much they try, make new ones with you. They will not ever get to experience happiness with you or sorrow.

 

I have a friend that committed suicide over a boy when we were 15. She shot herself. Every milestone we hit, I can only think about why she isn't there for it. From prom, HS graduation, marriage of our friends, children, etc. She is not there for any of it. I bet if she would have held on through the pain, that boy would be some distant speck of a memory that she doesn't even remember now. But it's too late for her to take that back. She is forever frozen as that 15 year old girl I once knew. I carry that piece of her with me everywhere. Please do not do that to your friends and family. It gets better, I can promise you that.

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I feel so worthless

 

Who told you this? If it's the voice inside your head, you need to tell that voice to shut the f*ck up. You are NOT worthless. You just feel worthless because someone doesn't want to be with you anymore. Do you have any idea how normal you are for feeling this way?

 

I think feeling suicidal is pretty normal after a breakup. I read that only 3% of people actually go through with it though. You have more to live for than your ex boyfriend. Relationships are just one part of adult life (and an important one). but have you got a job? going to school? have friends/family? Those things are all important too. Why not worry about those things so you can be the best version of yourself for your next boyfriend? (instead of being a miserable pile of goo which isn't attractive at all)

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If you are ever feeling suicidal, please reach out to people close to you and tell them how you're feeling or call a hotline in your area.

 

If you have access to mental health care, please use it. If you are worried about side effects of your medications, ask your doctor and bring them your concerns.

 

Let yourself grieve, don't deny your feelings. It's okay to feel how you're feeling.

 

But you need to take your energy and put it into things in your own life like school, friendships, hobbies, projects, etc.

 

Contacting him will NOT help you. It feels like it, but it won't. It makes everything so much worse.

 

It wasn't your fault. It took me a LONG time after I was dumped to realize it wasn't. It's NOT your fault.

 

Don't beat yourself up over what "stage" you're in. Everyone has their own healing timeline. Do what you need to do to stay healthy. Get your feelings out to your loved ones, on paper, and on LS. Don't get too anxious about it. Be patient and give it time.

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Who told you this? If it's the voice inside your head, you need to tell that voice to shut the f*ck up. You are NOT worthless. You just feel worthless because someone doesn't want to be with you anymore. Do you have any idea how normal you are for feeling this way?

 

I think feeling suicidal is pretty normal after a breakup. I read that only 3% of people actually go through with it though. You have more to live for than your ex boyfriend. Relationships are just one part of adult life (and an important one). but have you got a job? going to school? have friends/family? Those things are all important too. Why not worry about those things so you can be the best version of yourself for your next boyfriend? (instead of being a miserable pile of goo which isn't attractive at all)

 

Listen to him. I know I should be the last person to be telling you to keep going, but based on what you told me on my thread, you seem to be doing in other sectors of your life. You've gotten promotions, you have a family that loves you, and lets not forget about your cat. :)

 

When I was a baby my uncle committed suicide. He killed himself after his wife told him she didn't love him anymore. I didn't know my uncle, I was too young to know him. The sad thing is every time he comes up in a convo it's usually about his suicide. I have no idea what he was like, but I don't think anybody else does either. The suicide overshadowed everything, it's like there's no trace of him left in anyone's thoughts. The the only memory they have of him is the memory of what he did to himself. You've done so much. Don't throw it all away.

Edited by Jonp219
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Hi everyone, thanks for much for your advice and kind words. It means so much to me.

 

I will take it all on board. Therapy is something i really dont want to do though, as I have tried it before but they held up their hands after 2 sessions and said i need to change my thinking. Which i cant do.

 

My so called friends usually turn their back or just dont know what to do. All i need is them to be there and spend time with me. I dont expect any more than that. BUT i dont have anyone like that.

 

Most of all i need to get my confidence sorted out and I'm not sure how. I think this will solve a lot of my problems.

 

Running is something I've been meaning to get back into..

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I will take it all on board. Therapy is something i really dont want to do though, as I have tried it before but they held up their hands after 2 sessions and said i need to change my thinking. Which i cant do.

 

I have had therapists who told me that too & I find it maddening. I feel like if I could do that I wouldn't be sitting in your office all upset. DUH. Sometimes you can find a good therapist who can give you tools to help you change your thinking. Look for one of those.

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Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.

 

Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.

 

Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure out how to fix your bike?

 

Give to others – even the smallest act can count, whether it's a smile, a thank you or a kind word. Larger acts, such as volunteering at your local community centre, can improve your mental wellbeing and help you build new social networks.

 

Be mindful – be more aware of the present moment, including your feelings and thoughts, your body and the world around you. Some people call this awareness "mindfulness", and it can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

 

Source.

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biggles6087

I stuffed up, it was all my fault he didn't love me because I am hideous inside and out . I feel so worthless and cant forgive myself for stuffing up my only chance . I truly believe he was the one for me and I know what we had was really amazing and special and should not have ended up like this.

 

I'm so depressed and suicidal and have a script but they take a couple of weeks to kick in and I am worried about side effects during exam time.

 

I really want to contact him, i miss him so much. I dont understand any of it and its been too long to still be at this preliminary stage. If it weren't for my family i would have given up i would gladly give up

 

YOUR NOT HIDEOUS INSIDE OUT!. I wouldn't contact him again you feel bad if he doesn't reply back.I suffered years from depression I know how you feel what I do is now I keep busy and hang out with friends I'm more open now chatting about my feelings,but I do have my bad days when I do have them I keep busy as I can maybe if you start up a few new hobbies join some clubs and get back out there again it will take time and you will get better but please don't he's not worth it KEEP THAT CHIN UP and FIGHT THE FIGHT you get there in the end.

Edited by biggles6087
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Therapy is a scary monster and there are some bad ones. I was in a private religious school and got sent to "therapy" when I was 13 because I was being snarky in class and acting up a little bit due to my parents' divorce. The therapist was a youth pastor who spent the whole time praying over me and not actually listening to me which wasn't helpful at all. Not that religious counseling isn't helpful it was just a dumb situation.

 

The whole experience put me off to therapy for 10 years and made me determined to handle my very severe depression on my own. It was a horrible mistake that messed up my life in a lot of ways and led me to a point where I knew I couldn't do it on my own anymore. I go to a university that emphasizes proper mental health care and I was fortunate enough to be there where I had access to this stuff through my tuition and everything with a good therapist. It was good for me.

 

My advice for therapy is that you should shop around for them. They're working for YOU after all. Just like with a medical doctor, you find the one that's best for you if you're able. Ask around, shop around, look around if that's something you think will help you.

 

Therapy isn't a be all end all answer often times, but it can help if you're with the right person. If you find it isn't for you, which is entirely possible and 100% okay, than seek other means to take care of your mental health. It's vital.

 

Therapy was good for me because it gave me outside, objective understanding about what was happening to me especially after I was dumped.

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I guess i like to blame my issues on the breakup, and its true a lot of things went bad because of that. But I think i probably had these issues brewing before i even met him. It feels better to blame him and say "he broke my heart, woe is me". I think it is all about confidence. If i stop running myself down and hating myself.. I really do think i am horrid and it hurts so bad that he rejected me but deep down i know it was him, not me.

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I cant really talk to family and the limited friends i have left because they just think i am stupid for still being upset about this. They don't understand how i can be hung up on him.

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Itspointless
Therapy is something i really dont want to do though, as I have tried it before but they held up their hands after 2 sessions and said i need to change my thinking. Which i cant do.

In Addition to d0nnivain. With what you have written you should seek a therapist who does not only work cognitive-behavioural but for example also psychodynamic. Schema Therapy for example is a nice mix of aspects of cognitive, behavioural, psychodynamic, attachment and gestalt models.

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stop being dramatic. It's not good to be so closed into an ideal

 

Yes that is a typical response i would get from friends, some would say it and others would probably think it. how i wish it were as simple as hitting a switch and snapping out of it.

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One ex who I was friends with actually dumped me (he dumped me after we dated, and recently dumped me again as a friend) that hurt. He doesn't understand much about depression either, he think people choose to be depressed.

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